• June 04, 2017 •

Kara couldn't sleep the entire night as Mon's words and her thoughts kept weighing her down. As it had become impossible for her to rest, she told her sister Alex that she was going for a walk even though it was past midnight.

She knew the only way she could get her brain to stop spiraling in panic was to take a long walk alone to organize her cluttered thoughts and figure out what to do with the situation.

So despite her elder sister getting concerned about why she was going out at such a time, she convinced her that it was something she needed to do and gave Alex her word that she would be safe and cautious.

The night air was cool as it brushed past her while she walked the empty streets alone, not knowing how much time had passed since she left her house. Her brain was still a clutter of thoughts and even though she had walked all over the city and her feet would have been very tired by then had she been a human, she still couldn't put herself to rest.

Mon was a nice person and all he had shown was a willingness to improve and adapt to them all ever since he had come there. He was someone she valued as a friend because she understood what he was going through as not long ago, she had felt the same sense of uncertainty at not being able to belong on a different planet from her own.

But with the love and care from the Kents and the Danvers, she had adjusted to life. That was why she had been so eager to help Mon out and be a friend to him once she discovered that he was from Daxam and was undergoing the same situation like the one she had experienced.

Finding out that he had developed feelings for her was an entirely different case altogether. She knew people tended to value and cherish those who were there for them and looked out for them. 

She had tried her best to do that for Mon-El. And Mon being stranded on Earth and stripped of all the luxuries and facilities of his previous life, found a friend in her who was willing to give him a chance and accept him despite his flaws.

So if he fell for her or thought he was falling in love with her, he couldn't be blamed.

But then there was the whole case of her no labels relationship with Zach.

While Mon had become a good friend to her, Zach had become someone much more than just a good friend. Over time, she had started to trust him and he was her first choice to seek comfort whenever she was troubled.

He was starting to become an anchor for her, no matter how much she hated being tied down. But having Zach as an anchor did not restrict her so far because he had never imposed his views on her and had always been so understanding.

At that moment, she felt as if she was the one who was at fault for making two such precious and kind-hearted men fall for her while she found herself unable to reciprocate the feelings of the same intensity.

What did they see in her? It was a question that bothered her more than what should she do next.

She knew so far that Mon had no intentions of coming in between her and Zach or else he would have told her how he felt long ago. Perhaps he was still stuck in his acquired mindset of not wanting to ruin anything further. But whatever the case may be, it was clear that he did not want to be the one keeping Zach and Kara apart.

On the other hand, Zach was unaware that Mon had feelings for Kara, in fact, he was unaware of a lot of things. He was unaware that she and Mon were not even humans, he was unaware that she was Supergirl and he was unaware that the girl he was so close to had to intentionally keep half her life a secret from him.

It was near dawn and the sky had started to lighten when she came to a halt in a familiar neighborhood. The Smiths' house could be seen from afar and though she wanted to go there, she felt uncertainty grip her again.

And it was then she started to feel that stingy sense of getting tired after walking for so long. True, she could walk another hundred miles if she wanted to but the motivation for it was waning.

She decided to go back home at last and walked slowly to pass the street and cross the door that she had wanted to knock upon. They would all be asleep at that time, it wouldn't be right to disturb them.

However, she had just been nearing the gate when the door opened and Zach stepped out, a water bottle and towel in hand. It was clear from his attire that he was going out for a run.

But then his gaze fell on Kara and he stopped in surprise, "hey, walking early today as well?"

She nodded, trying to manage a smile as he looked so cheerful and exuberant. 

She knew that she looked a mess after hours of walking around without purpose, lecturing herself to stop making things any worse for the three of them.

"Kara, you look tired," he remarked, dropping his stuff aside at the car's bonnet as he came up to her, hands gently reaching out to hold her, "is everything alright?"

"Of course," she replied but deep down it felt like a lie. 

Nothing was alright.

She was being weighed down by guilt and uncertainty and a strange feeling that told her that she was to be blamed for it all. Even though she knew that voice was wrong, she couldn't push it out.

"Can I get a hug?"

"Absolutely," he had wrapped his arms around her and she sighed, feeling the warmth and sense of safety engulf her at last. 

With Zach, there was that sense of belonging that she had stopped looking for in people other than her family members. But Zach offered it without even knowing how much it meant to her.

"Come inside," he opened the door and led her in, despite her refusals.

The house was silent which indicated that everyone else was asleep. With her hand still held in his own, he placed the water bottle and towel on the kitchen counter and then took her up the stairs to his room.

"You were going to go running, weren't you?" She asked, keeping her voice down because she didn't want to disturb anyone else, "don't delay it because of me, I was just heading home anyways..."

"That can wait," he replied, "first, I'll make sure that you aren't feeling this down anymore."

"Zach, it's nothing..."

"I know you well enough by now to say that something definitely kept you up the whole night," he remarked and she was surprised to see that he had guessed quite well, "we promised to help each other out whenever needed, right? Then try me with this one, I'll do my best to help you out."

She was silent because telling him meant revealing one thing that Mon would never want him to find out and it could risk driving a wedge between Zach and Kara's relationship. But seeing him look back at her with trusting brown eyes made her feel bad for not telling him either.

"I'm just not in the right state of mind at this moment to talk it out with anyone," she spoke up after a while of considering, "I feel like I'll mess things up between us."

He nodded, conveying that he understood her concern, "then what do you feel like doing, considering the not-so-right state of your mind at this moment?"

His blunt question made her break out into a short laugh, lessening some of the tension piled up on her.

Endorphins, she judged, laughing released endorphins and that worked to lessen the weight off her frayed nerves.

"I don't really know. A hug from you felt very nice earlier."

"You can have as many as you want," he smiled, hands holding hers in a gentle grip, "and you can stay for as long as you like. Everyone else here is a late riser so there's plenty of time for me to spend with you and then also save some for my morning run."

Her eyes flickered towards the unmade and rather messy bed but before she could ask, he spoke up himself, "when I come back from the morning run, I usually have some time left to fall asleep again. So if the bed is as it is, it's easier to get back into it. I don't know if you've figured it out yet but I am a bit lazy."

"Just a bit?"

"Yes, just a little bit. Not enough to affect my life and schedule. And the laziness only kicks in when I'm tired like after the running or a workout."

She shook her head, a smile lingering on her face, "you feel so sleepy after running that I wonder what would happen if you make it through the national rounds. Will you be functional enough to receive your medal or will you just go to sleep right after?"

He laughed, the sound of it making her calm down further, "oh no I will be wide awake that day. Can't afford to fall asleep before hearing the results and getting a medal if I score that high."

"I'm sure you will."

He leaned closer, delicately brushing his lips over hers. But the second her lips tasted his, she had wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back for a deeper moment. With his arms wrapped around her waist, he kissed her until she felt all the tension and worries fade away.

At last, when he pulled apart, she saw that he had lowered her onto the bed and was very close to her still, his lips centimeters away from her own, tantalizing her to kiss him again.

"So until you're here, cuddles and kisses can be an option to spend time," he mumbled, "what do you say?"

"I like the idea," she replied because she knew it would be the best way to get over all the worries that had been eating her up otherwise.

Right then as she saw his smile and felt his soft lips trace hers again, she knew for a fact that she would never want to let go of him. What she and Zach had was not just an attraction toward one another.

What they had made her feel like it was love, even though she hadn't initially believed in the idea. And though it was painful for her to see that Mon would have to suffer the pain of unrequited love, she could never replace Zach with him.

Both of them held their own respective places in her heart.

In that case, she could not help Mon out even if she wanted to.

However, deep down that nagging voice still whispered that perhaps if she had met Mon first and not Zach, it would be a different case altogether.

But as Zach held her close and kissed her, she did not want to spoil the moment and shut off that bothersome voice forcefully.

It was not worth it. Thinking in that direction would only make everything complicated and she did not want to go down that path.

***