• January 16, 2017 •

[ Aviana <•> Connor ]

A: I think your cousin is going slightly off the sanity track.

C: who? Kara?

A: of course Kara.

A: do you have any other cousin that I know of?

C: yeah, no.

A: ...

C: what happened? I can't believe Kara of all people could ever go off the sanity track.

C: assuming that by sanity track you mean how normal sane people behave.

A: yeah I meant just that, but she's definitely derailing.

C: oh...

C: that's worrisome.

A: exactly!

***

C: but what makes you think that?

C: Kara is honestly the most sane person I've known aside from my own Mom. So imagining her going off this sanity track thing is hard to take in.

A: I have proof.

C: okay, what happened?

A: just yesterday, I got this text saying "your brother has no right to be so insanely attractive and then so thick in the head at the same time."

C: ...

A: and I replied "girl, since when did I get an attractive brother? I'm an only child!" 

A: then I realized she was talking about Zach.

C: oh...

A: my stepbrother Zach who is no better looking than an orange juice stain...

A: and holy hell, from which angle is Zachary insanely attractive?

A: like what is she high on?

A: Zach and attractive don't even go together in one sentence!

A: calling him attractive is like telling an ostrich that it flies gracefully.

C: I might have to disagree...

A: shush, don't interrupt.

A: so I figured there could be no other reason for the sudden impossible appreciation; Kara's definitely going off the sanity track.

C: ...

A: ...

A: are you gonna say something or not?

C: you just told me not to interrupt.

A: yeah but I'm done for now. You can say whatever you've got to say.

C: well, that was a lot of information to handle in such a little time.

C: I'm trying to digest it.

A: ikr!

A: I couldn't believe it either.

***

A: wait, you had to disagree with my point earlier?

A: you too think Zach's attractive?

C: the way you put it is weird. He's my friend and I do not fancy him.

C: but he's not as ugly as you make him out to be either.

A: do you Kents have shitty standards? Or do you just find the silver lining in even dull black clouds?

C: no, not really. Or maybe, not all of us.

C: you're gorgeous and I'm dating you, that's nowhere near a shitty standard, right?

A: ...

A: okay and?

C: and your brother is good-looking too.

C: just sayin'

A: ...

A: from which angle?

C: you see him as a sibling so you probably don't understand why other people would find him attractive.

C: but in all honesty, he's decently attractive.

A: the only time he looks decent enough for me not to bash his head in with my baseball bat is when he's dressed formally.

A: other than that, he looks like a malnourished hamster.

C: ...

C: Ava, don't say that.

A: what? I'm not wrong...

***

C: though now that you did mention Kara thinking of Zach as attractive, I might have some other questions.

A: got you covered.

A: I asked a ton of questions from her. Like are they dating? If not, are they planning to? When did she interact with him without me knowing? And how come she could consider dating him worth a shot?

C: that's four more questions than I had to ask.

A: I stated just four questions rn, that means you had zero to ask.

C: oh...

C: but did she answer any of those questions?

A: not directly.

***

A: I feel like your other friend Tim is up to some devilish trickery again.

C: ...

A: the absolute little demon that he is.

C: since when did Tim come in between this conversation?

A: don't you know?

A: he's always in between.

A: like a very bothersome third wheel who makes it his business to know everyone's business.

A: the nasty little shit.

C: ...

A: I wonder how you're still friends with him.

C: well, I know you hate him but you don't need to make it any more obvious.

A: I could graffiti it all over the city if I could.

A: striking bold letters reading "I hate Timothy Asshole Drake."

C: why can't you two just sort this out?

C: it hurts me to see both of you fight like this. And it puts me in even worse situation because both of you are very important to me.

A: ...

C: Ava? You still here, right?

A: you remember the last time you texted me about making it up with Tim because of this exact reason?

A: at least that once you were wise enough to delete the text immediately.

C: ...

A: it's never gonna happen.

A: never in a million years.

***

[The Young Misfits ]

Kid Flash: welcome back, Con Con. How's trouble in heaven?

Superboy: excuse me?

Nightwing: he's asking how are you. Ignore him.

Kid Flash: hey!

Nightwing: Wally, you have to let these weird ways of greeting people go. At this rate, any outsider would get highly offended by you.

Robin: did anyone get offended?

Robin: was it due to me?

Robin: you're welcome.

Artemis: ...

Artemis: seriously, what do you put in your coffee?

Robin: do you need an honest answer or a believable one?

Miss Martian: be honest.

Robin: my coffee has a very small dose of poison in it.

Robin: approximately one tablespoon.

Kid Flash: 😨😱

Robin: no...

Robin: maybe two.

Robin: or three, depending on my mood. The more pissed off I am, the higher the dose.

Superboy: but you're always pissed off!

Robin: ah so I'm always consuming it more than I should?

Robin: Jesus...

Robin: I should be dead...

Nightwing: WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!

Supergirl: oh shit, Nightwing's starting to swear.

Supergirl: we better run for our lives before he explodes.

Nightwing: TIMOTHY FUCKING DRAKE, ARE YOU INTENTIONALLY POISONING YOURSELF?!????!!!

Robin: um...

Robin: yes?

Robin: it's not my fault, okay, if everyone has to be so mean to me what else am I gonna do?

Kid Flash: idk, maybe try therapy or something?

Robin: nah... Didn't work. So I ran out of options.

Kid Flash: you could try anything other than hurting yourself, ffs

Nightwing: what poison is it? What antidote do I have to find?

Nightwing: just what the hell have you done, Timothy!

Artemis: maybe we should call an ambulance.

Superboy: I can fly him to the hospital.

Supergirl: I'm coming too.

Kid Flash: or if things are too bad which I'm sure by now all the poison must have spread in his body, I should just grab him and rush him off.

Robin: ...

Nightwing: WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO BE IN GOTHAM WHILE MY OWN BROTHER HAS POISONED HIS FUCKING SELF?!??!!!

Nightwing: THE FUCKING IDIOT THAT HE IS...

Miss Martian: hey Timbo, you haven't said anything in a long while. You haven't passed out, right?

Artemis: Tim?

Superboy: oh fuck...

Superboy: all of you, get to his place rn.

Miss Martian: last I checked wasn't he staying at your girlfriend's place?

Superboy: no, he finally got kicked out from there and came at our place but he isn't in his room.

Nightwing: WHERE'S THE ZETATUBE WHEN YOU FUCKING NEED IT!!!!

Kid Flash: calm down Dickie, we'll get to him and everything will be alright.

Robin: guys...

Artemis: we should all spread out, that way we'll be able to find him sooner.

Miss Martian: he's definitely in a coffee shop.

Kid Flash: yeah, that narrows our search down to the twenty there cafes we have in the city. I'm on it.

Robin: guys, listen!

Artemis: don't interrupt!

Artemis: we have a dying nuisance to catch.

Robin: really...?

Kid Flash: ...

Supergirl: ...

Miss Martian: ...

Superboy: ...

Artemis: ...

Nightwing: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?

Robin: chill, I'm alive.

Nightwing: FOR HOW LONG? I'M BOOKING A FLIGHT RIGHT NOW!

Robin: calm the fuck down bro.

Robin: nothing's gonna happen to me. I'm not that lucky.

Nightwing: I disagree, you might be immune to insanity but not to poison.

Robin: oh come on...

Robin: do you even know what deadly poison I was taking?

Artemis: well, why don't you tell us then, you little shit!

Robin: sugar.

Robin: the more pissed off I get, the higher the dosage. Usually it's just one tablespoon of sugar in my coffee.

Robin: but when I'm pissed it can range from three to five.

Supergirl: wait what?

Artemis: sugar?

Miss Martian: the deadly poison that almost killed you was sugar?

Robin: hey, I didn't say I almost got killed.

Robin: you all were the ones who assumed it.

Kid Flash: unbelievable...

Robin: but I'm so touched to see that all of you care so much for me.

Robin: I hadn't realized that before now. I'm so glad to have you guys. Honestly.

Kid Flash: ...

Supergirl: ...

Miss Martian: ...

Superboy: ...

Artemis: ...

Robin: hey, why so silent?

Nightwing: for all I care... DIE

Nightwing has left the chat.

***