God: Hey!

Me: Hey.

God: How are you?

Me: Terrible. ...Why do I always ruin everything? I'm a mess.

God: No you're not.

Me: Yes I am! A big, awful, inconsiderate, and clumsy mess.

God: No. You're really not.

Me: Why did you ask me how I am if you're just going to fight with me about it and make me feel even worse?

God: I'm sorry I made you feel bad, my love, but Abby, I'm not fighting with you. I am fighting WITH you. I am on your side!

Me: Then how come we aren't winning? Aren't you, like, all powerful and whatever?

God: We are winning! Your definition of winning seems to have gotten twisted.

Me: What do you mean? The stronger person wins. That's how it goes.

God: Not necessarily. It depends who you're fighting against. The best fights never have a winner.

Me: Well, who exactly are we fighting against?

God: ...You.

Me: Did that stalker boy finally get my DNA and make a clone of me? To be honest, I've kind of been expecting that for a while now... And it makes perfect sense that we'd be fighting; I can't stand myself sometimes.

God: No, Abby. Two of you? That would be terrifying!

Me: Well, I am slightly offended.

God: I'm just messing with you. No, Abby. The real enemy is your doubt, your impatience, your greed, your pride, your lustfulness... YOU.

Me:  I've been desperately trying to break up with those guys for so long!

God: There's your problem.

Me: Huh?

God: You don't need a breakup. You need a breakthrough. Learn to work with your so called "flaws". Abby, you are the only enemy you ever seem to lose to, but it doesn't always have to be that way if you'd simply learn to use those "disadvantages" to your advantage. Get in one accord with your enemies and you'll see great things happen.

Me: Got it! Well, God. I need to go. I've got a relationship to build, and I'm afraid this ones going to take loads more work than the others!

God: Go for it! You can do it. Trust me.

Me: I trust you.

God: Really?

Me: Really really.