A/N

Dear Lovely Readers,

I just wanted to clear up some points about yesterday's/the previous chapter, specifically the part when Qingheng-Jun wakes up. He is not a reliable narrator because he's disorientated, he's thirsty so definitely dehydrated, and his bladder is crying out for relief so he's distracted. Now, added to all of that is the "water" in the cup which tastes funny because it's wine poisoned with yew berries, making him delirious to boot. By this time, the poison is already making him feel highly uncomfortable. Then, if we pile on the panic about dying then really, nothing he experiences can be trusted. Yew berries are so toxic that any direct contact leads to instant death.

Also, it is the middle of the night, and with only the light of the moon to go by, he's liable to scream at any shadow, frankly.

Yes, Xue Yang killed him, but he was actually quite nice about it.

It may or may not come up in the story - i really don't plan anything, so we'll see. I hope this explains a bit.

All my love,

Charlie 🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫🍫

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Chapter 94

A sharp knock on the door at quarter past five in the morning interrupts Lan Qiren as he pours his first cup of the day. Everyone else is asleep, so he stands up to answer it himself. The disciple bows and steps back.

"Healer Fei is asking for you urgently," the young man says, keeping his eyes lowered. He's clearly agitated and afraid to show it.

Lan Qiren does not sigh, or think about the tea going to waste behind him. He puts his boots on and follows the disciple back to the infirmary. Might as well start the day.

They can hear shouting even before they get to the doors, and Lan Qiren hurries past his companion to see what the matter is. Lan Ping is shouting at Healer Fei who is glaring back in disbelief.

They're both outside the room where Qingheng-Jun is resting. Healer Fei's relief is obvious as Lan Qiren joins him.

"Good morning, Healer Fei. What seems to be the problem?"

"Good morning, Zongzhu. It appears that Qingheng-Jun suffered a massive heart attack last night, or in the early hours of this morning. I'm afraid he passed away."

"What?"

"My point exactly! Now, let us in to see him!" Lan Ping demands.

Lan Qiren can't believe it. He had left his brother alive and well last night, if not at all in good spirits. Granted, their parting had not been amicable, but at least Qingheng-Jun had been breathing.

"Very well." Healer Fei lets out a long suffering sigh and opens the door.

Straight away, there is the bitter, cloying tang of stale urine, an immediate sign of ill omen. As they approach the bed, they see the unmoving, too still body of Qingheng-Jun lying on the bed with the cotton sheets twisted between his legs, his face fixed in an expression of agony. There are claw marks, scratchings around the pale skin of his neck. The dark circles around his eyes are even more prominent in the candlelit room, casting tall shadows across the walls.

"Why does he look like that?" Lan Ping shrinks away, covering half of his face with his long, billowing sleeve.

He's referring to the almost skeletal remains of Qingheng-Jun's body, the way his skin seems to cling to his bones with very little fat or muscle, how each of his ribs can be seen through the flimsy cotton voile of his white sleeping robes, the dips and hollows of his collarbones deeper than on a healthy person.

"A person who has spent over a decade in seclusion with only one meal per day, at his own request, may I remind you, is bound to show evidence of his penance. He was recovering his strength in the infirmary as a result." Healer Fei's tone is sharp.

"But...a heart attack?" Lan Qiren asks him, forcing his eyes away from the person who used to be his brother. "Isn't he too young to die from that? What about his cultivation?"

"The physical evidence is clear: Qingheng-Jun died from a heart attack. If you want an explanation, I could point at his body as a reason as to why it happened; he had put too much strain on his body and this is the expected result. And contrary to the opinion of others, who I might add have little to none medical experience, his death is by no means suspicious however much you want it to be." Healer Fei glares at Lan Ping. He turns to Lan Qiren. "As for his cultivation, I do not know what to tell you. It is a common assumption that secluded meditation increases one's golden core and if practised correctly, can lead the cultivator towards immortality. However, I promise you that Qingheng-Jun has done little in the way of progressive meditation."

"So...what? He just wasted his time? Ten years down the drain, doing nothing?" Lan Ping stares back at Healer Fei incredulously. "I can't believe it!"

"There's your evidence," Healer Fei does not roll his eyes as he looks back at the body on the bed.

"What do we do now?" Lan Qiren asks him.

It feels impossible that his brother is dead. Like experiencing a dream and hoping it is a memory or that one will wake up, and whatever is seen will be proven untrue.

Lan Qiren moves closer to the bed, ignoring the other two men who are still arguing about something; whatever it is, Lan Qiren can't bring himself to care about it. He looks down on Qingheng-Jun, seeing the similarities in their faces, the gifts of their parents and partial features, a genetic connection to the past. Unbidden, memories begin playing in his head.

Once upon a time, they were two boys laughing as they not-ran to classes, eager to meet with their friends. Qingheng-Jun trying rice pudding for the first time and insisting afterwards that once he became Sect Leader, he was going to change the rules from the mandatory longevity noodles to that, with honey. When they both received their swords, flying for the first time, their first night hunting mission, and then later, sharing the grief of their parents' passing.

Now their paths were divided forever.

**************

The funeral will take place in the evening. Qingheng-Jun's body is cleaned up and placed on a pyre made from cypress and sandalwood branches, outside the Ancestral hall. Lan Qiren will keep a vigil as disciples and guests come to pay their respects, right until the evening when Qingheng-Jun will be cremated. Priests are called to chant continuously while they burn paper money so that his soul can find peace and continue onwards into the reincarnation cycle.

Since Healer Fei and three senior healers have agreed in their diagnosis of the Sect Leader's death, there are no calls for an investigation into the cause of it. It is a shock to everyone, apparent on the faces of all those that arrive to see him.

Only Wen Qing, upon hearing the news, purses her lips and glances at Xue Yang. To his credit, he is far more subdued than normal, sitting quietly behind his father and watching people arrive.

The guests first approach the pyre and light incense sticks, and then pay their respects to Lan Qiren, and both Lan Huan and Lan Zhan, who are still recognised as Qingheng-Jun's heirs.

For the first time in his life, Xue Yang wonders if he has made a mistake.

He has never taken it seriously, whenever a life had to be taken. Granted, it was always in self defence in the past, and even in this occasion, he had done it to protect his new family. But seeing the effects of his actions now, the grief on his Baba's face is making him second guess what he did.

The day passes in a haze. Things happen and he is barely aware of it, as the hours drift by.

When he blinks and looks up, he is sitting inside the Hanshi, and he's not alone.

Wen Qing, Nie MingJue, Lan Huan and Lan Zhan are sitting around the little table, with Wei Ying next to him. He knows immediately that they have guessed at what he has done.

"Xue Yang." Wen Qing glares at him.

She is frightening.

"Laoshi." Xue Yang holds his breath, waiting if she will refute his title for her.

"Do you know what the Lan Clan is famous for?" She demands, still furious.

"Er...the rules?"

"Try again?"

Wei Ying takes his hand under the table, and it makes Xue Yang a little bit braver. He thinks harder, trying to read the room. Lan Huan is anxious, but then he's been that way ever since his father was cruel to him, so nothing new there. Nie MingJue is curious, that's for sure. And Wei Ying doesn't seem angry at all...so that leaves Lan Zhan.

When Xue Yang glances at him, he sees golden eyes intensely staring back...and that...is that approval? Xue Yang gapes at him, and only then does Lan Zhan look away, taking a demure sip from his cup. It's a relief to know he's not upset about this whole thing.

Wen Qing drums her fingernails on the hard surface of the lacquered wood impatiently, waiting for his answer.

"Cough - music - cough," Wei Ying hides his mouth behind his hand.

Wen Qing turns that laser-powered glare at him instead.

"What?" Wei Ying says defensively. "If I don't help him, we'll be here all night."

Xue Yang squeezes his hand back and gives the correct answer.

"Right, music," Wen Qing continues. "And in particular, what is the Lan Clan's speciality in music?"

"Rest?"

"And?"

"Inquiry?" Oh...now Xue Yang gets it, what she's trying to say.

Wen Qing slowly claps viciously.

"Why did you do it?"

"Because he threatened Baba. He said he wouldn't give up, and that Baba wanted everything he had, and now he was gonna take it from him, but he wouldn't let him. Baba's not like that, though. He also said other nasty stuff. And I don't like him." Xue Yang looks down sullenly.

Unexpectedly, it is Lan Huan's gentle voice that comes next.

"Even if we don't like someone, we can't just kill them."

"Why not?" Xue Yang is genuinely curious about this.

"Did you see your Baba today?" Wen Qing takes over. "Did you see how upset he was? Do you think he would say it was right, what you did?"

Xue Yang wants to say yes, but he knows better now. He thinks carefully before answering. "I don't like upsetting Baba."

"That's good," Wei Ying tells him earnestly.

"But from now on, if you insist on calling me Laoshi, then I'm going to take responsibility for you," Wen Qing snaps. "I want you to swear to me that you won't kill anyone else without talking to me about it."

"Perhaps one more person," Lan Zhan agrees calmly, looking around the table until his gaze lands on his brother. "Not YingYing," he murmurs without looking at Wei Ying, and that's when Xue Yang realises that his neighbour has been insistently tugging on Lan Zhan's sleeve trying to get nominated.

"In exchange for what?" Xue Yang asks, at the same time as Lan Huan replies, "I'll do it."

Wen Qing nods at Lan Huan, her glance softening before she returns it to Xue Yang, with much less understanding. "In exchange for your leniency in murdering willy-nilly, I will teach you more about ways in which you may do what you want without detection. But listen clearly," she quickly adds at his look of delight, "one wrong move and that's it, understand?"

Xue Yang is already nodding eagerly, ready to agree.

"The thing is, you got away with it this time because the healers all agreed. His body condition helped, but if the Elders insisted on playing Inquiry, A-Yang, you would have been so screwed! Think about how embarrassing it would have been for your Baba! The Elders might have decided to punish you, or worse, what if they banished you?"

Xue Yang sobers up pretty quickly at that.

He hadn't thought of any of it. And what will his Baba say when he finds out what Xue Yang has done?

As if summoned by thinking of him, the door opens and Lan Qiren enters, looking around at them. They all stand up to bow to him, and then he looks at Xue Yang. For the first time in his life, Xue Yang feels ashamed. He looks down at his feet.

"All of you, please leave," Lan Qiren says quietly, "Except A-Yang."

"Shufu-"

"Shifu-"

Both Lan Zhan and Wei Ying speak at the same time.

"I want to speak to Xue Yang alone," Lan Qiren replies firmly, a little harder this second time he makes his thoughts known.

Reluctantly, Wei Ying drops his hand apologetically and all the children leave quietly with their heads hanging down.

Lan Qiren comes to sit next to Xue Yang, tugging him down as well. He pours fresh tea for both of them.

"How much did you hear?" Xue Yang asks him, when the silence becomes too much.

"Enough."

"Oh."

"Drink your tea."

Xue Yang can barely swallow the hot liquid, but it settles in his stomach, silencing all of his doubts. "Do you want to get rid of me?" He asks in a small voice, already resigning himself to living on the streets again. Or maybe he could ask A-Qing if her new people wouldn't mind a murderer tagging along.

Lan Qiren gasps and pulls him into his lap, hugging him tightly.

Xue Yang hadn't expected this at all.

"Xue Yang...A-Yang...please, never say that again. I take my responsibility towards being your father very seriously. I am horrified that you would think so lightly of our bond." His voice is muffled on Xue Yang's shoulder.

Lan Qiren settles him properly on his lap, looking very serious now.

"What they told you, it's true. If the Elders ever find out about you, they could do worse than just banishing you. Murder is a highly punishable crime. I would fight it, but there's only so much I can do. But A-Yang, I don't ever want you to put yourself at risk for anyone, not even me. Do you understand that?" He takes Xue Yang's face in his hands gently.

Xue Yang nods, blinking back tears.

"I'm going to tell you something very important now, alright? I want you to listen carefully. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes, Baba."

"Have you ever thought about souls before?"

Xue Yang shakes his head slowly.

"I often think it is such a miracle that the same amount of power that makes a bumblebee fly, is the same amount of power in a human being. We share that fabulous miracle with everything around us. Everything we can touch, taste, feel, see and hear is possible only because of our souls, and as a result, we should respect all living things. But even more importantly, if we cannot reverse our actions, then it becomes even more essential not to act spontaneously. Do you understand?"

Xue Yang nods, albeit reluctantly.

"What if they're horrible people?" He asks because the question bursts out of him.

"Even then. We must take tolerating them as a lesson in patience." Lan Qiren explains with kindness.

Xue Yang scowls, but he knows he must listen to his Baba.

"The Universe wants us to learn about it, and so there is a lesson waiting for us in everything we do. Sometimes, it is patience, sometimes, it is knowing when to walk away. I would like it if you think about this."

Xue Yang promises he will.

"Now for your punishment. You will copy out the rules on conduct ten times. Bring them to me by the end of the week and we shall consider this matter closed." Lan Qiren rolls his shoulders uncomfortably.

He looks tired.

"Baba...are you upset with me?" Xue Yang asks him, his fear returning. A part of him doesn't want to know the answer.

Lan Qiren takes his time in answering. "I am disappointed," he says finally, "but I understand why you did it. Now that we have talked it through, we can put this behind us. But no more killing anyone," he insists.

"Without permission," Xue Yang tacks on, without remorse.

"At all!"

"I'll just go and tell the others!" Xue Yang scrambles up quickly, eager to share the news.

"They're just outside," Lan Qiren replies dryly. "No doubt they heard everything."