When he came back to his study, he found her lying in the same place that he had left her, except her body had curved into a ball. As if even in her sleep, she felt as if she needed to protect herself from him. He closed his eyes as remorse made them sting. He dropped to his knees and gently lifted her into his arms.

He had held her like this frequently enough that his arms welcomed the warm weight of her. His body sang as her head came to rest against his shoulder, delighting in the touch of its beloved while his heart tore itself to pieces in the knowledge that likely this was the last time she would ever allow him such a liberty.

'I love you,' he whispered into her hair as he pressed a kiss to it, the words that should have been spoken ages ago lost to the darkness of the staircase. Ben's heart hurt with the futility of his confession. These words had belonged to the night that they had gone to the fair, dressed as paupers. Or the day she had promised to never let him drown. Or even the day she had told him that she felt the same for him. So many happy moments, so many moments filled with laughter and affection and rightness. 'I am so sorry. I love you so damn much.'

Of course, he did. What else could explain the unequivocal joy that he experienced in her presence? The contentment, the friendship, the peace whenever they were together? The way he thought of her constantly when they were apart, how he would count the days until they could be together again? What else could explain the way she brightened the very crevices of his soul that he had long forgotten about?

He smiled more when she was with him, he laughed and teased. He was a better person because of her. He breathed easier. He remembered to be a person instead of just a damned title. Benedict instead of this vessel of duty and obligation that existed only for the perception of others.

I'm going to lose her.

No.

I have already lost her.

Of course, he had loved her for ages now.

What else could explain this all-consuming pain he felt at the unmoving weight of her body in his arms? Limp as a ragdoll. What else could explain the feeling that he had sundered his very soul with his anger?

He climbed the steps to her bed chamber, one that she had never slept in before. He'd had it furnished with new furniture in anticipation of her arrival, everything from the wallpaper to the bed was just for her. He wanted to laugh at his stupidity. All this time, he had been trying to show her what his heart knew before his mind had come to the correct conclusion and now she would never believe him.

'Darling, wake up, please.' He murmured as he gently laid her on the bed. 'Please, my love. I.... I know I wasn't listening before, but I am now. You were trying to tell me,' his voice broke over the last sentence, his throat thick with remorse and agony. 'I should have listened, I know I should have listened. I've been such a fool, Minerva.'

As he had changed, his thoughts had been unable to turn from the question of what would have induced Ophelia to seek Minerva's help instead of turning to him, and a disturbing suspicion had settled into his stomach. Ophelia's recent clumsiness, the way Needham's demeanor sometimes became incredibly chilling for just a moment before he returned back to his jovial self.

'I slipped while getting out of the bath, can you imagine?'

'He gets so jealous..... It used to be charming when I was younger but...'

'You did not have to embarrass me in front of your brother.'

'You were always smarter than me, weren't you? With such a big heart. You saw it so early, didn't you? And my mother and I saw nothing like the fools we are.' He brought her palm to his mouth and pressed a kiss against it. Her skin was burning up.

Why wasn't the damn physician here yet?

'No wonder she went to you. She probably thought I'd refuse to help her.' A tear slid down his palm onto her heated skin. 'My love, wake up. Please. I need you to wake up.'

And God as his witness she stirred.

'That's it, my love. You scared me so badly when you hit your head. Don't you-' he choked on the ball that had lodged in his throat. 'Don't you know that I cannot live without you? Don't you know that you are the best thing in my life? Wake up. Come back to me. I love you so much, come back, please.'

She groaned, a pained sound but his heart lifted regardless.

'That's it. That's it. Wake up. I'm right here. I have you.' He murmured nonsense into her ear, urging her to wake. Her eyes began to flutter open and Ben felt his damn soul return to his body.

'Ben?' She smiled at him sleepily and his heart lit up as if a thousand candles had been set ablaze inside it. 'I had the most horrendous.... dream.'

Her smile faltered as her body stiffened, her words trailing off into an accusation as reality hit her. She pushed herself up into a sitting position, drawing up her knees against her chest and turning her face away from him. An icy wind swept away all of the fragile hope that had bloomed in his heart, leaving it a useless, desolate organ that hurt with each beat it took. 'But it was not a dream, was it? You do not trust me. Even after all we have shared, I am still the villain in your book.'

'No. No, Minerva. Please.' And damn right he was willing to beg, grovel, or anything else. If only she would look at him. 'It was a mistake. I was so frightened for Ophelia that I lost my damn head. I own it. I will make amends, if only you will let me. Tell me how. I beg of you, look at me.'

'He beat her Ben. She feared for her own life. Her child's life.' There was heartbreak in every word she uttered. 'But of course, you never considered for a second that I could have done something good for this family. That I could have had good intentions instead of just wanting to stir up scandal.'

He dropped his head into his hands as his lunch threatened to come back up his throat. It was too difficult to hear the words uttered in reality.

He had given his sister away to that beast. And then he had wronged his wife when she was the only one to come to Ophelia's defense.

What a spectacular failure he was.

'You did not even d-doubt for a second that I had acted out of some whimsy, without a care in the world to what the consequences w-would b-be.' He heard the tears in her voice even as she refused to turn around and face him. Each sniffle an accusation, each tear a damning sentence.

'He had your letter and I-'

'And you what? Missed the part where I told her that Needham's behavior reminded me of my father's? And that if she ever feared mistreatment from him that she would always have a home with us?'

'No, he didn't.....' Ben's mind flashed to the half-torn letter he had not even bothered to question. 'He didn't show me the entirety of it.'

'And of course, you never felt the need to question it.' She finally turned to look at him and he flinched at the complete emptiness of her gaze. Those sapphire eyes that had looked at him in irritation, mischief, anger, and adoration were entirely blank. She looked at him with such unfeeling disinterest that ice spread through Ben's veins. 'Needham is titled. English. He grew up in your world. Of course, his testimony, his word was worth more than some nobody from America. Of course, he will always have more value to you than someone like me.'

'No. God, no. Please, don't say that. You are my wife. You are more important to me than anything. I made a mistake, I am sorry for it. I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that you matter more than anything else.' Desperation clawed up his throat, his words coming in a panicked flurry. He felt her drifting farther and farther away from him, as if she were being pulled by a tide and all he had tethering him to her was a flimsy piece of string.

'No, Ben. You made no mistake.' The bite of bitterness was unmistakable in her tone. 'It is I who made the mistake of letting all this happen. It is I who made the mistake of letting you matter when I knew that you would be just like everyone else.'

Like everyone who had hurt her. Like everyone who had made sure she always felt like an outsider. She would put him in the same category as all the people she had closed her heart to.

'I am so afraid that you will turn your back on me like everyone else. And that would hurt me so deeply I do not know how I could ever move past it.' She had told him when he had asked her to come live with him. And he had promised her that he would never do such a thing.

No. He was not like those people.

He was worse.

He had asked for her trust and she had given it to him, so hesitantly, so bravely. And he had not even offered her the same courtesy in return.

'No. Don't say that. For God's sake please, don't say that.' His voice came out strangled and pained, as if she had delivered a jab to his solar plexus and rendered him unable to breathe. His chest was impossibly tight once more. 'I know I hurt you. Christ, it is tearing me into shreds. I will fix it, Minerva. I swear I will fix it.'

She fixed her deadened stare at him once more and he wished that she would just stab him with a jagged blade instead. That might hurt less than this absolute absence of emotion.

'What is there to fix, Ben?' She sighed dispassionately as fear blared to life in full force in Ben's mind. 'You are right. We were a mistake and the only way to fix mistakes is by erasing them.'

He nearly flinched at the ugly words he had flung so wrathfully at her, now understanding their devastating impact with even more clarity than before.

Had she felt like this too when he had hurled those careless, untrue words at her? Had she, too, felt like he had taken her heart and then torn it to ribbons with his bare hands? No wonder she would not spare him another slip of emotion. She would likely never give him that power over her ever again.

He had destroyed his own future and he could not do anything to make it right.

'I didn't mean it. I could never mean it. Please believe me. Those words should have never left my mouth. I regretted them the minute they were out. They were never true.' He reached for her hands in a desperate bid for connection. She cringe away from his touch, and apparently, there was still a piece of his heart left unbroken for she shattered it with that one action. 'Please. Be angry with me. Yell at me. Punish me however you wish. But don't look at me as if we are nothing to each other. If I could take your hurt for myself I would. Tell me how to make things right. I am begging you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you are the most precious thing in my life. Let me make it right. You only need to tell me how.'

'There is no need to make anything right, Ben.' She smiled at him, so cold and empty that he shivered from it. 'We played pretend, for a while, that's all. We pretended that someone like you, could be with someone like me and that somehow we could be happy together. But we don't have to pretend anymore.'

'It was not pretend. It was real. I was happy. I am happy when you are with me.' His entire body trembled with his hurt. His words were not reaching her. She wasn't even looking at him anymore, she was looking through him.

'I am so tired, Ben. Of pretending. I am so tired of hoping that things might change for me, that I might have my own family one day. I am so tired of not belonging to anyone. Not belonging anywhere; always an outsider. In this society. In this family. I am so tired, and I cannot do it anymore.' Her tears flowed freely down her cheeks now, her face so gaunt and bleak that Ben would have traded his own soul to see her smile again.

'You do belong!' He protested even as his voice shook with the effort to hold back his own tears. 'You belong with me! I lo-'

'Get out!' She suddenly said with such force that his declaration was lost beneath the volume of her voice. She wiped furiously at her tears in vain as she raised her voice at him again 'Get out!'

'Minerva-!'

'I don't want to listen to you and your lies. Get out. I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear from you. Get out.' Her words were coming out in sobs now, each sob a lash to his conscience, each sob a cut on his already tattered heart.

'Don't make me leave. Not like this. Please.'

'Please.' She sobbed into her hands. 'Please leave. It hurts too much to even look at you. Don't make me beg. Please.'

And then what choice did he have but to get to his feet and leave her room?

His marriage was finished. And so was he.