xvi.

A N T A R E S (brightness in the night sky)

It takes everything in me to stand in front of Mr. Dobriyal. I wrap my arms around myself, feeling my insides trembled, fingers clawing at the sadness thrumming through my veins. With my eyes open, I can see that the man standing in front of me is broken on the outside. But if I close my eyes, I'll see him dead in the inside.

I take a deep breath just to check if I'm whole. I let out the breathe slowly, slowly, slowly it will go away, it will go away silently like all the other things, and the realization hurting when I take another.

"What are you pondering over so much, Virat?" he asks, his voice resonating through the entire corridor. Glancing up at him, and trudge towards him.

"That whether am I going to be a dead man walking or an alive man dying after Tara dies." I answer with a stoic face.

Mr. Dobriyal closes his eyes for a brief moment and sighs. "Can we just pretend to be happy at least for her sake? She doesn't deserve your pessimistic attitude." he grits through his teeth, his brown eyes downcast.

"You out of all people talking about pessmisim is kind of am irony, specially when you're the reason why Tara's not going for the operation. Why don't you understand that we both would succumb to our sorrows eventually in her absence. We both would die anyway if she does." My blood boils from inside due to anger, but I try to keep the sharpness in my undertone to the minimum.

Well, try.

"No." Tara's voice comes from behind and before I know it, a hand links mine. She threads her fingers through mine gently and reverently, "You both won't die even if I do," she says, looking at her dad with a bitter smile. "Because the body will fight even if the soul has surrendered. The body will keep you alive even if your soul has died. The body will love you even if the soul has no one to love."

I give a piece of myself in the breathe as I smile at her. Tara leaves no stone unturned to make me realise why do I love her so much.

"Tara's right, Virat. I loved Misha too. And see, I'm neither a dead man walking nor an alive man dying. I'm just the same Arnav who was, and is irrevocably in love with Misha. But Virat," he turns towards me and gives me a soft expression, "You're a young man, you do deserve a second chance"

"So does Tara! I can't let Tara go." I tell him, my eyes moistening.

"That's because your love is young and innocent, vulnerable and hesitant." he replies while Tara simply nods at me, the hold of her hands on mine getting firmer.

I shake my head, letting out a dry chuckle. "No Uncle, my love is hopeful and brave. Because it takes everything in me to convince myself that Tara needs this life-threatening operation badly as it's the only way we can fight. She wants is as much as I do." Tara's hand leaves mine, as I grasp at the empty space. I try to reach out for her as her fingers slip past mine and she takes a step away from me. Suddenly I can feel the bolstering heat on my skin, and the cold, rough granite against my feet. They feel unforgiving just like the look Tara gives me.

"Tara still wants the operation?" Uncle asks, taken aback.

"No dad." Tara answers a little too quickly which makes Uncle a little too suspicious.

"When you say no or never, I know you almost do, Tara." Uncle says, faltering on his feet. "Oh God, I'm such a selfish dad. When you told me that you didn't want to go for the operation I should've known you're lying."

"Dad, no -"

"- Maybe that's why Misha left me. Because I've such a selfish man. I just didn't want to live with the guilt that I let the two most special women in my life die because in this hopeless battle. That's it."

"It's not hopeless, uncle. Five percent. Five percent is enough for Tara and me in this battle." I say, giving him a reassuring nod. Tara flicks a glance at me, and displays me a smile.

"But what if -"

"There's a what if in everything. What if I choke on the breathe I'm inhaling right now and die. What if this building collapses and we are the harbinger of this tragedy. There is not a place in this world, not a person in this world, nor any abstract thing which comes without risk." I rant.

Uncle gives me a pointed look, "Okay. Okay. Everyone needs their chance, but I hope Virat, this is your chance, and not a mistake that you'll regret later." His words make an aching contentedness flux in through my body that battles inside me, a little paradox of fully empty and happily sad, like I'm both nowhere and somewhere - all at once. I'm not certain where this chance begins and where the mistake ends - and I'm fearful of losing Tara once again.

Nevertheless, I still answer to him, "I hope that too."

"Thank you so much dad!" Tara exclaims joyously, throwing her arms around him. "I love you, I love you so much."

"I love you too, Pickle. Now go and sleep. It's over bedtime." Tara's dad laughs boisterously. How easy it is to cover your fears behind a laugh and a wave of hand, it's actually funny.

"Okay whatever." Tara mutters, rolling her eyes at him. "I'm sure you're an extreme case of split personality." she whines, holding my hands. Her touch crawls underneath my skin as if it belonged there, choking me, caressing me, suffocating me while she was just holding me. It's the fear of losing love, I think.

While strutting through the corridor, I silently stare at Tara, noticing how her bouncy, chocolate brown strands of hair fly in motion. I tuck them behind her ear, and then hug her tightly. Her arms wrap around me like a blanket shielding me from the chilly air, moulding against me to fill all the spaces and gaps.

"What happened, Virat?" she asks, but her voice tells me otherwise, that she knows.

"My love isn't hopeful and brave." I say, bringing her as humanly close time as possible until I breathe her in. "I just don't want you to die." I tell her as softly as possible.

"Me neither." she replies exhaustedly, her exhales unsteady against mine. "I don't want to die either."

"Then just promise me you'll not let go. That you'll fight with me until the very end. That you'll not die."

Tara gives me an indescribable look, and pain lodges pain through my chest as she shakes her head, "Virat you know I just can't promise you that -"

"Please just say yes." I cry, placing my lips on hers. "Say that it will be a forever." I breathe out against her lips.

"Okay." she replies, kissing me back briefly before our gaze fit each other like our resonating heartbeats. "I'll never leave you."

My breaths are almost ragged as I lay a kiss on her forehead, "Thank you. I love you."

•••

"Where's my pumpkin carriage and string of mice?" A voice demands, and I smile to myself at the voice. "Cinderella needs her entourage!"

I turn around to see Tara dressed in an off-the-shoulder white dress. She looked beautiful. The smile on my face widens when I see her wearing the silver charm bracelet I had gifted her yesterday.

"I've my Audi waiting outside the house, princess. But if you want a pumpkin, I'll just ask Parminder Aunty if she has one for your royal ride."I chuckle, raising a teasing eyebrow at her. 

Tara glares at me mockingly before breaking into an embarassing smile, "I know these heels have made me high on hormones, but what's wrong with you Virat? Are you seriously drunk? Pammi Aunty? That lady hits on my dad twenty-four-seven." Tara retaliates.

"Okay, I'm drunk... in love. Now c'mere. We're getting late already." I say rolling my eyes. Holding an arm at her, Tara silently slips her hand through the crook of my elbow. Her footsteps were unsure and unsteady, courtesy the heels which made her dug her nails into my arm. "If you're uncomfortable, you can really take them out."

"I can't wear sneaker with my dress. It wouldn't go with it." Tara complains, jutting out her chin.

"Okay, but just don't trip and make yourself fall into the chocolate fountain." I joke, sticking out my tongue at her. We walk towards my car, and hop inside.

Tara retorts as I chug the engine, "Even if I do, I'll make sure you fall with me. And then I'll lick all the chocolate off you face" she laughs, pinching the bridge of my nose.

Tara and I keep a lively chtater throughout the ride. She was excited about going to the charity ball kept by my foundation. When we reach the chairty ball, we were on with a disalarmingly bright smile by the security to the main hall, where the party was in full swing.

The party even though hosted by my foundation left me spellbound because it is honestly breathtaking. My eyes scan the room, pausing to admire the royal-looking chandelier hanging above that compliments the dim lights perfectly. The place is decorated in pastel colours, baby blues and pinks and light lavenders and soft cream. And of course there was a chocolate fountain in the corner which I could only notice when I see Tara standing in the queue. With the bunch of my favorite kids.

I walk towards them, a smile adorning my face and gently tap on Ziva's shoulder. "Virat Chachu!" she giggles, wrapping her arms around me which could barely reach my thighs. I carry her in my arms, and scoop her when she nudges me. "Chachu, is he serving chocolate dipped in strawberry or strawberry dipped in chocolate?"

I take Tara's plate in my hands, making her frown. "You're such a - " she chews on her lips realizing that the kids are around, "- pirate, Kohli." Shaking my head, I clatter down the fork on the plate and take a slice of the serving. "Strawberry dipped in chocolate." I confirm with a cringe.

"Hehe, I was right." Zoravar grins at her, while Ziva's lips form an O shape at the revelation. "Boys are always right." he adds with a proud grin and I give him a high-five.

"Make chocolate the main ingredient for the kids." Tara instructs the man who's busy scooping a waffle cone before her eyes land on me, "And you wanker," I shoots her an amused look. "The kids won't understand the meaning of wanker but I wanted to use an abuse for you anyway for eating my chocolate fudge." she whispers. "Girls are the best."

"But that was a strawberry fudge, you idiot." I retort back, rolling my eyes at her.

"What are you two doing here with the kids? Family planning?" Rohit pipes in when I notice that he wasn't alone. Mahi bhai, Hardik, Yuvi, Sakshi bhabhi, Ritika and Hazel were also accompanying him. 

For my leg-pulling session of course.

"No..." Tara and I reply, giving him a pointed look.

"But you two would make adorable kids." Mahi bhai blurts out with a cheeky smile.

Sakshi bhabi glares at him, "Kids are around. Tum log aise baat mat karo." she tells everyone shyly before her lips morph themselves into a playful smile. "Use codewords."

I turn towards Tara and yell at her to muffle all their teasing, "BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE. YES LET'S DANCE TARA!"

"I don't know how to dance." she replies, winking at me, and giving me the this-is-what-you-get-for-messing-with-my-chocolate-fudge-which-is-actually-a-strawberry-fudge.

"I'll teach you then." I murmur, holding my hand out. She stares down at it.

"I'm wearing heels and I'm not a good dancer either." she replies, pushing out her lower lip in a frown.

"Trust me here," I insist. Taking a deep breath, she slips her hand through mine. My fingers curl around her like she was a fragile doll made to break, the scintillating lights gleaming a dozen shades of every colour; the soft melody of Superstar richetting off the walls in lulling sweet tones. The magic was in the surrounding until Tara made me realise something.

"I trust you with my life, Virat."

The magic was in her.