A/N : Hello ladies and mostly ladies! :)

Now, let's address the elephant in the room - let's be honest we have all been through this - loving more than one guy at the same time :P Those few days of unsure-ness and the kick ass feeling of being 'badass' :P

We don't like acknowledging it, but come on, we are all FAM here :)

I can tell you I have been there - that inspired portions of the chapter 'The Dinner Party from Hell' :P

Let's see what happens to Prerna now!

Happy Reading!!

Much love,

A.

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Recap:

"I'm sorry Prerna, we shouldn't have brought this up" Prerna didn't say anything, she just realised even if she tried, and she knew he had many, she couldn't remember his flaws. Over the years she had somehow only held on to the good in him – she knew he had wronged her, the how's had become vague – but he on the other hand latched onto only the bad – it was like two very different versions of one story. What was she doing here in his room? She loved him that was her problem, he needn't feel obligated to 'fixing' her. Her trail of thoughts was interrupted by a text message; it was from Anupam.

[Pri, I am returning tomorrow morning – want to see you first thing]

She quickly replied back.

[Yes, please see me. My place.]

***

"You shouldn't be sorry Mr. Bajaj, for saying what you really feel. After all, aren't these the reasons why you had decided to leave me, anyway?" Prerna asked with a sad smile on her face; after she responded to Anupam.

"Priyu there were other reasons too, you know it – but that shouldn't be our bone of contention now; let's focus of getting you back to good health" he replied firmly.

A part of Prerna wanted to obey and let go, like she always did when push came to shove from Rishabh – she always did so to avoid confrontation, so that they could stay together, last happily ever after – but did that eventually stop him from leaving her anyway? No. She thought she wouldn't survive, but didn't she? Then he abandoned her again, just like that - on the engagement evening too – and here she was living and breathing AGAIN. Prerna was a survivor she realised – and she was no more scared of him taking off again this time. True love doesn't see reason, that was why she was so hopelessly in love with this man in front of her – but now with almost a decade more of age and perspective Prerna hit a deep realisation – even though she loved him more than her life and somewhere he loved her too, they were never on the same page; every time they'd be here, he'd stay a while, be defeated by his mind on what's good for him versus what he loves and every single time he'd eventually go.

In fact even since yesterday what did Rishabh talk about? Fixing her? Loving her? Leaving Kshama ma'am? Did he once talk about being with her? Deciding to stay? No. He never did, because that was not his plan anyway. So, today Prerna wasn't going to be in the receiving end – nope. She had had enough – she won't wait for him to leave her. True, she still loved him; her heart won't listen to any other rhyme or reason when it came to him, she would always find a reason to overlook all his flaws, but this time around, she wasn't going to sit and wait for him to abandon her.

She looked up at him, her face was calm; there was no storm in there, the storm was over, she was still alive and breathing, she spoke gently but with a kind of firmness that demanded respect; Mr. Bajaj's head shot up at her request.

"Thank you Rishabh, for listening to my pleas yesterday and bringing me here.  Thank you for talking to me; I feel much better now. It's time I leave"

"What? No, Priyu. You can't! You just had a one dose of meds, we are not sure if..." he began.

"I will take it from here. Thank you!" she answered politely, getting up to get ready to leave; true she didn't feel strong enough for it, her head was still reeling a bit, but she was good enough to take a cab and manage back home.

"Listen Priyu, we will not discuss the past okay? Let's just be here in the present. Now get back to bed" he almost commanded now in frustration, Prerna looked determined and the situation seemed completely out of control.

"But what is there left to 'not' discuss Rishabh? We are today, where we always were. Not sure what's going on between us, not sure if we have any right on each other, then there is always the angle of Kshama ma'am somewhere in the periphery of it all and us? Me with my head full of happy memories of us; and you with your head full of accusations. How is our yesterday different from our today Rishabh?" she asked, her pitch low, voice firm. Mr. Bajaj could only stare at her, he was worried this was stressing her, the doctor had strictly restricted that, but giving in meant she'd go and he didn't want that either – he had to take care of her, restore her health and maybe deep down, he had to spend more time with her – he cursed himself for bringing up the past. He tried again.

"Prerna, we both have good and bad memories right? If I remember the bad stuff, I also remember how you loved me, how you tried to wrap your head around all the things that were happening in my life – my work, my failed marriage, my heart break, my fears and my insecurities – I remembered how you were always there – I do remember Priyu" he tried to pacify her, holding her hands.

"You know what Rishabh, strangely I can only seem to remember the good – the eight years somehow managed to wipe away all bad memories of ours – I had the right to hold on to them – you inflicted that on me, they were your accusations – but I forgot and you held on. What does it say Rishabh? You want to be with me but something stops you and you run away – you did that then, you've done that now – why should I believe you won't do that tomorrow?" she was breathing heavily again; Rishabh looked worried.

"But Priyu, I wasn't planning for us to get back? You see you set up expectations on your own and you expect me to live up to them. I just want to ensure you're okay and let you back to your normal life. The life you had before I met you during Nivedita's engagement. That's it. You are right, I can't get rid of all the things I hold against you – that makes us toxic – I love you despite all that I think of you. But there is a difference – I am not just me, I have a family, a little daughter and I have to see who I can permit into our world – Kshama is bad for me, but good for my world, and you are the best person for me but toxic to my world. I want to but cannot let you in – that's why we are apart and we will remain Priyu. I love you, but I don't trust you one bit." he finished, but there was dead silence in the room. He shut his eyes in dismay – why'd he have to bring all this up? He knew he had said a lot more than he should have, he was feeling light but he had lost the battle, Priyu would go now, he wouldn't be able to stop her.

Prerna stood there quietly, strangely she wasn't feeling hurt or numb, in fact she felt okay – this man either didn't have the power to hurt her anymore, which she highly doubted or the more plausible reason could be that there was nothing more left inside of her to break – she was calm. She slowly started looking for her purse and her stuff and putting it inside her duffle bag. Rishabh noticed her reaction, he was irked. He knew her calm non reaction was the effect of strong anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills; but how long would it last? What if she forgot to take the meds? Was letting her go a good idea? Should he at least convince her to get admitted back in the hospital – but would she listen to him?

"Priyu please stay, you are not well – you won't be able to take care of yourself" he coaxed again.

"Don't worry Mr. Bajaj, I have friends who can take care of me" she replied and without any further delay slowly left his suite as he stood there watching her go – something broke inside him seeing her retreating figure that night. Is that how she felt every time he abandoned her? Is that how being abandoned felt? A lone tear finally tricked down his eyes as she softly shut the door behind her – a small prayer escaped his lips, 'please keep her safe'.

***

Anupam was staring at her blankly, Prerna had just finished telling him everything that followed from the time of his engagement when she bumped into Kshama ma'am. This was what actually happened in the last forty eight hours? He had no clue, somehow he knew Anurag had no clue either and for that he was thankful.

"So what now Pri?" he asked carefully looking at her, she looked as lost.

"What now? I will pretend that the last forty eight hours never happened in my life and continue" she replied.

"You're in denial Pri, it's not good. Also how's the health? You need something? You want to move in with me for a couple of days?" he asked concerned.

"Health is absolutely fine Anupam, just weakness – it was a blackout due to stress; I am recovering. Don't worry I can manage. I just told you everything because I needed to tell someone" she replied.

Anupam shook his head, "What are you doing Pri, can't you see you're losing it again? You are closing yourself taking this hit – you need to be open, let it out – only then you get to move on – this thing that you do, it is unhealthy. You know how worried I was? Leave me, you know how freaked out Anurag must be? Have you spoken to him yet?" he asked.

"I texted him I am fine. We didn't talk."

"You think you treated him fairly?"

"No Anupam I didn't. I know that okay? But he knows nothing about it. What do I tell him, where do I start even?" she asked sounding a little irked.

"So you lie to him that you're with me while you spend the time with Mr. Bajaj? Also, Mr. Bajaj? Seriously, I can't wrap my head around this fact that Mr. Bajaj was the epic love of your life!?!"

"In our 'thing' it's okay to not explain stuff to each other" she tried justifying herself.

"Seriously Pri? You think I don't know how close you are? You think I didn't notice how you were looking at him throughout the day of my engagement? The yellow tulip was an accessory right? You still want to tell me there is no emotional attachment from your side?" he asked now sounding very agitated.

Prerna looked at Anupam, of all the people he was someone she couldn't lie to. Yes, she had noticed too, things had changed with Anurag – it was not just the 'thing' anymore, he ran deep, he could heal her and somewhere even by not being present, his presence in her life somewhere gave her the strength to face Rishabh. There was a longing nowadays whenever she thought of him; his care for her in the hospital, his innocent smile that stole her heart, his pain, his happiness, his opinion everything seemed to matter too much to her – in fact even while she was with Rishabh, her mind kept going back to him – she wanted to inform him she was fine, tell him not to worry for her – maybe they were deeper than what she thought they'd ever be – more than she thought was ever possible.

"Pri, ask yourself, do you love him?" he asked her softly again, seeing the dilemma in her eyes.

"I don't know Anupam, is that even possible? I mean I feel very strongly for him but how can I love him? I can't deny despite all this, I still love Rishabh." she said, confusion evident in her voice.

"Why isn't it possible Pri?"

"Anupam, can you love two guys at the same time? Not like the cheating way, like truly love them? I feel conflicted because I cannot lie before you and the truth is I love Rishabh to the moon and back, despite all his flaws, despite what I did today; if he came back to be with me, I would run to him without thinking twice – but even after going there, I will miss Anurag; I will miss us. Anurag has somehow managed find a share in every place in my heart and mind which I had solely kept for Rishabh." she finished softly, as the words flowed out of her, she was shocked to hear them herself.

"What about Anurag? What if he wanted to be with you, would you say yes?" Anupam asked looking straight into her eyes. Prerna looked up aghast, she couldn't dare think the answer to that – her own answer could scare her. She gulped and closed her eyes, what would she do indeed?

"Anupam, never in my life had I thought this was possible, but if he wanted to be with me, I'd say yes to him too. I never thought I would say yes to anybody but Rishabh but I think I will never be able to say no to Anurag either. I would say yes to him, but I would still love Rishabh too" she had tears in her eyes now; Anupam hugged her gently.

"It is possible Pri. It is possible to love two people at the same time but you have to understand it is not a permanent place – it usually happens when your feelings for one diminishes and the other one rises and at some point they are on equal grounds – that's where Mr. Bajaj and Anurag are in your life – but this will pass and eventually your feelings for one would fall and the other would rise – you will then need to see who is it that stays in your heart Prerna and who subsides to the far corner eventually – then you will have your answer.

***

It was afternoon now, Anupam had left long since, but his questions still pierced through her heart and her own answers astounded her. She was restless again, although thankfully the dizziness, uneasiness and claustrophobia were on check thanks to all her meds, but that wretched lower back pain, it was back, it was sharper this time though. She ignored it, there was a question that was pestering her ever since Anupam left; she had told him that she'd say yes to both Anurag and Rishabh if they wanted to be with her – but she never asked herself, if she had to choose between the two men she dearly loved, who'd she choose? This was her most critical question and for the life of her, at this moment she wasn't reaching a final answer. Her thoughts were interrupted by a call, her face automatically broke into a smile as the caller's name flashed; she quickly received the call.

-        Hello Anurag!

-        Thank God, I finally hear your voice; Anupam just called – you guys are back and you didn't tell me?

-        Yes, yes we are back, just today morning

She sounded a bit off, Anurag frowned; was she okay? Prerna on the other hand felt very guilty of the lie – she didn't know if she would have told Anurag the truth of where she was had Rishabh not texted him on her behalf; but lying to Anurag didn't feel right – he didn't deserve it. She decided to confess; the idea scared her, but she wasn't backing out now – she knew Anurag of all people would get her; he always did.

-        Prerna, are you okay? You sound a bit off. Is it the health? Are you tired of travelling?

-        No, no. I am absolutely fine Anurag – don't worry so much. Tell me when are you coming to see me?

-        I have a meeting now, but I can come around evening today

-        See you then

Prerna closed her eyes, it was not just about her – even Anurag had a right to her truth now – she'd give him that.

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Word Count : 2737

Well? How'd it go? I know Rishabh is still holding Prerna's heart ransom, but our Anurag has managed to slip into it too!! :D

Do let me know what you feel about this chapter, was the revelation appealing to you? I was contemplating to make Prerna realise her feelings herself, but then you know how confused and closed she is at this point of time - so who else than Anupam to knock some sense into her?

If you like this chapter, show me some love with a vote and a comment(s) :D

Until tomorrow - I promise an entire chapter dedicated to AnuPre tomorrow - not in each other's thoughts like this chapter - actually F2F :D

Until tomorrow!