I am currently on summer vacation, the part of the year most people love, but I dread.

Why do I dread this three month period so much? It leaves me to isolation, my whirlwind of thoughts and irational emotions. I am generally isolated because my family usually goes on adventures and stuff that I am excluded from, leaving me home in a quiet house, isolated once again.

I listen to music mostly to distract myself from the overwhelming silence, which I would usually treasure in the school year. In summer, however, I wish for more noise and commotion, more distractions.

I despise the sound of the voices arguing with each other, with ME, when my world goes silent. 

'Oh, they obviously don't care about you. They wouldn't care if you died.' But I have people who would. People on here, people in real life.

That is what I would think, but the demons in my inner conscience would argue with what I knew. Or what I think I know.

I have no idea why this effects me in summer more than the school year. After all, the people who bully me are gone. Never to be seen until next year. 

I don't know. 

I'm not okay.

I need help, so desperately need to find out why. But I can't.