I missed my appointment, am I relieved?

In a way yes I am, but I'm still heavier than I've ever been. I've gained so much emotionally, maybe it isn't real but I can feel it.

It hurts, my stomach continues to twist inside of itself.

The food tastes good but I can't even taste the flavor, all I can focus on is how I'll regret it later.

I'll lay in my bed unsatisfied unless my ribs are higher than my stomach.

I'll suck in and feel my hipbones but it'll never be enough.

I can lose the inches and the scale weight but I'll always be fat on the inside.

39 to 36

34 to 28

44 to 33

150 to 125

If I continue to shrink, will I collapse in the wind?

Will I cease to exist?

Please, god, I wanna cease to exist.