I remember when I use to not care about calories

When 100 cal. didn't mean anything to me and wouldn't make me want to vomit.

When a 1,500 cal. a day was normal.

Days where I eat 500+ make me feel like I'm out of control and bingeing.

Why do 100 calories scare me?

Why can't I just get over myself and eat three meals a day?

Why do I have to be the way I am?

Why does every calorie feel like a pound, 100 calories equals 100 pounds.

I don't get it.

Why did I let my eating get so bad?

Why do I still look at myself as if I weigh 150 lbs?

Why do I wanna fast all Spring break?

Why doesn't it phase me?

Why don't I care?

Why am I not at my goal weight?

Why do I continue to eat every day when it only makes me bloat and rips my stomach apart?

Why do I keep trying to hurt myself?

Why hasn't this destroyed me yet?