A/N: Incoming exposition of background information! I hope it came out making sense. Most of what I've written regarding laws are accurate, the exception being that I pushed Taiwan's same-sex marriage law to earlier than it was actually enacted. In reality, it wasn't legal until 2019, but I needed someplace close by they could go to get hitched. I doubt anyone will be too mad about the Timeswiggle :P

Also, things get a little deep in this one.  I put a note at the end explaining some of it.

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Namjoon was grateful that the horse seemed content to just follow the trail because he couldn't see a goddamned thing in the darkness. He had questioned his sanity at least three times since accepting Seokjin's offer to join the hotel worker and his friends out on some cape for a late-night bonfire. He blamed the soju at first, but as the horses plodded along the dim pathway, the ocean breeze blew crisply against his skin, chasing away the effects of the alcohol and leaving him with a relatively clear head. He wasn't sober by any means, but he had fallen into a gentle buzz instead of the unsteady slosh he'd previously been experiencing when they first set off for the stables. And, as he rode along, barely feeling the alcohol in his system, he realized that if Seokjin had asked Sober-Joon to join him, Namjoon would still have said yes.

Guilt was back in the ring in a new singlet and a lucha libre mask.

Seokjin had said that, to reach the fire, they would have to travel twenty minutes through a stretch of coastal forest that made it nearly impossible to see anything around them. Without anything to look at, Namjoon decided to use the time to contemplate what exactly he was doing. He argued with himself, as each clop of the hooves brought them closer to their destination, that he was just making friends. His husband had abandoned him to take this vacation on his own but there was absolutely no reason he had to actually be alone for the entirety. He was allowed to make friends and spend time with them; especially, he reasoned, if the alternative was to sit around by himself for three days waiting for Jackson to return. Thinking of the latter option made Namjoon roll his eyes. He spent most days waiting around for Jackson and was getting pretty tired of never being able to make concrete plans with their friends back in Seoul; the moment they planned anything, Jackson had to cancel or leave for something relating to his job.

It wouldn't have been so bad if Namjoon could have just gone out with their friends on his own, but they were all couples. Namjoon felt like a third wheel so he just opted to stay home. He hadn't ever thought about it before, but he realized with a touch of bitterness that the friends in question were also all originally friends of Jackson through work. He couldn't remember the last time he'd talked to anyone he'd known back in high school or college that had been just his friend.

It was depressing to realize he didn't have friends of his own. Depressing, and angering. Why didn't he have friends that were separate from Jackson's world? How did he lose track of everyone else in his life that would have been able to fill that role?

A tiny, nasty voice whispered in his ear that it was all due to the fact that he had put everything of his on hold so Jackson could pursue his career. Although the Wangs had moved to South Korea for Jackson's father's work, the bulk of the man's family was still in Hong Kong, and so after graduating high school, Jackson planned to move back there in order to attend the university his father had attended. Namjoon had originally wanted to attend – and had been accepted into – Seoul National University but Jackson had convinced him to move to Hong Kong with him, instead. Jackie had reasoned that degrees in literature were the same, regardless of what university they were from.

Namjoon, not having intended to attend school in Hong Kong, had missed the application deadlines. Never-the-less, he withdrew his attendance from Seoul National, packed his bags, and went with Jackson, figuring he could apply for the next session. He'd found himself a steady job at the on-campus library in the meantime and ended up staying there for two years before submitting his application. Namjoon accepted the late start to his higher education, though, because they needed to pay for the rent and Jackson's course-load was too heavy to allow him to work. Plus, Namjoon loved working in the library. He honestly thought he would have been perfectly content to remain a librarian and give up on his education but that plan changed when Jackson received a coveted six-month internship in Taiwan after his second year.

Namjoon had wanted to remain in Hong Kong at his job.

Jackson had wanted Namjoon to come with him because, in Taiwan, they could get married.

In the end, Namjoon had applied for a leave of absence from work in order to attend his own wedding in Taiwan. He had planned to spend a couple weeks with Jackson and then return to their Hong Kong apartment and his job at the library. Instead, his employment had been terminated by the board of directors when they found out one of their librarians was homosexual. The librarian who had hired him hadn't cared about his sexual orientation, but it wasn't up to her to approve the vacation time and hadn't thought that Namjoon would lose his job by admitting he was marrying a man.

With no job to return to, Namjoon stayed with Jackson in Taiwan until the internship was over. When they arrived back in Hong Kong, Namjoon had been able to enroll in classes at the university and started in on his degree. Thankfully, he had qualified for several grants and scholarships that paid for not only his tuition but for their rent and food. It had been impossible to get another campus job after the directors had stigmatized him.

Then Jackson had graduated and was offered an entry position at the company he had interned with. With only half his degree completed, Namjoon dropped out of school to once again follow his husband. Back to Taiwan they'd gone. At least there, they were granted more civil rights than they'd enjoyed in Hong Kong. Namjoon was able to legally change his last name and adopted Jackson's. He honestly hadn't cared and would have stayed a Kim, but it had been important to Jackson so Namjoon gave in and filed the paperwork.

Only a year later, they were uprooted again as the company transferred Jackson to their Seoul branch. He not only excelled at his job, but he could speak Korean. The combination made him a perfect fit for their new management initiative in the South Korean arm of the company. In the two short years that they had been back in Seoul, Jackson had already been promoted to junior partner.

Namjoon had never gone back to school, nor did he go back to work. He was, essentially, a stay-at-home husband. He had taken up writing as a creative outlet to pass time while he tried to figure out what to do with his life but most days saw him reading on the balcony of their high-rise apartment or taking walks in the park to try to prevent himself from going stir-crazy. He had even gotten himself a gym membership when his sedentary lifestyle started to catch up with him. He wasn't particularly fond of working out, but at least it got him out of the apartment and kept him from getting flabby.

Lost in his remembrances, Namjoon didn't realize they'd reached their destination until there was a tap on his shin. Blinking in confusion, he looked down at a box-shaped smile attached to a magazine-quality face, then around himself to see where they'd ended up.

A fire that was more 'reasonably sized for a camping trip' than 'bonfire' was merrily burning on the sand a distance away. There looked to be three figures sitting around the fire while two stood in front of it. Although the flames were too bright, blacking out the two in front, he could tell that one of the silhouettes was Jin by the shape of a backpack over one shoulder. Namjoon was in the middle of wondering why his horse had stopped so far away from everyone else when the man at his leg spoke.

"You going to sit up there all night?" the man asked. He had a distinct Daegu accent and a good-humored twinkle in his eyes. "I don't think Buttercup will like that much, though. She'd like to go stand with her friends."

"I... sorry." Namjoon went to dismount, misjudged his distance to the ground, and landed on his ass in the tall brittle grass at his horse's feet. He gave the other man an embarrassed smile as he scrambled to his feet. "I guess the soju hasn't worn completely off," he said as an apology.

The brunet, now holding Buttercup's reins in one hand, reached out and helped dust Namjoon off. "Well, we have wine so it'll only get worse from here. I'm Taehyung."

"Namjoon." They shook hands. "I'm not sure I should have anything more to drink tonight. My liver is going to hate me tomorrow."

"Yours and mine both. I don't usually drink. I'll probably just have one cup and call it good. One of us needs to stay sober, right?" Taehyung led Buttercup off toward the line of trees that Namjoon and Seokjin had just ridden through. Tied to some of the trunks were other horses. Not sure what else to do, Namjoon followed behind, watching in interest as Taehyung tied Buttercup's lead rope with practiced motions.

"I guess you'll be our designated rider then." Namjoon realized a second after the words left him that his joke had come out completely wrong. He slapped a hand over his mouth, eyes widening in mortification. "I mean... Shit, that wasn't... I mean, like a designated driver. But on a horse. Rider..." he finished somewhat weakly, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously.

Taehyung was laughing, though. He linked his arm with Namjoon's with a wink and started leading him toward the fire. "I don't plan on riding anyone tonight, thanks, but I'll keep your interest in mind."

"I- but- no, I'm-" He started to hold his hand up to point at his wedding band then remembered he'd removed it after Jackson had left, angry to the point of not wanting to wear it.

"Relax. I know you're here with Jin-hyung," Taehyung supplied with a shrug. "Don't worry, I won't try to steal you away from him."

"It really isn't like that," Namjoon tried to argue, allowing himself to be pulled along. "I barely know him. I'm staying at the resort and we keep running into each other."

"Oh, you're not an employee?" Taehyung stopped walking for a moment, turning Namjoon to face him, giving the slightly taller man a thorough once-over. "You're right. No one here except Jin could afford to risk wearing designer jeans to a bonfire. I mean, not that he doesn't pay us well – he really does – but I don't exactly make bank working in the stables." With another unconcerned shrug, the dark-haired man re-linked their arms and tugged Namjoon onward.

"What do you mean that he pays you well?" Namjoon's question was left unanswered, though, as they had reached the fire by then. Taehyung released him as a red plastic cup was pressed into his hand by a grinning Seokjin while a shorter, grumpy looking man with dark hair, the exact color impossible to determine in the firelight, tipped a bottle of wine over the top until the cup was nearly full. As that was happening, the other men stood from their spots and came around the side of the fire to refill their cups with the bottles Seokjin was pulling from the backpack. Once everyone had a cup, Taehyung included, Seokjin raised his cup above his head.

"To friends," he toasted. "Both old and new." He sent Namjoon a smile before the others lifted their cups and hollered "Friends!" They lightly knocked their cups together then paused, cups still touching in a circle. They all glanced at Namjoon as he stood slightly apart from them, cup held between both hands.

"Namjoon-ssi. Clinky-clinky," Taehyung encouraged, jerking his chin toward the circle of cups. "You're here, so you're one of us now." He turned his head to look at the other men. "Right?"

There were murmurs of assent from the others and, tentatively, Namjoon reached forward to touch the circle with his cup. "Friends," he murmured, still unsure. As they all took a drink, a warmth started to spread through Namjoon that had less to do with wine and fire than with the friendly, open faces of the others. After the toast, they all started to find places around the fire to warm up and enjoy their drinks, talking quietly to one another.

Taehyung, who had apparently adopted Namjoon, took a large swallow of his drink before linking their arms again. "Introductions. I'm Taehyung, which I already told you. Born in '95. Are you my hyung?" Namjoon nodded, murmuring that he was born in '94. "Hyung, then. Naturally, you know the boss." He waved his wine cup at Jin who looked at the younger man with an expression that Namjoon could not quite place; if the blond wasn't mistaken, Seokjin looked uncomfortable and somewhat disapproving. He didn't have time to dwell on it, though, as Taehyung was already dragging him to the next person.

"This is Yoongi-hyung. He's a cook-"

"Chef," the grumpy looking one corrected with a roll of his eyes.

"-at the Ciel," Taehyung continued, completely ignoring Yoongi's interjection. "It's fancy."

Namjoon took a deep drink of his wine, suddenly feeling embarrassed by the knowledge that he had been at that exact restaurant earlier and hadn't actually eaten anything. He wondered if the chef knew, if he recognized him from that evening. He doubted it; he didn't think chefs usually paid any attention to the guests. Yoongi would definitely have been too busy in the kitchen. Namjoon said nothing about it, though, nodding politely at the older man as Taehyung headed for the next guy, dragging the blond along after him.

"This is Jimin. Jiminie, Namjoon-hyung." He was suddenly presented with a short, slender man whose hair, best as Namjoon could tell in the firelight, was the color of cotton candy. "Jiminie has magic hands." Taehyung winked and pulled Namjoon away without any further explanation. The baffled and somewhat concerned expression on Namjoon's face caused laughter to bubble out of Jimin's mouth, the smaller man's eyes disappearing into crescent moons above slightly chubby cheeks.

"I do massage at the spa," the shorter man explained between giggles. He took a drink of his wine and followed them to the next man. "Really, Tae-tae, you're going to give him the wrong idea."

"I stand by my comment. Magic. Hands." Taehyung removed his arm from Namjoon's in order to wriggle his own long fingers in front of the blond's face. "You should sign up for one. How long are you staying here? You're not leaving tomorrow, are you?"

"I'll be here two weeks," Namjoon told him before glancing over at Jimin. "I've never had a massage. Maybe I'll get one."

"You're a guest?" The last two men, obviously having overheard the conversation, wandered over for their own introductions. The one who had spoken was nearly as tall as Namjoon. He had an innocent look about him that gave the silver-haired man the impression that this guy wasn't very old.

"Uhm, yeah. Namjoon." He held his hand out.

"Jungkook. My friends call me Kookie, though." Jungkook, Namjoon noted, had a working man's hands, the callouses of his palms rough.

"Do you work here?" Namjoon asked as they dropped hands. He had an instant liking for the lad and his infectious smile, as if the kid gave off an aura of positive energy.

The younger man nodded a little. "I'm an Adventure Guide. Just during the summer, though. I go to Chung-Ang in Anseong the rest of the year."

"I applied for them when I graduated high school!" Namjoon told him excitedly.

"Really? What discipline?" There was an eager light in the younger man's eyes, his delight obvious.

"I was hoping for their literature program, but I ended up getting accepted to Seoul National, but then I went to Hong Kong University, instead. I came back to Korea only a couple years ago." Namjoon went to take another drink of his wine and realized too late that his cup was empty. "What about you?" He bit lightly on the edge of his cup absently. "What year are you?"

"Photography and performing arts. I just finished up my second year." A bottle of wine had appeared in Jungkook's hand at some point and Namjoon grinned when the young man refilled his cup. They 'clinked' them together. "I spent a couple months in America on an exchange program in high school but that's the only other country I've visited."

"Namjoonie-hyung..." Arms wrapped suddenly around Namjoon from behind as Taehyung morphed himself into a koala. The younger man's chin propped itself on Namjoon's shoulder and, though Namjoon couldn't see Taehyung's face from that position, he could hear the pout in the other's voice. "Stop flirting with my date! You still need to meet Hobi-hyung!"

"I wasn't flirting!" Namjoon blurted instantly, face going red.

At the same time, Kookie was sputtering into his drink. Coughing violently, he doubled over while Jimin pounded on his back in a less-than-helpful manner, the smaller man laughing loudly at their youngest friend's misfortune.

Namjoon felt a genuine smile tug at his lips at their antics before attempting to disentangle himself from his human backpack. This was so much different than when he went out with Jackson's friends; they usually spent all night talking about investments, stocks, and other things that made Namjoon want to either bang his head on the wall or slip into a coma. Or both.

When he had finally shed himself of the lanky stable hand, he turned to look at the other man that had been standing quietly off to one side during his conversation with Jungkook. He felt the blood drain from his face as instant recognition slammed into him.

"Namjoonie-hyung, this is Hob-"

"Hoseok," Namjoon interrupted, although it was unintentional. He didn't even realize he'd cut Taehyung's introduction short. He was much too shocked at the sight of his waiter standing there, a pensive look on the brunet's face.

"Oh, you know each other?" Taehyung blinked in owlish confusion.

"We've met. Kind of," Hoseok replied quietly. "Can we..." He hesitated before jerking his thumb over his shoulder toward the waterline.

Mouth set into a thin line, Namjoon nodded. "Sure."

As he followed the brunet away from the fire, he caught Taehyung's voice saying, "A serious Hobi-hyung?" Followed by Jimin's reply of "Should we get Jin-hyung?" Those words made Namjoon abruptly very uneasy about the upcoming chat.

They stopped walking when the sand became compact and wet, the waves dangerously close to lapping their feet. Self-consciously, Namjoon stared out at the water, waiting for the shorter man to say whatever it was that he needed privacy to say. His brain was racing through multiple scenarios and most of them ended with Hoseok stating that Namjoon needed to leave because the blond was married and had no business fraternizing with strange men on a beach at midnight; it looked bad and didn't he care about Jackson's feelings? Never mind that Seokjin also knew about his marital status and had invited him along, anyway. Never mind that Namjoon was doing absolutely nothing wrong; he wasn't flirting with anyone or being unfaithful in the slightest. The guilt had grown so large that he was starting to feel as if his very presence with these six friends was an act of adultery. He shouldn't have come. Or he should have talked about how happily married he was instead of asking Jungkook about his college major. He shouldn't have let Taehyung hang on him like that, as if he had any freedom to touch other men, even if it was just in a friendly way. He should just go back to the hotel now and wait for Jackie to get back like a good little spouse-

"Are you okay?"

The Anxiety Train chugging through Namjoon's brain screeched to a halt. The most intelligent thing he was able to get out was a blank, "Huh?"

"After what happened earlier tonight. Are you okay?"

Their eyes met briefly before Namjoon dropped his gaze to the sand around his feet. He shrugged slightly, digging into the sand with the toe of his sandal. "Yeah, I'm fine. Happens all the time."

"Just because something happens all the time doesn't make it okay."

"It's fine. Really. This is normal for us." He chanced a peek at Hoseok's face and was surprised to see him glaring, his eyes fixed at some point off on the horizon. "I'm used to it. His work is important, and it isn't like it really hurts anything for him to have to deal with it."

"There's sand in my shoes." Hoseok shifted his feet and Namjoon frowned at the unexpected change in topic.

"Uhh... Pour it out?" he suggested, baffled at how this conversation was going. He was glad he wasn't being asked to leave but he still had no idea what was going on with the waiter. Was he really just making sure Namjoon was doing okay after the scene Jackson had made at dinner? He shivered as a breeze brushed against his bare arms. He wished they could go back to the fire; he'd be happy to help Hoseok get the sand out of his shoes up there where it was warm.

In response, Hoseok shrugged. "Why? It's normal to get sand in your shoes if you wear them on the beach. I got here an hour ago; I'm used to it by now." He twisted his head slightly to lock eyes with Namjoon. "Besides, it isn't hurting anyone for it to be there."

As much as he wanted to, Namjoon couldn't break the eye contact. Hoseok was illuminated by the moon, the seriousness in his voice mirrored on every inch of his face. The shorter man didn't wait for Namjoon to respond before continuing. "Maybe it's the wine making me more bold than usual. Normally, I tend to not butt into other peoples' business. It isn't my place to do that, especially not with a stranger, but what I saw tonight made me angrier than I've been in a very long time. I'm not an angry person, you see. I think Yoongi-hyung once said I was so upbeat it was vomit-inducing." 

He took another drink from his cup.  "I don't know you. I don't know what your life is like. But that was not normal. That was not something you should just 'be used to'. And if I were you, I would not be okay. That man is your husband, right?" 

 Namjoon nodded once to confirm it. 

 "Call me crazy, but I don't think I've ever heard vows end with 'I do... as soon as I'm finished with this fucking phone call.' No one deserves to be treated with so much goddamned disrespect. You're a person, not some video game he can pause whenever it's convenient. I realize you might not want to hang out with us after this but I couldn't stand there pretending nothing happened. I had to say something and I didn't want to say it in front of the dongsaengs since they have no idea what happened earlier. So, I'm going to ask one more time before going back to the fire. Are you okay?"

Namjoon opened his mouth, intending to defend Jackson again and reassure Hoseok that nothing was wrong, when his voice caught in his throat. He swallowed heavily and finally managed to tear his eyes away. He found himself looking at the sand again, wrapping his arms around his torso as another breeze chilled him. The other man's words sank in like a bowling ball into a swimming pool, hitting his core hard enough to break his resolve.

"No," Namjoon whispered. "I'm not."

He saw Hoseok's feet shift closer but kept his eyes down, shrinking in on himself as the truth of the waiter's words pummeled him again. 'Just because something happens all the time doesn't make it okay.' He spent so much time defending Jackson's behavior, sweeping it all under the rug of normalcy. He had lied to himself for so long, telling himself he was fine with being treated as a lesser priority. A small part of him even believed that his husband's job was more important than himself.

"I hope you don't mind, but I've had just enough to drink that I'm going to hug you even though we don't really know each other. Okay?"

Namjoon merely nodded, biting his lip hard to keep himself from crying. He felt he'd spent enough time crying that evening already. It turned out to be a useless gesture, though. The moment he felt Hoseok's arms clasp around him he gurgled a barely coherent 'thank you' and let his head drop onto the other's shoulder with a sob.

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AN: Hi. I'm pulling a lot of Namjoon's mental gymnastics and emotions from personal experience. While not exactly the same situation, I know the struggle of trying to defend a spouse's bad behavior, trying to justify it, and feeling as if anything I did for myself was selfish, that I was somehow the lesser important thing. Following along blindly because I couldn't stand up and say, 'But I would like to do THIS.' Instead, I would just agree and go along because it was easier. I left school halfway through a degree (thankfully my second degree but still) because he couldn't find work where we were and him finding a job was more important than my education, so we moved (spoiler alert: he didn't find work and I never finished that degree). I ended up taking out student loans for that half-finished, unused degree that left me in debt because his pride was too big to allow me to borrow the money from my parents, who had offered to lend it to me with no strings attached. My whereabouts had to be known at all times but it wasn't important that I know what he was doing. The simple act of hanging out with friends without my partner felt like the biggest betrayal in the world... how DARE I? My fault, my fault, my fault, this is normal, this is fine.

It. Isn't. Fine.

So, as a public service announcement, if anyone feels like this, message me. Come talk to me. I can help. I've been there, and I managed to get away from it. You can, too. And literary muses willing, so will this Joonie.

~Littie~