hi guys!! please vote/comment!

also univrsus you have to make the handgun in your pocket joke i wasn't brave enough (chapter dedicated to april!!)

INTERNATIONAL WATERS
2015

"I'M NOT putting those on her," Bucky's voice broke through the thick silence that had encompassed June for what seemed like eons. Her ears, tuned to the sound of his voice, were the first to wake. She soon felt the Quinjet's chilled floor beneath her body, the hum of the ship's engine trembling against her stomach.

"It's a precaution," argued a second voice, equally as insistent. Steve. "We don't know if she's back to normal."

June stirred and felt their eyes leap to her as she shifted. She kept her eyes hidden in the crook of her arm. Best not to let them know she was awake. She wanted to hear what they said.

"She's not a threat," Bucky said firmly. "And if she . . . acts out . . . I'll take care of it."

"You wouldn't touch her."

"And you would?" There was challenge in Bucky's voice, now.

"Buck, listen to me," Steve implored. "I don't just mean for our sake. If she was considering hurting herself, at least with these she wouldn't be able to."

There was a long silence. June could hear their labored breathing, every shift in their weight. "All right," Bucky sighed at last. "Give 'em here." There was a small clink of metal. June sensed Bucky's movement, realized he was knelt beside her. Gently, he rolled her over, and she opened her eyes. "Hey, doll," he whispered, smiling softly, but June saw the wariness in his face. He pushed her hair behind her ear. "How're you feelin'?"

June blinked. "What are those?" She nodded to the handcuffs he held slightly behind his back.

Bucky pressed his lips together. "Safety measure," he said, not exactly looking at her.

"So I can't kill you?" June croaked.

Bucky winced. "No, just—"

"So I can't kill myself?"

"June, please," Bucky begged, shutting his eyes tightly. June didn't move, her face never changed. Just blinked again, gazing up at him. She held up her hands.

"Just do it," she murmured. It didn't really matter. She felt the pressure of her gun on her leg; as soon as they landed, she knew what she was going to do.

It's not like handcuffs had ever stopped her before.

Bucky slowly closed the cuffs around her wrists. Then, because he knew her, undressed her of her weapons. He took her gauntlets, her gun, the small blades that lined her boots. Passed them all to Steve who, laden with June's only means of peace, disappeared somewhere behind them. At this, June let her tears flow, turned her wide, glistening eyes on Bucky, her quivering lip and knitted brow. He gave her a pained look. "June, don't look at me like that. What did you expect me to do, let you—" he broke off, and a tear fell from his eye to splatter on June's cheek. He shook his head. "I'd rather have you pissed than dead."

"I can't come back from this," June whimpered.

"Yes," Bucky grabbed her elbow. "Yes, you can. It wasn't you. It's not your fault, don't you dare start talking like that."

June turned away. She couldn't look at him. She didn't miss the irony of his words—hadn't she said the same things to him last year? Who was she now, the Winter Soldier?

"We're coming in for a landing, folks," Clint said, his normal chipper tone now low and severe. June tried to sit up and look around for the first time. She didn't know what she expected, but it was not what she was met with; the team was downcast and catatonic, either slumped on the floor or braced against the wall. Bruce looked how she felt as he shivered in a threadbare blanket. No one moved or seemed to notice or care that she was awake.

"What happened?" June husked.

Bucky carefully wiped a tear from the edge of her jaw. "Wanda."

"Same thing?"

He caught another tear, gazed at her, heartbroken. "No," he whispered.

• • •

MISSOURI, LOCATION UNKNOWN
2015

JUNE slumped against Bucky as they descended the Quinjet's ramp, nauseous with pain. Agony gripped every inch of her, concentrated the worst in her head. That ice-pick was back stabbing her, and it was all she could do not to wail aloud.

She kept her eyes shut tight. She gathered they were walking over soft dirt and not pavement, like she'd expected, and a distinct smell filled her nose. Livestock?

"Where are we?" June muttered.

"Barton's house," he said, rubbing her shoulder.

She shook her head. "No," she mumbled, "no, Clint's homeless."

Bucky chuckled at this, but stopped short as June lost her footing, suddenly dizzy, gasping as a thick, dark veil closed in. She heard Bucky, miles away, calling her name. She stumbled again and the light went out.

• • •

THE smell of animals didn't go away, even once inside.

June woke with a start, still handcuffed, and still feeling like she'd lost her mind. Still, the pain had subsided somewhat, and she could see clearer having slept. She was in a bed that felt like heaven, in a bedroom she didn't recognize. It was charming in its decor, with short plaid curtains, a brass wire bed frame, and a pair of cherrywood bedside tables that were beautiful, but obviously homemade.

Bucky dozed beside her, likely fallen asleep while he kept an eye on her. This was enough to make her want to cry again. How could she even consider leaving him? After all he'd done for her, would she really off herself as if it had never mattered? A heavy wave of self-loathing came over her—how selfish could you get?

Rubbing her eyes as best she could, June attempted to focus herself. She further examined the bedroom and figured it was a guest room, judging by the size, hastily put together as indicated by the mismatched pillowcases and forgotten basket of laundry in the corner. Bucky had said they were at Clint's house . . . how many maternity bras did Barton have?

"Hey," Bucky's sleepy voice interrupted June's thoughts. His left hand came to rest on the small of her back and sent her spine buzzing.

"Hi," June turned back to look at him, smiling as best she could. It was difficult, what with all the guilt. "Sleep well?"

He half-shrugged. "All right, I guess. Mattress is lumpy." He sat up. June realized he was still fully dressed, boots and all, and if the dark shadows under his eyes were anything to go by, he'd barely slept at all.

She felt her heart melt, sodden with love and shame. "Do you have the key?" she asked softly, holding up her shackled hands. He nodded and swiftly produced it from his pocket. Bucky unlocked the cuffs and tossed them to the floor.

"We can use 'em later," he said with a roguish smile. June felt her ears burn. She tried to laugh, but couldn't find the heart to joke back or even feign offense. He peered at her. "Bad time?"

"Not the best," she mumbled, letting her face fall into her hands. Why won't you just be angry at me already?

"You wanna talk . . . about what happened, maybe?" Bucky asked gently. He seemed like he was trying to act casual. June peeked her eyes open and saw he had discarded his vest and gloves. He peered down at her with concern set deep in his eyes, but June knew he would not press her unless she wanted to talk.

June hid her eyes again, shame swallowing her again. "I . . . I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean anything I said." She lifted her head slowly. "I couldn't control a word of it—I don't know how to explain it, I just—"

"Felt like you were watching yourself in a movie?" Bucky supplied with half a smile. "Except the movie is just you doing the worst things you can think of. The opposite of what you want to."

It all rushed back to June, the ways he used the describe being the Winter Soldier. It was like watching yourself in a movie, like a bad fever dream on repeat. And the months they didn't need him . . . like being buried alive beneath six feet of ice, while everyone knew and no one cared. So June nodded softly. "Yeah."

"Do you really think you're weak?"

June gnawed on her lip until it smarted and tasted of blood. "Sometimes," she said. "Other times, no, not at all. I know what I've survived." She paused. "But I wish I could grow past some of it."

"Who says you haven't?" Bucky argued.

"Are you kidding?" she scoffed. "I was hospitalized, what, three days ago? Not even. Because I couldn't handle one stupid mission."

"June," Bucky took her chin between his forefinger and thumb and made her look at him. "You completed the mission and had a relapse because the target assaulted you—and had done so in the past. God, you sell yourself too short."

"Well," June stuck up her nose, "now you know how frustrating you are."

"This ain't about me, doll," he whispered, and the stormy intensity in his eyes quieted her. She owed it to him to listen.

"Are you mad about what I said about Steve?" she asked, covering her eyes with her hands and falling back on her pillow. Her cheeks were warm with embarrassment, her whole body cringing at what the other June had made her say. He'd fuck you if you came to his door and asked. Really no sugarcoating it, was there?

She peeked between her fingers and watched Bucky's mouth screw up. "Not mad," he said. "But damn it if that wasn't the most awkward I've felt in a while."

June snorted. "When was the last time?"

"When he came back to the apartment and walked in on us."

"Oh, God," June shut her eyes again.

"Do you believe what you said? You think he still feels . . . that way?"

June groaned through her teeth. "I don't know, and I can't say I'm eager to find out." She remembered something suddenly, and a worm of anxiety squirmed within her. "I have to tell you something, though."

Bucky visibly tensed. " . . . What?"

"He did kiss me." The words almost stuck in her throat.

"I—what?"

"Before you came back," June went on. "He asked me right after if I still had feelings for you and I told him I did. So again, really awkward."

"Well, then that shoulda been the end of it," he said, a fraction too loud. His eyebrows were knit and the muscle in his jaw twitched non-stop.

June smiled, a mischievous wrinkle in her nose. "Don't be jealous."

"I'm not," he huffed.

June kept on smirking. She poked him in the side. "Well, you really shouldn't be."

"Yeah?" He was perfectly still for several moments until June began to think he really was angry. But he turned, placed his hands on either side of her, and lowered his face to hers. "Tell me why not."

June's breath caught for a moment. She took in his face, so sincere and intentional, those ice-blue eyes that acted on nothing but instinct. His dog tags fell loose from his shirt and June looped them around her finger and drew him down nearer. "Because," she said in his ear, "I love you." 

She felt him smile against her cheek, his beard prickling her skin. "Coincidentally enough," he murmured, mouth tracing her jaw, "I love you, too."

His mouth found hers and he kissed her, soft but incredibly purposeful as if to remind her just who should be kissing her, and who did it best. June's fingers knotted through his hair; his hips pressed into hers. June felt a hand go to her belt and hover there, awaiting permission. She let him, felt the cinch around her waist loosen and her zipper wriggle down as he kept her locked in their embrace, the tastes of blood and smoke on his mouth. June found the hem of his shirt and lifted it, her hand tracing the length of his spine as she made to tug off his shirt.

There was an abrupt rapping at their door. "Team meeting," called Clint's muffled voice. "Five minutes."

Bucky pulled away with a slow, heavy sigh. "I'm gonna kill him," he mumbled, and it sounded like he meant it. They were still close enough that when he spoke, his lips still brushed against hers.

Suddenly back to earth, June realized how hot her cheeks were, how fast her heart raced, and how badly she wanted him to come back and close any space between them. "I might beat you to it," she said, a satisfying image of kicking Clint in the shin crossing her mind.

Yes, she'd be having quite a conversation with him.

note.
literally just a fluffy filler chapter but be warned, things are about to get even sadder. i don't make the rules im sorry

be sure to comment what you thought! any theories on what might happen next? june still has to have a very awkward talk with steve 😬

also im bored so

@ june and bucky, tryna fuck while everyone in the next room is catatonic and mentally damaged

buck before clint interrupts

after

and finally steve when buck and june come out, disheveled, red-faced, half-dressed

teaser for chapter 36 😌💅🏼🤯✨