you are not alone
Izuku gulped as he stared at the four occupants of his hospital room.
All might, Detective Naomasa and Principal Nedzu, are here today to talk about... well, everything.
Aizawa, whom barely left his side since he woke up, was a comforting presence through it all. The man was currently sitting on the chair at his bedside.
Izuku fiddled with the end of his shirt. A nervous habit he usually did when he was anxious. Is he really about to do this? Is he going to tell them? What if they don't believe him? What if All Might wants his quirk back after this? That's probably what's going to happen, given he'll probably going to be sent to some foster home across the country.
Speaking of his mentor. All Might hasn't looked him in the eye since he got here. Despite his best effort, the man just didn't meet his gaze, once. Maybe, he finally realized his mistake. He probably regrets ever making Izuku his successor. After all, who would want a weak, useless coward as his successor?
Izuku took a deep breath. He needed to do this. The truth was out! They probably found the basement and found out about Inko's 'creative' punishments.
"What-What do you want to know?" He asked softly, his head was down. He suddenly found the fabric of his hospital pants really interesting.
"You can tell us anything that you are comfortable with Midoriya. You should know that you can stop at any moment. It's of the utmost importance that you feel safe and calm through all of this. We will not force you to talk about something you are not willing to tell." The detective spoke calmly, his voice soothing and assuring Izuku that somehow, he was telling the truth.
"Uhm, I don't think I'm ever going to be comfortable talking about this. Mind as well, tell you everything..." Izuku mumbled to himself quietly. "It- uh- it all started when I was four... Everyone was getting their quirks but I was- uhm- I was declared quirkless..." He went on, talking about how from that day, his life took a turn for the worst. He felt vaguely disassociated, disconnected somehow, as he recalled the events of his life with a blankness he didn't know he could have while talking about such painful memories. "I lost all my friends; my best friend became one of my bullies and even dad couldn't handle having a quirkless kid. He left and uhm...my mom didn't take it so well.
He told them about his father's abandonment. He talked about his mother's change of attitude, the way everyone acted differently. From the pitiful stares to the disgusted gazes directed at him.
"When you're quirkless, you're not considered human anymore. They see you as a lesser version of themselves. In the eyes of the world, even my own mother. I was nothing but a weak, useless burden." The more he talked the more he felt the void growing in his heart. He just felt so empty. He talked about his childhood, about the bullying and the slow escalating hatred his mother garnered against him. "It started with simple yelling, every time I did something wrong or just reminded her of my father. She'd get mad and punish me." He talked and told them about the punishments, the dark box, the starvation, the torture. He spoke about the abuse, unaware of the anger that was boiling in the hearts of the four Adults.
He told them about his dreams, the way he tried to hide them from his mother. The way she acted when she found out about his UA application. All Might visibly flinched at that part. He talked about the constant shunning and torment he was being subjected to throughout his life.
"Why- why didn't you tell anyone kid?" Aizawa asked hesitantly. All Might had told him about the things he'd found in the Midoriya household. How could a kid go through such suffering and remain silent?
"I- I don't- I told someone once... I knew mom was angry at me one day, I had uhm- left my analyses notebook in the living room and she just hated it when I did anything that was related to heroes. I ran away that day, went to school as fast as I could. She was just so mad and I- I was scared of-of going back there." There, was the dark box. He didn't say it but they all understood. Shivers ran through Aizawa's spine at the thought. "I just- I couldn't go through it again so I ran and I- I went to my homeroom teacher. I was nine I think. I told her about mom, I knew that the punishments weren't normal and I thought that if she knew, she would stop it. But uhm, she-she just laughed at me. She didn't believe me- she called me a liar. Said I was just an ungrateful child for telling such unbelievable nonsense. She called my mom that day and uhm... I never told anyone after that." His hand subconsciously went to the still healing wound on his torso.
Silence followed his response, all of them were letting the information sink in. A deep hatred brewed inside them. How could so much happen to just one person? This boy, this kid sitting in front of them. Has survived so much on his own. He's been suffering and enduring abuse and torment for years and still wanted to help others. He still wants to save the world. This cruel place that has been nothing but painful and unkind to him.
He continued speaking, he told them everything up until that day after the sports festival.
Izuku looked up, his vision blurry from the tears he didn't even realize shedding.
Aizawa was glaring at his feet, his expression mirrored by the other occupants in the room. They all had an angry aura that surrounded them. He would be afraid if not for the overwhelming feeling of protectiveness that was radiating off, of them. Their anger, strangely enough, wasn't directed at him.
Nedzu cleared his throat and that seemed to snap the others back to reality. There demeanor quickly changing as they regained their composure.
"Well, Midoriya. I believe we owe you an apology. We are supposed to be heroes. We are supposed to protect you and we weren't there when you needed us the most. Not to mention the other adult figures in your life. You have gone through so much. You've experienced things no child- no person should experience in their lifetime." The short mouth? Bear? Bowed deeply, his expression was serious. A huge change from his usual cheerful demeanor. "I believe we should discuss you're new living conditions and of course we'll need to set you up an appointment with one of our best therapists. For you to become a hero while having gone through such traumatic experiences- "His once again excited attitude gave the green-haired teen whiplash. However, whatever the rodent said next went on deaf ears as Izuku tried to let the information sink in.
Normally he wouldn't interrupt the principle but he just didn't have it in him to care.
"W- wait. Are you? I'm not going to be expelled?" He asked in disbelief. Were they going to let someone as broken as him become a hero?
"Expelled? What? Of course not, dear child! We'd be idiots to let someone as kind and talented as you to just walk away." The small creature exclaimed in outrage, throwing his arms up to emphasize his feelings.
"But- but I'm broken- how-how could you possibly want someone as useless as me?" He whispered quietly, his desperation and confusion were palpable from a mile away.
It was none other than Toshinori who stepped in next.
Finally, the man looked up at his successor. Izuku expected to see disappointment and regret shining in his mentor's blue eyes. However, he was met with something completely different. In his idol's gaze held nothing but extreme sadness and guilt. Despite these emotions, he could see pride shining through his mentor's stare.
"Young Midoriya, since I met you, you have shown nothing but bravery and kindness in the face of darkness. You've done nothing but impress us since the beginning. You, a quirkless kid, had jumped into the fray, putting your life in danger to save a friend. I have failed you Midoriya." His mentor's hands were clenched into fists, his guilt, and frustration obvious to everyone. "Even when I didn't know you, I told you that you could never be a hero without a quirk and I regret it every moment. You showed me, young Midoriya, what it meant to be a hero. You saved me, your teachers and your friends at the USJ and you showed the world at the sports festival what you were made of. You, young Midoriya, you're on your way to becoming a great hero and UA would be honored to have you as our student. I'm sorry young Izuku, for not realizing sooner what was happening to you. I'm sorry for not saving you when you needed me, I'm sorry for not being your hero when it mattered the most." Aizawa watched as All Might, the symbol of peace, for all his braveness and strength broke down crying in front of them. He couldn't help but relate to the hero. He too had failed Midoriya.
"No- No All Might... Don't- Don't say that. I-I don't know where I'd be right now if it wasn't for you. You gave me hope when I was so close to ending it all. I-I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." He sobbed, not able to hold back anymore. Years of sadness and agony finally bubbling to the surface. Walls he'd spent years putting up were all crumbling around him, leaving him exposed and vulnerable and finally free of the burden he's been holding. Finally, he could see a light at the end of the tunnel.
"Well, there's one more thing we need to talk about." Detective Naomasa exclaimed with a sigh. "We're currently trying to find your mother but for all intent and purposes, it's like she disappeared out of the face of the earth. Do you know anywhere that she might be hiding in?" He really didn't want to bring this up but It was necessary for the investigation.
"No-No I- she always goes away for a couple of days but she never tells me where she goes and I never a-asked, she'd always get mad when I- uhm talked to her... I'm sorry but uhm... what's going to happen to me now?" His mother, despite her treatment always came back. Unlike his father, she never left him. That has somehow given him hope that maybe, deep down she cared about him. If only a little. However, like everyone in his life she had left. Like his best friend who turned his back on him and his father who couldn't handle his useless, quirkless son.
"Ah! I'm glad you asked Young Midoriya! Mister Aizawa here-" the Rodent gestured to the tired looking man on the chair next to his bed eagerly."- Has volunteered to take you in for the time being. UA is currently planning on building a dorm system. Soon all of the hero course students will be living in the dorms if their parents agree of course. Until then, you can stay with him!"
Izuku looked at his teacher in disbelief. Aizawa wanted to take him in? him? why? He'd be nothing but a burden. However, a nod from his teacher reassured him that maybe this will work out for the best. Aizawa has been a constant source of comfort through all of this.
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The doctor cleared Midoriya to go home the next day, instructing him to take it easy and demanding that he refrains from any strenuous activity.
Aizawa and Izuku were currently walking into Aizawa's apartment building. Aizawa had driven them here, the ride was quiet and peaceful, the silence between them was only interrupted by the low tune that played on the radio. It was calming somehow. Izuku found himself feeling content and safe. However, his nervous and anxious behavior acted up as soon as they entered the building. He was going to live with Aizawa, what if the man didn't want him? He was just an inconvenience after all. What if he left? Like everyone before him? He followed Aizawa into the apartment, his moves mechanical and slightly disconnected. Millions of doubts and worries swam through Izuku's mind as he slowly got lost in his train of thought. He was anchored back to reality by a sudden weight on his foot. He looked down, visibly startling at the small ball of fur that was currently using his foot as a cushion.
It was a cat... He crouched down, slowly picking the small animal into his arms. The cat made a small sound, clearly annoyed at being lifted from her previous comfortable position but not enough to get angry at the new house guest.
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Aizawa looked at his student, concern shining in his usually stoic expression. The kid was clearly anxious. Did he not want to be here? Did Aizawa make the wrong call? All of his worries were dissuaded, however, when all of the tension seemed to leave Izuku's body as he met Aizawa's cat for the first time.
"Her name is Grey," Aizawa informed quietly, not wanting to disturb the interaction between the two. Grey was a snow white main coon, she was relatively small despite her age. She had blue turquoise eyes that seemed to shine in the light. "She likes you. She's not usually comfortable around new people."
"R-really... I'm glad." The teen responded quietly. Petting the white fluff ball in his arms, a small smile adorned his features. Aizawa felt some of the weight in his heart clear, the boy smiled, it wasn't his usual bright smile but it was something.
"Come on, let me show you to your room, it's down the hall." At this, Izuku finally took the time to look around the apartment. It was relatively simple; however, it was bigger than his own house. There was a small living room, the furniture looked worn but extremely comfortable and to the side of the apartment, was a kitchen and a dining table. A long corridor could be seen from there, probably leading to the bedrooms.
They walked through the corridor, three rooms could be seen. The first one was a traditional Japanese bathroom and the other two were the bedrooms.
"This is your room, it's not much as you can see but you need to know that this will be yours to do anything with. Decorate it as much as you please. I'm right down the hall if you need anything alright? Make yourself at home kid." His teacher stated before walking off to his own room.
Izuku looked at his new room and couldn't help but feel out of place. What should he do? His mother never allowed him to decorate his room. He promptly plopped himself onto the medium sized bed, nearly knocking his head on the bedside table. The room was slightly bigger than his old one. Despite the horrible memories he has of his old home he can't help but miss it.
He grew up there, he'd survived and gone through so much in the privacy of their old apartment. Hidden away from the world.
Maybe it was a good thing to finally get away from there.
The exhaustion from the past couple of days was ever so slowly catching up to him, the emotional and physical strain finally overtaking him. He drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
---------------------------------
When he woke up, the light that was previously drifting into the room from the window was gone. In its stead, the only lighting was coming from a crack in the door. At some point, Aizawa must have come to check on him, for the blanket; he was currently draped in, was a clear indication.
Suddenly, a light aroma entered the room, causing his stomach to growl. He sniffed the air frowning. Was Aizawa cooking something? He rubbed his eyes, standing up from the bed, he slowly made his way to the living room. Aizawa was setting the table.
Izuku looked at his teacher for a moment, he was just so hungry. However, he remembered how his mother would react if he ever asked for food while she cooked for herself. He gulped nervously. Would Aizawa do that? He wouldn't, would he?
His teacher finally seemed to notice him, quickly gesturing for him to come.
"Ah, you're awake! I hope you like Katsudon kid. Come on, time for dinner."
Izuku froze for a moment, Katsudon was actually his favorite meal but was this a trick? Still, it was rude to disobey an order like that, right? He hesitantly took a step forward, then another, until he found himself sitting at the dining table.
Aizawa sat across from him and began eating. Cautiously, Izuku picked the chopsticks up. He checked to see if the action somehow offended his teacher but Aizawa didn't even seem to notice it. So, taking a slight risk, he took his first bite. Every now and then he would shoot wary glances towards his teacher, ready at any moment to bolt if need be.
Apparently, his actions weren't as subtle as he thought they were. Aizawa noticed the signs, the kid clearly thought that the food was some kind of trick.
The night went in a similar fashion. Izuku was tiptoeing around the house, his steps were cautious and calculated. Almost like he thought that at any small mistake he would be punished.
Anger bubbled in his chest at the thought of how the kid has come to expect the worst of people. He would make sure Inko got what she deserved once they find her.
Aizawa was going to let it go at first, the boy was in a new place and it was normal to act differently in these circumstances, however, he needed Izuku to know that he was safe here. The kid needed to know that the way his mother treated him was wrong.
Midoriya was helping with the dishes when he accidentally dropped one of the plates. The boy's eyes widened in fear, tears began to slip from his eyes as he frantically tried to pick up the broken shards. Despite the painful cuts he was getting and his bloodied hands he kept at it.
"I'm sorry, no please no, I'm sorry. I won't do it again."
His movements getting more frantic as he apologized over and over again. Aizawa made his way towards the boy. His steps were cautious and calculated as if he was approaching a wild animal. He crouched down in front of the quivering boy and slowly took his hands away from the broken glass. He gently helps him up and leads him towards the bathroom to clean up. He didn't miss the way the boy flinched at the contact. Like he expected to be hit or punished for a simple accident.
He made him sit on the bathroom stool as he rummaged through the cabinet for the first aid kit. Once he found it he squatted in front of his trembling student and got to work. He wrapped the boy's hands with practiced ease. Being an underground hero wasn't fun and games, he's had more injuries than he'd care to count. Once done, he backed away and admired his handy work for a moment, before going back to focusing on the problem child.
The boy was still crying, his sobs unnaturally quiet. As if Izuku was trying his best to stifle them.
"I'm sorry." Izuku whispered in a weak voice. He tried. He tried so hard to act normal but he just couldn't. He'd grown up used to having to walk on eggshells around the house, in fear of doing anything wrong in the slightest and being punished as a result.
"Midoriya, look at me." Izuku looks up slowly, Aizawa's tone was pleading. "You've done absolutely nothing wrong. The way your mother treated you was wrong. She hurt you and no one should ever suffer through that. I need you to understand that I would never do that to you. I would never hurt you. okay? You are allowed to make mistakes, you're only human after all." He looked into his eyes sternly as he tried to convey his point across. "Nod if you understand."
Aizawa's voice was laced with emotions, Izuku could see that he wasn't lying. Was he not in trouble?
He nodded shakily as he let his homerooms teacher's words sink in. Is this what it felt to be cared for? He looked at his teacher as the man gently wrapped his hands in gauze.
"There you go. Now, you're probably still tired, we can watch some of those hero movies if you want. It will help you get your mind off of things." Aizawa had heard Izuku talk about his love for these movies with his friends.
The kid might not want to be alone right now.
"That would be great Sensei, I- I'm sorry f-for the way I reacted earlier..."
"Don't apologize, kid, it wasn't your fault." The teacher ruffled his problem child's hair in a gesture he hoped would be comforting.
The fact that Izuku didn't flinch from the contact showed that he must have done something right along the way.
They spent the rest of the night watching some old cheesy All might movie, which the kid watched with enthusiasm despite having probably seen them all already.
Izuku looks up at the now sleeping form of his teacher. A new feeling wells up in his chest. For the first time, he thinks he might be actually safe. With that thought in mind, he slowly drifts off to sleep. This feeling may be new but he could probably get used to it.
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Aizawa doesn't know what wakes him up. However, he knows that there's something wrong instantly. The air in the apartment is cold, he must have left open the window before he fell asleep. He looks around and finds that, yes. He had fallen asleep while watching a movie with Izuku. He looks at the sleeping form on the couch next to him. At first glance, he thinks the kid is sleeping peacefully. However, the light coming from the forgotten television illuminates his feature enough for Aizawa to see his expression. The kid has his eyebrows scrunched up like he's in pain and when he looks close enough he thinks he see tear tracks down the boy's face.
It makes his heartache. Izuku seems to be crying in his sleep, it's so quiet and meek that it somehow breaks something inside him. He slowly approaches the sleeping form of his charge. Careful to not make any sudden moves as to not startle him awake.
He crouches down in front of him carefully and takes a moment to really take in the state of his students. It's painfully obvious that the kid is having some kind of nightmare. It's only normal after what he's been through.
"Midoriya" He begins softly, his voice quiet and low. "Midoriya, wake up. It's okay, it's just a dream."
The boy still doesn't react and Aizawa considers letting him sleep. The thought comes as quickly as It goes. He can't leave him like this, whatever the boy is dreaming about must be really scary for him to be crying in his sleep. So, he opts to the only option left and slowly shakes the boy's shoulder. His touch is gentle but somehow firm. As soon as his hand makes contact, the boy's eye snap open and he's on him. Both of them are tumbling to the floor in an instant. Aizawa looks at his student's face, Izuku's eyes are blank, unseeing. As if he's not really recognizing Aizawa yet, it's like he's still dreaming. His movement are purely on instincts.
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Izuku sleeps and in his dreams, he burns.
At first, his dream starts off as ordinary and peaceful. He dreams and he sees his friends, he dreams of UA, of the sports festival. He dreams of his hopes of being a hero and his achievements in doing so. However, it doesn't last long because ever so slowly, the dream morphs into something else. He thinks he can hear someone laughing maniacally in the background. Suddenly he's back at home, his mom towers over him. The wretched sound she makes rings in his ears as she mocks his hopes and stomps on his dreams.
Pain overtakes his senses and he's dying again, being torn apart from the inside out. Flashes of his life appear around him, surrounding him, suffocating him. The white-hot pain is blinding and he can't- he can't breathe.
He's trapped, he's imprisoned in his own mind, forced to relive every last moment of abuse he'd gone through at the hand of his mother and his bullies. All he hears is the constant static ringing in his ears as the taunts and mockery play in his head over and over again like a broken record.
"You could never be a hero, Deku"
"What could a worthless piece of shit like you ever accomplish?"
"Playing hero, are we?"
"Take a swan dive off the roof and hope you'll get a quirk in your next life"
"I'm sorry, young man but you can't be a hero."
He's too engulfed in his own mind to hear the soft voice of his teacher calling out for him until he feels reality snap into place as a weight settles on his shoulder.
-------------------------------------------
"Midoriya. kid, it's me. It's Aizawa, you're okay, you're fine."
Ever so slowly the boy seems to snap from whatever haze he was going through. He can see the exact moment realization dawns on the boy, as his eyes widen in horror and fear. He scrambles off of him, backing away until his back hits the couch. Once again apologies spill from his mouth in an endless loop.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I- I didn't mean to- I- don't know what got over me. I'm sorry" His voice is getting quieter with every word and he's slowly closing in on himself, his legs are drawn up to his chest and his face is buried in his arms as his whole-body trembles.
Aizawa quickly gets over his shock and approaches the boy.
"Midoriya, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have touched you. I should have known better. I'm the one who needs to apologize to you." The only response he gets is the boy's head shaking hastily. "Midoriya" He needs to get his message across, the last thing he needs is the kid blaming himself for his own mistake. "Look at me, Izuku." The sudden use of his given name makes the boy finally raise his head. His eyes are bloodshot from the crying and puffy and Aizawa's heart clenches at the sight. "You were having a nightmare. I'm sorry, it wasn't your fault."
The boy's shoulders drop slightly, the tension finally leaving his body as he actually takes in Aizawa's words. "I'm sorry for disturbing you..." He says quietly, it's barely a whisper but Aizawa hears it nonetheless. "I'm just a burden."
"No, no kid you're not. You need to understand that you're not disturbing me, you're never going to be a burden. I chose to take you in Izuku because I care about you. You need to understand that. You need to understand that I'm here for you. Whenever you need me." For once Aizawa lets his guard drop and sheds the façade he put up constantly. He needs Izuku to believe him. For once, letting the emotions he's feeling show on his features.
Izuku looks at his teacher and he's surprised to see nothing but sincere and earnest fondness and caring through those dark eyes. It's the first time someone actually looked at him this way. It reminds him of a time when his mother actually loved him. This look, his teacher is giving him is one of a loving parent. Pure and caring, his teacher is worried about him and he can see the sincerity behind the gaze. Maybe he can actually have a home here, maybe he can finally have a real family.
"Now, do you want to talk about your nightmare? Aizawa says slowly, his every word comes out as a soft whisper. He wants the boy to feel calm, he doesn't want him to constantly keep his feelings in. The boy needs a release.
The problem child shakes his head slowly, Aizawa understands this. The kid doesn't want to go through it again.
"Okay but you need to talk about it. If not to me, at least talk to someone. We can set you up an appointment with the school's therapist- "Surprisingly enough the boy interrupts him.
"It was about mom... It was like I was there again, I felt trapped. Like I was living it all over again. I- I was scared." His voice breaks and cracks as he recalls his nightmare, his tone is laced with sadness and shame? Why would he be ashamed?
"Izuku, you do know that there's nothing wrong with being scared right? You have been so brave. You've already survived so much and you've already overcome so much."
"I'm not brave. I'm weak! What kind of hero freezes every time their own mother looks at them, what kind of hero does nothing to defend themselves huh? I'm nothing but a useless coward." His voice rises with every sentence and tears roll freely down his face. "I just let her- I did nothing! All these years, even after I got my quirk. I still wasn't strong enough!" His whole form shook as sobs racked his entire body. "How can I be a hero Aizawa sensei if I can't even save myself?" He wailed, the pure emotions coming out from this sentence shook Aizawa to the core. Has he been keeping those thoughts bottled up for this long?
"Izuku. You need to listen to me. You are, in no means, a coward. You are one of the bravest and toughest people I know. Do you think heroes don't get scared? I know for one thing that I do. I get scared every time Izuku. A hero isn't someone who never gets scared. A hero is someone who, despite their fear, manages to power through it and survive. Survive in order to save not only themselves but others. You have been doing it for years. Any other person would have given up long ago. Yet, here you are. You persisted despite everything. Even when it seemed that the world was against you, you never gave up." He pulled the boy into a tight hug, trying to convey the sincerity and honesty behind his every word. You Izuku Midoriya are going to be a great hero someday. You need to know that you are not alone anymore. You have friends and people that care about you and that are going to stand beside you every step of the way. I'll be with you every step of the way."
Izuku sobbed, clutching at his teacher's shirt like a lifeline. Years of pent-up emotions bursting to the surface as a weight finally lifted itself from his shoulders. Aizawa was right, he wasn't alone anymore. He has people who loved him and cared about him and he was going to try his best not to let them down.
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