Past

A few weeks after being essentially kicked out of mosque my mum was still unpredictable in the sense that I couldn't say anything without being wary of what she'd say. One day in particular wasn't great. I used to have a "secret" phone that my parents didn't know about because my mum used to check my phone and so I couldn't talk to my friends about private stuff.

I was on Instagram on this phone, talking to L because she was worried about me and wanted me to go to her house the next day after school. She saw my scars. My mum came into my room and I thankfully managed to quickly hide the phone in my school bag. She was telling me to go do something - this was last October and my memory has unfortunately failed me right now so I can't remember what she told me. I tried to reason with her that I needed to finish my school work and that I would do it after. Of course that tipped her over the edge so she picked my school bag and threw it across the room. I went to retrieve it and tried to carry on with my work.

That was a bad choice. She grabbed it once again and emptied it's contents - the phone fell out. What followed was a dreadful amount of cursing. This phone had a pass-code on it so she couldn't open it without me. So she threatened me to do just that and I was stubbornly refusing because there were things on there that I talked to friends about that I would be killed for if she saw - they weren't bad per say but it was wrong in my religion.

Constantly screaming at me I felt like my ears were going to bleed. When she realised I wouldn't open it she resorted to physical acts. I was sat on the floor already so she had the upper hand. She tried to kick me on my legs and stomach but I kept pushing her away. I felt a sharp pain on my head. I was being dragged through the rooms by my hair only. My hair was being pulled really tightly and fistfuls of it too which were a nightmare to comb out. Tears lined the corners of my eyes as I yelled for her stop.

 I reached up to where she was holding my hair to try to make her let go. She saw that as an opportunity and kicked me on my stomach, then my legs, then my back. Please stop. Pulling me up I pushed her away but to no avail when she took a hold of my head and forcefully pushed it against the wall. Just like any other person in the same situation, I couldn't take the pain anymore and fell to the floor. My tired muscles went against my head and typed in the pass code.

Thankfully she didn't see the controversial conversations with my friends about gay youtubers but she did see the conversation with L who at one point when we were talking called me "babe." This rubbed the wrong way with my Mum who assumed we were going out or something. I wish. But again I had to deal with the consequences.

The next day L saw me and I gave her a weak smile. She took me by the hand and led me to a music practice room for some privacy. She called her Mum and asked me if I wanted to talk to her. I agreed and her Mum was very gentle and considerate when she asked me questions. The questions were very loaded and I had to take deep breaths before answering. I appreciated the fact that L held my hand throughout the whole thing and that her fingers constantly running over my knuckles put me at ease. By the end of the phone call my voice was very shaky and L was crying and apologizing for everything that had happened.

Seeing the usual happy blue in her eyes replaced with a sad grey didn't fit well with me so we stood there and hugged each other for a good few minutes.

Two girls, unwilling to let go, and unwilling to come back to the miserable reality of the world.

A/N

She doesn't know this but she did help me a lot. It just made me fall for her more.

- M -