Listen to 34+35 by Ariana Grande. 

"She doesn't exist! She is not real!"
He yelled.

"What?"
I mumbled.

"But...you...she...how?"
I was so confused, it didn't make any sense. Why would he snap every time I asked if she wasn't real?

"She doesn't exist. Not anymore."
He said again this time sounding frustrated.

"What do you mean not anymore?"

"It's just a random tattoo, ok?" He said, trying to dismiss the topic.

"What happened to her? I know it's not just a random tattoo."

I leaned closer to the table. He looked away, finding it hard to tell me.

"You can talk to me Tristan, I will listen."

"I can't." He said not looking at me. For some reason, he sounded like he was about to cry. He turned around and looked at me.

Tristan moved closer and took my hands in his, his warm and rough hands gave mine a soft squeeze while his thumb drew little patterns on the back of my palms.

"Hey."
He whispered, meeting my eyes.

"I hate myself for hurting you. I know I have been an ass but I want to be more for you, Cassie. Ask me anything, I will answer but I'm not ready to talk about my tattoo."

He brought my hand to his lips and kissed my knuckles, I expected him to let go after but he held it to his cheek.

"I don't wanna be that guy that makes you cry, I want to be the guy that put a smile on your face every day. I hate that I hurt you, I have become so attached to you than I ever imagined and I don't wanna ruin that, Cassandra." He gave me a soft smile and kissed the back of my palm again. I tried to fight the smile tugging at my lips.

"Cassie is fine," I said and frowned at the name Cassandra.

"I like Cassandra, it's a sweet name."

"Mr. Sanchester sounds sweet too."

"My middle name is Nolan."

"I like Mr. Sanchester, I like how upset you get when I call you that," I said and he smiled. I looked into his beautiful eyes, wondering if I should give him another chance. 

I pulled my hands away from his grasp and took another sip from my wine as I tried to control my emotions. I wanted to believe him but he made it so hard using my insecurities against me every time he got angry.

"Can we please start all over?" He said with a soft smile, extending his hand for me to take. I stared at his solid arm like he was offering me a sword to use and kill myself.

"I don't know Tristan, I'm not sure I can do this. Maybe it was lust after all, let's just stick to the deal," I said and stood up. His smile fell and he dropped his arm. I returned to my room with different thoughts spinning in my head like a tornado.

I opened the door leading to the balcony. I sighed softly and gripped the railings, I stared at the skyline that lit up the city. I closed my eyes and relished the soft caresses of the cool breeze on my face. Tristan had made me question everything in my life. I wanna forgive him, I wanna look past everything he did and try to be happy but I wasn't ready.  

I had forgotten what it felt like to be normal. No family, a fucked up love life, and stuck with the person that took it all from me.  What was I still doing here? Why was helping him live a lie? He said one month and it had been more than that. His mom didn't look like someone that was critically ill and dying and it made me a little suspicious. The fact he won't tell me anything made me angry.

Some days I wanna leave but I cared too much about him and I hated myself for that. I opened my eyes and laughed at myself. Have you ever wondered the purpose of your existence? It was all I think about these days. I wanna learn to love myself and for once feel like I was worth something.

I stayed outside for a while watching the stars and allowing the memories of me and my sister counting the stars to torment me. I miss that bitch.

####

It's been a week since Tristan asked for us to start over, I rarely saw him ever since. I only ran into him once on the staircase and he walked past me like I was invisible, I knew I shouldn't feel hurt by his action because it was what I wanted. It was hard to deny that I missed hearing his voice and annoying him. It was lonely and quiet here, I didn't do well with those two terms which explained why I was always hanging out with Morris. The temptation to ask about Tristan was hard to control.

It was Friday night and Morris served me some Italian chicken skillet, I twirled my fork around the chicken as I stared into space. I missed him, I fucking missed him and I wanted to see him.

"Ms. Simpson?" Morris called taking the seat in front of me. I put my fork down and sighed softly as I met his worried eyes.

"Sorry, my mind is all over the place," I said faking a smile.

"I can make you something else if you don't like the chicken skillet," he said.

"No, I love it," I said and picked up the fork to start eating. 

"Mr. Sanchester is a good man, he is just going through a rocky part right now. I'm sorry he hurt you and I can see how sorry he is too," he said and gave me a warm smile. 

"Thank you," I mumbled.

"He hasn't left the house in a week and every time I bring food to his room, he is either still sleeping or in the bathroom. Somedays he doesn't even eat the food and yesterday," he paused and contemplated telling me.

"What happened?" I inquired.

"I saw the bruises, I think he is doing it again," he finished.

"Thank you for telling me," I said and he nodded.

"I will get you your favorite drink," he said and I smiled.

I went up to my room for a shower and dressed up for bed in a fluffy hoodie and short shorts. I worked on two paragraphs of my paper and did the discussion board due by midnight. It was almost midnight by the time I was done, I worked best under pressure. I could hear the rivulets of rain outside and the thunder from a distance.

I put my stuff away and left the room to get some late night snacks, I paused in front of Tristan's room. His light was still on so I assumed he was still awake. I knocked and got no response, Tristan hardly answered anyway. I wanted to turn away and run back to my room but I stayed back. 

"It's Chloe, can I come in?" I asked, I waited a few seconds for him to answer. I took a deep breath and opened the door, he wasn't in his bed or anywhere in the room. I stepped in and closed the door behind me. I could hear the sound of the keyboards from a corner, he should be in his home office. I walked to his study and found him in front of his computer, a cup of coffee kept him company.

"Go to bed, Morris. I told you to only come here when I call for you," he said not looking my way.

"Hey," I said resting one shoulder on the door frame. His head whipped in my direction and he stared at me like he didn't recognize me. He looked exhausted, the dark circles beneath his eyes and his tousled hair made him look like a walking corpse.

"Cassie?" he called in a quiet tone I could hardly recognize.

"Do you need anything?" he asked and looked away, returning to whatever he was doing on his computer.

"I'm bored."

"It's midnight, you should be in bed."

"I can't sleep."

"You can watch a movie or do something you enjoy."

"I don't feel like it," I said and stepped into the room, it looked fancy for a home office.

"What are you doing?" I asked slumping on the cozy leather couch.

"Working," he replied.

"Any specific reason why you're here?" he asked turning in his seat to observe me. I bit back a smile and looked away from his face.

"I told you, I'm bored and you're the only person awake."

"So you need company?"

"Something like that," I shrugged.

"I have some sci-fi books mix with romance on the shelf," he said and returned to work. I stood up and looked around, I stopped at the wine bar and grabbed one bottle of scotch and a glass. Someone snatched the bottle from me before I could open it.

"Not tonight," Tristan said putting the bottle of scotch at the top of the cellar, far from my reach. His body stood an inch away from mine as he put the drink away, my hands itched to touch his chest that was close to my face. The wave of heat from his body made me miss our night cuddles. He pulled away and returned to his seat.

"Buzzkill," I sighed and sat back. I leaned closer to the large chessboard on the table.

"Can we play chess?" I asked.

"Can you play?"

"You're about to find out," I smiled. I moved to the floor and sat down, placing the chessboard between us. I took the white side of the board and left the black side for Tristan. He brought his coffee with him and took the space in front of me.

I stared at his knuckles, Morris was right. I reached over and took his big hand in mine, placing it on my lap to scrutinize the bandage wrapped around his knuckle.

"I got those from the punching bag, I will make sure to tape my knuckles next time," he said and tried to pull his hand away but I held him back.

"I don't need your pity, Cassie, I'm fine," he said looking anywhere else but at me.

"Right," I mumbled and let go of his hand. I stared at the chess trying to recall everything Nana taught me but I could only remember moving the pawn. It didn't take up to two minutes before Tristan kicked my King out. We went another round and I was still clueless, I could see Tristan holding back his laughter anytime I moved.

"Come on Cassie, I'm giving you all the chances to win here. You better protect your king, my rook is coming for him," he said and I rolled my eyes in defeat.

"Ok, you got me. I suck at chess," I admitted.

"I can teach you," he offered.

"Don't bother, it's a waste of time."

"Do you have anything else you wanna do?" he asked and took a sip from his coffee."

"I brought my Uno cards with me, you can't beat me at that one."

"Ok, bring the cards."

I stood up and rushed to my room. I got the cards and went down to grab a bottle of apple cider wine. Tristan frowned at me when I entered the room with the bottle.

"It's non-alcoholic," I said sitting down on the polished wood floor.

I shuffled the cards and shared them between us. I smiled at my wild card.

"Loser gets to stand under the rain for five minutes," I said and he agreed.

Tristan went first and he didn't have the right card. I took a swing from my drink and played my wild card. I giggled when he didn't have the card I requested.

"Uno," I chirped after a few minutes and he smiled. I picked my drink to take a sip and that was when I noticed the number of cards Tristan had, he was deliberately letting me win. I reached closer and took his cards, he had every opportunity to win but he didn't.

"I'm going under the rain," I said and stood up.

"You won, Cassie."

"Because you let me."

"You don't have to go in the rain, it's not necessary. We can do something else."

"I'm still going," I said and walked away.

"Cassie," Tristan called trailing behind me. I increased my pace and followed the back door leading to the backyard. I looked back at Tristan before stepping outside, I gasped at the shower of rain that soaked me. I laughed and looked up at the sky.

"Time up, let's go," Tristan said extending his hand for me to take but I refused, I remembered he didn't like the cold.

"You're going to catch a cold, come back inside," he said stepping into the rain to get to me.

"This is relaxing," I said and put my face up to feel the raindrops on my skin.

"Let's go," he said taking my hand.

"Just try it, it's calming," I said pulling him back.

"Close your eyes and look up," I whispered. He hesitated at first and stared at me like I wasn't making any sense. He closed his eyes and put his face up.

I watched the raindrops fall on him like glitter dust, his hair stuck to his forehead and his lips parted slowly at the droplets that touched his lips. He sighed in relief and smiled. I stared at the water that rolled down his lower lip and I stepped closer like I wasn't in control of my body. Tristan opened his eyes and looked down at me when he felt my movement.

"That felt nice," he said in a rough tone.

"Yeah," I mumbled. We stayed quiet for a while fighting the thoughts in our heads.

"I missed you," Tristan whispered cupping my left cheek.

"It was fucking hard pretending you're not there, do you know how many nights I stood in front of your door dying to talk to you and have my arms around you? I'm not perfect, Cassie, I know that. I tend to overthink everything when I'm around you, yes I'm insecure about a lot of things. I know somedays I fuck up and make mistakes but I try to learn from them, I promise. I want to be the best version of myself but I always mess that up. I'm sorry for that night," he said.

"I don't know if I can trust you, every time I open up to you I only get hurt in return," I said. He put his hand down and pulled away from me.

"It was never my intention to do any of that, I get defensive when it comes to my past and I say a lot of stuff I don't mean. You don't have to forgive me, I don't deserve it. I just want you to know, it was never lust, it was much more." 

"I'm sorry," he said and turned away to leave. I walked to his front and blocked the way.

"Goodnight, Cassie," he said and tried to take the other way but I got in his way again. He gave me a questioning look but I said nothing. Boy, I was starting to feel the cold. I tried to stop myself from shivering, I could feel the goosebumps crawling on my skin. I stepped closer to him not sure of what I was doing.

"What do you want?" he asked as I closed the space between our bodies.

"You," I whispered.

"I'm not gonna have sex with you because you're bored."

"I'm not bored, I said that because I wanted to speak to you," I admitted almost increasing my tone. My life was a mess already, nothing was going the way I wanted it, so yes I wanted this. I didn't care what we were and I felt something for him I couldn't explain to myself. 

"Don't tempt me, I won't be able to resist," he said hoarsely with his eyes on my lips.

"I missed you too, asshole," I said with a small smile.

He leaned closer to my face, I waited for him to kiss me but he didn't. He rubbed his nose against mine and his lips brushed on mine, barely touching. His action only made me want more. I pushed myself closer giving him the green light but he held back.

"Are you sure you want this?" he asked and I nodded.

"I need words," he said running his thumb over my cold lips.

"Yes."

He leaned in and took my lips in a slow kiss. His hand moved slowly to my neck, his grip was gentle yet firm. I returned every kiss, following every pace of his lips as the best feeling explored through every part of my body. It felt like it's been years since we kissed.

He drew me closer like he couldn't get enough. His tongue found its way into my mouth. He nibbled on my lower lip and drew it slowly between his teeth, I ran my hand up his hard chest tracing the thick ridges through his wet shirt. When I got a throaty groan from him, I did it again. I felt hot all over, all thoughts about the rain and cold disappeared from my head.

Tristan edged me to the door and soon we were back inside in the house, he kicked the door close without breaking the kiss. His firm grip around my neck was a new feeling that increased the wetness between my legs.

Tristan had my back to the wall swiftly. His kiss became rough and I liked it. It felt like I was floating in another universe, I could get lost in this feeling forever. It felt amazing, the delicious current made me moan in anticipation.

He gripped my hips and picked me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist and traced his stubble with my finger as our lips moved in sync, I loved the roughness on my cheek. He carried me with him upstairs to his room.

He had my back against the door as soon as we stepped into his room. I wanted to touch him but he won't let go of my hands he had pinned above my head with his left hand. I pressed my body to him, wanting more. He withdrew and stared at me with dark eyes, he let go of my hands. I pushed myself on my tiptoes and kissed him running my fingers through his hair. The deep groan that escaped his throat sent a wave of desire from my heart, to my chest, and down toward my inner thighs.

I tugged at his shirt, he pulled away and took it off in a flash, his prominent v-lines caught my eyes first.

Finally
My perverted brain sighed in relief.

I ran my hands up the curves on his torso, feeling the texture of his skin, he looked down at me watching me with his quick breathing and hazy eyes. I pulled my hands away to take off my shirt but he stopped me.

"I'm not very gentle in bed, Cassie. We can stop now," he asked brushing his thumb across my cheek and playing with my hair. 

"With the tent in your pants, I'm not sure you mean that," I said and he chuckled softly. Sure, it was going to be my first time and I was nervous but I didn't want to show it.

"I know this is your first, I want you to be sure this is what you want. I also want you to enjoy it and cherish this moment. Let me know when to stop or if you're uncomfortable with any of it," he said in a soft tone easing the fear away.

"I'm sure," I said reaching for the hem of my soaked hoodie and pulling it over my head. I wasn't blessed in the boobs department, it wasn't his first time seeing my bare tits so I wasn't so nervous. The way he stared at me made me feel beautiful.  He placed wet kisses from my shoulder to my neck. I moaned when he dug his nails into my hips and brushed his fingers into my shorts. I gasped softly when he gripped my hair and trailed wet kisses from my jaw to my neck, the heat between my legs intensified and I stifled a moan. He pulled away and I whimpered at the loss of contact.

"Touch me anywhere you want," he said staring at my hands I kept by my sides.

Our lips met in a frenzied kiss, I felt his hand going up my back, touching the mark. I tensed but I relaxed when he kept touching it like it meant nothing. I found the courage to move my hands, my hand slipped into his pants and grabbed his ass. He smiled against my lips and took my lower lip between his teeth. He moved to my neck leaving marks behind every bite, he nibbled on my earlobe and drew it slowly with his lips. I closed my eyes relishing the pleasure it brought to my body, it all felt new to me.

 He pulled down his jogger pants and I stared with wide eyes at his erection, which looked big and veiny. He smiled and picked me up tossing me over his shoulder playfully. I laughed and recalled the night he took me to my room in this same position. He placed me on the bed and crawled delicately to my body. He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me deeply. I moaned when he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled it as his lips moved against mine.

I pushed my hips up to feel him, I groaned in pleasure when he moved his hips brazenly against mine. His hand slid smoothly up my hip to my ass, gripping the skin. I moaned against his lips and interlocked my fingers through his hair. He hooked his fingers through my underwear and played with the material. He took off my shorts leaving me in my cotton underwear.

He flipped me around taking me by surprise, goosebumps grew on my skin as he began to place wet kisses on the back of my thighs and slowly up to my ass, I buried my face in the pillow as the wetness between my legs increased and my insides throbbed.

His next action knocked the air out of me, he kissed my scars and touched them delicately. I was a bit nervous but he kept trailing kisses on the mark till he reached my shoulders.

"You're beautiful," he whispered into my ear and kissed my temple. I turned around and stared into eyes, his eyes promised safety and patience.

"You owe me a date," I said caressing his cheek, his beautiful smile made me smile.

I brought his lips to mine and kissed him softly, it started out gently but intensified as need surge through our veins. Tristan groaned against my lips when I wrapped my fingers around his pulsing erection.

"You have to guide me through this," I said with a sheepish grin.

"Next time, tonight is all about you," he said and removed my hand. He kissed my neck and ventured down to my chest, I arched my back when he took my nipple in his mouth while fiddling with the other with his rough palm.

I think my brain shut down when he buried his face between my thighs. 

####

My pillow felt so hard, I ran my hand up the solid object trying to figure out what happened but I heard a groan.

I opened my eyes and found my pillow to be Tristan's chest.

"Morning."
He whispered with a soft smile that made me jealous of his crystal blue eyes. He brushed my hair back and caressed my cheek with his thumb.

I realized I had slept halfway on him the entire night, I tried to move my legs that felt numb, they were entwined with his under the sheets.

The sudden soreness between my legs stopped me, I knew how painful the first time was but man, I never expected the pleasure after the pain to leave me completely weak.

"Are you okay?"
I gave him a smile and laid back on his chest.

I mean, he was a bit rough but I liked it.

"Don't you have work today?" I asked instead.

"I already told my secretary I will be coming late."
His thumb drew circles on my skin.

There was a knock on the door making my heart jump, Tristan pulled the sheet up to cover my back. The door opened and Morris walked in.

"Good morning, Mr. Sanchester"
Morris greeted, I kept my eyes shut pretending to be asleep.

"Drop it right here."
I felt something on the bed.

I opened my eyes when I heard the door close. I smelled Freshly baked bread, I turned to the other side and saw different breakfast on a wooden tray.

"Hungry?" Tristan asked.

"Hell yes!"
I ignored the soreness between my legs and sat up, I found my panties and wore it not caring if he was looking. He had cleaned me up and moved me to his room somewhere between me being a little dazed and tired.

I walked to his closet and grabbed one shirt, he was smiling at me as I walked back to the room. He was resting his back on the headboard with one arm behind to support his head, the sheet stayed around his waist.

"I want to wake up to this every morning."
He said as I walked to the bed, I took a seat in front of the tray feeling too hungry.

"I want to wake up to this every morning."
I said pointing at the tray, a scowl appeared on his face.

I giggled and moved closer to his face.

"I want to wake up to this beautiful face every morning."
I whispered giving him a kiss but he wanted more, he gripped my waist and deepened the kiss.

He pulled me closer making me straddle him, he ran his hand smoothly up my thighs to my waist.

I pulled away when he began to trace my spine with his fingertips, I was too sore for another round.

"Sorry, Mr. Sanchester but I need food."
I pulled away and returned to the treat waiting.

"I'm going to get ready for work, Cassandra."
He walked to the bathroom completely nude while I just stared chewing the strawberry in my mouth.

"Are you coming?"
He asked looking over his shoulder at me.

"Food first."
He chuckled disappearing into the bathroom.

He didn't take long in the shower, he came out with a white towel tied around his waist.

"Won't you eat something?"
I asked with a mouthful of chocolate pudding.

He walked to where I was with water dripping down his hair, I took one spoon of the pudding and fed him.

"That's okay."
He told me when I scooped the sixth spoon.

"I have a meeting at eleven."
He placed a kiss on my cheek and pulled away.

"How is your mom?"

"She is doing okay."
He answered from the closet.

I ate the bread and drank the orange juice, I had never felt this hungry.

☆
"Hey."
Tristan whispered trying to wake me but I blocked his voice. We have been sleeping in the same room since that night.

He bit my earlobe and rubbed his stubble against my cheek.

"Cassie,"
He kissed my nose.

"Okay, I'm going to get ready for work."
I hummed in response.

He smacked my ass and came down from the bed, I refrained myself from attacking him.

I snuggled under the covers already missing his warmth, there was a crash from the next room.

"Tristan?"
I called sitting up, I looked around but he wasn't in the room.

Another loud crash from his room made my heart jump, I got down from the bed as another crash followed.

I ran out of the room, Morris was already running up the stairs.
I opened the door and saw him smashing a painting on the floor, he looked very angry.

My jaw dropped when I saw like a dozen of the paintings were hanging on his wall, they were all identical. It was a cute painting of tiny infant feet in a heart shape.
His room didn't have any painting, how did these get here?

"Tristan?"
He was a completely different person as he broke the painting like a psycho.

Morris entered the room and looked horrified.

"Oh my, who...I will get rid of them right away Sir."
Morris looked confused as he ran around.

"Take it all away!"
He screamed throwing the one in his hand across the room.

I stood close to the bed not knowing what to say, why was he scared of the paintings? He was obsessed with them.

"Take them away, get them out of here!"
He covered his eyes with his hands breathing heavily, I noticed they were shaking.

I walked to him and wrapped my arms around him, he stilled at first.

"Cassie?"
He sounded like he didn't know I was in the room.

He pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me almost squeezing me.

I could hear his heartbeat, it was beating too fast but it didn't take long for it to return to normal.

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