This was driving me insane, being this close to Lay was harder than i thought it would be. I rolled over and watched the slow rise and fall of lay's chest. Even the way Lay slept was beautiful to me, the way his eyes slightly fluttered, the way his breath left his perfect lips almost in a pout.

Before i understood what was happening i reached out to brush my hand across Lay's sculpted chest, his soft flawless skin beneath my palm made a shiver run up my spine.

My breath hitched as i brushed over the small bud on his chest, wishing i could lean over and kiss it.

I finally noticed the change in Lay's breathing and looked up at his face to find his eyes wide and staring at me.

I pulled my hand away but he grabbed it holding it against him tightly.

"Don't stop" he whispered, his voice thick with want.

I gasped lightly my breath coming out in short pants and slowly slid across the bed pressing my body against his, and preceded to place my lips against his nipple.

A light moan broke lay's lips making a shiver run up my spine. I decided that i loved that sound, and took his nipple in my mouth sucking lightly and swirling my tongue around it making it rise and redden.

Lay gasped loudly and arched his back off the bed "oh god Suho" he panted.

I smirked and removed my mouth from his body causing him to whimper at the lost contact. I compensated by sliding my hand under the blanket and running my hand down the inside of his thigh then back up again making Lay tremble slightly below me.

My hand found his steadily hardening member and i gave it a light squeeze, forcing his back to arch off the bed once more and a loud moan to break from his lips.

Not being able to control himself any longer Lay captured my lips with his and started kissing me roughly, i kissed back and nibbled at his bottom lip asking for access which he gave without hesitation. My tongue dove into his mouth claiming it as my own, he moaned sending vibrations to my lips.

I started to softly stroke Lay through his boxers, making his breathing accelerate and pull back from the kiss due the lack of oxygen. He moved to my neck kissing and sucking as he moved down till he found my sweet spot.

A moan left my lips "mm, Lay. Oh god baby" i said as his hand started to slowly descend down my torso to...

My eyes flew open and i sat up abruptly, slightly panting. My head spun to the thankfully still sleeping boy next to me... 'it's not bad enough that he takes over most of your thoughts, but now your having sex dreams about him?'

I pushed the blankets to the side and jumped out of bed, and padded out of the room into the small kitchen, suddenly in desperate need of some water.

>>>>>>>>>>

~Lay~

My eyes fluttered open at a slight noise and didn't quiet understand what i was hearing based on my sleepy haze. Confusion clogged my brain for a second but then i heard a loud moan fill the silence of the room and i was instantly wide awake.

I peeked over my shoulder to find Suho still asleep. 'what could he be dreaming about?' i wondered to myself.

I slowly and carefully rolled over on my side to face him, about to wake him but froze the minute my name flew out of his mouth, followed by another loud moan and the words "oh god baby". A tingle pushed it's way up my spine and the air rushed out of my lungs shakily 'he's having a sex dream about...me'

Suho moved slightly and i laid down on the bed and closed my eyes not wanting Suho to feel embarrassed about having one of those dreams, and about me nonetheless.

I felt the bed shift and the blankets ruffle, followed by his footsteps retreating out of the room. opening my eyes, they searched the room. Suho was gone... 'maybe he went to the bathroom'. I sat up in bed feeling a bit of worry for Suho, he's always way to hard on himself and i don't want him to beat himself up over something he couldn't help.

Throwing the blankets aside, i jumped off the bed, and tiptoed to the bathroom peeking inside but much to my disappointment found it empty. 'he could have went to get some water' exiting the room, i quietly stepped towards the kitchen.

On my way there i was paying more attention to being unheard rather than where I was going when i smacked into a hard surface nearly falling but was caught by strong arms holding me upright.

"Are you ok?" a voice whispered... that voice whispered.

I raised my gaze to meet his and he stared back concern evident in his dark eyes "Y-yeah, I-I'm fine"

"What are you doing out of bed Lay? its late" Suho asked.

I bit my lip and looked down at the floor, taking a step back "i just needed something to drink"

A hand suddenly grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it lightly "here, i took a couple of drinks but won't finish it. Knowing me it would probably just sit by the bed all night"

"O-oh, ok" i say taking the glass, my hand slightly trembling 'why does he effect me like this?'

"Are you ok?" he asks noticing my hand.

I sigh wishing i could just vent everything out, that i could just tell him the truth about everything. I want more than anything to tell my best friend how i feel, have him comfort me, and tell me that everything was going to be fine.. but i can't, i can't keep doing that to him. Suho has made his feelings known, and i need to respect that.

'i don't want to hurt you anymore' i screamed in my head, but all that came out was "i'm fine, just jet lagged i guess"

Suho smiles kindly and throws an arm around my shoulder "come on, lets get some sleep then"

>>>>>>>>

~Suho~

"Suho look, isn't this cute?" Tao asks pulling me out of my head, it had been two days since the night we went out to the club.

We had filled up time by going to the beach, and aquarium, and even had a couple shopping sprees, but all i could do was think about it.

Lay and i had danced together all night, we had forgotten about everything that kept us apart and gave in to the desire to be close to each other. I hate the part of me that still burns from that night, it was so hard to stay away from him before but now its almost unbearable. What makes it worse though is that Lay had fallen back into ignoring me, and it was driving me insane. The need to be close to him, and to talk to him was increasing by the second, but as each of those seconds ticked by he pulled further from me.

"Suho?" Tao whined at the lack of attention.

I looked up with a smile "oh, that hat looks very cute on you Tao"

Chanyeol laughed taking it off his head and plopping it on his own causing Tao to throw on an adorable pouty face. Chanyeol rolled his eyes and put the hat back on the little panda who smiled brightly. 'it looks like I'm not the only one with a blind spot for that boy'

"Suho, we've been shopping all day and i'm hungry" Xuimin whines doing aegyo at me forcing a chuckle to leave my lips.

"Ok, ok... lets feed the children" i say looking at D.O. who nods and begins rounding up the group.

>>

"Here Suho" Baekhyun smiles a little to sweetly while handing me a glass.

"What is this?" I ask looking at the brightly colored liquid.

"It's a drink, a specialty here. Don't worry you'll love it" Baekhyun says giggling like a girl.

I shrug and took hold of the glass taking a large drink making Baekhyuns eyebrow shoot up and Chanyeols jaw drop. A swirl of fruity flavor sizzled across my tounge and burned my throat slightly when it went down.

"What is this?" I ask alarmed, coughing a few times.

Baekhyun sits back in his chair and smirks "nothing, just something to help you losen up"

D.O. leans forward concerned "maybe you shouldn't drink it that fast, if at all"

I smile about to agree but catch Lay's eyes in my peripherals and look at him directly noticing the worry in his eyes. We share a gaze for a second before his features harden again and he truns away, once again freezing me out.

Anger seizes me and i dont know why i do it but i pick up the brightly colored drink and drink it in two gulps, then slam the empty glass back on the table.

When i look up Baekhyun is staing at me in awe, his mouth wide open, but still smiling at me. Chanyeol brings his lips together forming an 'o' with his mouth and widens his eyes.

"Oh no" Kai groans and throws his head in his hands, while D.O. sighs heavily and shakes his head.

"This is going to be fun" Chen says while Xiumin who holds a facial expression close to Chanyeol's, elbows him.

Tao places a hand on my shoulder while Sehun covers his giggling with his hand "Sehun stop it, this isn't funny" Tao kicks Sehun under the table "maybe we should get him home before this gets bad" Tao says in a rare moment of seriousness.

My head begins to tickle and i giggle under my breath "always worrying about me Tao, that's why i love you" i say throwing an arm over Tao's shoulder and kissing his cheek making him turn bright red while staring at the table with wide eyes.

"Perfect" Chen says siting back grinning widly.

>>>>>>>>

~Lay~

Suho downs two more of those Neon colored mixed drinks before we actually agree on getting him back to the hotel. He was supported on Kai's shoulder singing 'what is love' very loudly and mostly off key, when we finally made it to the room.

"Oh guys, were home... oh look at the moon, it's so pretty" Suho says jumping out of Kai's grasp and running to the wall of glass. "We should stay here forever so we can see this everynight... it's beautiful" Suho starts choking up like he's about to cry and Chen points his phone at him snapping a picture.

"What are you doing?" Baekhyun asks stepping toward him angrily "video is better" he says helping Chen get the best angle.

I shake my head "Suho, we should get you in bed"

Suho turns to me abruptly his eyes wide and his lip trembling "you talked to me" he says clasping his hands in front of him like he was praying.

I sigh and walk towards him till i was right in front of him "come on, you'll feel better after some sleep" i say grabbing his arm.

Suddenly a pair of arms snaked around my waist pulling me backwards "it's good to hear your voice, i've missed it" he mumbles into my back squeezing my waist tighter.

My breath catches and blink a couple of times, stabilizing myself "Suho, come on, bed time" i start to walk forward but he doesn't let go, instead he starts walking with me. I stop. "Are you going to let go?"

He shakes his head against me and tightens his grip to make his point "Suho..." i start, but he starts speaking making me freeze.

"I didn't think i could miss someones voice so much, until i didn't hear that voice on a daily basis... a voice that i have come to love above all others, a voice that can make me feel safe, but also weak at the same time. I don't want to go anther day without hearing that voice... i miss you Lay... please don't ignore me anymore, i need my best friend" Suho then began to sob roughly against my back and i couldn't help it, i turned around in his grasp and pulled his head against me chest.

"Shhh, it's ok Suho, i'm right here" my own tears started pooling up and i hugged him tighter.

"Will you sing for me?" he asks sounding like a small child.

I sigh "if you come to bed, then i will sing to you as you fall asleep."

He nods and allows me to take him to the bedroom and tuck him into bed. He placed his arms once again around my waist and pulls me close while i start to run my fingers through his hair and sing softly. After a little while his light breathing indicates that he had fallen asleep.

I smile and shift to move out of his grasp to my side of the bed, but he whimpers and grabs onto my shirt and i still. I breath out a humored breath and snuggle back into him, quickly falling asleep to the soundtrack of our mixed breathing.

>>>>>

The next morning i awoke with a lightly snoring Suho in my arms, but just like the morning after his panic attack i slid out of his grasp and off the bed before he could wake up and catch me there. I padded into the kitchen and grabbed a jug of orange juice out of the fridge. Tilting my head back, i take in a huge gulp, the cool liquid making my body feel more awake.

"You could at least use a glass" i heard behind me and felt my soul leave my body for a second.

"Oh god" i said grasping the counter with one hand and placing the other on my chest where my heart was trying to make it's exit "D.O., you scared the frazzles out of me"

He smirks and moves past me to grab the milk from the fridge "how's Suho?" His back was to me but i could hear the smirk still on his face, maybe even heavier now.

"Sleeping" i say feeling my cheeks heat up.

He turns and takes notice of my cheeks "did you two?"

I choked on my juice just as i took a huge drink "w-what?" i ask once i can breath without wheezing "of course we didn't, he was drunk when he said that, and it wasn't a confession of love or anything like that."

"Just because he was drunk doesn't mean he didn't tell you the truth, actually i find that the truth comes out clearer when alcohols involved" he said grabbing his milk and walking back to his room "oh, today we are having a lazy day just lounging around the hotel room and maybe going to the beach later" he says before heading into his room and shutting the door.

I stare after the closed door for a second "Ugh, my head" i hear from the side of me making me jump once again.

I look up to find Suho walking into the kitchen rubbing his eyes with his palms. I quickly realized that he was dressed in extremely tight pants without a shirt on, and a blush immediately took on my face forcing me to look down at the counter "morning" i say lightly.

he stops and looks up, blinking a couple times like he was surprised to hear my voice, a huge heartbreaking grin takes over his face "good morning"

>>>>>>

The whole day Suho and i decided to stay in our room, watching movies and eating junk food, since Suho really didn't feel up to doing much else. We had just finished laughing to the point where our sides hurt over the movie, when Suho finally says.

"I wish we didn't have to go back" he sighs deeply and grabs a handful of popcorn.

I run a hand through my hair "do you really?"

"I don't mean in the sense of hating what we do... i mean i love our lives, but the calm, no pressure, private world we have here... i don't want to leave it" he says pausing the movie "it feels like we don't have to walk on eggshells here, i mean Baekhyun and Chanyeol walked down the beach the other day hand and hand and no one paid them the slightest attention, i just wish they could have that all the time" he bites his lip sadly "i mean, i just want their love to be accepted, if not celebrated... I just want them to be happy"

"What makes you think they're not happy?" i ask raising an eyebrow "i mean, yeah it probably sucks not to be able to show affections in public, but watching the way D.O. and Kai look at one another and the same for Baekhyun and Chanyeol, they are happy Suho, they're happy because they have the person they love in their life and that is all they need"

Suho pulls his knees to his chest and looks me deep in the eyes "would you be..." but he stops and i hold my breath, but he just shakes his head "i guess your right, i just want them to have everything they want" then he grabs the remote and turns the movie back on, leaving me with questions about what he was going to say and a slight ache in my chest.

>>>>>

~Suho~

"Wow, so pretty" Tao says snapping another picture of a bright blue flower.

I smile "yes you are little panda" and loop my arm through his and he punches my shoulder lightly but blushes just the same. I continue to tease him by saying "Though I have no idea why I'm not mad at you for how you packed my bag, like seriously is there anything in there that isn't ridiculously tight, or fancy?"

Tao laughs "you always have to look good, you never know when you'll need to be runway ready"

I roll my eyes "well I do have to hand it to you, my ass does look pretty good in these shorts" I say pointing to my current outfit.

Lay comes on my other side but doesn't touch me, i smile at him and he smiles back but not to the degree he use to. I have to be honest, i miss the way Lay and i use to interact, we were so close, but everything was ruined the minute i stepped into that stupid shower.

We continued walking down the nature trail and admiring the views when Lay tripped over a large vine on the ground. I grabbed at him but it was to late, he hit the ground hard.

"Lay" i cried out and was by his side in a instant "are you ok, where are you hurt?"

The others were quick at my side asking the same questions but keeping their distance, letting me take care of the situation.

He hissed and sat back on his butt reveling a deep gash on his knee "bitch" he curses "that hurts"

Slinging my bag off my shoulder i reach inside for my medical kit and take out a bottle of water.

Pouring a little water on the wound to clean off the dirt, i notice Lay wince. "Sorry Lay, just a second, it'll feel better" i pat it down with a towel and put some antibiotic cream on it before place a gauze pad over the gash then tape it on so it will stay "this will hold till we can get back to the hotel and get it looked at"

He nods, then bites his lip "Suho, do you think you can help me?" Lay asks holding up his arm.

"I'll do you one better" i say crouching down in front of him, i can sense his hesitation "come on, you're our dancer, if you get hurt further by walking on it i would never forgive myself" and i knew he wouldn't refuse then.

Once he was securely attached on my back and his legs gripping my hips we began moving again. We continued down the rest of the trail because Lay refused to go back and ruin our last day. So we walked around, took pictures, and just enjoyed this perfect day. Also if i was perfectly honest having Lay this close felt really good, like we were finally falling back to how it use to be, to being best friends.

>>>>>

"Are you sure you're ok?" D.O. asks Lay that afternoon at lunch "maybe we should delay our flight tomorrow"

"No, no. I'm fine honestly, even the hotel doctor said it's nothing serious" he says waving his hands in front of his chest "just a slight sprang, and the cut didn't even need stitches... thanks to Suho's quick thinking i'll be fine" he turned to me smiling that dimple smile that i haven't seen in what felt like an eternity.

I grinned and looked down at the table "i just bandaged it, nothing special"

He placed a hand on mine "it was special to me"

The blush that spreads across my face couldn't be helped and i grabbed his hand, refusing to let go for the rest of the meal.

>>>>>

That night when we were packing our things for tomorrows early flight, i couldn't keep myself from letting a little sadness into my thoughts. Tomorrow we go back to Seoul, back to our lives, and back to being idols.

"What's with that face?" Lay asks folding a shirt and placing it in his bag.

"Just that tomorrow, the silence, and privacy stops" i state scratching the back of my neck.

He sighs "i know, i'm going to miss it here"

"Me to, maybe we can make this a tradition, to come back here every year together" i say with a smile.

Lay laughs still not looking at me "i think the guys would like that, i think they've enjoyed this time to just be themselves"

I nod "i know i have, i feel like i can really breath for the first time in a long time"

Lay's eyes finally find mine "you do seem different on this trip, more carefree, like you were finally able to relax" something flashes into his eyes and he hesitates briefly before a question pops out of his mouth in a hushed tone "will i lose you when we go back?"

I open my mouth to deny it, but for some reason i'm not able to "i don't know" i say deciding to tell him the truth.

Lay's lip trembles and I walk around the bed pulling him into my arms "please, don't cry Lay... i'll try my best not to pull away from you again, your my best friend, i need you just as much as you need me"

He nods into my chest but i feel a wetness seep into my T-shirt and sigh. I start moving circles across his back "i remember when you did this for me at the hospital, i was so worried, but you kept me calm... sometimes i wonder what i would do without you"

Lay began to tremble so i moved him over to the bed and laid us down, after a few minutes i felt lay's breathing even out and i knew he was asleep. Pulling up the blanket, i tucked it around us and Lay snuggled into my chest more while his hand grasped the back of my shirt tightly. I tightened my arms around him and felt the sweet beckoning of sleep pull me under.

>>>>>

"So wait, they ship Xiu and i together?" Chen asks as i read a fan-fiction aloud on the plane out of boredom.

I snorted "all the time" i say raising an eyebrow at him.

"But we're just friends" Chen says confused, and Xiumin gets a disappointed look on his face looking out the plane window.

"Not according to this, here listen 'Xiumin slid his hand down Chen's abs and into his pants, reaching his di...'"

"Yah, that's enough, i get the point" Chen says ripping my iPad out of my hands, but seemed like he continuing to read it.

We were still cracking up when the flight attendant comes around "we are going to be landing soon, do you boys need anything" she asks a little to sweetly and turning to Kai.

We all say no politely and as soon as she walks out of ear shot, Baekhyun smirks "but i know something she wants, a little piece of 'sex on a stick' over there by the name of Kai" he says and Kai blushes looking away.

D.O. looks up from his book and raises an eyebrow at Kai, who refuses to look at him. D.O. locks his jaw and grabs Kai's hand pulling him out of his seat, down the aisle, and into the bathroom.

Baekhyun smiles triumphantly "finally...honesty, it's hard work getting you guys laid" then he turns around in his seat and starts talking quietly with Chanyeol, clearly getting in as much lovey talk before we get to Seoul.

Lay yawns and lays his head on my shoulder, prompting me to run my hand through his hair, petting him. He sighs contently and snuggles closer to me prompting a chuckle to leave my lips.

>>>>>

"Ah, boys welcome back" one of the managers greeted us as we got off the plane.

I smiled "it's good to be back, i've missed Seoul"

He laughed and led us through the airport, into a large crowed. We started to make our way through the mass of people when i noticed Kai grab D.O.'s hand and pull him through a large group of people that he had gotten caught in.

I smiled at the act but quickly frowned when a manger pulled Kai away from D.O. and whispered something in his ear making Kai drop his eyes to the floor. My eyebrows knitted together, as i was nearly bitch slapped back into reality... this was our life, we have a certain image to uphold, and having another man as a lover wasn't a part of that.

>>>>>

~Lay~

The look on Suho's face didn't go unnoticed as he watched Kai being forced away from D.O.

When we all climbed into the van, Suho leaned forward and asked quietly "what did the manager tell you?"

Kai looked back and sighed "he said 'no PDA', which i should have known better, i guess i just got a little to comfortable on vacation" he laughed and quickly brushed his hand over D.O.'s cheek before the manager could notice.

Suho leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms, and that's when i knew i had lost him again... not even and hour back on Korean soil and the Suho i loved, was gone.

>>>>>

Chickens!!

AWWWW!!! sorry to end on a sad note, but it had to be done... you'll understand soon!

I hope you liked this chapter, i know it was kind of fast paced, but i made my point in doing so... or at lease i hope i did!! haha

oh gosh, i should really know better than to listen to Eyes, Nose, and Lips while writing a sad piece, seriously though, gets me every time!!

The next chapter is kind of hard to write, you'll understand when you read it, but somehow it just made sense for this to happen!!! i do warn you, that the feels might be overwhelming!!

Love you guys!!!

사랑해💕

~M~