Empty meaningless words sounded all around me, the only thing that actually made it into my head was Lay, all of the memories of us together flashed through my mind, one after the other. I cant lose him, not now, not when we we were so close. I wrapped my arms around my knees and started rocking back and forth 'i can lose him, now that i've decided not to live without him...please don't take him from me' i pleaded with a higher power, any higher power that will answer my call.

Suddenly a sharp pain ripped across my face interrupting my inner thoughts and i slammed back into reality, my face burning and my ear slightly ringing.

I stared wide eyed and open mouthed at Baekhyun who was crouched down in front of me gazing at me angrily "Suho?" he asked.

"D-did you just slap me?" i asked placing a hand lightly on my cheek.

Baekhyun breathed a sigh of relief before hardening his gaze "good i have your attention, now listen to me Suho, you have to pull yourself together. You're always talking about the importance of being a leader, and taking responsibility in stressful situations. Well now it's time to prove that to us, so put your big girl panties on and get your ass in gear"

I sucked in a breath, but knew he was right... sitting here on the floor falling to peices wasn't helping anyone, and Lay was still missing. "ok" i said starting to stand and Baekhyun caught my arm helping me up. "So did Kai say that Lay was deffinatly in the car with him during the accident?"

D.O. nods "yes, but we didnt get to talk to him long before the nurse ushered us out of the room"

I sigh "ok, let's go talk to Kai, and then we can go from there"

D.O. bites his lip before answering to the floor "the nurse said we can't till she's done with Kai"

My jaw locks and a low growl comes from my throat which surprised even me "we'll see about that" i opened the door, throwing it to the side, and rushed to Kai. "are you alright?" i asked.

"Suho" Kai smiles then winces "Yeah i'm fine, just some bruises and cuts"

"Ugh, how many times do i have to kick people out of this room?" a nurse asks comming back into the room.

I turn and lift an eyebrow "well then maybe a simple fix would be to stop forcing us to leave"

the nurses eye bulged and she opened her mouth like she was about to protest but i held up a hand to stop her.

"Miss, i'm not trying to be rude, but this man is one of my best friends, he's like a brother to me, and if you need to take care of his wounds then fine, i'll stay out of your way, but there is no way in hell i'm leaving his side." I deadpan.

The nurse opened her mouth again to say something, but once again stayed silent and just nods, continuing her work on Kai.

"Now Kai, where's Lay?" i ask pointing my attention at to the bruised and cut up boy in front of me who was staring at me with shock and awe.

"I dont know, he was here just minutes before you guys got here, after he was asked to leave the room i have no idea where he went" Kai said looking concerened "i told him he should get checked out, but he refused... he seemed more concerned about me than himself"

I smile lightly relived that Lay was alive and safe "well that's just Lay, but was he ok? did he have any cuts or bruises?"

"Not really, though he did black out after we got hit, the car hit his side, so i'm sure he hit his head... but he was up walking and talking by the time the ambulance got there so they didn't make him get checked up by the doctor" Kai bit his lip and looked down at the ground "i'm really sorry Suho, i didnt see the ice... i should have been paying more attention..."

I smile sympathetically and walk over to Kai placing a hand on his shoulder "it's ok, it could have happened to anyone, don't beat yourself up over this... no one's seriously injured... at least not that we know of"

Kai looks down at his feet "if you find him, will you make him get checked out?"

I laugh "of course, he won't leave this damn place until every inch of him is checked thoroughly"

He laughs and is about to say something when rushed voices and the pounding of shoes on the floor bring our attention away from our conversation.

"What happened?" a woman asks.

"He passed out in the cafeteria, and a nurse recognized him as one of the kids in that car accident from earlier, he could have some head trauma, order a CT while we check his vitals" a man's voice says loudly.

I peek my head out of the small room Kai was in, to see what was going on.

All of the blood drains from my body and my bones freeze to ice. Lay is being wheeled down the small corridor into a small room like Kai's with tubes and and an oxygen mask attached to him. He look's a deathly white color, and isn't moving in the slightest.

"Lay" i scream and attempt to run to him but a hand holds me back.

I turn to find Kai looking over my shoulder, he had seen him to. "Don't... just stay out of their way for right now... Plus... you'll make it to obvious if you go running in there like a panicked boyfriend"

My lip trembles as i look back at the scene in front of me, watching through the open door. Kai doesn't say anything else, just wraps and arm around my chest and places his head on my shoulder. I can't lie, in that moment i was really thankful for the comfort.

>>>>>

What felt like hours later of waiting, the doctor finally came through the doors into the waiting room. Kai had been released soon after Lay had been brought in and we had been told to wait outside till they knew exactly what was going on with Lay.

"I'm looking for Zhang Yixing's guardian" he asks in a loud voice.

I get up stumbing slightly in an effort to get to him quickly, "me, i-i'm here"

The doctor smiles "i remember you, how many people are you actually responsible for?"

I laugh despite the situation "you'd be surprised at the answer to that question... now how is he?"

The doctocr grins "your friend is fine, he's got a bad concussuion, which should really have been taken care of the minute he got here. The fact that he was up walking aroud and talking is a miracle in itself"

I sigh deeply in relief "is he going to be ok?" i ask.

The doctor nods "yes, he will be just fine with proper precautions... he needs to stay hydrated, get a great deal of rest, and he shouldn't be in any type stressful situations, but besides that he should be back to normal in a week or so"

Another relieved sigh leaves me and i shake the doctors hand "can i see him?"

He nods and gestures for me to follow him, leading me back into the hallway.
I passed the doctor as soon as the door to Lay's room was in sight earning a chuckle from the man in the white coat.

When I reached the door, I hesitated because of what I might see on the other side. Taking a huge breath, I slid the door open and step inside holding my breath and praying that Lay was alright.

Lay was laying on the bed, still pale and fragile looking, but thankfully better. An IV was stuck in his arm and a heart monitor tracker was stuck to his finger.
Also to my surprise he was awake.

"Suho" he croaked "you're here"

I couldn't help but laugh at his sudden brightening up by seeing me "of course I'm here, I wouldn't be anywhere else... how are you feeling?" I asked moving over toward the bed.

He smiled that dimpled smile of his "better now that you're here"

I couldn't help the grin that speads across my face at his comment "yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you about that, I realized..." but I stop talking when he makes a pained face and shuts his eyes tightly "are you ok? what hurts?" I ask my hands frantically moving over his body not really touching anywhere.

"My head, it's killing me" Lay says placing his fingers on his temples.

"It'll do that for the next couple of days, you'll have headaches ranging from slight discomfort to full on migraines" the doctor said from the doorway startling Lay and me. "I can give you something for the pain, but it's best to stay away from stressful situations so it doesn't get worse" he said the last part looking directly at me.

I stared down at the ground, he was right... Lay needed to rest right now, and the focus needed to be on him, not on us. I can wait for another week or so, I've been waiting for him my whole life, another week won't kill me... right?

>>>>>

"Here sit down, and I'll go make us some hot chocolate... if that's what you want?" We had finally gotten Lay discharged and home, luckily he seems to be doing better.

"With marshmallows?" Lay asks grinning like a child.

I giggle at his innocence "of course, how else would you drink hot chocolate"

"I'll help you" D.O. says popping up from the couch and allowing the others to surround Lay.

As I pulled out a couple mugs from the cabinet and D.O. put the kettle on the stove, my gaze continued to flicker back to Lay.

"He's not going to explode" D.O. chuckled at my behavior.

I blushed "I know, I just..."

"Can't help but find your every thought focused on him?" D.O. finished for me.

I nod "I just want to make sure he's ok, I think he's in more pain than he's willing to admit"

D.O. sighs "do me a favor, and don't tell Kai that"

My gaze snaps to him "why?"

"He already blames himself for the accident and for what happened with Lay... I'm not sure how he would take it to know that Lay is in a lot of pain" D.O. took the whistling kettle off the burner and began filling the mugs.

"Don't worry... if I have anything to do with it Lay won't be in much pain anyways" I say and set my hand on his shoulder.

D.O. surprises me by spinning around and pulling me into a bone crushing hug. I stagger back a little when I feel a wetness on my t-shirt.

I pull back slightly "D.O. are you ok?" I ask concerned.

"It's just that you're the only one who understands, I had to be strong for Kai and the others, but I was so scared I was going to lose him" I feel his upperbody Shake in a silent sob and I wrap my arms tightly around the small boy.

"It's ok, I know what you mean... it's like if you had lost him, you would have also lost yourself... it's the most helpless feeling in the world..." I say shutting my eyes tightly at the memory.

D.O. nods into my chest "I thought my heart was going to rip itself from my chest when I got that call"

"But their both safe now, and they are here with us... where they belong" I say patting his back lightly. " And honestly I don't know how you held up the way you did" I pulled back and wiped the tears out of his eyes "you're so strong D.O. and I'm so proud of you"

D.O. Smiled and sniffled slightly "thank you for being here for us... even if you did check out there for a couple of seconds, you always take such good care of all of us"

I brought him back in for one more hug and pulled back "come on, let's go give the children their coco" he laughed but followed me wordlessly.

"Here you go, it's a little hot so let it cool" I say handing a mug to Lay.

He grins and accepts the mug but then frowns and twitches an eyebrow "what's on your shirt?" He asks pointing to a small wet spot.

"Oh" I say pulling back and laughing nervously "I just spilled some water on myself"

"Oh, are you ok? Was it hot water" Lay ask his free hand flying to my shirt.

"Lay" I say strictly "don't worry about me, worry about yourself... I'm fine"

Lay turns slightly red but doesn't fight me on it, clearly knowing I would just win anyways.

>>>>>

"Suho, what are you doing?" Lay ask that night as I slide onto D.O.'s bed.

"I traded rooms with Baekhyun, who traded with D.O. so o can stay in here until you feel better" I say pulling the blanket up.

"And why do you think I need to be babysat?" He asks seriously but I can hear humor in his voice.

"Do you not want me in here? Am I making you uncomfortable? Do you feel stressed?" I ask sitting up "I can take the couch in the living room if you want me to"

"No no, it's fine... I was just wondering why you're being so attentive" Lay avoided my gaze and stared at something on the wall that must have been really interesting.

"Because your my best friend and love y... to take care of you" I say finding my own interesting object when Lay's eyes snap to mine.

Lay sighs, but doesn't protest anymore finally snuggling under the covers and closing his eyes.

>>>>>

I awake to a small sound and don't really understand what I'm hearing in my sleepy haze, until a small whimper pulls me into full alertness.

I jump off the bed and am across the room in two bounds. "Lay, are you ok?" I ask placing a hand on his arm.

"My head hurts" Lay whines rolling circles over his temples with his fingers, slightly trembling.

I nod and rush out of the room grabbing his pills and a bottle of water. "here take this" I say after I got back in the room in record time.

Lay sits up slightly and downs the pill "Suho will you stay with me till it stops" he says a whimper leaving his lips again and I wince at the sound beginning to hate it.

"Of course, come here" I pull him into my arms and begin running circles across his back, while I lay us down on the bed.

After a while Lay falls asleep and I pull him close snuggling into him enjoying the contact, soon falling asleep myself.

>>>>>

It had been four days since Lay came back home and he was starting to improve immensely. In the beginning I would help him with everything, even down to dressing and feeding him despite his complaints. I would continuously get the "Suho, I have a concussion, I didn't lose my arms" but in the end his complaints wouldn't stop me.

Lay slept a lot throughout the day at first and I was always by his side, he didn't even question when he would wake up and find me in his bed anymore, in fact I caught him snuggling closer to me a couple times.

We were getting closer, if that was even possible. On nights that Lay couldn't sleep because his head hurt, I would rub his back and sing soothing songs to him or just hold him in my arms and talk about my family and childhood or things that are happening with the guys till the pain stopped or he fell asleep.

Eventually Lay got better and stopped sleeping all day, which I was so elated about but also I missed having him all to myself, but at night I would still slip into his bed and hold him close.

My composure was beginning to crack though, at times I would have to stop myself from leaning in to kiss him, and from touching his cheek or thigh when we were sitting together. I knew the time to tell him was coming soon, but I didn't want to push it, so I kept quiet and held onto the little willpower I could.

"How are you feeling today?" Xiumin asks at breakfast.

Lay smiles "I'm feeling really good today, I was actually wondering if I could go to practice with you guys today" he says looking at me.

I open my mouth "I don't know Lay, I still think we should wait for the doctor to approve it first and your follow up isn't until Friday"

"I know, I wasn't saying that I would dance, I just want to be there... and I know you've been missing practices too" he said rolling his eyes at me.

I sigh "fine, but you sit in the back, just observing and if you feel any type of pain you tell me right away"

Lay bounced up and down in his seat with a childlike grin on his face "deal"

I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm and I shook my head, wanting desperately to lean over and kiss him in that moment.

>>>>>

I gasp for air and bent over supporting myself on my knees "I think I'm out of shape" I say grabbing my chest.

Kai laughs at me "to be honest you're dancing is really no different"

My head snaps up "yah, I'm not that bad"

"Shh, the dancing king has spoken... Suho you're awful... just accept it" Baekhyun says putting a hand on his hip.

I roll my eyes and go to the back of the room sitting beside Lay "I hate you guys" I turn to look at Lay "how are you doing? Is it driving you crazy that you can't dance yet?"

He laughs "you really do know me better than anyone... but I'm good, just a being here makes me feel like we're getting back to normal"

I nod "it's nice having you here to" I say and squeeze his knee.

Lay's eyes find mine and I see something flicker in them that catches me off guard. I find myself slightly leaning in but snap out of it when Kai calls my name.

"Yeah" I say looking away and swallowing hard.

"Come on let's get back at it, you need it more than anyone"

I sigh but do as I'm told getting back in my place, but I swear the rest of dance practice Lay's eyes follow my every movement.

>>>>>

I open the door to Lay's room and shut it with my foot, never looking up from my phone.

"Suho" I hear behind me making me jump and spin around startled.

Lay is sitting on his bed, staring at me with his hands in his lap, like he has been waiting for me.

"Jesus Lay, you scared me half to death" I say chuckling.

He smiles but it doesn't touch his eyes "Suho, what's going on?" He asks suddenly.

"W-what do you mean" I stutter, confused.

"I mean with you, or more like between you and me" he says standing.

My eyes widen "uh...umm... I don't know what you mean... I've just been taking care of you... you know like best friends do"

"Suho, best friends don't hold each other close at night when they sleep, best friends don't touch each other as tenderly as you touch me, and best friends don't look at each other with the fire you did today at practice today... so again I ask, what's going on" he says taking a few steps toward me.

My heart accelerates and my breath becomes more labored "Lay, don't" I whisper.

Lay stops moving and cocks his head to the side gazing at me for a few seconds before huffing out an annoyed breath "I really don't understand you Suho, one minute you're burning hot but the next you're ice cold... just make up your mind on what you want" he says slightly raising his voice and turns around throwing open the door and storming out.

Without a second thought I ran after him, he had reached the living room by the time I caught up with him, grabbing his wrist and spinning him around quickly to face me.

"Lay... i... let me explain" I say trying to tell him my side without stressing him.

We had attracted the attention of the house and everyone was now completely focused on us.

"What Suho? Just tell me... I'm a big boy, I can take it... I've been hurt once by you, I can deal with it again" Lay said beginning to get angry.

I sigh heavily "that's not it Lay... I just..." I groaned looking around to find Kai, D.O., Tao, and Chen staring at us from the couch, while Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Xiumin peeked out from the kitchen, leaving Sehun stopped dead in the hallway.

"Just spit it out Suho" Lay said not paying our audience a bit of attention.

"I-i...." I breathed out harshly "oh fuck it" then I crashed my lips into Lays.

My lovely Chickens!!!

Sorry if my update came a little later than usual, lol Christmas decorations got me like "ugh" but all is well!! :)

I hope you liked this chappie, how adorable is attentive Suho, i would love to have him as a best friend!! strictly platonic though... my heart belongs to Xiumin and always will!!!😘

How did you like that kiss cliffhanger?? i know i loved it, haha actually it was planned since the beginning, i think the "Fuck it" scene as my Umma and i call it was one of the first scenes planned and it came out beautifully if you don't mind me bragging!!

On a sad note, i tell you that our journey is almost coming to an end soon, there will only be two chapters more before our story is concluded... sad, i know, but honestly this has been one of the most amazing experiences i have ever had, all of you guys showing support and love for my story... it truly touches me in ways i don't even know how to express... except maybe with song, but you all wouldn't want that! Trust me!!

Anyhoo, as always i love you guys!!

사랑해 💕

~M~