"I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them."
— Oscar Wilde

My eyes popped out, and I was speechless. What the hell was happening? I tried so hard not to say anything that'll lead in any kind of awkwardness but I think that boat has already sailed when he told me he was in love with me. I gulped.

This is getting so overwhelming.
The one I was crushing so hard.
Luke.
Is in love with me?!
This is horrendous!
Why? I don't know.

Luke, in love, with me.
I tried to process it all over again.

Luke is in love with me.
Those words sinked into me. I should be swooned, but now, it's like I was out of some spell. Some fog lifted out of my mind.

The prospect of Luke in love with me, made me, not like-like him anymore. Made me not to be attractive to him anymore.

This isn't horrendous, this is prosperous! I should celebrate! No more overwhelming feelings! I started to grin like a madwoman.

But then my grin broke off when he vigorously laughed out loud. I got confused. His laughter wasn't like hysterical laughter, but it still blew me off.

"Oh my God! I'm sorry," he said yet muffled with his laughter.

"I'm sorry, you see," he started to say when he was finally done laughing.

"Ron dared me to say "I think I'm in love with you" to you," he said.

And those words crushed me. He continued to talk but I was far away.

"I don't know what got to him to dare me to say that to you. He's acting really weird.

Anyway, like I was saying I want to hangout with you tomorrow. Maybe you're still new at having another friend, you should know that friends hangout with each other, with or without reason." He said in an odd manner.

Yet, I can imagine him smile with his eyes determined to what he was saying.

That smile that curls in the right side first, and then the left will follow. Those intense violet-grey eyes, that makes me want to melt.

I sighed sadly. "Sure, we could hangout." I said in a tight voice.

I feel like I want to cry, right now. But I can't, I don't want Luke to hear my pathetic sobbing.

Hearing that he wasn't really in love with me, that really crushed me. I am so weird. The moment he said those three words, it was like I found the off switch, but now that he didn't mean those three words, the switch went back on and got lost. And now I feel so pathetic and devastated. I felt tears running down my face.

"Okay, great." The moment he said those, I was trying so hard not to weep but one escaped.

"Gwen?"

Muffled with a hiccup I muttered, "yeah?"

"Are you okay?" He asked, it was evident that he was concerned.

"Y-yeah. To-totally fine. Look, I ha-have to go-o." I said and hung up quickly.

I didn't bother cover my mouth anymore, I let myself cry over the fact that Luke doesn't like me the way I like him.

❤️❤️❤️

"When you press me to your heart, I'm in a world apart, a world where roses bloom..." I joined singing Edith Pufi, while tears were slowly getting out of my tear duct. I was laying on my back on the bed, with a hairbrush on my hand, using it as a mic.

"And when you speak, angels, sing from above, everyday words seem to turn into love songs..."

I should stop torturing myself with listening to love songs. I've only been listening for the last twelve minutes, a minute after I hung up Luke. I should really stop, yet I still sang along,

"Give your heart and soul to me, and life will always be, la vie en rose..."

La vie en rose; the song's title can be translated as "Life in Rosy Hues" or "Life Through Rose-Tinted Glasses"; its literal meaning is "Life in Pink".

It's kind of ironic that I'm listening to this song since I'm not really feeling pinky tonight.

I sighed grimly and played another song, Close To You by the Carpenters. I started singing along again.

When I was singing the part, "That is why all the girls in town, follow you all around. Just like me, they long to be close to—," it abruptly stopped and my phone ringing all crazy, buzzing that someone was calling.

I ignored it first thinking it was Luke calling again since he tried to call me back thrice after I hung him up. But the second time it rang, I took a glance at my phone and saw that it was Esme calling.

I answered it. "Yes?"

"Gwen? Are you alright?" She sounded worried. I wonder how she knew what my current state was.

"I think so..." I said halfheartedly. "But I think I'm also dead." I admitted truthfully.

"Do you want anything?" She asked. I was glad that she didn't ask me why I was dead. Not literally dead, but I think being dead is the same feeling I'm feeling.

"Not really," I told her. "Esme, could we talk in the morning, I really should go to sleep."

"Of course." She said there was a pause. "Gwen, you ought to know that I'm here for you, okay?"

"I know, Esme." I said and closed my eyes.

I sniffed my nose and rubbed my eyes. Thinking of the only thing that will make me disappear, I reached for the book I was currently reading and read.

I guess I'll always be good at escaping.

❤️❤️❤️

"Gwen!" Thump.

Thump. "Gwen!" Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

What in gods name is that wretched noise?! I opened my eyes and heard a loud tick over my window.

"Gwen!" Someone hissed. It made me quickly reach for my blanket and cover myself and my head.

Edward, is that you? I humorously thought.

I heard the sound again. I peeked over my blanket and looked at my window. I couldn't see anything clear without my eyeglasses, but I was positive that there was no one inside my room.

I quietly sneaked my hand out of the blanket and over my head drawer to get my eyeglasses. While doing that, my senses became more high alert.

The thumping sound still went on while I gathered my courage to go near it. There's this side of me, telling me to run and wake my father up, so that he'll check it out. I've watched a lot of horror movies and the main character never does the rational thing to do. Yet, another part of me reminds me that I'm not in a horror movie. Maybe a bird is just thumping its beak on my window glass.

When I finally had the strength to check it out, I first took a glimpse at my phone and see the time. It was two in the morning. I slowly walked heading over the window, each step was light and soft yet every step I took sounded like an elephant's foot walking.

It was dead quiet other than the sound coning from my window.

I reached my window but I leaned on the wall; the left side of the window first before thoroughly peeking. Letting only half of my face shown on the window.

Thump.

I looked over the below the right pane of my window where the sound came from. With another thump, I finally distinguished what was making the sound. It was a continuous pebble hitting my window pane.

I didn't feel safe after knowing. Who the hell would throw pebbles at my window at two in the morning? It's not possible that I became Snow White or Cinderella, calling birds out there.

I had two choices, run to dad or to check it out myself.

Though, bravery and curiosity took over me to look outside. I was surprised what to see outside of my house, who was apparently throwing pebbles at my window.

A/N:
Con of writing this book: I WANT TO fast forward the time of this book so I could write about the new released adaptation film 'Me Before You' (I'm kinda outdated right now) but I cannot. I want Gwen to finish the books she's currently reading so that I could add more amazing books but I cannot since every chapter takes long. Like a day in Gwen's world, sometimes it takes me two or three chapters long to finish.
Pro: I don't really mind making one day into three chaps or less, I like that I could write what she does every hour.

ANYWAY, what I want to say is first:
1) I KNOW. I'm not really sorry for doing that. 😈😈 COMMENT YOUR THOUGHTS!!! (did you expect that or not? 😂 who do you think is outside?)
2) ASDFGHJKL;, I just finished reading Me Before You (haven't watched the film yet, I know, I suck) and all I want to say is: MY FEELS!!!!

I RECOMMEND YOU READING ME BEFORE YOU.
Here's a quote for you...

3) I'm still encouraging you to read Outlander by Diana Gabaldon or even watch the tv series: Outlander. I CANNOT BELIEVE THE SEASON FINALE is on next week 😭😭
4) Lastly, this is my update for this coming week/Monday. I still haven't written the next chapter (what I already wrote is what is happening in Monday/Tuesday) that's why I don't have anything for you other than this.

THANK YOU FOR READING and HELLO TO NEW READERS, I hope you still enjoy where this is going because only half of my plan of this book was written, there are still much to show. See you in the next update and I apologize for the long N/A.

❤️XxM

(FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER FOR SNEAK PEAKS (YESS!), COMICS, OR UPDATES!!! @1tugging_my_ear)