"You're like a grey sky. You're beautiful, even though you don't want to be."
— Jasmine Warga, My Heart and Other Black Holes

I've decided that it's official, I hate children.
Babies.
Kids.
Those little humans.
I now hate them. I don't tolerate them anymore. I despise them. I loathe them. All those disliking adjectives.
Those disgusting little homunculuses, or homunculi?

"I swear that I would never say this but, oh my God, Mary. Look at Fiona, she just," he made a fist and pointed it at his mouth, "and, woah, I admire you kid." I looked at them and rolled my eyes.

Why do I hate them so much? Well let's rewind.

Charlotte was, actually still is, really stupid for volunteering to babysit our little cousins in the weekend. Those little cousins came from my mom's side, her younger sister, Auntie Julie. My parents and the little devils' parents are going to have a little vacation from their children. My dad suggested to Aunt Julie, Lily, our childhood babysitter but Charlotte volunteered to babysit them.
In our house.
Overnight.
In two days.
And two nights.
Dam her.

It's been two weeks since the incident. Those two weeks were kind of a blur. Today is Friday and despite the horror that my little cousins were coming this morning, things are really going well between Luke and I. We talk in between classes, and we text each other.

The other day, we leveled up into calling each other. Is this really what friends do? I can't remember the stage when Esme and I were like this. Because of this sudden change in my life, I was behind my reading goal. Therefore I compromised to myself to read three chapters a night before talking to Luke. I'm still way behind my schedule but at least I'm reading.

I was eating breakfast with my dad calmly while my mom was running around the house frantically.

"Have you seen my charger, hun?" yelled my mom from upstairs.

I sipped my coffee and glanced at my mom's charger sitting on the table. "Ma, it's here!"

"Where?"

"Here on the table, of course," I said impatiently.

"Help her, you know she'll just yell at us where the other stuffs are," muttered my dad.

"But Charlotte helps mom pack things, not me."

"Is Charlotte here?"

"No," I sighed and rolled my eyes. Now that she's gone, I'm the Charlotte now. Darn it. I stood up, drank my coffee in one shot and went to mom.

"Do you any help?" I asked when I was hovering beside my mom. She was shoving in more clothes in her suitcase.

"You do know that you'll only be gone in the weekend, right?"

"Yes, but Gwen, you do know that your father is just sitting calmly and... Well, he's your father," she reasoned. Okay, point taken.

"Just baby-proof the living room please, if you still have time." I looked at my wrist watch to check and I still do have some time.

I left my mom to "baby-proof" the living room even though I have no idea what she meant by that. I removed all things made out of glass and shoved them in the closet room, under the staircase. I smiled when I entered the room, the memories of my childhood in this room replayed in my head.

I was pretending to be Harry Potter and had to live under the cupboards because my parents were evil and so was my sister. My mom was worried about my mental health, good thing my dad told her it was fine and this was just my way of having fun. I lived in this small closet room for almost a whole school year.

When I was done baby-proofing the living room, my dad was already in the car with Aunt Julie waiting for mom. When my mon was ready to go she told me that Uncle Stephen, and my little cousins, Fiona, Mike and Sam will stay here until after school. The three of them will first go to the hotel they will stay in and wait for Uncle Stephen. She kissed me goodbye and left me with a list of Dos and Don'ts.

I frowned when the first act of don't is:

1. Don't be RUDE.

"Gwen, where's the bathroom again?" Uncle Steph asked, he was holding baby Sammy.

"Back, in your right." I pointed.

"Thanks, wanna hold Sam?"
Ooh, that's big no-no for me.

"I think he wants to sleep in his crib," I suggested.

I didn't notice I was holding my breath when Uncle Steph settled Sam inside his crib. He gave me a sympathetic smile and went to the bathroom.

I looked at my wrist watch to check the time. I had time to spare but I don't want to spend it here with the baby. Babies and Me don't really go well. I went to the kitchen to get my back but then my other two cousins, Fiona and Mike attacked me with a hug. I stiffened.

"Hey, Mikey, hey Fi," I greeted uncomfortably.

Mike is eleven years old, making him the eldest of them all. Fiona is nine years old, and Sammy is only a year old.

When they let me go I observed their looks. Mike grew taller and so did Fiona, the last time I saw them was months ago, on Sam's birthday. Mike's sandy blonde curly hair was a little long and Fiona's same color with his brother's hair was cut in pixie.

"You guys are taller now, and look at your hair," I smiled widely. Both of them blushed. Some people would think they're twins.

"You too, Wen!" said Fiona. She still has a little trouble pronouncing my name.

We walked together in the kitchen. They sat on the stools as I check my bag.
"So Mike, have you gotten your letter yet?" I teased him. As their cousin, I made sure they read in such young age.

He pouted, "not getting it anymore, mummy said it's already pass September. That means I might not be a wi—"

"I will get mine, Wenny! I'm not yet eleven so it's possible I'm a witch! I just wish dad and mum will agree about getting me an owl this early though," Fiona interrupted Mike.

"Fi, what did I say about interrupting someone?" Uncle Steph's voice boomed behind us.

"That it was wude. I'm sorry, Mikey."
Mike glanced at Fiona and back at me.

"I might not be a wizard but I might be a Jedi like daddy!" Mike continued excitedly.

"Just don't let yourself fall into the dark side, Mike, I sense much fear in you and we both know that, fear is the path to the dark side,"

Mike concurrently speak the quote with me, "fear leads to anger. Angers leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

"Yes, Jedi Master Gwendolyn."
I smiled proudly at him.

"Anyway," I strapped my bag to my shoulder, "I gotta go now, see you later." I said my goodbyes.

❄️📖❄️💖❄️

The moment I got to school, I told Luke about my situation.

"Base from what I'm hearing, you seem to be a natural with children already, Gwen."

I rolled my eyes. I only pretended to be comfortable around other people because I needed to be or else I'll get into trouble.
"Yeah... No."

We walked together, side by side, whenever his hand touch a part of my skin, I got this tingle in my skin therefore I crossed my arms quickly, avoiding skin contact. Luke noticed my sudden move so I spoke loudly than I did.

"And when Uncle Stephen asked me to hold Sammy, I just freaked out and asked him to put him on his crib. What kind of cousin or even person does that?"

"Slow down Sport, let's see why you did that."

"Okay, why?" I asked him.

"I don't know, only you know the answer."

I stared at him unbelievably.
"Did you just say that? By the Angel! What have you done to Luke?!"

"It's still me in here," he chuckled.
"Anyway, back to you, why didn't you want to hold Sam?"

"I don't know... Perhaps I was afraid I might let him fall?" I shrugged.

"Think deeper Cohen, why didn't you want to hold Sam or be with children or be with people? Why did you had this need to pretend not to be you?"
I didn't notice that we stopped walking and he was looking directly into my eyes. I looked around, avoiding eye contact, because my heart was beating so fast. Why was I nervous? It's only Luke. But why does he have this kind of effect on me.

"Come on, kiddo. Why, Gwen?" he begged.
He rarely use my name, even in texts. He always calls me in nicknames, usually Sport or Kiddo that makes no sense, or my surname. When he said my name, something inside me turned on.

"Might be because I'm afraid of what they'll think of me. The real me. My family, except from my parents and Charlotte of course, thinks I'm this snob... confident... cold, biscuit when I was younger because I always read books, like all the time. They get this feeling like... like I feel this almighty because I was ignoring them. The truth was, or still is, that I'm reading to escape them. To escape reality. There are too much negativity in this world. Too much judgement and I don't wanna hear them so I go pretend to be someone else."

I never realized that I felt this way until I said it out loud. I can't believe I just shared this to Luke. We were staring each other intensely.

There was a loose hair strand and Luke tugged it in my ear. He smiled at me.
"I once read that a ship—"

I shook my head, unclear about how the ship connects.
"What does a ship connect in what we're talking about?"

"Just listen you smartass," he chuckled.
"An entire sea of water can't sink a ship unless it gets inside right? It's the same with negativity, the negativity of all the world can't put you down unless you allow it to get inside you."

"Yes, but if you don't steer the correct course you may hit the rocks and before you can turn things around negativity engulfs you and you sink." I pointed out.

"GOD, GWEN!" he moaned, and all my toes below were tingling. "You're so pessimistic."

"I'm just being realistic." I snorted.

"No Gwen,"
There it is again, my toes got all tingly when he said my name.
"Two weeks ago, I met this awesome girl. Because of this girl, I learned that you really shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. Because of this girl, I learned to appreciate books. Because of this girl, I learned not to hide myself from people,"

"Looks like this girl infected you of some of her sickness."
Luke held my hands when I looked down my shoes, he urged me to look at him.

"No, she didn't. She shared me her uniqueness. That girl is you Gwen. No matter how bad you see yourself, you gotta believe me that you are one amazing, unique girl." He stopped for a second to inhale. He was standing so close to me, never breaking eye contact. "You're the kind of girl people read books about," he spoke in an astonishing manner. Ladies and Gent, I present to you, the best compliment a girl could ever get.

"So what if people think you're weird? Only care the words from the people you care about. I'm glad I met you. You should know that." How did this conversation went from baby holding into this? I was so dumbfounded at the words he used. Words that he used to describe me.

We were staring mesmerized into each others' eyes, inching forward ever so slowly, less than a millimeter away from lip-to-lip contact. I could feel that he wanted to kiss me. I wanted to kiss him too. He just needed to push his head a little closer to mine then it'll happen and from that, every move will come naturally. Or that's what I know from books I've read and movies and shows I've watched. It's just him and me. Nothing else. 
The moment he finally got the courage to evade me, the school bell rung. I'm seriously hating that bell. It always interrupts moments like this.

Instead of backing off me, Luke rested his forehead on mine. My common sense got back and all thoughts were clear. I shouldn't hate the bell, I should be thankful. I mean, if it hadn't been for the bell, we could have actually kissed... and things might fall apart with Luke and I don't want to lose my friend. I don't want to lose him. In conclusion, the bell was life saver.

A/N: Chapter name finally makes sense, right? This is actually my longest chapter ever. This chapter contains 2124 words!

By the way, you pronounce the nickname, Mikey as My-kie not Me-key.

My lovely readers, thank you for always waiting there and not leaving me and thank you for the votes and comment, they are really appreciated. I hope you guys are still enjoying where this story is going and you'll stick with me until the end.

If you're still reading beyond this point, you should check out my "Cover Requests" because you might want covers made by me.

As always, I would love to read your thoughts about this chapter, comment it below! This chapter is not edited, I apologize for the grammatical or punctuation errors.

❤️M