I sat stiffly, as usual not able to contribute in whatever discussion they where having. Fortunately the lecture started, giving me an excuse to not talk with them.

Well Shanaya and Maitri still gossiped in low voice but Jiya quietly concentrated on the lecture, making me sigh in relief as there was no need for me to talk now.

I don't think I gave Rudra much credit but now I know how much he helped when we all sat together. He took all the attention away from me and now that he wasn't here, I wasn't even able to breathe comfortably. But this can't go on, I can't depend on him so much.

Making a resolution about handling everything myself is easy but actually doing is not only hard but also impossible in my case seeing I freeze every single time.

The lecture got finished and we all stood up, bidding bye to each other as we didn't share the next lecture.

"Sia,wait", Jiya called me out when I just stepped out of the class.

I turned towards her and waited for her to tell me the reason behind calling me.

"Do you have few minutes to spare? I need to talk about something", she asked.

"Yea...yeah. I have 10 minutes before the next lecture starts", I informed her, scared of what's going to happen as she looked quite serious.

We moved to a quiet corner so that we don't disturb the other students who where walking, by standing there in the middle.

"Listen Sia, I saw how uncomfortable you were while sitting with us. Are you with us by your own will or did someone forced you to become our friend?", she asked looking frustrated.

I don't think, there was anything more scary than seeing the ever so calm Jiya in such a disheveled state.

"No....no you are misunderstanding. I...", I wasn't even sure how to explain.

Her face turned soft when she saw me panicking.

"Hey hey! Don't panic. I am not angry, it's just that you don't really seem comfortable being with us. I don't want you to force yourself for anything.

If you need some time to get comfortable, then just say the word. We would make sure not to trouble you. Or if this is your personality then that's fine as well. You have already seen that we three have different personalities with nothing common and we don't mind adding a fourth personality in our group", she said the last line with a small laugh.

I didn't even know what to say. They are just so accepting. I would have loved to get involved if all my insecurities didn't keep ruining everything.

"Being said that no one will mind if being dead silent and being lost in your own thoughts is your actual personality but I have a feeling that is not the case here.

We are not asking you to inform us about your deep and darkest secrets, we just want you to enjoy yourself. And if we are not able to bring that joy and comfort then I don't think you should waste your time with us.

I am not saying to break our friendship, it will always remain but you should be with someone who can bring out the real you. With whom, you never feel the need to act or fake your smile. With whom, you can be yourself."

I know what she said was true but that wasn't possible. Not with my secret on the line.

"So I guess this is goodbye", I said in a low voice, my eyes on the ground.

"What? Of course not. This was not what I meant. Shit! You misunderstood my words. I am so sorry, please don't feel hurt. No one is kicking you out of the group", she spoke with guilt clear in her eyes.

"Sia, I swear, this wasn't my intention. I consider you my friend so I didn't want you to feel pressured by being around us. All of us want you to be happy, with or without us. You are getting what I am trying to say, right?", she asked hopefully.

She sighed in relief when I nodded. We parted our ways after she apologized few more times and gave me the assurance that I was still very much welcomed in their little family.