so, hello, people

i don't know who's my friend or who's just here because oh look abdullah's being a drama queen again because he's really sick! i wonder how many people get sick everyday? he should just suck it up and go shut up

well, fuck that

i'll get on with the tag that @seraphicity  tagged me in.

1. I'm the youngest in my family to go through puberty and develop a deep voice.

2. The first time I got an injury was when i was 6, and i sprained my knee became i jumped from the double camp bed thing in my brother and sister's room.

3. My brother and I have birthmarks on our butt.

4. The first car I drove was an old Corolla, and I was 9.

5. I'm shit at writing, but I like to believe I'm okay.

6. I have an unhealthy obsession with cars. (don't even get me started)

7. I'm terrified of girls.

8. I've been reported on PSN a record 29 times. (I counted, for my brother it's 20)

9. i need friends. i don't have many. but my cats will suffice for now.

10. I'm a very antisocial and shy person. i don't speak that much, especially to people i don't know. i like to sit alone or with my few friends and read, or just sleep.

11. I've dreamed of Satan as a person and going to Hell.

12. I have a very depressing chain of thought and my natural mood is depressed.

13. I once wrote an 500+ word essay on how cats deserve to be treated like humans because they're loyal and are warm. (i was 10)

okay now i know i have to tag people but i don't know who to tag since most of the people were tagged already so i guess i'll tag one person

@ThatPotatoReine

imsosorryzainab

moving on,

so, as some of you may know, i've been very sick over the last few weeks, and i got an ankle sprain a week and a half ago.

the ankle is healing, just that i can't run that much or play any sports until next week.

my mental health, sadly, is not as good.

i've been in constant distress and depression throughout my sickness, and i continue to do so.

i don't know what triggers it, i suddenly get headaches, i want to vomit, and my appetite seems to die.

my entire body seems to slowly shut down, as if i don't have enough energy to continue, but i don't feel hungry or thirsty.

now im sorry if i come across as desperate, or attention seeking, because im not. just like all of you do, i need an outlet. i can't keep everything inside forever.

it makes me feel worthless, it makes me feel like i'm just a nuisance, and it makes me want to die.

now after the finals, im going to try to focus on rebuilding my mental center, and get back to somewhere close to normal.

or at least, i'll try.

and to @Oyuchika, @seraphicity, @ThatPotatoReine, guys, i'm trying to be healthy. im trying my best.

im not neglecting my health.

im trying.

and if that's not enough, then i'll try harder.

i think i'll end the chapter before i start crying for what would be the umpteenth time today.

thank you for reading what i have to say.

stay safe.

and be happy.

love, abdullah.