hey, guys

it's your longtime disappeared depressed best bud, abdullah

before we get started, lemme get something straight for the chapter

things get sad, they get depressing, and sadly, they're all true. so if you don't like that kind of stuff, leave now.

okay, great, cleared that out the way

so how is everyone? how's everything going?

i hope you all are doing well, and are having a good day

if you aren't, i hope and pray it changes for the better quickly, and that you smile more today or tonight than you did before

me?

yeah, uh, okay, fine, i'll talk about myself

i've

i've had a bad week.

exams were good, but just

emotionally, mentally, i've had the worst week of my life

and for me that says something because honestly every week is shit

some stitches on my back started ripping a bit, which is what happens when you don't have a real doctor do your stitches and try to do them yourself

thank God i got them completely fixed today, now most of them are either unseen or blurred out

thank you doctor jen, your daughter and you are why im not dead rn

this may shock you, you may ask why, you may think what the fuck abdullah why, how, what happened, but yeah, i cut myself

i have been for a few months now

the reason behind it is unimportant, just don't worry about that

but yeah

i cut myself

and i've been on the brink a few times

im losing weight simply because my blood amount isn't enough and because of that im always tired and not eating enough or getting enough sleep or working enough

im a mess

fits me, tbh

i mean, when your own dad says you're a failure and that you're a mistake, i think its better to just give up

my parents call me names, they make fun of me, they ridicule me, my own girlfriend lies to me, my friends are trying to set me up with a girl i hate, im getting yelled at because apparently im too loving and caring

god save me

i honestly don't know how many nights i've cried to sleep

because i just

i can't do this anymore

my body's a mess, my mental state's in shambles

i don't know what to do anymore

i don't even know who to trust

everyone i trust ends up playing me for their own wants and needs

and then they don't even explain why, they just act as if it's my fault

its always my fault

sometimes i just wanna kill myself

seriously want to kill myself

i have no point of living and i have nothing to live for

i don't know what or who i'm still living for

god save me, please

i might make a new book soon

quoting someone from Ae Dil Hai Mushkil

Writing and singing is the best when you fall in love, or when you get your heart broken

and i guess there's no better thing to do for me

it'll probably be poetry, some rap, some randomness

i'll try my best to keep updating regularly, for you guys

don't worry about me, i'll find a way

all right then, peace and love

keep yourselves safe, take care, and i love yall

your least favorite failure, abdullah

:(