Chapter 15

Tuffnut patted Hiccup on the back quickly while Fishlegs grabbed some water. Astrid's question had not only startled him but had him choking somewhat. "There there," Tuffnut said in a mother hen voice as he rubbed Hiccup's back.

"Why did you choke Hiccup?" Fishlegs asked while looking a bit worried. From the headset Hiccup heard Astrid say "You can tell them if you trust them. I wouldn't mind."

"Guys......... can you keep a secret?" Hiccup asked as he looked at the people sitting at the table. "And I mean.... A big secret?"

"I have no one to tell," Fishlegs said while the twins made a hand motion and said in unison "Cross my heart and pray to Loki." All eyes fell on Snotlout who then looked at the other teens in contemplation. Finally he said "I'm not gonna tell my dad or anyone else, crap! They can eat my shorts!"

That admission from Snotlout got a nod from Hiccup while Ruffnut rolled her eyes and muttered "No one even wants to see your shorts!"

Hiccup revealed the headset by swiping back some of his auburn hair before the 'shorts' argument could escalate. "What is that?" Fishlegs was the first to ask.

"It's a device with which I can communicate with Astrid." Hiccup explained.

"WHO IS ASTRID!" The twins suddenly asked as Ruffnut gripped his shoulders and shook. "Are you seeing someone? How can I not know the juicy details?!!! Spill boy! Spill!"

"Sis! You're going to kill Hiccup!" Tuffnut said as he tried to pry her off.

"Let..... me.... Breathe!" Hiccup managed to wheeze out. Ruffnut finally let go and looked at Hiccup with a critical eye. "Astrid.... Is...... the.... A.I......" He managed to get out.

"The A.I. as in.... Arcadia's A.I.?" Fishlegs asked while looking pensive. Hiccup nodded. "Why would she give you a headset?"

"So we could talk privately." Was all Hiccup answered.

"And you nearly died by grape because......?" Snotlout now asked.

"She wanted to know about human mating rituals," Hiccup finally got to the matter at hand and the gang was watching him all curiously.

"Oh, is that all?" Tuffnut shrugged.

"It caught me by surprise alright!" Hiccup exclaimed. "It's not as if I picked up a girl before!"

"Well then you've certainly come to the master." Snotlout boasted. "Lesson one of human mating rituals: Flirting,"

"Oh Thor," Fishlegs mumbled while Snotlout was boasting.

"So let's start with winking......" Snotlout smiled and looked at Hiccup.

"Winking?" Hiccup asked curiously.

"Yes, like this," Snotlout said and demonstrated.

"Does your cousin have some dust in his eye?" Astrid asked as she observed. "I could recommend a good eye solution." This caused Hiccup to guffaw and Snotlout to frown.

"Winking not working?" Snotlout asked. "Why not try serenading the lady?"

"Oh Thor!" Fishlegs groaned as Snotlout started to sing a made-up romantic ballad. A very badly made up romantic ballad.

"And now we know why those two sisters chased him through the settlement with pitchforks." Tuffnut said. "Sis, you sure you wann-hfffff," Ruffnut quickly clamped a hand over her brother's mouth.

"Okay okay.... I'll let you in on my secret! EYEBROW RAISING!" Snotlout exclaimed.

"Snot, that didn't even work the last few times you tried it!" Fishlegs now exclaimed.

"Well then what do you suggest?!" Snotlout retorted.

"Eh...... How about some poetry?" Fishlegs suggested. "Or.... uhm... maybe a pickup line?"

"Really now?!" Snotlout asked. "Pickup lines won't help! I've gotten a few black eyes from those!"

"Well maybe Astrid is different!" Fishlegs argued and then turned to Hiccup. "Hiccup why don't you try it?!"

"Me?" Hiccup asked as he heard Astrid's laughter in the headset. "I don't know any."

"Just think of a compliment that would get a computer's attention," Fishlegs mumbled. "How about, can I stick my flashdrive in your USB port?"

"OH MY THOR!" The group exclaimed as Fishlegs blushed.

"Wait, what's a USB port?" Tuffnut asked as he looked quite confused.

Uhm.... eh.... I just heard Gobber say that a couple of times!" Was Fishleg's only excuse.

"I........ I.... know another one," Fishlegs blushed scarlet as he stared at the group.

"Well?" Tuffnut asked while Hiccup mumbled "Oh boy,"

"N.....Need me to unzip your files?" Fishlegs squeaked out as Tuffnut clapped him on the shoulder.

"I don't get it but oh well!" Tuffnut shrugged.

Astrid was actually laughing up a storm and explained to Hiccup what a Zipped file was before he blushed as well.

"Oh... Oh... I got one!" Snotlout enthusiastically said as he began to wiggle his eyebrows "I bet my hard drive is the biggest you've ever seen!"

"PLEASE STOP!" Hiccup shouted looking quite red-faced. Several people at tables near them gave the group weird looks before getting back to their food. "Can we please move along?"

"Fine..... Fine...." Snotlout rolled his eyes. Hiccup had a feeling that the shorter man was enjoying his discomfort way too much. "Lesson two of human mating rituals: Dating! I am very much the expert in this."

"Oh please!" Ruffnut rolled her eyes. "You haven't even been successful with flirting!"

"And have you ever dated someone?" Snotlout shot back. As Ruffnut was about to open her mouth he added "And clubbing a muscular man from an enemy raid over his head and trying to drag him away does not count!"

"He was easy on the eyes!" Ruffnut defended. "I likey!"

Ruffnut was pouting as Snotlout started to say "Any good start to a date is to present the lady with flowers."

"Giving wilting plants shows affection?" Astrid curiously asked as she listened to Snotlout spout on about old fashioned courting. Something Hiccup wouldn't have thought his cousin was considering.

"I don't know. There aren't many flowers in the wasteland." Fishlegs interrupted. "I mean, you could always give her a cactus."

"NO!" Snotlout exclaimed and shuddered. "NO CACTUS! NO CACTI! NO PRICKLY STUFF!"

"Fish don't you remember?" Tuffnut said with a smirk. "When we rescued that Bog tribe girl. What was her name again......."

"Camicazi?" Ruffnut supplied.

"Yes, yes her!" Tuffnut's eyes lit up mischievously.

"Snotlout totally tried to flirt with her." Tuffnut laughed as Fishlegs said "Ooooh right! I remember."

"Wait who?" Hiccup asked as he hadn't been on any scouting missions.

"You know the Bog Burglar tribe?" Ruffnut asked.

"Vaguely," Hiccup answered. "They aren't as well known as The Dragons or Outcasts."

"Yeah, so we helped out this girl named Camicazi and she claimed to be some bigshot from the tribe." Tuffnut explained. "Snotlout was totally head-over-heels!"

"I....I was not!" Snotlout tried to retort but the blush on his cheeks said all.

"Dude, you were waxing poems while on the ATV!" Tuffnut said.

"So how does a cactus come into this story?" Hiccup asked.

"Well..... Mr. moony over there thought he'd impress her. He ended up giving her a cactus and whispering something in her ear."

"Everything was going well until the whispering in her ear part." Fishlegs cringed as he said this. "She ended up shoving that cactus down his pants."

"Oh Thor...... I think I remember that. Was it the time Snotlout was walking funny all day in the camp?" Hiccup asked as he could remember how grumpy Snot had been that particular day.

"Yup," Tuffnut smirked while Snotlout let out a groan.

"Uhm...... Astrid, does that answer your question somewhat?" Hiccup asked.

"Somewhat......." Astrid said before adding "Though......"

"What is it?" Hiccup then asked.

"Well, that was all theoretical right?" Astrid stated. "Wouldn't a practical application be much more informative?"

"I'm not sure what you mean?"

"Oh Hiccup," Astrid mumbled. "I'm asking if you wanted to go on a date with me?"

AN: (Author had a case uncontrollable laughter while writing this chapter) Next update will be Friday