Chapter 54

I watch from the dining table as snow drifts down in large flakes outside the windows. It's almost evening and the sky is turning darker with each passing second. In only a matter of a few minutes before the whole backyard will be covered in a thin layer of white.

"Feeling cold?" Estella asks me as she begins to place the plates of food on the table.

I look away from the windows and shrug. "A little."

"Do you want me to get a blanket?" She places the last plate and smiles at me.

"No, it's okay. Thank you."

I shift my attention to the food. It has been a while since I had eaten anything that didn't like bland, tasteless mush. It gets quiet in the dining room when Estella leaves to grab some glasses. I kick my feet under the table, waiting patiently for at least one of them to come.

"Aurora," I look up and find Martha entering the room. "You're doing better, I hope." She places her hand over my shoulders and says before stepping toward a seat and sitting down.

"Yes, thank you."

"Where is Zade?" She asks, glancing around the empty room.

"Oh, he's still getting dressed."

Her eyes hover over the windows and she notices the snowfall. "I hope it doesn't get too heavy. That would be terrible."

"I think it's beautiful."

Her attention turns back to me and she smiles while placing her elbows on the table and leaning forward. "Ah, I remember how you love the snow, you loved it so much that even your mother couldn't drag you back inside. It would be a trouble trying to get you away from the cold."

"I remember playing in snow, briefly," I tell her. "Did I come here often?"

She nods, but her smile fades a little. "Your mother and I went far back, we were very close friends. When your father passed away, she came here with you and lived with us for nearly two years. It was hard for her, losing the love of her life, and raising a child alone, but eventually, she got better. Then, she bought you here every winter."

"I had no idea."

"I know. But you had a wonderful childhood, Aurora. You were very happy, and maybe if things were a little different, I would have never taken your memories from you. I regret that, deeply, especially now seeing the woman you've become. So beautiful, and strong." She reaches out, placing her hand over mine and squeezing gently.

It seems strange knowing something about myself I can't even remember. It makes my heart ache. I wish I could remember, even if it's the tiniest thing.

Zade appears at the entrance, interrupting the silence that has fallen over the room. He's dressed warmly, but his hair appears wet like he had just gotten out of a shower. The fourth shower of his day.

I furrow my brows, wondering why he's taking so many showers, but I don't ask.

He steps closer, takes a seat across from me, and greets Martha.

"Let me go get Estella," Martha says, standing up. "I don't want her to miss dinner again."

She leaves the room and I lift my gaze to meet Zade. There's a smirk drawn on his lips. I quickly lean in close to him, narrowing my eyes in question. "Why are you taking so many showers?"

His hand slips under my chin, holding it, "You're the one to ask, I could smell you even from my room. How do you suppose I stay in control of myself if you're constantly tempting me?"

My mouth falls open. Oh no. I forgot all about it. It was my heat, wasn't it?

"How do you know?" I whisper, feeling the heat creeping up on my face.

"I can smell you," He murmurs, his thumb tracing my lips and he leans in closer. "Your scent is changing and it's calling to me—it's so hard for me to resist the things I want to do to you."

He closes the distance between us and presses his lips against mine in a kiss. It starts out gentle, but then he deepens it, sliding his tongue into my mouth. I moan into the kiss, and he drags the chair closer to himself. It creaks above the wooden flooring and echoes in the silence.

I quickly pull my mouth away from him. "Your mother will be back any second." I tell him while dragging myself back to the table and shutting my legs tight.

He looks at me with lust in his eyes, his gaze flicking down to my legs. I know he can smell me, even with the distance between us. It makes me blush, the way he looks at me like that, and my heat starts to rise once more.

It's so strange how he can easily sense me when I'm in heat. Maybe it's a vampire thing or maybe it's our mate bond. I'm not sure, but he seems to notice it way too fast.

Clearing his throat, he leans back and looks away from me, controlling himself.

I glance over to the window and try to shift my thoughts from his hands on my body, his lips on mine, and the warmth of his breath on my neck. It doesn't help, not at all.

The snow continues to fall down heavily. A thin layer of white covers everything outside. Only if something similar could cover up my insides and take away this aching need consuming me.

When Martha returns with Estella, they join us at the dining table and we have a warm dinner together.

Zade's gaze burns on me, every so often, and his leg brushes against mine under the table. He's teasing me on purpose, driving me crazy. I want him to touch me, badly. I want his hands all over me, but I can't act like this, not here.

After dinner, Zade and I find ourselves in his haven, alone, with no one around. The room is cold but I feel hot, hotter than before. My legs straddle his lap as his tongue dives into my mouth. His hands grip my ass tightly, bringing me closer to him. His mouth covers mine fully, taking my breath away completely. I moan into his mouth while my hips move against him, feeling his hardness pressing against my center.

His cold fingers slip under my shirt, running up my spine. He cups my breast and squeezes it, sending a rush of pleasure straight to my core. I gasp, breaking the kiss.

"Zade," I breathe out, holding onto his shoulders. "Why can't you mark me?" I ask him suddenly, the question blurting out of my lips.

His hands part from my ass and trail up to my waist. The minute I mention marking the color drains from his face as if I have asked something terribly wrong.

I move my hand to his face and lean closer, "I wouldn't have to go heat anymore if you marked me, right?"

"I can't," his voice comes out hoarse.

"Why not?"

His eyes turn away from me, "I can't, Aurora."

I can't understand why. Is it because of the fact that he might taste my blood in the process? Is it because he could kill me? Is it because he won't be able to control himself? There are so many questions running through my mind, and yet, I don't have an answer to any of them. We've been here for so long yet my wolf remains unmarked.

"Why?" I ask him, trying to get something out of him.

His eyes meet mine. They are filled with fear, something I rarely see in him.

"I'll kill you." He answers me, holding my face. "If I bite you, if I take even a drop of your blood, I'll kill you and that's a risk I rather not take because if I go down on that path, I won't stop."

My shoulders slouch. I do understand him, I do, but at the same time, it feels like it's too much.

Whatever happened, happened so long ago. It could all be different now, it didn't have to be the same way.

Until it is still the same.

I sigh, running my fingers through his hair. "I suppose I can live without your mark then."

"Are you sure?" He asks me, looking up at me.

"Yes," I tell him, pressing my forehead against his and smiling. "I don't mind being in heat if it means that you'll be the one I'm with."

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