~Main tera maamla khuda par nahin chhod sakta,
Wo raheem hai, kahin tujhe muaf na karde.~

The ceramic floor wafted with the thin smell of phenyl as Hamida looked around the canteen for some vacant seat to wait for her order. Morning was dull as usual with gray clouds and no hope of sunshine, but despite that her heart felt at ease as Raaya gained consciousness a few hours ago.

Doctors checked her vitals, and advised rest and also light meals and warm beverages for some days. Hamida totally ignored Idris Usman yesterday and this morning too. He had no right to show his concern for her sister when he was the reason behind all of it.

"Sit down for a while, Hamida."

Her gaze shifted from the menu board towards Zahir's voice. He looked tired despite his annoying smile. Hamida didn't want to feel anything, especially the feeling of gratitude, looking at him.

Didn't know when he came downstairs, when Raaya came at their place. He was the one who suggested to take Raaya to the hospital when Hamida was panicking over unconscious Raaya. That silly girl had to sleep in her wet clothes!

And for two days he was around them like their shadows. Always on his toes for anything they needed.

"I'm good."

Before thinking anything good about Zahir, she looked back at the menu.

"Nope." Her wrist got in his hold and in a second he pulled up a chair for her across the order counter. 

Putting a little force on her shoulders, he made her sit and Hamida maybe was too shocked to respond.

"Stop forcing me."

She jerked away his hands as he sat in front of her.

"Stop pretending that you hate it." He winked. His stubble was rough unlike his crisp look and the creases on his black pathani suit showed his restless nights and days.

Hamida made a ball of two tissue paper and threw it at him, earning a snort. Her mind was a jumbled mess, stuck between Raaya, Zahir and Idris.

The faint fragrance of ginger pulled her out of her reverie as she looked at the cup.

"She's alright and will be. Take care of yourself, Hamida."

"She's for now. I can't trust Idris with her. He's the reason-"

His warm touch on her cold hand snatched her speech, "We can't jump to conclusions, Hamida. I know he's wrong but also regretful."

"I can't believe his silly apologies."

A ball of bitterness dropped in her gut. Men. She wouldn't ever trust them. They were the slaves of their desire. Earth was the easiest for men but hardest for women.

"You have to. It's Raaya's life, let her take the decision. We will be with her in whatever she will do."

His soft voice was reassuring and Hamida Sultan never felt the irony until now. She wanted to trust this man, to believe every word he spoke.

"I can't lose her like I lost my Amma."

He squeezed her hand, forcing the tears in her eyes to drop. "We won't. I promise you."

***

The frail sunlight from the glass window sifted on Raaya's bed, who was still sleeping. Idris sent Nani off the sofa to take some rest while he took the vacant chair in front of her bed.

She gained consciousness this morning. Idris left the room. Gratitude rested in his heart but courage went away. He couldn't make eye contact with her. Not after what he did. When he opened a cage of his own dark monster over her.

Mummy called in panic not finding both of them in their room, so he shared the news from the outer surface of the truth. 

The door opened revealing Hamida followed by Zahir. They were holding cups of beverage as Hamida fully ignored him, Zahir gave a nod.

"Go home, Idris. She's okay now."

Her tone was strict, as Hamida looked at Raaya and Nani for a split second.

"I'm staying. Zahir, you should take Nani and Hamida home. They will rest a little bit, till then I'll be-"

"Yes and destroy her health some more, don't you?" She spat, her brows furrowed and eyes red with anger. Raaya squirmed in her sleep. "Don't order me around."

"He's right, Hamida. Let's go home."

Nani cut her off before he could speak anything. She came near them and put her warm hand on his shoulder, "Idris is here. We will come at noon with lunch."

Hamida's eyes threw daggers at him, they held hate, annoyance and frustration at once. Idris felt the room squeezing itself around him, making everything cold in its wake.

"If you do something to my sister, I'll kill you."

"I won't. I made a mistake." He got up, and took a long breath. It takes so much braveness to accept your own mistakes, "But I won't repeat it ever. I was terrible with her but I won't be anymore."

They stood in shock for a few moments, nobody able to speak anything to him or to each other. It was Zahir who broke the silence, collecting the stuff they had to take back home.

After half an hour, they left. He came back to his seat, looking at Raaya whose face had gone pale. Dark circles under her eyes as her lips still looked a little blue due to cold.

Didn't know when he went to sleep but he woke up with fingers slightly moving in his hair? But he was wrong! He slept putting his head on her bed, and Raaya was just trying to move her fingers in her sleep.

He sat up, looking at her fluttering eyelashes as she opened her eyes. Her orbs turned a darker shade of blue with shock and then resentment.

Idris came beside her seeing her attempts to get up, "Stay still, Raaya. You're still weak."

"Where's everyone?"

She ignored him altogether, sitting up on the bed, wincing as the needle pierced her hand some more. He stood beside her, refraining from touching her, he wanted to help her but he lost her, lost her trust in him.

***

"I sent them home for rest."

She looked at his back. He refrained from looking at her. She could decipher he was embarrassed.

"Mummy and Papa are coming to meet you."

Idris announced giving the tea cup to her. Her heart dropped at his words. Last night she was too hurt to think straight. The fear of her own safety ringing in her mind that didn't let her think about anything else, about people around her.

What would they think? How would she reason for everything she did? Her sudden disappearance and now this, her weak condition.

"What did you tell them?"

Her voice came low due to her weakness or maybe fear or shyness. She never wanted to bring the husband's and wife's matter in front of everyone. What the hell was she thinking?

"I told them you got drenched in rain, caught hypothermia."

A relief washed over her but also the bug of annoyance fluttered in her chest. He hid his own misdoings.

"Didn't they ask you how I got drenched in rain? What was I doing?"

This made him look at her and it was the first time today when they looked at each other. Blue orbs clashing with black ones. Hers were holding many questions while his eyes portrayed tiredness and embarrassment.

"I told Mummy, that I made you upset with something and you left our house." He hesitated taking the chair beside the bed, "She is angry at me. You can tell her the whole truth and I think she knew what grave mistake I made that you had to leave at that hour."

Raaya was about to say something, but didn't know what, when Idris' mother entered. She gave a dead look to Idris and then gave a tight lipped smile to her.

"How are you, my child?"

"I'm okay, aunty."

His mother kissed her forehead, patting her head as Idris exited the room.

"What did he do, Raaya?"

Raaya weighed down her words before saying anything else. Should she tell her how hurt she was by the thing he did? What would it lead them to? Would everyone be happy with what she would be doing?

"Maybe I overreacted." Raaya eyed the drop in her IV and then at Idris' mother who was looking at her with a defeated smile.

"The girl who silently accepted Nani's decision to marry an unknown man. I clearly know, she can't overreact." She took her free hand and squeezed it, "If anything threatens your safety, you have the right to take action."

Raaya nodded, a feather light feeling settled inside her. She dreaded this moment, where she would have to answer everyone but Idris' mother one statement washed out every worry inside her.

***

She never wanted to return to her father. Few weeks spent at her Nani's house were much better than those fifteen years in that house.

Hamida wanted to scream her heart out to her mother, her every intuition. That her heart was crying terribly, pushing in her mind many thoughts.

"I'll try to be a good man."

Her father's words didn't seem even near to the truth. Those were promises she saw him making many times. Hamida was just hoping everything would be alright. And every negative thought in her heart would burn to ashes.

But Hamida had no idea, all those thoughts would quickly turn into their bitter reality.