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Chapter 31 - You Did Not

It isn't until Jordan freaks out when Kristin ignores his calls and texts that he rushes from work the next day to her place. He was worried that he could be walking into a horrible situation after knocking on the front door and waiting. Jordan knocks again and again, with each time, bangs harder on the door. Jordan calls and can faintly hear Kristin's phone ringing inside the house between each bang on the door.

"Kristin, sweetie, it's me. I don't know what's wrong but answer the door or your phone. I'm here concerned about you. I love you, don't scare me like this." He says on a voicemail and resumes banging on the door.

He goes over to a window and sees her lying on the couch face down. Fear sets in as Jordan begins to hit the window. He works to try to open the window, but to no avail. Scared out of his mind, he races over to the garage door, forcing it open. His heart begins to pound harder with each second. Finally, able to run through the kitchen into the living room and doesn't waste time shaking Kristin.

"WAKE UP! Please, for the love of God, wake up, baby..." he says before she begins to stir.

"Stop..." she's able to mutter with eyes barely open.

"You scared the living fuck out of me!"

Jordan looks around and sees enough liquor bottles to throw a party. He's shocked at first but then struggles for a minute from getting angry.

"What happened to you? Why did you start drinking like this? Is it me? Did I do something wrong?" He asks, desperate for answers.

"No! You've been wonderful, and I love you more than you could imagine. It's me, I just lost my career, and I doubt I'll get my full 401k thanks to these robbers that closed down the bank. Speaking of which, your loan was wiped out. So, you'll get the paperwork that says your truck is yours clean and clear. There's a policy that if any bank bottoms out, all loans are eliminated, so congratulations. As for me, I have maybe ninety days before I could default on my home. That's why I'm drinking. I've lost my desire, my fire." Kristin states as she sobs in Jordan's arms.

All Jordan does for several minutes is hold her close. He begins to try to come up with a plan to keep her calm. Jordan's heart shatters, and he wants to continue to be a knight coming to the rescue.

"Move in with me, put this place up for sale, and I'll do what I can. We'll find a place in Atlanta instead. You can move in and start job hunting ASAP, and we'll make it work. I know we can, it might be very rushed, but I'll do whatever I can to make it better."

"No! I can't rely on a man to save me. I just need a pity party, and then I'll get out there to find another job. I can do this on my own."

What Kristin says doesn't resonate that well with Jordan. His intentions aren't to overtake her life or be a savior, but rather just the guy he thought she wanted. Here she is now flat on her ass on edge to lose it all. It doesn't make sense to him, and he makes his thoughts well known, but his tongue slips as memories rise quicker than his brain can react to catch.

"Damn it, Brit, stop being so damn difficult! Get over this pride thing you have going on, and just let me help!"

That statement rekindles a fire deep within Kristin. Once she's called the wrong name, she nearly sees red and hauls off, striking Jordan.

"You did not just call me your ex's name! You just made the biggest mistake of your life. Get out! Get out...GET OUT!" Kristin screams in Jordan's face shoving him back toward the front door.

"Sweetie, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to say that. It's just you know you're acting as she did by being hardheaded and stubborn."

The fury in her eyes grows. The worse thing to her is being compared to another woman. It's something she's never experienced but knows compared to Brittney, she is the better woman. Kristin truly does love Jordan. Now, she's questioning whether he loves her. Kristin takes Jordan's statements meaning that she's a cheap carbon copy to enjoy while he waits for his ex to take him back possibly.

"Don't you sweetie me! You called me 'her' name. Get this through your thick skull; you blinded son of a bitch. I am NOT Brittney! I have not lied to you about how I feel. I paid and took you half-way across the country to meet my family. They loved you, and here you are disrespecting me like that. Get the hell out of my house!"

Not to make things worse, Jordan puts his hands in the air and backs away slowly, and tries to keep his mouth closed, but once again, his mouth beats his mind.

"I messed up by calling you that, yes, but I came up here afraid something had happened to you. I do love you, and I am in love with you. I am deeply sorry. You know my parents and all my friends love you. If you can forgive me, then get ahold of me; if not, then know whatever you need, I will help you out. Again, I am sorry..."

Kristin points to the door and scowls until he leaves. She listens as his truck pulls away, and that's when she collapses to the floor, holding both hands to her face crying.

Not ready to leave Johns Creek, Jordan takes a detour by his childhood home and sees no one is there. Unwilling to head back to the apartment, Jordan takes a second detour and finds himself driving through the parking lot of Brittney's apartment. He looks up to see Benjamin hauling out boxes to a U-Haul truck. To keep from being spotted, Jordan doesn't stop. After seeing that things are in flux, Jordan returns to his place, where he sits and waits to hear from Kristin.

Late that night, he sends Kristin a message via Facebook messenger. He apologizes again and checks on the message, but it states that it's still only delivered and not read. Now Jordan is beginning to worry but manages to get some rest that night. The following day, he checks it, and the message hasn't changed to read, which annoys him.

Alex finds him difficult to work with that day and tries to do a bit of burrowing.

"Yo, you seem off today homie, everything okay, or am I just being a bit paranoid?"

Jordan sits there with sunglasses over his eyes. Locked on the road, he doesn't bother turning his head to give Alex undeniable attention.

"I fucked up yesterday, big time, a major fuck up. I got annoyed, and in a split-second mistake, I called Kristin by Britt's name, and she hasn't talked to me since.

That's when Alex sucks in a deep breath. He's unsure of what to say, and he sits there in silence, controlling the cab of the ambulance. It's not until they stop for lunch that Alex tries to give some advice.

"Hey, it may seem like an endless shit storm right now, but it'll get better. Don't be overbearing, and let Kristin cool off. Calling your love by the wrong name is not a good sign. You need to take some time yourself to discover how you feel. Not just about Kristin, but figure out how you still feel about Brittney. You need time to decide if it's worth fixing a monumental screw-up. You're one of my boys, but it's time to clear your heart, mind, and soul."

All Jordan manages to do is release a long huff.

"You're right, and I need to get myself back on solid ground. I love both women, but it can't work that way. I can't pick and choose what I want. Brittney was a perfect learning curve, and Kristin surpasses the perfect woman I could dream up."

"Stop right there, don't do it in one swoop. Take your time to go over everything possible. Life isn't some soap opera where you can turn the page of a script. Your heart and her heart are on the line. Take this seriously, or else you're going to hurt a wonderful and loving woman. Even I have started to move past my past, and I'm struggling with the pain. It's time to grow and become a good man." Alex preaches with a soft and tender tone to his voice.

They head in to try to enjoy lunch in silence. Alex sits there with his phone in his hand while Jordan does the same, but neither knows that they're trying to patch things between Jordan and Kristin. While she ignores Jordan, she does indeed talk to Alex.

Hey, thanks for reaching out, and you say that he admitted to what he's done. I'm genuinely shocked! Do I miss him? God yes, but I have something I haven't told him. Please don't say anything and I'll tell you. She says in a text to Alex.

I can't do secrets. That's tearing my best friend and his wife apart. Sorry but I have to refuse. Just do me a favor, reply to him, don't be walked over but be firm. He loves you and misses you, Britt was a big part of his life, but now it's you. I gave him some words to get in his head at how real this is between the two of you. Tread lightly but do what you need to do. Alex replies, then locks his phone in silent mode.

Over on the other end of the table, Jordan stares at his phone. He's thinking over everything Alex stated earlier, and it weighs heavily on his mind. Luckily, it's a relatively sluggish day, and the rest of the shift, Jordan spends time writing down everything between himself and the two women in his life. Each side's pros and cons appear similar until Jordan jots down that Brittney is getting married, and Kristin took him home to meet her family. He can't believe how blind he's been all this time, not to see that Kristin is the woman he undeniably wants.

"Son of a bitch, I can't believe it; I've been fixated on a shallow woman. Hot damn, Britt was nothing but a money-grubbing bitch. Kristin has been an angel. Gosh, now that I think back to the night that we watched Kimmie. The glow in her eyes and the way she was with her just shows how much love she has to give. I really am a fool!"

After the shift ends and Jordan gets home, he lays there staring at the ceiling. He stares at the spackle until his eyes feel heavy and drifts to sleep. His mind is racing until the very moment he transitions from worried and awake to frightened and unconscious.

In less than an instant, he's transported from the bed into a room surrounded by mirrors. Jordan begins to make his way through the room and discovers there's no door and no way out. His footsteps lightly echo throughout the corridor. He doesn't call out, but when he comes to a stop and stares into a mirror then begins to see another image shift in front of his eyes.

Directly out in front of him, Brittney stares back at him. She's laughing, but there's no sound since she's stuck in the mirror. Jordan reaches out to touch the mirror, but the image ripples and then multiplies to every surrounding mirror when he touches it. Jordan runs to try to get away, about to go crazy, but he stops when he rounds the corner and sees that it's no longer Brittney in the reflection. Now Jordan sees Kristin. She reaches for his hand, and when he touches the glass, it shatters every mirror.

"No! Come back!" Jordan screams, dropping to his knees, and falls through the shattered shards of glass.

The fall ends with Jordan landing on his back. The glass continues to cascade, but the closer it gets the glass shifts into raindrops. Soon Jordan finds himself staring at a soft glowing light over an object but can't make it out. It feels like it takes forever to reach the spot as the pressure from the rain is nearly overwhelming. Over on a stool, he sees a pistol.

Unsure of what to do, Jordan takes it in his hand to examine the handgun. That's when the monsoon-like rain ends. Jordan looks up to see Brittney standing in front of him. She reaches out, taking the gun.

"Britt, what are you doing?" Jordan asks.

There are no words from his ex-lover, only a blank stare in her eyes. That's when the gun is lifted into the air. Before she gets a point-blank shot in Jordan's face, Kristin appears seizing the pistol.

"Kristin, sweetheart, please, give me the gun. I am sorry for what I said. Baby, I promise it will never happen again." Jordan says with tears in his eyes.

She hands over the pistol, and with the gun firmly in his hands, Jordan looks at both women and turns the gun on himself. There's a hole located where his heart is located, but both women don't budge to help. They stand there and stare as the blood begins to pour from Jordan's body. He stares, which is when Brittney leans over to speak finally.

"This wasn't my fault, can't blame me. You're the idiot who failed to let me go."

Jordan lays there, starting to gasp for air. It's not until he feels the final breath coming that everything vanishes, and he's now sitting in Kristin's living room.

"There you are. I can't believe you shot yourself. I did everything you asked, but you shot yourself for 'her,' you idiot. Wasn't I good enough? Will I ever be good enough?" Kristin questions, taking his hand.

"You've always been good enough. I said, I love you, and I mean it. Brittney is the past, just a memory, she was in my heart, but I shot her out. Brittney may have had my heart, but Kristin D'Amore, you are my soul. My soul will live for an eternity, and so will you since you're my soulmate." Jordan cries out with his hands over his heart.

Kristin smiles and leans in for a kiss. Everything vanishes, and Jordan opens his eyes to find himself listening to the alarm going off. It smacks him in the face the decision he needs to make at last. The dream for him represents the divide finally disappeared. Kristin is who he's meant to be with, and now, after work, Jordan's not resting until he undoes the damage.

All shift he revisits the moment he realized in the dream that he broke the connection to Brittney. He goes on about it so much that Alex is overly irritated at listening about the dream. It's blissful when they punch out from work and Alex can hit the bar and drink. Jordan jumps into his truck to drive to Kristin's house, but he's a few hours too late. Jordan walks up to find a letter taped to the front door with his name on it.

"Dear Jordan, hey, I took off back home to Phoenix. My parents told their accountant about my misfortune, and well he promised to get me an interview with the loan manager for an opening in the loan department. I couldn't say no, and I didn't want to do this over a text message. I forgive you; I still love you, and I'm sorry I snapped so hard at you. Leaving here isn't going to be easy, but if it means I can get back on my feet, I will. I don't have it all figured out yet, but I will before I get back; that's if I come back and don't end up surrendering the house and use the new government option with the bank being hit, which cost me my job. Anyway, I'm rambling in a letter, go figure. I hope you forgive me for leaving. Whatever and whoever you decide to go after, I want you to be happy and feel the love you deserve. I am sorry that I'm not good enough to be the only one in your heart. Love now and always, Kristin D'Amore," Jordan reads aloud.

He's left standing there, unsure of what to do. Jordan feels crushed when he takes the note and gets back into the truck, and drives over to his parent's house, where he sees Lara arriving home from work.

"What's wrong?" Lara begins knowing that look on her son's face.

"Kristin left for Arizona today, and I missed her. We fought because I'm a fuck up, and she's gone." Jordan says with tears formed in the corners of his eyes.

Lara motions him to come over, where she hugs her son.

"Go after her; the two of you are perfect together. Go, you have time off, so use it and fix things. If I have to, I'll drive you to the airport, but make this right between y'all. I love you, son, but don't you come back here without her! Now, let's go!"

After Jordan parks his truck in the driveway, the mother and son team drive to the airport. The excitement fills the car, and Jordan could care less that he's traveling with nothing but the clothes on his back. Once they arrive, he quickly pays for a ticket and hugs his mother goodbye as he rushes to make the flight at the last minute.

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