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Chapter 13 - Silent Struggle

After everyone parts from dinner and the party returns to the hotel, things turn hot and heavy between Brittney and Jordan. Their bodies can't fight the urge to come together again. Brittney hears a voice telling her to get up and run in the very rear of her mind. She does her best to remain in the moment with Jordan to fulfill her body's needs. The urge to express the pleasure surging through Brittney's body as Jordan puts in more effort to make her scream.

Once they're finished, and Brittney falls asleep in Jordan's arms. Her mind refuses to release that nagging feeling in the subconscious part of her mind begins to play out the scenario she's feared for years.

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" a few different voices cry out from the rear of an outdated single-wide mobile home.

"What! What do you hellions want now? I fed you lunch, and you have your favorite DVD on. What could you possibly want?" Brittney cries out in a defeated voice.

"We want to play with the baby in your tummy, mommy! When can we play with the baby?" A tiny voice cries out from the rear bedroom.

After a drawn-out breath, Brittney throws her hand over her eyes as she feels her belly growing more. After she lifts her hand to look around to see the place in an utter mess all over again.

"How? I just finished cleaning this shithole; how did this happen?" She asks herself, trying to bend over to clean the floor.

By the time Brittney finishes picking up the toys and trash scattered about the floor, she hears the roar of an old pickup truck parking in the designated spot. She looks out the window to see Jordan get out of a truck that's beaten up with faded paint and mismatched brand tires with two different sets of rims and a cracked windshield. Brittney's left speechless at how fat he's become and thinning hair with a bad combover and a scraggly beard.

"Hi, honeypie, what's for dinner?" Jordan says after slamming the thin tin storm door shut.

"I was wondering if we could maybe order some pizza. If not, then maybe get some Chinese, or have it delivered. You promised if I had this place clean, you would let me get whatever I want for dinner." She argues, prepared for a fight.

Not in the mood to argue, Jordan takes out his wallet and flops down a couple of twenty-dollar bills, and walks back to the bedroom, where he flops on the bed. Not even home five minutes, and Jordan's done checked out from the chaos of kids screaming and an unborn child kicking Brittney in the ribs.

"How did I let this become my life?" She screams at the top of her lungs.

A flash occurs before she knows it, and Brittney's in a delivery room and gets handed a set of triplets. Confused when she looks over, she sees Jordan and six other children looking and screaming in silence.

Instantly Brittney sits up in bed, still in the hotel room. Jordan is out cold, and by the time her senses catch up, she shakes with fear. Unable to fall back to sleep, Brittney lies there with hands on her stomach.

"I don't think I can do this..." she repeats for hours to herself.

That entire morning, she barely speaks more than three words. Jordan and Alex don't take time to notice. They're preoccupied with Josh and Nikki posting photos and videos of being home with her side of the family. Justin, on the other hand, has headphones on and listening to some old church sermons. On the way back to Atlanta, Brittney sits in the back and maintains a blank stare out the window. The dream still haunts every thought. The echoes of children screaming, the sight of filth all over the mobile home floor, the way she imagined Jordan letting himself go and refuse to be part of their lives when he gets home from work. It all begins to take a toll on the man she promised to give a fair chance.

Upfront, the tandem of Jordan and Alex continues their conversation.

"Dude, so you and my brother went to Miami after he graduated high school?"

"Ah yeah, man, and we had a blast! He had a badass car back then. We went everywhere when he wasn't with Nikki. Busch Gardens, road trips with no destinations, and more. Josh really became like a brother that I never had. No offense, of course, you know since you are his brother."

"Nah, bubby, you're good! I mean, I was so pissed when I heard I had a slightly older half-brother. Mom was overly pissed off when she had learned that he had been treated the way he was, and if she had known, she would have straight up adopted him and brought Josh down here. She doesn't talk much about my father. All I know is he got hurt and never recovered from addiction after that." Jordan explains.

Alex gives an uneasy stare to that revelation. Behind the sunglasses, he remembers some of Josh and his mother's altercations over the years while he was in college. One in which she hauled back and slapped him when he refused to visit more often.

Brittney tries not to poke into the conversation but to kill the images from replaying, and she forces herself to speak up.

"So, do you think they'll last? I mean, I've read where like over seventy percent of military marriages fail." Brittney calls out before she realizes it.

Both Alex and Jordan nearly jerk in their seats. Jordan turns to see Brittney with a lost look in her eyes. At first, Jordan doesn't know how to answer as he has seen plenty of divorce papers and 'Dear John' letters arrive at friends he served alongside.

"I'd hope so, I look at them, and I see us someday. Nikki looks so happy, and my brother knows who he is in life. Gosh, that would shock everyone if they ever broke up." Jordan mentions, eyes still locked on Brittney.

"Yeah, I've never known them ever to have that serious of a fight since I've known them, and that goes back a while now. They did have one big blowout like junior year of high school, but they've been 'the couple' that everyone compares theirs to since they made up from that. Even James and Scarlett had a hell of a time trying to measure up, and that's saying something. I know you dunno who they are, but Josh and Nikki set the bar high." Alex chimes in with a heightened voice.

All Brittney can do sit and stare at those facts, and in her mind, when Jordan mentioned trying to emulate his brother's relationship brings more worry to mind. She gulps and returns to glaring out the window. Jordan takes the cold shoulder hint and returns to what he and Alex were discussing earlier.

About the time they pull back to Brittney's apartment, she doesn't want to waste time getting the hell away from Jordan and his friends. Before she can click the key fob, there's an announcement from Justin when he looks at his phone.

"Hey, y'all! Guess what Josh just hooked us up! He talked to Aiden and them and got us backstage passes to tonight's show! Four passes and free parking!"

Alex and Jordan exchange a fist bump while Brittney does her best to hide the look of horror in her eyes. She sits there with eyes closed for a few seconds and doesn't open them until she's spun around.

"Hey, yeah, sounds like fun, but I'm exhausted. Do I have to go?" She wonders out loud.

"Well yeah, sweetie, I mean, these are usually expensive perks to get. One more night of having to put up with me, and then I'll give you some much-needed space. I can tell you're burnt out, and I can't blame you." Jordan begins, and before she can, he pulls out a stunning finish to his request. "Thank you, though, and you have no clue what you being there means to me. I love you to the moon and back."

Brittney stands there in shock, and all she can do is return to autopilot.

"I love you too, and yeah, it'll be fine. I guess I'm just tired, you know. Let's go inside and relax until then." Brittney drops her shoulders and walks with Jordan inside the apartment as the other two leave.

She goes back to the bedroom and flops on the bed until it's time to leave. They drive back to Jordan's apartment to meet up with Justin and Alex.

When the time arrives, they pull onto the parking lot for the Georgia Dome. They all get out and walk up to security, and show their IDs. Once they're clear to make their way inside with backstage passes, they knock on the dressing room door, and Aiden answers the door.

"Alex! Justin! Damn guys, it's been way too long. Get your asses in here, and let's kick it like old times."

The party of four enters the dressing room and finds a place to sit. Once again, Brittney is bored as the guys begin to discuss days of the past and the races they used to have between the two groups as Jordan begins to learn more about how different times were for his roommate.

"Hi, I'm Dakota. Who might you be?"

"I'm Brittney; I'm here with Jordan. I'm not a groupie." She says in a joking tone.

Dakota snaps his fingers and flatters Brittney when he whistles and winks.

"Hey, hey now! She's mine!" Jordan calls out as he gets to his feet to introduce himself.

They sit there and talk for nearly two hours before the show begins, but when the stagehand knocks and enters, the band gets together for their routine and departs for the stage with the other four following behind them. Brittney returns to being bored, but she puts on a fake smile for Jordan and watches as the crowd eats up the show from beginning to end.

Her suffering continues as the band offers to take them to dinner and has no choice but to tag long. By the time things wind down, Brittney's close to the point of exploding if she doesn't get away from all the testosterone.

At last, they once again reach the apartment. Brittney darts from the SUV and jumps in without so much as saying "bye." She backs out of the parking spot and doesn't go below seventy miles per hour on her way home. After she pulls into her parking spot and dashes for the door, she throws her purse across the room and marches over to the liquor cabinet.

With a tequila bottle in one hand and a plastic cup in the other, Brittney draws herself a bath. While the tub fills with steaming hot water, she gets her favorite black silk robe and a couple of candles to place along the edge of the tub. When Brittney's ready, the water is shut off and sinks into the bubbles, and downs an entire cup filled to the brim to settle the frazzled nerves. Able to exhale, she slides down to where her chin meets the water and gradually dips in more, where Brittney opens her mouth and screams into the water to release the frustration that's bottled up inside.

Now that her head is beginning to clear, she's trying to figure out the moment where things went from a casual and sexually filled relationship to being trapped in a serious one. Replaying every event in her mind, it all starts to blur into one big cluster. The alcohol doesn't help as she sits in the tub and begins to slowly loath herself over what's happened.

Brittney continues to soak until the water begins to cool. She starts to hate her relationship a bit more, but she knows Jordan won't hurt her and tries to convince herself that she's in love. Then Brittney remembers the talk with Josh, and everything comes crashing down all over again. She doesn't want to end things, but at the same time, she doesn't want them to get further into something she doesn't want.

"How the blue hell do I put a stop to this? I mean, I do really like Jordan, but I don't know if it's love. Do I want kids with him one day? Can I give just myself to him and only him after what I went through before? He hasn't cheated on me or mistreated me. But is it worth investing more time and energy into something that feels just okay?"

The inability to answer any of those concerns, Brittney sits up in the tub and uses her toes to flip the stopper to let the water drain, and sits there until the drain has nothing left. That's when she gets to her feet and reaches for a towel. Dried off, she slips into the robe and heads back to the living room, where she takes her phone and sees a couple of messages from Jordan.

I just wanted to check on you since you were gone in the blink of an eye. Let me know, love ya, baby gal...Hey, you okay? Let me know if you need anything, and that includes space. I realized that this trip probably took more out of you than I realized, and for that, I am so sorry, my love.

She reads over the messages and finally begins to type one back.

Yes, I'm fine; I just needed to get home and unwind. I am sorry, you did nothing wrong. I had a bad dream, and I wanted, no, I needed, to be alone for a bit. Thank you for such a lovely time. I'll see you when the weekend rolls back around, I promise. I just need some space and alcohol. Love Brit

A moment later, Jordan sends a reply.

I get it, and glad we're good! You don't know what you mean to me, and I hope I did nothing wrong. If I did, please let me know, you're the heart that beats in my chest-Jordan

Awe, that's so sweet, and yes, you were perfect this weekend. Especially in bed, but can we just go back to that for a bit? I'll get some protection and such, but I want us to go back to what we agreed to. I love ya and all, but I want to have more fun!

Not long after she hits the send button, Brittney gets her bottle of tequila and retires to her room, and finds a Pandora station to unwind some more. She sees a message back from Jordan but doesn't bother with it. She takes a few more swigs directly from the bottle and turns on her sleep station, and lies back until she falls asleep.

It takes a couple of days of silence, but Brittney begins to feel recharged from the time away, and that's when it dawns on her. She barely misses Jordan, and that's when she decides she will discover a way to take things back down a few notches. To return to how things were when she and Jordan started sleeping together.

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