"Thank you for the ride," Vanessa said quietly but remained seated, staring blankly ahead. With each failed attempt, she grew more and more despondent about getting her child back.

"Are you sure you'll be all right here?"Lawrence eyed the area. It was dark and somewhat deserted, even though cars passed by. He had parked at a bus stop, where Vanessa planned on boarding a taxi instead of having him drive her all the way.

"Yeah......" She turned her head on the headrest, studied his bruised, hard face in the dim illumination offered by the street lights. "He hurt you. Why do you let him do it?" Vanessa reached up, and he held her hand, warding her off.

"We got into a fight."

"I noticed, saw bruises on his face as well, which was a surprise, considering how much he hates anything marring it. You guys always fight."

"I hit him first this time. My fault."

"You?" Vanessa stared, incredulous. "I find that hard to believe. You're always level headed. Of all the children you were the least to lose your cool. But," she regarded him with an earnest, solemn countenance, "that's not what I mean. You let him take out his anger on you. I never could figure out why. Ever since you were children, he'd beat you up. You never said a word. When the caregiver asked, you lie. That's abuse, Chinedu--"

At the mention of the name, Lawrence clenched his jaws against simmering anger. He raised a hand. No one called him that, except his brother. "It's Lawrence. Don't make the mistake of calling me that again."

"I-I'm sorry." Vanessa fell quiet. She'd forgotten how touchy he was about names.

"What were you thinking going there? You knew he'd be around. It was no mistake." He grabbed the wheel. "You could have been killed."

"I was thinking about my baby!" She shouted it, pain in her eyes. "I miss him so much. Every time by breasts would feel heavy with milk, he's not there and I remember why. I wanted to see his beautiful face, to know if he's well, and to hear him laugh. I'm his mother, dammit! I want to be there when he starts crawling, when he takes his first step. I want to hear him call me, 'mama' someday. At this rate, none of that will happen." She laughed hysterically then broke down crying, covering her face.

He's already started crawling, he thought, knowing that would further distress Vanessa. Discombobulated by seeing a woman cry, Lawrence fumbled for his handkerchief. "If you don't mind a little sweat," he said, proffering it without looking at her. "Keep it after."

She smiled through tears, said,"You've always been awkwardly sweet. Thank you," and began dabbing under her eyes, careful not to smudge makeup. "I'm sorry,"--another laugh-"I've been a mess these days. Always crying. It must be hormones or something. It didn't matter. Without my baby, I feel dead." Sighing, she settled back into the seat. "I don't regret going anyway. If I hadn't, he'd have raped that girl. How old is she, sixteen?"

"How did you know? She could have been a prostitute. They could have been role playing."

Chortling, Vanessa said wryly."She isn't his type. He likes them mature and experienced. And I could easily tell that she was no prostitute, just a victim of circumstance. A lot of experience, I guess." Her tone became somber. "He'd have killed her, you know. When he gets into one of his dark moods, he usually loses control. Whatever he did, he did angry. Sex was worse. I mean, he's an expert lover in bed, but at times like that, he becomes something else. There'd be pain because he'd skip foreplay and just dive right in. He doesn't stop. Sometimes, it felt like I was going to die. The girl wouldn't have survived such a thing."

"I guess she owes you her life, too."

"And I owe you mine. Even though you hate me, you protected me. Thank you." She smoothed her hair, feeling more composed. "I didn't cheat on him. I don't know what he told you but I didn't. I couldn't if I wanted to because I was too scared. He's just this handsome, terrifying man. I couldn't handle him; I thought I could overlook it. Every time I thought about leaving, he'd be sweet again. The passionate love making after would confuse me, hold me spell bound. I'd be trapped again, and I'd think, 'look at me. I'm not a beauty in anyway, but I'm the one he's spending time and money on. I'm the one he loves. I'm lucky.' But he didn't love me; he doesn't love anyone, just cash. The man, my so called 'lover', frequents my boutique. I'd met him in a bookshop before then-he owns it. I always go there to buy books that'll help me learn how to read. I usually go there after the adult classes. One day, he was distributing this handbill for a church crusade and gave me one, smiling while he told to come. It was a sweet smile. Ryan's never smiled that way at me---come to think, he never smiled genuinely around me. I didn't go. I mean a church?" she snorted. 'I thought, 'he must be fucking delusional if he thinks I'd ever step into one'. That place spooks me and infuriates me, you know--hypocrites speaking and swallowing nonsense."

"By chance, he happened to come by my boutique with his nephew who needed clothes for a wedding occasion. He was surprised but pleased. We got talking. He asked me why I didn't come for the program and why I had stopped coming to the bookshop. I came up with all the excuses, I could find, from illness to bad road, and he listened. He was kind, cheerful, and so full of life. I remember thinking, 'Didn't he have any problems in life?' I found out that he did, a lot of it, but he could still smile that way. I wanted that. Since then, he kept coming, we talked more and more. He wanted to know more about me, something Ryan never did. After some time, I opened up. I told him about my dirty past, about my relationship. He listened. By that time, your brother had gotten wind of the fact that I've been 'entertaining'a man. One of my salesgirls must be his eyes and ears."

"He insisted I come to his church on Sunday with Ryan-he wanted to talk with him. That couldn't happen, but I did go. It was....uncomfortable. It felt like I had been abandoned in an asylum where I was the only sane person, in the beginning anyway. I discovered he was an upcoming pastor, too. He introduced me to everyone, they were nice, I even made some friends. After the service, I was convinced I wanted to start over and end things. Before then, Ryan had confronted me, told me about it, calling me a whore, ordering me to stay away from him, threatening. He had no right to tell me what to do," Vanessa balled her hands. "No fucking right! I'm just his baby mama, not his wife! I was angry for the first time, so angry it surpassed my fear of him. I talked back. He hit me, for the first time, too. I decided then and there that I wanted to end things, but it wouldn't be easy. I had to do something. I used Bayo-that's his name; I knew he already had feelings for me. He'd invited me for dinner to discuss the next course of action. I kissed him outside the restaurant, knowing one of Ryan's goons was watching. It did the trick. Ryan blew a fuse. The next time he saw us together, he attacked Bayo, hospitalizing him." She started crying again, her voice quavering with emotion. "It was my fault. I was only thinking about myself, and not the consequences. He beat Bayo up. He took my child away from me."

Lawrence sat there, doing nothing while Vanessa crumbled. He was hearing her side of the story for the first time. "Why are you telling me this now?" He asked once she'd calmed down. "You've had other chances."

"I didn't think you'd believe me."

"What changed?"

"You," she looked at him.

His brows furrowed. "Me? How?"

She shrugged, sniffling. "I don't know. You're just different. I'm sorry for coming on to you that other time. I wasn't thinking straight." She massaged her neck. It would hurt even more tomorrow. "Something's wrong with him, you too. He doesn't see women anything more than playthings, and there's that anger and hatred. You? You don't just care, that is, until now."

"What do you mean?"

Vanessa smiled, said. "The girl. She saw you both. Ryan would have her killed, innocent or not, even though I've never known him to kill someone. Although you don't like the idea you never interfere, but you did, didn't you? You saved her. Why? Could it be that you like her or something? She been speech impaired and a Muslim doesn't bother you?" She eyed him slyly, and Lawrence averted his eyes. "Could it be that you've finally fallen in love? C'mon, she's gotta be under aged. Doesn't that make you a pedophile or something? I knew you were sick but not that sick. I mean---"

"That's not it. I'll do anything to avoid getting blood on my hands. She's not important to me." In order to the derail the conversation, he glanced at his watch. "It's getting late. You should get going. I also have things I need to get back to."

"Hey," Outside, Vanessa stooped, gazing through the window. "I can see the conflict going on inside you. I don't know what instigated it. I went through the same thing. Bayo instigated mine. But I know it will be all right because I turned out all right. I only hope your brother turns out okay, too. I still don't want him hurt. I really pray you guys get the help you need and fast." With that, she walked away.

Hands on the wheel, tapping a finger, Lawrence contemplated. He went to turn on the ignition but stopped and got out of the car. "It isn't safe," he said in response to Vanessa's unsaid question. "Not with your shirt that way."

She glanced down at the untidy sewing she'd done. He'd given her some thread and needle earlier. Vanessa smiled like an abashed school girl as they stood side by side. "You'll protect me? Lawrence, you can't fight. If anything happens I'll probably end up protecting you."

"Don't be so sure about that." He pocketed his hands. Vanessa folded hers, and they watched the road. When cars came by, both took turns in hailing them, but all were occupied.

After a while, Vanessa spoke. "He asked me to marry him."

Lawrence, astonished, said. "For real?"

"Yes. I was surprised-still am. With how rotten I am and all the things I've done. He knows about the child, and he doesn't mind. He said he'll take him in if he has to---anything to make me happy. It's the first time someone has ever considered my happiness. He'll accept it if I decide to go back to Ryan. But your brother would never marry me, which at this stage in my life, I want more than anything--- a nice happy family that I've never had." She looked up at him, her eyes shone with tears. "That's why I want my child, so we can be together--i intend on being a better woman and mother for his sake. Ryan doesn't really care about Jidenna and he doesn't want me to be a part of his life. But I won't give up. I'm not abandoning my child, like some fuckers abandoned me. I'm not going to let him grow up thinking he was unwanted by his mother. You guys of all people should understand." Then she turned away, wiping her face. "I'm going to say yes as soon as I sort things out. He's patient."

This wasn't the Vanessa he knew. Lawrence found himself fighting off a smile. "You've changed."

"Of course, I have. I'm a born again Christian, like it or not. It's all Bayo's fault."

"So the wife of a pastor," he said it so gravely that she grimaced. "Isn't that stressful? You're going to have to fast and pray and stuff?"

"I know," Vanessa groaned theatrically. "But I'll learn. It's not as bad as people think , sha" She sighed. "No more skimpy clothes, so that air can find places."

"No more porn."

"Nope, none of that."

"No more one night stands."

"No, nah."

"No more night partying."

"Shit. That's the worst. I fucking love-I mean loved-- night partying."

"No more swearing, either."

Vanessa pouted at him. Lawrence laughed.

"I'm trying. I'm trying. It's not easy to stop, but he's patient."

Exhaling deeply, he said. "Sounds like a boring life."

"Maybe that's what I need right now. What the life I was leading has taught me is that I was lost and purposeless. I did things without a care in the world because nobody cared. I wanted to be loved by just anyone because I wasn't. So after all the drinking, partying, sexing, what's next? I wake up feeling...empty. All those things, I did to distract myself from how useless I always felt when I came back down to earth. Bayo makes me envision my life sometimes, years from now, right down to old age. Then I realize that this isn't the kind of life I want to tell my kids and grandkids, 'hey, children. Did you know i was a whore when i was young, and a darn good one? I accomplished nothing but service dicks.'I want to live a life I won't regret in my old age, on my dying bed or be too ashamed to tell anyone. That 'fun' life wouldn't have given me that. I don't know if this will, but I'm gonna try it."

The words cut deeper than he'd expected them to. He cleared his throat. "I pity your sex life, though."

Vanessa snorted. "You're telling me. He's a bloody virgin."

"What? In this day and age? How old is he?"

"Thirty four. Did I get lucky or what? I was drop-on-the-floor shocked. He's been keeping himself for marriage, says he isn't interested in meaningless sex. I thought only women did that shit-I mean, did that. It would be nice being with someone who doesn't see it as a tool. I have enough experience for both of us anyway, as per ex-prostitute. He'll learn."

"I say he's the lucky one." Lawrence said and they laughed fleetingly. "Do you love him?"

"No," her face was grim, "because I've always loved someone else," she averted her gaze from his. "But he loves me, and that's what I need. He's a good man. I don't care who or what he worships--God or Ayelala. He's shown me love, one he says comes from a higher one. I don't know what the fuck that means," Realizing she'd cursed again, Vanessa groaned, covering my face. "I'm hopeless,"

Reaching out, Lawrence placed one hand on her shoulder. She looked at him, touched the hand.

"He's taught me to love myself and ll grow to love him, too. I-i-i've finally gotten someone who loves me, and I won't let him go," Holding gazes, Vanessa faced him. "Lawrence," her breath caught, "He thinks i'm the one. Me! i-i-don't deserve this man," Slowly, hesitantly, she walked into him, sobbing with her head on his chest. It took sometime but he held her.

"If we were loved, maybe things wouldn't have turned out the way it did. We weren't so lucky," he murmured. "The person you were didn't. The person you are now does. At least things got better for one of us. And i don't hate you, the new you. I was just angry with you because you chose my brother. He wasn't good for you. You weren't good for him. You need people like Bayo, who'll change you for the better. I'm happy for you, Nessa."

A/N:

Thanks for reading!