"OH NO! WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU!" The girl from before shrieked and nearly fainted when she saw Malfoy's new hair.

"He looks gay." Ron glared from the Griffendor table.

"Are you jealous?" Hermione asked.

"Jealous? Of Malfoy? No way!" Ron scoffed.

"Yes you are, don't deny it." Renesemee said, eating. The school liked Renesmee, who wouldn't? She was accepted and everyone liked to talk to her.

"OK, maybe I am." Ron sighed. Hermione frowned, but said nothing.

"AH! RAPE!" Snape yelled.

"Ew, who would want to rape Snape?" Harry gagged.

"That rhymes." Renesmee said.

"Thanks for pointing that out." Hermione snapped, she was the only one who disliked Renesmee. Snape ran into the great hall, his hair was all wet, and had soap suds in it.

"GET BACK HERE! WE'RE NOT DONE!" Esme ran in, carrying a bucket.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Snape yelled.

"Get him!" Alice yelled, carrying soap. Esme ran up and threw the water at Snape. It drenched him and his hair lay flat against his face. Snape's face twisted into anger then he pulled out a wand.

"Oooh, I'm so scared." Esme laughed. She was then thrown back and hit a wall.

"Oh shit! Esme!" Alice dropped the soap. Snape ran at Alice but slipped on the soap. Alice stared down, and the whole room erupted in laughter, even some of the teachers started laughing. Snape got up and ran out of the room. Esme fell down and looked around.

"That guy is mean." She muttered.

Jacob ran around the forest in his wolf form.

Hey Jake, were are you? Leah's faint voice echoed in his mind.

Uh, London. Jake replied.

Cool. When are you coming back? Leah asked.

I don't know in a few weeks I guess. Jake replied.

OK, Seth swallowed some poison Ivy and keeps on coughing up leaves. Leah replied.

Yeah that's not weird. Jacob said.

Whatever. I'm going human. Leah said and her voice disappeared. Jacob walked back to to the castle, still in wolf form and trotted past the students who gaped at him. Hermione ran up to him and hissed in his ear.

"What are you doing here?" Jacob jumped back and growled at her then continued to walk on. Hermione grabbed him be the neck. "Sirius, why did you dye your hair?" She hissed. Jacob shook her off and continued to walk away. "Get back here!" Hermione growled.

"LOOK CHICK! MY NAME IS JACOB!" Jacob turned into his human form.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Someone yelled. All the students ran away, some gaped at him. Hermione covered her eyes.

"It burns!" She hissed. Jacob looked down.

"Oh, oops!" He blushed a little, covered himself and ran off.

"Hey, look! There is a naked man running through the halls!" Someone shouted. Everyone in Snapes' class room ran to the door and looked out.

"Hey! Everyone! I want to talk about my hair!" Snape snapped (another rhyme! kinda).

"Oh, sorry." Everyone grumbeled and sat back down.

* To Emmet and Bella *

"BELLA! WHY DON'T WE MAKE COOKIES!" Emmett screamed so loud there was no way I could NOT hear him.

"BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN EAT COOKIES!" I yelled back, trying to be louder. Why would EMMETT, want to make COOKIES?

"Yea, but I've always wanted to make some!" This couldn't hurt, right? I mean, what could go wrong with making cookies?

boy, was I wrong.

Emmett's POV:

YES! we're making cookies! BOOYAHH!

"AWEsome!" I yelled, grinning. I followed her into the castle's kitchen. They went inside and saw thousands of house elves. Bella asked the house elves for the neccesary items and started mixing them in a bowl.

"Here, Emmett, take this spoon and keep stirring. I'm going to go grab something in Edward's room." She said, as she exited the room. This stuff smelled horrible. I picked up the spoon and tasted it. "EEWWW!" I yelled, spitting it out. Hmmm. Maybe it needed more sugar? I picked up the bag and poured the whole thing in. I stirred it in and tasted it. Still gross. What do humans usually like? I GOT IT! I went to the house elves who gave me a bottle of whisky and i poured it in. I also grabbed some Butterfingers and Oreos from them, crushed them and tossed them in. It still needed something….but what? THAT'S IT! I zoomed up to my room and found the one thing that will make the cookies perfect.

Drugs.

Bella's POV:

I walked back down to the kitchen to find a gleeful-looking Emmett bouncing up and down with some house elves on his shoulder.

"Ok, Emmett, take balls of dough and squish them onto that pan about 2 inches apart. Then put the pan in the oven." He did as I said, and tossed the pan in the huge oven while the creepy buggers stared at us.

We waited about 20 minutes until I pulled them out. I won't let Emmett handle the hot pan since vampires are flammable.

"YAY!" Emmett squealed. I rolled my eyes.

"Try some, Bella!" What could it hurt? I knew what was in it, I did mix the ingredients. I picked up a cookie, and took a bite.

Emmett's POV:

Bella loooooved the cookies I made. She ate every one of them, then she was thirsty. I grabbed some coffee and whisky and mixed them. I know I read this somewhere…..but I don't remember how much whisky to use….oh well. I poured the whole thing in and handed it to Bella. She drank it all in 5 minutes. Jasper walked in, taking in Bella's expression. Oh, this should be good.

"EMMETT, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" but then he lost all concentration. Bella was drugged, drunk, and on a caffeine and sugar high, and her emotions of silliness were affecting Jasper, causing him to act "drunk" too. Huh. I guess it only affects him when it's this severe.

Jasper and Bella started skipping around the coomon room re-enacting Charlie the Unicorn.

Bella: "Charlieeeee"

Jasper: "Let's go to Candy Mountain Charlieeeee"

Then there was a loud thump, I turned to see Bella had run into a wall, and she was just standing there, her face on the wall. Then she started banging her head against the wall,

"CHARLIEEEEE! THERE'S A BOULDER IN THE WAYYY!" She screamed. Jasper ran up and punched the wall, causing it to collapse. I burst into laughter.

"Oh, SHIT Jasper, the witch bitch's gonna KILL YOU!" I bellowed.

"OHMAIGAWD Jasper, a…FAINTING GOAT!"

"GASP!" Jasper yelled, pointing out the window.

"uhhh…..that's a squirrel." I said, cracking up.

Bella turned back to the BLANK wall, "OH! MY SHADOW!" She yelled, pointing at the blank wall.

Good thing I was filming this.

Then Bella skipped out the door.

"The TREEEES are dancing!" She squealed. I ran outside, to stop dead in my tracks. Bella was standing in front of Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Esme, and Carlisle.

Oh shit.

"AHHHHHHHH! VAMPIRES!" She screamed, then ran behind me.

"EMMETT, what did you do?" Edward said, exasperated, and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What makes you think something's wrong?" I challenged him. I mean, Bella looked normal right now compared to 5 minutes ago.

"Because she doesn't usually run from vampires…..and hide behind one in the process." Ohhh, he got me there.

"Uhhhh—" Then Jasper came running outside, a piece of paper rolled into a unicorn horn, taped to his head. He galloped around us in circles pretending to be a horse.

"neighhh!" he squealed, then he ran back inside. Everyone stood frozen, eyes wide. Then Alice ran after him yelling, "WAIT! JASPER! THAT SHIRT DOESN'T GO WITH THAT HORN!"

Edward hit his forehead with his palm.

"What did you DO?" Edward yelled in disbelievement.

"Wellll….we were making cookies….."

"YOU DIDN'T!" Edward gasped, apparently seeing what happened in my mind.

"I thought it would taste better if I added things humans seamed to like…."I trailed off, looking at his furious face.

"SO YOU GOT HER DRUNK, HIGH, AND ON A COFFEE AND SUGAR RUSH?" He screamed.

By this time Bella had run back into the house screaming, "OHH NOO! IT'S A MAGICAL LEOPPLURODON CHARLIEEE!"

Rose walked over and slapped me in the back of the head. "YOU IDIOT!"

Edward looked so mad, his skin might of turned red. I took the opportunity to laugh,

"SHE IS HILARIOUS WHEN SHE'S INTOXICATED! I MEAN AND THEN HER EMOTIONS AFFECTED JASPER—"

That was it, Edward blew.

Harry POV

*In great Hall*

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What the effing hell is that!

Rosalie's POV:

Edward disappeared and the next thing we hear were crashes from upstairs. Emmett dashed into the house, and we heard him scream, "NOOOOO! NOT MY SPICE GIRLS COLLECTION!"

I turned to the shocked Carlisle and Esme, "Well, if you don't mind me, I'm going to go tear Emmett's jeep apart—"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Emmett screamed.

I smiled as I skipped off to the garage, hearing Bella in the background, "JAZZY! LOOK! EMMIE'S ROOM IS FULL OF CONFETTI!"

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DO NOT MAKE THOSE COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

VOMMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!