Chapter 22-Lots to go around

Renesmee was in a class just watching. She jumped on top of the table.

"You know what I'm going to do?" She announced. Snape was twittering away on his computer.

"Leave?" A student asked.

"No, I'm going to...GO GREEN!" She said.

"I'm not going to give you a potion that will turn you green." Snape said.

"Not that idiot. Ralph!: Renesmee called. Mr. Banana-Man the Bear ran in. "Your not Ralph." Renesmee said.

"Ralph is with Emmett." Mr. Banana-Man said.

"Doing what?" Renesmee asked.

"Trying to see if they can make poo talk." He Said.

"Whatever, OK, I'm off!" Renesmee said and ran out riding on Mr. Banana-Man like he was a horse, a trail of green sparkles after her.

Edward and Thomas Jefferson were spying on kids walking by.

"So, Thomas Jefferson, mind if I call you T-Jeff?" Edward asked.

"Sure." He said.

"Pa!" Renesmee skidded to a stop, Mr. Banana-Man sniffed the air.

"I smell democracy!" He said. Thomas Jefferson looked around and jumped off the ledge.

"Ow!" Neville cried.

"I'm OK!" Thomas Jefferson cried up.

"Who was that?" Renesmee asked.

"No one, what do you want?" Edward asked.

"I have decided to go green pa, will you join me?" Renesmee asked.

"Well...I wanted Bella to get an abortion when you were born, let Jacob hump your leg when you were born...so I guess I'll earn some father points." Edward shrugged and got on Mr. Banana-Man's back behind Renesmee.

"To Snape's room to recycle his Monster Cans!" Renesmee said.

Snape was still Twittering.

"Sir are you going to teach class?" A person asked.

"Huh, go...scissors." He said.

"That wasn't a sentence." A student said.

"EARTH WARRIORS!" Renesmee bust through the wall. Mr. Banana-Man was wearing armor to were he looked like a tank, Renesmee had on a knight suit and Edward had on a Little-Bo-peep dress and a Shepard's stick-thingy.

"How come you get to look cool?" Edward asked Renesmee.

"I'm the Earth Knight dad." Renesmee pulled up the visor, then it fell down. She tried to get off Mr. Banana-Man, but the armor was too heavy and she fell off. She rolled onto her side like a turtle and got up.

"And what am I?" Edward asked.

"The Earth Knight's lovely maiden, Ugly-Chicken."Renesmee said.

"What?" Edward asked.

"Do not questionith my desitions...ith. Nowith! We shallith recycleith these cans...ith!" Renesmee started throwing the cans into a bag. She accidentally grabbed Snape's Monster he was still drinking and tossed it into the bag.

"OH HELL NO!" Snape jumped at her.

"AHith!" Renesmee said and fell down. Snape jumped on top of her and started to hit her.

"Hey you! Stop raping my daughter." Edward pointed at him with his cane.

"Hey Edward, me and Aphrodite are best friends, see ya!" Rosalie appeared, Aphrodite, a mirror image next to her and they walked away.

"But Aphrodite isn't real!" Edward called.

"It's called a CRACK fanfic!" Rosalie shouted.

"Uh, dad, Help." Renesmee said, Snape still wailing on him.

"What? Go get em." Edward waved to her.

"That's it! GWARP!" Renesmee called. Gwarp tore through t he wall, tossed it away and let out a battle cry. The students yelled back and ran off. Snape jumped up.

"YOU LEAVE NESSIE-POO ALONE!" Gwarp grabbed Snape and tossed him, no flung him, across the school's campus and into the forbidden forest.

"Team Rocket Blast's off again!" He shouted as he disappeared.

"Why are you on Renesmee's side?" Edward asked.

"I LOVE THE PLANET" Gward said. Renesmee sat up.

"Yeah, I'm going to go, take a nap." Renesmee said and fell down asleep. Edward poked her with the cane.

*************

"Snape, I would like to talk to you." Dumbledore appeared wearing a half mesh shirt, short shorts, and roller skates, the kind that aren't in a line, with knee high socks. His beard had a pink streak in it.

"Uh, sir, what are you wearing?" Snape asked.

"Oh this? I went shopping with Rosalie and her gal pal." Dumbledore said.

"Yeah, so what do you want?" Snape asked closing the laptop.

"You have not been teaching due to your addiction to Twitter. So, I'm sending you to...REHAB!" Dumbledore said.

"What! Why?" Snape jumped up.

"You haven't bathed since you had that date with Harry Mom-Doll which was like, forever ago, you haven't done your job since then either, so, I'm forcing you to go to rehab for your twitter addiction. Don't worry, I'm sending Emmett to go with you." Dumbledore said.

"Who is that?" Snape blinked.

"Me. I'm going for an addiction to... air." Emmett said.

"That's not an addiction!" Snape said.

"For a vampire it is, no, let us go! HERALD!" Emmett yelled. Herald the dragon bust through the wall. He had on a saddle. Emmett grabbed Snape and got on Herald, and they left.

"OK, class, let's introduce ourselves. I'm Dr. Drew." Dr. Drew from celebrity rehab said.

"Wait, none of us our celebrities." Snape said. Emmett sat with him dressed as a cowboy.

"Shhh!" HE snapped.

"Anyway, let's start with you." Dr. Drew turned to the person next to me. He stood up.

"My name is Caius and I'm addicted to cup cakes." Caius said.

"Hi Caius." The group said. There was six in total including Emmett and Snape. They circled around to Snape.

"My name is Snape and I'm addicted to Twitter." He said.

"Hi Snape." The group said.

"OK, the first few hours of your healing is called...I don't know" Dr. Drew said (I really don't xD). Everyone settled into their rooms. Emmett was with Caius and Snape was with a tree huger addict.

"So is that a real addiction?" Snape asked.

"Yes...I have to HUG!" He jumped up and tackled Snape.

"Ah! What the hell?" Snape yelled.

"Feel the love! ARE YOU FEELING IT!" The guy asked.

"He's relapsed! Take him down!" Dr. Drew said in the door way. Two bouncers appeared and tazered the tree huger.

Meanwhile...

"So Caius, your addicted to cup cakes? How is that possible?" Emmett asked.

"What? Huh, man, I'm freaking out! I need a cupcake, like, I see them floating around your head right now." Caius said. Emmett looked around.

"I don't see them." Emmett said.

"Yeah...Aro got tired of me eating all the cup cakes and sent me here." Caius said. Suddenly, Emmett's suit case was thrown open and Renesmee crawled out.

"Ahaha!" She jumped up.

"Why are you here?" Emmett asked.

"You think I was going to miss out on this? A bunch of screwed up people in rehab? Hell no!" Renesmee said and fell out of it then stood up. Then Caius's suit case threw open. Aro crawled out.

"Why are YOU here?" Caius jumped.

"I wanted to make sure you get real treatment. OH! Renesmee! Want to join the Vulturi?" Aro asked.

"Uhhhhhhhhhh..." Renesmee looked around then ran out the door. Aro ran after her.

"Just think! You get a cool cloak!" Aro yelled after her.

Out side, Renesmee ran into the tree huger guy who was being dragged away.

"Here ya go!" She pulled out a tree from her pocket and dropped it on him.

"HUG!" The guy said and gave a big bear hug to the tree. Aro tripped over him and fell down.

"What the?" He asked.

"He's relapsed again! Tazer him!" Dr. Drew said. The bouncers appeared and tazered both Aro and the guy.

The Next day...

The tree huger guy and everyone else was gone, just Snape, Caius, Aro, Emmett, and Renesmee were there.

"Were is everyone else?" Emmett asked.

"Their homes got foreclosed on them so we kicked them out." Dr. Drew said.

"That's kinda mean." Emmett said.

"Yeah who cares, SNAPE! Stop eating the chair!" Dr. Drew yelled. Snape was gnawing at his chair. He spat out the fluff and sat normally.

"Sorry. Um, do you have a phone?" Snape asked.

"No, now, who first introduced you to Twitter?" Dr. Drew asked.

"Her." Snape pointed to Renesmee. Renesmee smiled.

"So, why did you introduce Snape to Twitter?" Dr. Drew asked.

"I didn't think he'd get addicted to it, I just showed him it." Renesmee shrugged.

"Uh-hu." Dr. Drew started writing on his note pad.

"What are you writing?" Snape asked.

"Nothing." Dr. Drew said. Snape jumped up and grabbed the clipboard.

"Loser, no friends, suffers from loneliness?" Snape read. Emmett burst out laughing.

"Hey! Those are private!" Dr. Drew said.

"I'll show you private!" Snape started to wail on Dr. Drew.

A few minutes later...

Dr. Drew sat in his chair all beat up with band-aid's every were. Snape was strapped to his chair and was full of tranquilizer. His head rolled on his shoulder's and drool oozed down his mouth.

"Ah-hem, now, Caius, your addicted to...cupcakes?" He read.

"Yes." He said.

"Uh, ok." Dr. Drew started to write.

"Now, why did you start to abuse pastries?" Dr. Drew asked.

"I don't know." Caius said.

"Because he beats his wife and wants to kill everyone and wants to molest Renesmee." Aro said.

"Do not! I read your diary! You want Renesmee to join the Vulturi and call her Madame Hotcakes!" Caisus said.

"Hey! My diary is private!" Aro stood up.

"Everyone reads it! Including Demetri, Alec, and Jane!" Caius said.

"You want to go? You don't want to mess with this!" Aro said.

"Bring it! I'll put the smack down on you!" Caius said and rolled up his sleeves.

"Hey! No fighting!" Dr. Drew said. Caius lunged at Aro.

A few minutes later...

Caius and Aro were strapped to the wall since their chair's were currently out side. They were also knocked up on tranquilizer. Renesmee was reading a book.

"OK, um, Emmett, your addicted to, air?" Dr. Drew wrote.

"Yes sir." Emmett said, dressed like Ceaser.

"Uh, ok. Now, you, Renesmee, excuse me, what are you reading?" He asked.

"Aro's diary." Renesmee said and held it up.

"OK, what are you addicted to?" Dr. Drew asked.

"...Oxygen." Amerina said.

"That's it, I quit." Dr. Drew stood up and left.

Back at Hogwarts...

"OK T-Jeff and, fake goddess, drop this nickel from here and see if it cut's people in half." Edward handed a nickel to Thomas Jefferson and Aphrodite.

"Oohhh...I'm hot!" Aphrodite stared at herself in the nickel.

"Hey! That's me!" Thomas Jefferson said and stared at him self in the nickel. Edward sighed and tossed his nickel off the edge.

"Oh my god! She's cut in half!" Some one called from , Herald the dragon crashed through a window. Renesmee, Emmett, and Snape jumped off.

"Renesmee? What were you doing with them?" Edward asked.

"Nothing you need to worry about." Renesmee said and left. Dumbledore skated up then.

"Ah, Snape, so is your addiction to Twitter cured?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah." Snape said.

"Good, now you can go back to your job. See ya." Dumbledore skated away.

"You aren't are you?" Edward asked Snape.

"Hell no." Snape said and left.

*****************************

Edward and Bella were in the great hall when everyone was in class.

"I'm bored." Bella said.

"Want to do it?" Edward asked.

"Edward, how come when I was a human and not that attractive you didn't want to have sex, but now your all over my ass?" Bella asked.

"Uh... I didn't want to hurt you?" Edward cringed.

"Yeah, right." Bella rolled her eyes. Then, a portal opened up. Amerina leaned out of it.

"Quickly! Get me a soda!" She cried, waving her arms.

"Who are you?" Edward jumped.

"There is no time to explain! This thing's going to explode if you don't get me a soda!" Amerina cried.

"What?" Bella yelled over the noise.

"Freaking idiots!" Amerina cursed and went back in. Then, Bella and Edward were sucked into the portal. They glided down a blue tunnel, images flashing past them, then, a fork in the tunnel appeared. Amerina went left.

"She'll be coming 'round the mountain when she comes, OH, she'll be coming round the mountain!" She sang as she scrunched up in a ball and did cartwheels, and disappeared. Bella and Edward went to opposite way. The tunnel opened up and they fell hard on pavement.

"Hey watch it you wankers!" A person shook there fist at them as they dodged there fall. Bella stood up and looked up. The portal was gone.

"Crap! It's gone!" Bella said.

"Ah, you bloody Americans! McDonalds is that way!" The guy said and left.

"Shut up and go drink tea!" Edward shouted after them.

"Were are we?" Bella looked around.

"Looks like it's England." Edward said. "Whoa! Look! Bella it's you!" Edward pointed toward a large sign. STEPHENIE MEYER BOOK SIGNING! TWILIGHT!

"What a dumb name." Bella scoffed.

"Excuse me, do you like Twilight?" Edward asked a girl with a Team Edward Shirt on.

"Oh hell ya! I luvvvvvvvvvv Edward! I'm going to marry him!" The girl said.

"What's Twilight about?" Bella asked.

"A girl named Bella falls in love with a vampire named Edward. It's so romantic!" The fan said.

"What a dumb idea." Bella said.

"My name's Edward, and my wife's name is Bella." Edward said. The fan's jaw dropped.

"Oh...my..god. EDWARD AND BELLA!" the fan roared. Suddenly, as if the girl let out a war cry and soldiers herd to help her, a sea of fans going to the book signing appeared.

"!" They roared.

"Oh shit, run Bella!" Edward said. They ran off as the mob stampeded.

"I LUV U EDWARD!" A girl yelled. Edward and Bella ran into the store Stephanie Meyer was giving a book signing and hid in the back.

"Excuse me." Edward said as she bumped into a woman.

"Oh that's OK. Wait, Edward? Bella?" The girl asked.

"Stephanie Meyer?" Edward asked.

"Yeah! I wrote you! You think I wouldn't recognize you two? Why are you here?" Stephanie asked.

"WE don't know, we got sucked into the real world!" Bella said.

"Huh, let's get you out of here." Stephanie said.

"Hey Edward and Bella, there you are." Emmett appeared, his shirt ripped of, pants in shreds, pieces of hair missing and kissing marks all over him, same with Jasper who was next to him.

"What happened to you?" Bella asked.

"Well, a portal opened and a girl asked us for beverages but we said no, we got sucked into the portal and she started singing folk songs and disappeared, we got sucked into a different tunnel and appeared in the middle of a rapid crowd." Emmett explained.

"So many... there was so many!" Jasper said, crying.

"So they like raped you?" Edward asked.

"Yeah-" Emmett said. There was and explosion and the group ran up to the store front.

TWILIGHT IS LAME! HARRY POTTER RULES! Was written on the window. A bunch of people dressed up as wizards ran off on fake broom sticks.

Meanwhile back at hogwarts...

Malfoy and Harry were getting into a fight.

"Watch it Potter, I have money!" Malfoy said.

"I'm the chosen one!" Harry said.

"...My hair is sexy!" Malfoy said.

"Ok, break it up." Dumbledore appeared. Then, a portal opened up.

"Any of you have soda?" Amerina asked.

"Uh, no." Dumbledore said.

"Crap! Does anyone have SODA?" Amerina asked and disappeared into the portal. Malfoy, Harry, and Dumbledore were sucked inside. Like Edward, Bella, Jasper, and Emmett, they were sucked into the detour. They landed inside someones house.

"Ouch, my hair!" Malfoy said.

"What the?" A person asked. The three jumped up to see J.K. Rowling. "Harry, Malfoy, Dumbledore?" She asked.

"Hey, person, we need your help! Can you get us to Platform Nine and Three Quarters?" Dumbledore asked.

"No, because it isn't real. I wrote you as a book. Your not real." J.K. Rowling said.

"Were is your proof?" Dumbledore asked. J.K. Rowling pulled out a Harry Potter book.

"Why is Potter the main character?" Malfoy asked.

"Because I'm awesome. Wait, what about Bella and Edward?" Harry asked.

"Oh, them, they are characters in a different book." J.K. Rowling frowned. Then,a portal opened up.

"Yeah, speaking of them, Edward, Bella, Jasper, and Emmett are at Stephanie Meyer's book sighing at the Barnes and Nobels." Amerina said and disappeared back in.

"Who was that?" J.K. Rowling asked.

"I don't know, anyway, we have to go get them! Do you have a broom stick?" Harry asked.

"No, I have a car though." She said. They jumped into her car and speed off toward the book signing. After dodging a hoard of wandering Twilight fans, they arrived at the book store and ran inside.

"Harry? Melfey?" Bella asked, they were hiding inside.

"See, here they are." Dumbledore said.

"ROWLING!" Stephanie Meyer jumped up from behind a book case.

"Meyer!" J.K. Rowling growled. The two glared at each other, sparks flying.

"What's up with them?" Harry asked.

"Now, we can settle this once and for all, who is better?" Rowling glared.

"Of coarse me, I beat out your silly little book, Tales of Beddle the Bard for best book in Great Britain!" Stephanie said.

"Ha, I scoff at that, Harry Potter has become embedded in Pop Culture, not some one time thing like Twilight. My story shows the growth of Harry through the years, not some silly love." J.K. Rowling said.

"What are you, a lesbian? Who doesn't love a good romance story?" Stephanie Meyer said.

"You...Bitch!" J.K. Rowling tackled her. Soon they were fighting.

"Kick her ass Stephanie!" Emmett cheered.

"What are you talking about? J.K. Rowling is way better!" Malfoy said.

"No one even knows J.K. Rowling's real name." Emmett said.

"Oh yeah?" Malfoy raised hsi fist. Emmett picked him up and chucked him through the wall.

"I'm OK!" Malfoy said.

"Hey, according to this website, Harry Potter and Twilight exist in different universes!" Edward said. The group walked over to the computer Edward was on.

"What kind of sick son of a bitch would combine the two?" Dumbledore cried.

"Gemini53095." Edward said.

"Huh?" Dumbledore asked.

"See, I looked up Harry Potter and Twilight Crossovers/Combination, and it came up with this website, and one of the links is to a story called The Ultimate Harry Potter Twilight Cross-Over and the author's screen name is Gemini53095." Edward said.

"Ooohhhh, a Gemini! You'll know she'll be oodles of fun!" Emmett said.

"How do you know they are a girl?" Edward asked.

"The bio, they say so see?" Emmett said.

"Oh, hey, they live in STL, Missouri! Let's go find her, maybe she can set us straight!" Edward said.

"I'm not going there!" Malfoy said.

"Why not?" Emmett asked, cracking his knuckles.

"Because, ! Did you know they are one the most obese cities in the US and crime rates as well as unemployment have spiked?" Malfoy said.

"That just means it's fun!" Emmett said and knocked him out. They left Stephanie Meyer and J.K. Rowling behind as they fought and left to STL.

"Can we watch a ball game? Or go on a tour of the Anheuser-Bush brewery? Or go to Grant's Farm? Maybe we can go on a ride on the Clidestails they have in the commercials? Maybe we can we can see the arch! Or go to the Opera House, or or we can go to a Jazz show!" Emmett said as they drove around St. Louis.

"No! We don't have time for that!" Bella snapped.

"Hey, did you know the hot dog, cheeseburger, ice tea, the ice cream cone, and toasted ravioli were invented at the World's fair in 1904?" Edward read from a brochure.

"Omg! No way!" Emmett said.

"Yeah! And, and, Ragtime was invented here, which led to blues and jazz which led to rock-n-roll!" Edward said, turned the brochure around.

"I swear, if we get shot, My dad is going to take all your money!" Malfoy said.

"We are not going to get shot, calm down, no, were could this girl live?" Bella asked as she drove.

"I know!" Amerina said.

"How do you know mystery girl?" Bella asked.

"She created me in one of her crazy fanfics, and my name is Amerina." She said.

"Yeah, no one cares, lets go!" Emmett said.

Meanwhile...

"Lol, jk!" A girl texted to her friend. BAM! A car crashed through her living room. She jumped up.

"I HAVE A DOOR!" She yelled. The gang jumped out. Then, she fainted when she saw who they were, but jumped back up. "You guys aren't real! What are you doing here?" I asked.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" A voice yelled.

"Nothing! It was the TV!" She shouted back.

"It was really loud!" Her dad yelled.

"It was in HD!" She yelled.

"Oh! OK!" Her dad said and fell back asleep.

"Anyway, we need your help. We were sucked out of your fanfic and into the real world and now we can't get back." Dumbledore said.

"Look at this stupid thing!" Malfoy pointed to the TV.

"Wait, that can't be possible because I'm still typing that chapter, see?" She walked over to a computer and hit a key on the keyboard, getting rid of the screen saver to the story editor on fanfiction . net.

"Wow, 41 chapters, your a loser." Emmett said.

"I know." She sighed.

"So, this is a story within a story, within a story, within a story, within a story and so on?" Dumbledore asked.

"Pretty much." She shrugged.

"Wow a dog! Ow it bit me!" Malfoy jumped away from my dog, Nate.

"WE DON"T HAVE HD!" Her dad called.

"Shut UP!" She yelled.

"Well then, some one's not going to get a visit from Santa!" Her dad yelled.

"Santa isn't real!" She yelled back.

"LALALA! WHAT DID YOU SAY? DON'T LIE TO ME!" Her dad said.

"Were the hell are all the Dorritoes?" Amerina walked in. Then, the computer created the portal out of no ware.

"Shot gun!" Amerina jumped in. Emmett, Edward, Bella, Malfoy, Jasper, Dumbledore, and Harry were sucked in. The portal closed then.

"Better type the rest!" She sat down and started typing.

Neville was walking to class, then the group all fell on him at once. Emmett sat up.

"Thanks for cushioning our fall!" Emmett said, Neville twitched.

"Yeah, Amerina, out." Amerina said and jumped back into the portal.

***************************************

"Hey, what that?" A student pointed to a person who was walking funny.

"Probably a retard." Hagrid said. He was teaching Care of Magical Creatures outside as always.

The retard got close and was reviled to have half a head.

"Oh me god! Are ye OK?" Hagrid ran over to them.

"Brainsssssssssss." The person lunged at him.

"ZOMBIEEEE!" A voice howled. Renesmee appeared with a shot gun and blasted it's head off.

"What the hell is a zombie?" Hagrid asked.

"An undead mofo that eats the living! Come on! We have to go back up to the castle! There are more coming!" Renesmee pointed. Sure enough, more retards were walking. Te class ran up and back into the Castle. "EMMETT!" Renesmee yelled. Emmett appeared .

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Zombies." Renesmee turned his head to the school ground.

"Close the door man!" Emmett pulled the lever and green slime fell on him.

"Hahahaha!" Renesmee was rolling on the ground.

"Opps, I've just been slimed!" He said.

"CLOSE THE DOOR!" Hagrid shrieked like a girl.

"Fine, sheesh." Emmett grabbed the handle again and closed the door.

"Quick, Renesmee, round up the staff, Hagrid, get Harry and Pals, I'll get Malfoy and gang." Emmett said.

"What about the rest of the students?" A kid asked.

"What about them?" Emmett said and ran off.

"Harry, Hermione, Ron, let's go! There is a zombie invasion." Hagrid said.

"Can we come?' Ginny asked with Neville.

"Sure, let's go to the Griffendor common room." Hagrid said. They ran up to the common room and went in. The Snape and Dumbledore were there.

"Renesmee, were is the rest of the staff?" Emmett asked her.

"There's more?" Renesmee asked.

"Ugh." Emmett said. Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Bella, Jasper, Alice, Mr. BananaMan the bear, and Ralph the Bear walked in.

"That guy was really rude, he freaking' attacked me, talking about brains." Bella scoffed. Everyone started to talk crazily about the zombie invasion.

"Are you sure they are not Inferi?" Snape asked. Emmett jumped on top of a table.

"Positive! They are Zombies because they say, braaaaaiiiiinnnssss, which, zombies eat." Emmett said.

"Wait, why would a zombie go after a vampire? We are undead too technically." Bella said.

"Because, we have Brains too." Emmett said.

"Oh." Bella said.

"Uh, Emmett, zombies aren't real." Renesmee said.

"Why do you say that?" Emmett asked. Renesmee pulled out Jacob's laptop and pressed play on it.

"Zombies are popular horror movie creations. Originally created by George A. Romero in the movie, The Knight of the Living Dead. Since he did not copy right the movie, there are very differentiations of zombie movies, such as Resident Evil, Land Of the Dead, 28 Days, and so on. There are many video games as well like House of the Dead. In the classic zombie movies, they move slow, are recently dead, crave human flesh and brains. Sometimes depending on the zombie movie, they might talk or have super strength and speed. What causes the zombies varies from a virus to a mutation. The universal one weakness a zombie as is an attack to the brain. People become zombies from wither a bit or a scratch from a zombie. Zombies still scare us today despite the many movies, but one thing is for sure, you'll never look at a grave yard the same way." A voice said.

"See? It's just some movie thing." Renesmee said.

"Hey look, there are more." Jasper pointed. Everyone looked out the windows. A sea of zombies were outside.

"Good thing we closed the door." Hagrid said. BAM!

"WHAT THE HELL?" Filch yelled.

"Yeah, looks like they just got pass the door." Edward said.

"Well, we are safe as long as we stay here. But, just in case, we must go over the zombie movie rules." Emmett said.

"What are they?" Harry asked.

"OK, number one: stick together no matter what, number two: the only way to kill a zombie for sure is to shoot them in the head, number three: if you get bit or scratched by a zombie, you will become one so you must die, number four: all zombies must die no matter who they are, they are no longer living and do not think like a human. Comprendo?" Emmett asked. Everyone nodded.

"Hey guys! Look what I found!" Jasper pulled out five shot guns.

"Uh...those are not mine." Seamus said. Jasper kept a gun, gave one to Emmett, one to Dumbledore, one to Snape, and one to Harry.

"Here is how to use a gun." Emmett pointed the gun to the wall and pulled the trigger. He showed them how to reload too.

"Uh, how come I get one?" Harry asked.

"You defend the humans with Snape and Dumbledore." Jasper said.

"Yeah, us Vampire's can handle tings our selves." Edward cracked his knuckles.

"OK, Jasper, let's go hunting...for ZOMBIES!" Emmett said.

"Already ahead of you." Jasper was on Ralph the bear. He had on the black stuff foot ball players wear under their eyes, he had his sock tied as a head back around his head. Emmett jumped on Mr. BananaMan the Bear.

"Wait! Emmett!" Rosalie ran up to him.

"Yeah baby?" Emmett asked, tying his own sock around his head.

"Don't go! We an be happy together!" Rosalie said.

"Sorry sweet cheeks, but this is something I have to do." Emmett said.

"Uh, fine then, but if you die, I'm going to change to girls!" Rosalie said. Aphrodite walked up.

"Sorry Rosalie, I can't marry you, I'm already married." She said.

"Oh...Esme?" Rosalie turned around.

"Uh, no." Esme said and started to make out with Carlisle.

"Get it Carlisle!" Edward cheered.

"See ya Rosalie." Emmett said.

"Emmett if you die can I have your video camera?" Renesmee asked.

"He's not going to die! Let's go!" Jasper said and the two left.

"So...single?" Neville walked over and slicked his hair.

"Go away." Rosalie pushed him hard and he fell to the ground creating a mini-creator.

"I'm...not OK." Neville said.

"Your all yo-yos! All of you!" Snape said.

"Your the yo-yo!" Emmett's distant voice called.

Back with Jasper and Emmett...

"Ha! Five points!" Emmett blew the head off a zombie.

"Crap, we're tied!" Jasper said.

Then, he shot a zombie, the bullet hit the zombie in the head.

"Head shot!" A voice said from no ware. Jasper and Emmett looked around but saw no one. They went around, de-zombifying the castle.

"Whoa Jasper, I got 65 points and all you have is 50!" Emmett said.

"Watch this!" Jasper shot the wall, the bullet bounced off the wall and bounced off the other wall, then hit a zombie in the head.

"Yeah, that wasn't needed." Emmett scoffed.

"That's ten points. Starting to look like Rosalie might go for girls after all." Jasper said.

"Yeah right, at least I get freaky with my girl." Emmett said.

"Gasp! You take that back! My relationship with Alice isn't entirely physical!" Jasper said. Emmett pulled out a white glove and slapped him with it. "Well...at least Alice doesn't want to leave me if she got offered a baby." Jasper said under his breath. Cha-chink. Emmett had his gun pointed at Jasper's head.

"Want to say that again?" Emmett asked. Jasper also pointed his gun at him.

"I said, at least Alice wont leave me if you waved a baby under her nose!" Jasper said.

"Braaiiinnsss?" A zombie asked.

"Not now!" Emmett yelled.

"Brains!" The zombie said as if to say, well then!

Back with Everyone else...

Everyone was just sitting around, bored.

"Password?" The fat lady asked.

"Are they back already?" Bella asked.

"Brains!" A zombie said.

"I'm sorry, that's not it." The Fat Lady said.

"Fat Lady! Don't let them in!" Harry called.

"I'm not!" She called back.

"Braaaaaiiiinnnnssss." A bunch of zombies said.

"Wait, what are you doing! Stop that! I'm not meant to bend that way!" The Fat Lady said. There was a tearing noise then and the Fat Lady's painting was thrown away as a sea of zombies poured in.

"Ah! No! My hair is to young to die!" Malfoy screamed

"Take this!" Snape started to shoot them but couldn't aim for shit.

"Hermione! What ARE YOU DOING?" Harry shouted.

"Teaching them English." Hermione said. She had a couple desks with zombies in them and a chalk board. "Now, let's go over one of the most important rules of English. I before E except after...Arg! Finish the rule." Hermione pointed to one of the zombies.

"...Brains?" It said.

"Sorry, the correct answer was c." Hermione said.

"BRAINS!" The Zombie stood up and threw the desk across the room.

"Arg, now you'll have to go sit in the corner." Hermione pulled out a Dunce cap and put it on his head.

"...Brains..." He said and sat facing the corner.

"Ow! Stop that!" Neville was being ganged up by the zombies. They were pushing him around and laughing at him. Malfoy was showing them how to comb their hair like his, and a group of zombies were crowded around the Twilight Girls, ogling them.

"Everyone! Look!" Edward called. A group of Zombies were in rows of neat straight lines. Edward was dressed like Micheal Jackson from the Thriller video.

"OK, let's take it from the top!" Edward said. He started singing Thriller and then danced to it and so did the zombies.

"Go dad!" Renesmee had out Emmett's video camera and was taping it. Everyone was watching. Emmett and Jasper came back.

"What is he doing?" Emmett asked Carlisle.

"Recreating the Thriller video." He said.

"Oh, well, some one has to be the girl." Emmett looked around and grabbed Neville. "You'll do!" He said.

"I'm not a girl!" He said. But before Emmett could reply, Herald the Dragon came in and burned all the zombies with his fire.

"Talk about bad breath!" Dumbledore said.

"AHHH! FIYAH!" Emmett ran away and the vampires all nearly had a panic attack. Herald was done and all the zombies were dead.

"Awww..." Edward said and popped his jacket's collar.

"Why did you do that?" Hermione asked.

"I thought you needed help." Herald the Dragon said. Emmett walked over.

"Oh my god! Your a Dragon!" He said.

"MAHAHAHAHAHA!" A voice said. Everyone looked around as the voice cackled. Then, Voldemort appeared.

"YES! THEY ARE ALL-" He stopped and looked around. "Shit! I thought the zombies would kill all of you!" He said.

"Hey, aren't you the guy with cupcakes?" Emmett asked.

"Why...yes... I do have some tasty cupcakes." Voldemort said.

"Ewww...Snake guy." Emmett said.

"Anyway, I sent the zombies to kill you all." Voldemort said and sighed. Everyone paused and looked at Herald the Dragon.

"Toast him!" Harry said.

"Uh, got to go!" Voldemort ran out, Herald the Dragon on his tail

**********************************

"Hey Neville, loser!" Some one pushed Neville. More students passed by and shoved him. Harry walked up and slapped him.

"Reject chosen one!" He said and walked off. Everyone walked over and made fun of him.

"THAT'S IT! I'M TIRED OF BEING MADE FUN OF!" Neville said. He ran off and into his dorm. "I'll show them! I'll show them all!" He muttered to him self. He pulled out all black make-up, and some weird close.

He painted his nails black, put on black lip stick and heavy eyeliner, and died his hair black and put it in front of his face.

"Neville?" Ron asked. Neville hissed at him. Ron slowly backed away. Then Neville shoved him self into a pair of lime green skinny jeans and struggled to put them on and pt on a black shirt.

"Behold! The new Neville!" He said walking into the common room.

"He's emo!" A voice shrieked. Everyone ran away screaming at the top of their lungs.

"Hey Neville what's up." Harry walked over.

"We are all going to die! So why live?" Neville asked.

"Uh, OK?" Harry walked off. He walked around the castle hissing at people.

"Is he still acting emo?" Hermione asked Emmett who was spying on him.

"Yes." Emmett said.

"How can we make him act normal again?" Hermione asked.

"There is only one person I know who can fix him." Emmett said.

"Who?" Hermione asked.

"This way!" Emmett ran off. A few second later the two were standing in front of Renesmee who was dressed like Invader Zim. (I love that show xD)

"Yes? What is it you need?" Renesmee asked.

"Neville is acting Emo and we need him to act normal." Emmett said.

"Well, if he's acting, that makes him a poser so it should be easy to turn hm normal. Real Emo kids are afraid of rejection so, act nice and sun-shiny to him. that should turn him normal." Renesmee said.

"OK." Emmett said and stood up.

"Oh, ad keep sharp objects away from him." Renesmee said.

"Why?" Hermione asked.

"Don't question me woman, just do it!" Renesmee snapped.

The two recruited basically all the students in the school to hug Neville all at once.

"Hahahaha!" Jasper was laughing loudly.

"What's up with you Jasper?" Emmett asked.

"I gave fat boy a fake knife and now he's trying to cut him self!" Jasper pointed. Neville was thrashing about trying to cut himself.

"Uh, OK, anyway, everyone! Commence operation, SUPER HUG!" Emmett yelled. Out of no ware, all the students ran at Neville and piled on top of him in a hug.

"Hey! what are you doing! NO! NOT LOVE! ANYTHING BUT LOVE!" Neville yelled.

"Yes! Feel the love!" Emmett shouted.

"CANNON BALL!" Jasper jumped on top.

After a few minutes Neville stopped yelling and every one got off of him.

"Uh, he's knocked out." A student said.

"What did you learn?" Emmett asked Neville as he lay in a hospital bead, virtually all his bones broken.

"That being hugged by hundreds of people hurts?" He said.

"Close enough." Emmett punched him and walked away.

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