Chapter 21- BEWARE! OF INFORMATION!!!!!!

Hagrid and Snape arrived at Wal-mart.

"I was thinking Snape, how come we don't hang out more often?" Hagrid asked Snape.

"...Becuase." Snape said.

They walked into the store.

"Welcome to Wal-mart." A mummy greeted them.

"I wonder were the fireworks are." Hagrid looked around.

"I tried to tell you that they don't sell fire-"

"Over there!" Snape pointed to the close section.

"Hagrid that's the clo-"

"This way!" Hagrid grabbed Snape and dragged him over to the close. They were soon surrounded by close. "Wow, just $3.99 for two shirts! They are low priced! I wonder if they have my size..." Hagrid shifted through the close.

"Look at these." Snape pointed to jeans.

"Mom Jeans!" A little kid said as he ran by.

"Oohhh, they must be special!" Hagrid said.

"No they are-"

"Try some on!" Hagrid shoved the jeans on Snape.

"No Hagrid I-"

"Hey guys!" A voice said. The two turned to the voice. It was Sirius on a scooter with a basket for fat people.

"Arn't you dead?" Snape asked.

"And?" Sirius blinked.

"Were buying mom jeans!" Hagrid clapped his hands.

"What no Hagrid we were her for fi-"

"FIREWORKS! Over by the hunting aisle!" Hagrid pointed.

"WILL YOU STOP INTERUPTING ME!" Snape roared. Hagrid jumped.

"Yeah, got to go. Hot soccer mom on aisle three." Sirius said and zoomed away. Sirius and Snape went to the hunting aisle.

"Do you have any fireworks?" Hagrid asked a person.

"no." They said and walked away.

"What a bitc-"

"Are you looking for fireworks?" A shady voice said. The two turned to the voice. A guy in all black from those stranger-on-my-street- signs stood by a shot gun.

"Yeah, do you have any you seemingly innocent man?" Hagrid asked.

"sure do." The man pulled out a giant firework. "Fifty bucks." He finished.

"Oh crap, I don't have any money!" Hagrid said.

"Idiot! I don't!" Snape said.

"anyway, we have to see it to believe it." Hagrid lit a match and lit the fuse.

"You idiot! It's gonna blow extra now since it's surrounded by gunpowder!" The guy said and ran off.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Hagrid said. the whole store erupted in chaos as they ran. "Run faster Snape!" Hagrid said as they made a mad dash for the door.

"I can't! These mom jeans are giving my a camel toe and it hurts!" Snape said.

"Guys don't get camel toes!" Hagrid said.

"Quickly, get in my basket!" Sirius zoomed in front of them.

"OK!" The two said at the same time. They made it to the door and Sirius floored the scooter in the parking lot. BAM! Hagrid jumped off.

"Wow, it's so pretty!" He said. Snape jumped off after them.

"WE JUST BLEW UP WAL-MART!" He cried.

"Oh well, c'mon, i'll take you back to Hogwarts." Sirius patted the basket.

The two jumped back in and zoomed off.

-back at hogwarts...-

"Micheal jackson was a genius!" Edward declared.

"No, he was a little boy toucher!" Emmett said.

"no he was a genius!" Edward said.

"Communist!" Emmett slapped Edward.

"Stop doing that!" Edward said. Emmett tackled Edward then and they got in a fight.

"Hey hey hey!" Jasper grabbed them and shoved them away from each other.

"What?" Emmett and Edward said at the same time.

"We can all agree that Micheal Jackson had a nose job." Jasper said.

"Yeah." Emmett and Edward agreed. Jasper put them down.

"Now, if you excuse me, FREEDOM SCOOTER!" Emmett shouted. A red, white, and blue scooter zoomed over to him. "Good day to you!" He said, hopped on and drove off.

Carlisle appeared all beat up.

"I just got scooter jacked." He said then fell down.

Snape and Hagrid came in.

"I'm going to go twitter." Snape left.

"Were is Emmett?" Hagrid asked.

"Some were." Edward said and walked off.

"What?" Emmett asked. Turns out he crashed into the wall a few feet away. He got up and brushed off his close.

"We wanted to get you fireworks Emmett, but we accidentally lit it and blew up wal-mart." Hagrid said.

"Gasp!" Emmett said.

"Gasp?" Hagrid asked.

"You are worst than a communist! You are a terrorist!" Emmett pointed.

"OK?" Hagrid winced for a slap. Instead, Emmett punched him, hard. Hagrid fell to the ground, knocked out

Then Thomas Jefferson appeared in his undies.

"Any of you hot slaves?" He asked.

~*~

"This week on TAPS..." Renesmee watched the TV, her eyes glued to it.

"What ya watchin?" Jacob came in.

"ghost hunters!" Renesmee said.

"huh?" Jacob asked.

"You know what we should do?" Renesmee jumped up.

"Read a book?" Jacob asked.

"Psh, hell no. Let's go ghost hunting!" Renesmee said.

"Right now? it's midnight." Jacob sighed.

"Perfect time!" Let's go! I'll be Grant and you can be Jason from ghost hunters!" Renesmee said.

"I don't want to be Jason!" Jacob said.

"Why not?" Rensmee asked.

"He's the bald one!" Jacob frowned.

"His name is similar to yours. How about your Jason from Friday the 13th?" Renesmee asked.

"Fine. Let's go." Jacob said. They walked out side to the moving stair cases. They turned around and ran into some one. "DARTH VADER!" Jacob screamed and jumped into Renesmee's hands like scooby-doo does to shaggy.

"That's not Darth Vader, that's Emmett in a stupid costume." Renesmee threw Jacob down.

"Oh I knew that." Jacob stood up.

"Anyway, why are you dressed as Darth Vader Emmett?" Renesmee turned to Emmett.

"It makes me feel sexy." Emmett said through the mask. "My light saber is instead my pimp stick." Emmett pressed the button. He bedazzled the handle and it had a bunch of fake jewels on it.

"Wow it glows in the dark." Renesmee said.

"Yeah I got it at Toys-R-Us. What are you two doing here?" Emmett asked the two.

"We are ghost hunting." Renesmee said.

"Cool, can I be Jason?" Emmett asked.

"Too late, I'm Jason!" Jacob said.

"Awww..." Emmett said.

"you can still come, let's go." Renesmee said impatiently. They started to sneak around the castle. They turned a hall way slowly and looked around.

"What are you guys looking for?" a voice asked. Nearly headless Nick was with them.

"ghosts." Renesmee said.

"Oh. Can I be Jason?" He asked.

"No, I'm Ja-GHOST!" Jacob yelled. Emmett, Jacob and Renesmee screamed and ran away. "You could have just said no!" Nearly headless Nick called after them. The three ran back and up the stair case.

"Password?" The Fat lady asked.

"Nutrisystem?" Emmett asked.

"Take one for the team!" Renesmee shoved him into the painting. She meant for Emmett to tear the painting in half, but instead he got sucked into the painting.

"Ah! I'm made of water and colorants!" Emmett jumped.

"At last! A hunk of man meat!" The fat lady said and tackled him.

"help! help! RAPE!" emmett yelled.

"Uh, we got to go look for ghost's else were..." Renesmee said. Her and Jacob bolted from the scene. Emmett managed to shove The Fat Lady off of him and ran at top speed through the paintings, the Fat Lady at his tail. Emmett hit a dead end. He turned around and whacked the Fat Lady on top of her head with his pimp stick. The Fat Lady fainted.

"Well, what do you know, it worked." Emmett took off the costume.

"Emmett?" Rosalie appeared.

"Rosalie! Quick get Carlisle or that old dude to get me out of here!" Emmett said.

"I'm coming after ya!" Rosalie said and jumped in.

"No! now were both stuck in here!" Emmett said. Rosalie turned to him.

"Oh." She said. The two were quiet for a second.

"Wanna make out?" Emmett asked.

Meanwhile...

Renesmee and Jacob attacked a ghost with a vacuum cleaner.

"Haha! Take it like a man!" Renesmee said.

"I'm a girl!" The ghost said, trying not to get sucked in.

"Renesmee! Jacob! There you are!" Alice appeared. Jacob threw the vacuum cleaner way.

"Yes, here we be." He said.

"I need your help. Rosalie and Emmett got sucked into a painting." Alice said and dragged them away and back to the painting. Some how a crowd of students formed around the painting.

"It's like a porno." One said as they watched.

"All right, break it up, break it up. nothing to see here." Renesmee yelled. Alice and Jacob broke up the crowd.

"Emmett." Alice said. They ignored her. "Emmett." Alcie repeated. Still ignored. "EMMETT!" Alice roared.

"WHAT?" Emmett said.

"We are going to get you out, OK?" Alice asked.

"Ok, I'm tired of being 2D." Emmett said.

"Rosalie, grab Emmett by the waist, OK?" Alice asked.

"Can do." Rosalie said and wrapped her arms around his waist. Alice reached into the painting and grabbed Emmett's hands.

"I'll pull, you push, OK?" Alice asked.

"Yep." Emmett said.

"Alright, go!" Alice said. Alice pulled as hard as she could and Emmett pushed. After a few minutes the two were pulled out.

Renesmee was on Jacob's computer, she was on Discovery Channel's website.

"SUPER GASP!" She jumped up.

"What?" Harry asked walking over.

"Billy Mays died!" Renesmee said and pointed to the computer.

"Who is that?" Harry asked.

"You know, from those infomercials, HELLO I'M BILLY MAYS AND THIS IS...he screamed allot. It says here he died of a heart attack around the same time Micheal Jackson did. No wonder we didn't hear about it!" Renesmee said.

"What's with all these dead celebrities? Did they all decide to drop all at once?" Jacob walked over.

"Yeah no one cares Jacob. I know! I could be the next Billy Mays!" Renesmee said.

"I'm going to bust the Sham-wow guy out of jail!" JAcob said.

"Why?" Renesmee asked.

"You didn't hear? He was put in jail for beating up a prostitute. See ya." Jacob turned into a wolf and ran off.

Meanwhile...

Jacob arrived at the jail the Sham-wow guy was at. He turned into a human and forgot to get a spare change of close and was nude.

"Uh, sir, can I help you?" A guard asked.

"Yes, I am looking for the Sham-wow guy." Jacob said. He looked around. "Is there a breeze?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah, this way." The guard said. Jacob was led to the visiting area. A bunch of prisoners saw him and hooted at him.

"Are they normally that friendly? One called me his husband!" Jacob said.

"Here ya go." The guard shoved him into the room. The Sham-wow guy sat behind a glass and looked at him like WTF?

"Hey Sham-wow guy, my name is Jacob." JAcob said.

"Yeah, my name is Sham-wow guy. Would you like one? I got like 50 of them and I've been selling them to the prisoners so they don't rape me or beat me up." The guy said.

"Oh, A Thug Life must be hard." Jacob said.

"Seriously, would you like one?" The guy asked.

"No, I'm here to bust you out!" Jacob said.

"How?" The guy asked.

"HERALD!" Jacob yelled. Herald the Dragon bust through the wall. "Quickly, let's go." Jacob jumped on him. Herald the Dragon glared at Jacob for being naked.

"Hold on, let me get my Sham-Wow's!" The guy stood up.

"THERE IS NO TIME FOR THAT!" Jacob grabbed him and threw him on Herald and they flew away.

Meanwhile...

"How do you work this thing?" Ron asked. He had Jasper and Emmett's video camera.

"Just press play." Renesmee said.

"Uh, OK." Ron said and did. "It's ON!" Ron yelled.

"Oh, Ahem, I'm RENESMEE CULLEN AND THIS IS THE..." Renesmee looked around for something. She grabbed a little boy. "THIS IS THE LITTLE BOY, PERFECT FOR A CATHOLIC PRIEST AND/OR THE SPORTS COACH. CALL NOW AND WE'LL THROW IN TWO LITTLE BOYS PLUS A LITTLE GIRL FOR JUST THE LOW PRICE OF $19.95!" Renesmee shouted like Billy Mays. Ron just stood there.

"Hold up the number!" Renesmee said under her breath.

"Oh, sorry." Ron held up a piece of cardboard with a number on it, it read: 666-666-6666. "Call or the devil will eat you!" Ron said.

"Get em!" A voice said. A band of people in Snuggies appeared and jumped Renesmee. Ron flung the camera and ran off.

"Ow! Hey! What the hell!" Renesmee pushed them off of her. One person in a blue snuggie pulled out a Boom-Box and pressed play.

"I'm the annoying voice from a bunch of infomercials. Now that Billy Maya is dead, and the Sham-wow guy is in prison, I'll have no competition! So you better knock it off!" The recording said.

"So you sent the Sham-wow guy in jail and killed off Billy Mays?" Renesmee asked.

"Yes." The voice said.

"Wow, what a douche." Renesmee said. BAM! Herald the Dragon, Jacob, and The Sham-wow guy bust through.

"You! You sent me to jail!" The Sham-wow guy said. The guys in Snuggies pulled out another CD and switched it out.

" IN CASE SHAM-WOW GUY BUST'S THROUGH WINDOW ON A DRAGON: Yes, I sent the prostitute and ordered her to say you raped her. I didn't think you'd hit her." The voice said.

"How could you?" Jacob jumped down, naked.

Renesmee fell on the ground laughing.

"Oh shit, um excuse me." Jacob ran off.

"OK voice, pay back." The Sham-wow guy pulled out the Egg-Chop and started to beat up the people in Snuggies with it. He grabbed the boom-box and tossed it out the window.

"OW my head!" Neville's voice cried. Jacob reappeared fully dressed.

"So, Sham-wow guy, what's your name?" He asked.

"You know what, I forgot." He said.

"Huh." Jacob said.

"Anyway, I'm going to beat up some more hookers." The Sham-wow guy left.

"Ew, all the girls here are ugly!" Thomas Jefferson said as he walked by.

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Lmfao! I dont proof read so sorry for any mistakes! If i proof read, I would know how dumb this sounds like... XD