Chapter 18- Twittering and Poo

BAM! Jacob lurched back as a giant ship ripped through the wall.

"What the?" he asked, getting up.

"Did some one need help?" A voice asked. Jacob's jaw dropped as he saw who it was.

"Crunch-a-tise me captain!" He said.

"Can do!" Captain Crunch said and Jacob turned into a cartoon version of himself and sailed away.

"Did Jacob just get kidnapped by a cereal cartoon?" Renesmee asked Jasper.

"I think so." Jasper said.

"Now class turn your books to page 10,000." Snape said in potions class.

"Why are the books so big?" Renesmee asked, turning through the pages.

"Because us wizards are smart and we need allot of reading to do." Hermione snapped.

"What ever, I'm going on Twitter." Renesmee pulled out a laptop and opened it to twitter. "I'm at school." She said and typed it.

SexyDumbRetard89: AW SHIT!

xxxStErEoXTyPiCaLXeMoxxx school is so depressing

CHECK OUT MY PECS! how old are you?

Nessie95 none of ur business

SexyDumbRetard89 I'M EATING A SAND WHICH

xxxStErEoXTyPiCaLXeMoxxx I'm cutting myself

CHECK OUT MY PECS! are you hot?

Nessie95 has logged off

CHECK OUT MY PECS! WHY!

"What is Twitter?" Hermione asked.

"A website were you microblog." Renesmee said.

"It sounds stupid." Hermione said.

"It does to everyone who do not have lives." Renesmee shot back.

"Ooohhh." Ron said in the back round.

"Let me see this." Snape said and took the laptop.

"Just click on register and follow the easy steps, anyone can do it." Renesmee said and pointed.

"What should my screen name be?" He asked. Renesmee shrugged.

"The greatest teacher ever." Malfoy said.

"Shut up teachers pet." Ron snapped.

"Hm, how about..." Snape typed in the words. Renesmee peaked over his shoulder.

"SmexiePotion?" Renesmee said. Half of the class started to laugh.

"What's wrong with that?" Snape snapped.

"It's not really truthful." Renesmee soughed.

"Does it have to be?" Snape asked.

"Not really, everyone lies on these things." Renesmee shrugged.

"Goos so that's my name." Snape said and started to Twitter.

SmexiePotion I'm new

BumbleBee Me too!

SmexiePotion Dumbledore is that you?

BumbleBee yes, Edward helped me join

TabbyCat Hi

SmexiePotion McGonagall?

TabbyCat I'm drinking milk

OH Shizzle*** GIANT MASTER hey evry1

BumbleBee Hey Hagrid

BEAST I'm teaching charms!

TabbyCat Professor Flitwik, your not a beast

BEAST I'm using Emmet's profile

SmexiePotion That explains so much

I CAN SPARKLE hi

BEAST EDWARD! xD

VAMPIREDOCTOR hi

OH Shizzle***GIANT MASTER everyone is twittering! :D

UWISHUWEREASBEAUTIFULASMEH hey uglies

BEAST :(

UWISHUWEREASBEASUTIFULASMEH not u emmet, ur my little jar of jelly jam

BEAST :D

SmexiePotion has logged out

Bumblebee has logged out

TabbyCat has logged out

VAMPIREDOCTOR has logged out

OH Shizzle***GIANT MASTER has logged out

BEAST has logged out

UWISHUWEREASBEAUTIFULASMEH has logged out

I CAN SPARKLE I'm all alone...well now i can say this one thing I'M GAY!

I CAN SPARKLE has logged out

*****************************************************

"RALPH! GET BACK HERE!" Emmet chased after Ralph who had a foot ball in his mouth.

"What's up with him?" Renesmee asked.

"Ralph stole his American football." Harry said.

"What's that?" Ron chirped.

"Why do you say American football?" Renesmee said and placed her hands on her hips.

"Because we call what you call soccer football." Harry said.

"That's gay." Renesmee said.

"What's football?" Ron asked.

"How is that gay?" Harry narrowed his eyes.

"Football was created wayyyy before pussy soccer." Renesmee said.

"how do you know?" Harry said.

"Because...I'm American." Renesmee said and ran away.

"WHAT IS FOOTBALL?" Ron asked.

"NOTHINNNNNN!" Harry yelled.

"OK! gosh." Ron said, throwing his hands in the air.

"Everyone! We have a major test in potions this Friday!" Hermione announced.

"We always have a test." Harry grumbled.

"How? We don't learn anything, Snape is always Twittering in class." Ron said.

"Exactly, so, we need to read up." Hermione said.

"SHUT UP HERMIONE! Your accent is so annoying." Alice said.

"Whoa! When did you get here?" Ron jumped.

"A few hours ago." Alice said.

"CAPTAIN CRUNCH!" A voice shouted. Somewhere in the castle, a wall crashed down and there were screams of chaos.

"What was that?" Harry asked.

"Captain Crunch knock off store brand, Crackles the Squirrel." Renesmee said, carrying a cross bow.

"What's that for?" Alice asked.

"Nothing." Renesmee said. The gang ran out and found the commotion. A giant cracked up squirrel stood around a bunch of students throwing coffee at students.

"TAKE THAT MOTHER FUCKER!" He cackled in a high pitched voice.

"What are you doing?" Alice grabbed the cup and jerked it away.

"I'm Crackles the mother fucking squirrel, who the hell are you?" He twitched.

"Alice Cullen." She glared.

"Well, GIVE ME MY NUTS!" He chirped and attacked her.

"Rabid Squirrl!" Alice ran around, trying to rip him off. Ron and Harry were laughing while Hermione was rolling her eyes.

"Great stuff." Emmet slid out of a corner, a camera in his hand.

"What happened to your ball?" Hermione asked.

"I placed it in Rosalie's mouth." He said.

"Not that, your football." Hermione huffed.

"Oh, Ralph ate it, I'll wait a few days." He zoomed in.

"Is anyone going to help me?" Alice asked as Crackles the Squirrel attacked her.

"CRACKLES!" A voice shouted. A ship busted through the wall.

"WTF! We have a door!" Filch said.

"How dare you try to sell cheap knock offs of my cereal." Captain Crunch jumped down.

"Bring it old man!" Crackles said, his eyes dilating, his giant buck teeth chattering.

"Jacob?" Alice helped Jacob down who was normal.

"Man, what a weak." Jacob said.

"What weak? You were gone for only two days." Alice said.

"Whoa man, I got to sit-" Jacob fell down, snoring.

"Kick his ass Captain Crunch!" Emmet cheered.

SmexiePotion I'm watching a fight

TabbyCat Me too! xD

BumbleBee I wonder who's going to fix the wall _

I Luv Mrs. Noris Not me! :-(

TabbyCat Do your freaking job Filch other than whistling at the ugly girls

I Luv Mrs. Noris fine... :(

Captain Crunch threw Crackles the Squirrel, pulled out a gun and blasted his brains out.

"I'm baddd to the bone." He said walked back to his ship. "Remember kids! Say no to drugs!" He waved farewell and his ship magically floated away.

Bella and Jacob were at the sight from the earlier events, Filch was examining his work of the wall.

"I'm thirsty." Bella said. Jacob jumped back and tried to cover his neck. "Not you, I want something sweet." Bella said.

"KOOL AID!" Jacob pulled out a Kool Aid packet and a glass of water and poured it into the water, stirred and gave it to Bella.

"What are you two?" Bella asked, taking it.

"No, psh." Jacob shrugged. Bella guzzled down the kool aid.

"Oh yeah." She said.

BAM!The wall crashed down and a giant red jug stood in front of them.

"OH YEAHHH!" It shrieked.

"I JUST FIXED THE WALL!" Filch screamed.

******************************************************************

"Hey Snape." Rosalie appeared behind Snape who was busy Twittering. Cans of Monster's littered the ground and his desk, his hair was crumpled and stuck out in different ways. His nose was touching the screen as he typed away.

"Huh." He said, still typing.

"What 'cha doin'?" She sat down next to him.

"Twittering." He twitched.

"Um, can I see your wand?" Rosalie asked. Snape looked at her.

"Well, OK but-" Snape stood up and unzipped his pants.

"WTF! HELL NO! I MEANT YOUR MAGIC WAND!" She fell off the desk.

"It is magic. Hold on, I have to twitter what just happened." He sat down and furiously typed away on the laptop.

"Uh, Professor, are you going to teach us?" A voice asked. Rosalie turned to see a whole class of students watching and waiting.

"Yeah hold on." Snape said, taking a sip from a Monster can. "Crap it's empty!" He cursed and threw it. The can flew out the door and hit a passing Neville.

"OW! why does everyone always hit me?" He said and walked away. Snape threw all the Monster Cans that were empty. "No! No! NO! I'M OUT OF MONSTER!" He screamed, tearing apart his desk.

"Calm down Snape, it's just an energy drink, why don't you drink Gatorade? It's got electrolytes." Rosalie said.

"You don't under stand, man, I NEED MONSTER! I'M ADDICTED TO IT!" He said. He ripped out some of his hair, then turned to a quivering student. "You! I saw you! Eying my monsters! Give them back you thief!" He said jabbing his finger at him.

"I d-d-didn't take any-y-ything." The student stammered.

"YES YOU DIDDDDDDDDDD!" Snape lunged at the student.

"Fight!" One student yelled. Rosalie backed away from the crowd and pulled out Snape's wand then dashed away before Twittering this:

SmexiePotion I'm a child Molester and Convicted Rapist

"Emmet! Emmet! I got the wand!" Rosalie ran up to Emmet and Jasper who were crouched near Ralph the bear who sat in a pooping position outside. "Uh, what are you doing?" Rosalie asked.

"Waiting for Ralph to poop so I can get my football back." Emmet said.

"He's starting to poop!" Jasper said.

"Good, take this umbrella and shift through the crap until you find it." Emmet handed him a pink umbrella.

"Isn't that Hagrid's?" Rosalie asked.

"He wont mind, anyway, what were you saying?" Emmet asked.

"I got Snape's wand!" Rosalie beamed and held up Snape's wand.

"Awesome! Think of what we can do with this!" Emmet took it and held it up to the sun.

"Ew! It's all soft and warm!" Jasper said in the back round, Ralph the bear yawned.

"How did you get it?" Emmet asked.

"Snape started a fight with a kid because he thought they stole his Monster drink." Rosalie explained.

"Oops." Emmet said.

"This is not pleasant! Did he eat peanuts?" Jasper called in the back round.

"You took his last Monster?" Rosalie asked.

"Yeah, I gave it Renesmee though and set her loose on the school, toddlers plus sugar equals fun." Emmet laughed.

"Snape is going to be mad." Rosalie said.

"He wont mind, not when we have his wand." Emmet said.

"Emmet, I don't think your ball is in here! Is, is that a clock?" Jasper called.

"Your so smexy when your smartical!" Rosalie said.

"And your so smexy when your...smexy!" Emmet said. There was a whoosh noise as Hagrid's umbrella accidentally shot a magical blast at the poo and the umbrella opened up, sending poo all over Jasper.

"OH MY GAWD! IT'S EVERYWHERE!" Jasper screamed and ran off, covered in poo. Ralph the bear was laughing hysterically and Rosalie backed away while Emmet laughed as well. Jasper ran up to the castle and ran inside, students ducked away from him, But Neville did not bode lucky as Jasper's poo covered fist hit his face and smeared it with poo.

"EW! EVERYONE IS OUT TO GET ME!" He cried, running around.

"Rofl." Professor McGonagall said, watching,

"lollamoroflcoppter." Professor Flitwik said, also watching.

"I FOUND MY MONSTER!" Snape yelled, far off

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Well this was random....