Chapter 17-Snape's Date and MORE

Harry rolled over on his stomach and blinked then opened his eyes.

"AH!" He screamed and jumped. A bear sat on his bed, staring at him. Harry nearly fell off of his bed from a heart attack.

"In a minute mother." Emmett said from on the floor.

"Emmett?" What are you doing?" Harry asked.

"Ralph wanted a place to stay." Emmett said and got up.

"Ralph?" Harry asked.

"The Bear!" Emmett stood up.

"Ralph the Bear?" Harry said.

"Hm, Harry, what time is it?" Ron woke up yawning.

"I don't know, Emmett, what time is it?" Harry asked.

"Around ten." Emmett said.

"TEN! We are so late!" Harry jumped up.

"For what?" Emmett yawned.

"Class!" Harry and Ron were getting ready and rushed out the door. Seamus rolled over, magic "sugar" was smeared all over his nose.

"They do know it's Saturday right?" He said. Emmett and Ralph burst out laughing.

Harry and Ron were trying to get into Snape's class room for Potions class they supposedly had that day, and they opened it slowly. Snape sat at a table, with a white table cloth with fancy silverware and food on it. There were three big candelas lit, and others around it with rose petals laid every were and some smooth Jazz music was playing. Sitting at the table was Snape, and bent this way and that, was a life sized cut-out of Harry's mother, Lily.

"What is he doing?" Ron hissed.

"Who knows." Jasper appeared behind them, a video camera in hand pointing at Snape.

"So, Lily, I really like your eyes. What's that? You love my hair? Why thank you it takes days going with out a shower to get it this greasy." Snape said. Jasper zoomed in ans Ron struggled not to laugh hard.

"Is he having a pretend date with my mom?" Harry whispered fiercely.

"Seems so...what a loser." Jasper giggled. Snape cut off a piece of steak and shoved it int he mouth of the cut-out, splattering sauce every were. Jasper was having to hold back Ron from rolling on the floor, then Snape leaned forward and made out with the cut-out.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Ron bellowed. Snape jumped and fell back onto the table, sending food and utensils flying every were and the table crashed against the ground. Lily-Cut-Out fell forward and onto Snape.

"That's what he wishes what happened!" Jasper laughed.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" Snape jumped up and whipped out his wand.

"Oh no, MAN!" Jasper grabbed Ron and Harry by the collar and ran forward. Snape chased after them, throwing spells at them. Then, out of no were, a bear came charging and knocked over Snape and threw Harry, Ron, and Jasper onto it's back ans whisked them away.

The rest of the Cullen's sat in the Griffendor common room. It was quiet while the students read books and studied. Ralph the Bear sat at a chair knitting a coat for Crookshanks.

"Password?" The painting asked faintly.

"MOTHER FUCKING GOOBERHEAD!" Jasper's voice said. The portrait flew open and Man the Bear, Harry, Ron, and Jasper came crashing through. Man ran into the wall, Harry rolled and landed in front of Emmet.

"Lier!It's Saturday!" Harry said. There was a snort and Seamus looked up, Magic Sugar stained his clothes and hair.

"What happened?" Seamus asked.

"Snape, Jasper, roll the tape." Harry said. Jasper pulled out his camera and pressed play and all of the students gathered around him. On the tiny screen played the Snape Episode. The Griffendors were rolling with laughter, then Carlisle hushed them.

"OPEN THE DOOR SO I CAN KILL POTTER!" A voice said.

"Oh shit, it's Snape!" Fred said.

"Password?" The Fat Lady asked.

"I am a Hogwarts teacher, let me in!" Snape yelled.

"I'm sorry sir, you need a password." The Fa t Lady said.

"YOU STUPID PICTURE! GO ON JENNY CRAIG!" Snape yelled.

"And while we are at our intervention, you can go and take shower, make sure there is soap." The Fat Lady said. Snape huffed and walked away while the laughter of the Griffendor's penetrated the walls of the castle and echoing into the halls.

That night at dinner, it seemed that the whole castle turned up, rumored of a prank that was going to be played and wanted to see what was happening. In the bulk of the food consumption, the walls were covered with the image of Snape on his fake date with Cut-Out-Lily. The plates, floors, seats, cups, forks, knifes, spoons, everything was covered. The laughter was so loud there was a buzzing in everyone ears. Snape got up to leave, but then, Cut-Out-Lily poofted out of then air in front of Snape. The students, even the teachers were laughing hard and holding their sides. Even the Slytherins were laughing.

"Kiss me Snape, even though I'm just a Cardboard cut out and your a loser." It said. The students laughter harder now, if that was possible, and the Griffendor table started making kissing noises and reenactments. Snape just stood there, staring at the Cardboard cut out, his face red. He stormed out and everyone made "Awwww" noises at once.

"Yeah that's right loser, walk away." Cut-Out-Lily said.

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BZZZZZZ!

"Did you hear that?" Harry asked Ron as they were in Charms class.

"No." Ron said. Harry shrugged and continued to work.

BZZZZZZZ!

"I'm serous, I hear a buzzing noise." Harry said. Ron shrugged. BZZZZZ!

"I hear it too!" Ron said.

"Ron and Harry, what is it?" Professor Flitwik came over.

"Why did you say Ron before my name? My name is better." Harry said.

"Is not Ron is cooler." Ron said.

"It's just three words." Harry shot back.

"short for Rona-" BAM! The door flew open and Emmet came raising in on a motor scooter.

"What the!" Professor Flitwik dove out of the way as Emmet crashed into his desk and his mountain of books came crashing down.

"Sorry midget, I had a few drinks befor I rode this bad boy." Emmet said.

"What? How am I supposed to teach?" Professor Flitwik asked.

"Here." Emmet ripped two pieces of long wood off of the seats and attached them to Professor Flitwik. "There, use these as silts." Emmet said.

"Whoa. I feel, tall. I feel so powerful!" Professor Flitwik walkedaroyund, strutting his stuff.

"I WIN!" Jasper came roaring by on a pink scooter.

"No fair!" Emmet jumped on the scooter and raced forward, knocking over Professor Flitwik and out the door.

"Uh, a little help please?" He asked, flat on his back, rolling around trying to get up.

"Here you go Mr. Bananna Man eat up." Carlisle spooned fed the Little bear apple sauce. "Yeah, yummy yummy." Carlisle said, tyring some his self, only to spit it out.

"Why are you feeding the bear Applesauce?" Hermione asked.

"Would you like me to feed the bear you instead?" Carlisle asked, sticking the Applesauce into the Bear's mouth.

"No." Hermione grumbled. The portrait door opened and Jacob came in wearing big puffy pants.

"Do these make me look fat?" He asked and turend around.

"JACOB! This is a school! Cover up your butt!" Carlisle said.

"What?" Jacob turned around to see the back side was ripped clean off.

"Why are you free balling it?" Emmet asked as he buzzed by on a scooter.

"Damn it! That stupid bear!" Jacob cursed.

"Don't talk about like that!" Carlisle gasped.

"Not him, the other one." Jacob said.

"AHHHH!" A high pitched wail erupted from a girl.

"Oh dear god, not the fan girls!" Carlisle jumped up. "What's that boy? Jasper's trapped in the well? Let's go!" Carlisle said and bounded off with .

"GET HIM!" A hoard of girls appeared and chased after Jacob who ran out of the room, puffy pants trailing after him.

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lol.... <3 y