BEWARE!!!!! VIOLENT NESSIE!!!!! Its just crack and its for fun... Dont like it? BEAT IT!

Chapter 16- The Levels of INSANITY!!! And a Violent Nessie Who Loves Her Money.....

"WAHH!" Edward cried on the couch.

"Edward? Are you upset you got into a fight with Bella? You know she forgave you." Rosalie said.

"Not that! I'm upset because I broke up with myself!" Edward cried.

"Huh?" Rosalie asked.

"I dated myself, then I got into an argument with myself, and now myself is mad at myself and myself is avoiding myself, and then myself caught myself stalking myself!" Edward said.

"Edward, do you know how many levels of insanity that sentence just contained?" Rosalie asked.

"I'm so sad at myself!" Edward cried.

"Just don't kill yourself." Emmet grumbled across the room.

"NUTS! I got nuts!" Jacob burst into the Grrifendor common room they hung out at. Hermione rolled her eyes from were she was sitting at.

"Don't you bring your nuts everyday?" Emmet asked.

"What?" Jacob asked.

"Ewww." Renesmee said.

"Soon when Renesmee is all grown up she'll want Jacob's nuts." Esme said from across Emmet. Renesmee turned to glare at her.

"Ew, Jacob! Why are you eating your nuts, I didn't know you were like that!" Emmet laughed.'

"Shut up, these are some good nuts." Jacob said, cramming nuts into his mouth.

"Hello? Police? My girlfriend is about to kill me!" Edward cried. Everyone turned to Edward who was pointing a gun at himself, while talking on the phone.

"Edward! Don't do this man!" Emmet jumped up and wrestled with him to take the gun. Edward's cell phone fizzled and fried.

"My cell phone! NO!" Edward threw the gun and Emmet caught it while Edward dove toward the phone.

"It's OK self, I forgive you, friends because I'm married. Don't look at me like that, I thought you knew. Yes I have a kid. Well I don't see how this is going to work out." He said to himself. Everyone exchanged looks of confusion.

"Did you like your nuts Jacob? I see you liking your fingers." Esme said.

"Shut it." Jacob snapped.

"Emmet, give me the gun." Carlisle stood up slowly.

"Why?" Emmet whipped around, he accidentally pulled the trigger and it shot a student walking by.

"AH! OW!" They screamed.

"Oh, opps." Emmet said and threw the gun at Carlisle. It bounced off of his head and landed on the ground. "Carlisle did it." He pointed. People shuffled and scurried around to help the kid and take him to the nurse.

"Uh, Emmet, just making sure, I need my two dollars by Friday, which is tomorrow, you do have it, right?" Renesmee asked.

"What? Oh yeah, sure." Emmet waved her off.

"OK. Remember, Friday." She said and walked away.

"Let's get him to the hospital wing stat." Carlisle , the window crashed open and Jasper on a dragon raced and crashed in.

"What the hell?" Edward said.

"Carlisle! I need to know one thing, the fate of the world depends on it." Jasper said, wrestling with the reins on the dragon.

"Uh, what?" Carlisle asked.

Jasper breathed in deeply then asked, "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

"What would I do? No, the proper question is, what would YOU do for a Klondike bar?" Carlisle asked.

"Hm, good question." Jasper said and started to think.

"Jasper, why are you on a Dragon?" Esme asked.

"Oh, you mean Harold? I stole him." Jasper said and pet him. Jasper flew the dragon down to Hagrid's hut, who nearly died at the sight, and agreed to take care of Harold for a while.

"I'm so bored! Do you guys have any games?" Jacob asked the next day in the afternoon.

"Yeah, Wizard Chess." Ron called from the table, playing Chess with Harry.

"Psh, nerds," Jacob scoffed, "I'm talking about video games! Wait! I packed my Wii! I'll be right back!" Jacob said and ran to his room. He came back a moment later with a TV and a Wii console. He set the TV and console. "Uh, I can't find a socket." He said, looking around.

"Hogwarts doesn't have any electricity." Harry called from the table, urging on his pawn to kill Ron's pawn.

"WHAT? your freakin' wizards! Why do you have to live like your in the sixteenth century?" Jacob said, nearly dying.

"Here you go." Renesmee walked in and shocked the cable into the wall, and gasp, like magic, the TV turned on.

"Whoa, that's retarded." Jacob said.

"No it's magic." Renesmee said and made a rainbow and walked away. Jacob ignored it and booted up the Wii. People gathered around to watch him play boxing. "Ha-ha! Take that!" He called as he sucker punched a Mii out.

"Can I try?" Ron asked.

"No, you might throw it in my eye." Jacob said. He spun around,t he Wii mote flung out of his wrist and smacked Neville in the for head.

"Why am I so abused?" He asked as he was helped up.

"Sorry, that happens, I have retard reflexes." Jacob said and picked up the Wii mote. He continued to play, tennis the time. He swung back the Wii mote, hit a kid in the forehead, and the kid got knocked out. "AHH!" He screamed as he hit te virtual ball.

"Jacob, calm down, it's a game." Harry said.

"No! That scarecrow is going DOWN!" Jacob said and nearly ran into the TV trying to race on a cow (it's a game on the wii). Getting bored he started to play the shooting game. At the alien abduction part, he nearly had a heart attack defending his Mii's from the Aliens.

"NO! NO! DON'T TAKE ME AWAY!" He screamed, jumping up and down his face going red.

"Jacob? Why do you have a Wii? Are you gay?" Emmet wandered over.

"No, why?" Jacob handed the Wii mote over to a random student to play.

"Because you should have brought an Xbox 360 so we could play Halo 3." Emmet scoffed.

"I don't like that game, the last time we played it you yelled at a seven year old." Jacob said.

"So? It wasn't my fault he couldn't carry a flag with out getting shot." Emmet said.

"What ever, don't you need to give Renesmee her money?" Jacob asked.

"What?" Emmet blinked.

"Renesmee, you owe her a dollar, remember?" Jacob asked.

"Oh crap, I forgot." Emmet smacked his head.

"Well, she nearly broke my leg when I forgot to get her Oreo's, so you better find a dollar quick." Jacob said.

"No worries, I'll loan some form Carlisle." Emmet walked out and drifted through the hall way, searching for Carlisle. He turned the hall to find Renesmee standing in the middle.

"Hey Emmet, were's my money?" She asked.

"Uh, I was just going to get it, so I'll get it to you later." Emmet said and passed her. He continued to walk, and herd footsteps behind him. He turned around and saw Renesmee following him. When he turned to look she would stop walking, and would continue to walk when he did. This continued for a few minutes until Emmet turned the corner and Renesmee was standing there, her face furious. "Weren't you just over there?" He jumped.

"I want my money Emmet. Were is my money?" She asked.

"I don't know what your talking about." Emmet said.

"Don't play dumb bitch, you know what you did." Renesmee said and pulled out a gun.

"What the?" Emmet said. Renesmee shot both his legs. "OH MY GOD!" He shouted and hoped on one foot , then fell to the ground. Renesmee then pulled out a base ball bat and started to wail on him.

"WHERE IS MY MONEY? I SAID FRIDAY!" Renesmee said, beating the tar out of him.

"How do these things fit in your pocket?" Emmet cried as she destroyed him as well as the bat. She tossed it away and pulled out a nife.

"Don't make me stab you Emmet, now, were is my money?" Renesmee asked.

"I-I-I." Emmet started to babel.

"I-I-I!" Renesmee mimicked in a high pitch voice, then started to stab him uncontrollably.

"OK! OK! I have your money!" Emmet said.

"Really?" Renesmee backed away, disappointed.

"Yeah, here." Emmet pulled out his wallet with the Power Puff Girls decorated on it. He pulled out a dirty one dollar bill and Renesmee took it.

"Thank you." Renesmee said and walked away. She ran back quickly and stabbed him again. "That's for saying and Xbox is better than the Wii!" She said, then stabbed him again. "That's for having a Power Puff Girls Wallet!" She said and stabbed him again. "And that had no meaning to it!" She said and walked away, leaving Emmet.

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Hehe.... Wow i made Nessie violent....