Chapter 14-This Forest is Wierd

"Open the door magic giant." Emmet said. Hagrid jumped from his bed and opened the door.

"What?" He asked them.

"Can you lead us through the Forbidden Forest? My girl friend ran in there." Emmet said. Carlisle, Esme, Bella, and Edward stood behind him.

"Uh, I have a class to teach." Hagrid motioned. The Cullen's turned around to see a group of kids, along with Harry and Pals.

"Great they can come." Emmet said.

"Fine." Hagrid said and grabbed A cross bow.

"Whoa! what is that for?" Ememt said.

"Just in case we need to...shoot it." Hagrid said and petted the cross bow. "Come on class, let's go!" He said.

"What and oaf, leading us into the Forbidden Forest, if I get eaten my father will-" Malfoy started to drawl on about what he was going to do. They walked into the forest, Carlisle was talking about a surgery he did on a kid who got ran over by a tractor.

"Your a vampire but your a doctor?" Ron asked.

"Yeah, it's fun." Carlisle said and walked forward, Ron looked as if he was about to faint. The shadows grew darker and darker and the sun was blocked out.

"How can you find yer way around?" Hagrid asked.

"I can smell, wait, did you hear that?" Emmet said. Everyone stopped and looked around.

"I didn't hear anything." Malfoy said. Suddenly there was the noise of hooves galloping and a Unicorn shot out of the bush, followed by a group of elves.

"HOLY DELICIOUS!" Emmet said and sprung after it.

"Emmet wait! Bumblebee said we couldn't eat the magic creatures!" Edward said and chased after him.

"Come here!" Emmet yelled.

"Why is that guy chasing after the Unicorn?" An elf asked.

"I don't know." The second elf said. They stopped and turned around.

"Hey little elves, are you going to make me some cookies?" Emmet asked.

"ELVES! ATTACK!" They said. Out of the shadows, little elves sprung out and grabbed Emmet.

"HELP! I'M GOING TO GET COOKIE RAPPED BY ELVES!" Emmet yelled. Edward caught up.

"Oh my god!" He said.

"Hagrid is here!" Hagrid came lumbering over and shot one of the elves with his crossbow. The others all screamed and disbanded, carrying Emmet. "Get back here ye short little bastards!" Hagrid roared and shot after them along with Edward. Meanwhile back with the students...

"Is he going to be OK?" Hermione asked Esme.

"Oh Emmet? He'll be fine." Esme said. They continued to walk on and into the forest.

"Doose-Rosalie! Doose-Rosalie!" Bella called.

"He-Haw!" A far away voice called.

"That's her! Let's go!" Carlisle said and the group raced off. They arrived by a shallow pond and looked around.

"Doose-Rosalie!" Bella called.

"He-Haw!" Her voice croaked, closer this time. The group crept along and arrived by an opening. A centaur was sitting down with Doose-Rosalie.

"Firenze?" Harry whispered.

"Shh!" Carlisle quieted him.

"So, your name is He-Haw, interesting, what's your occupation?" Firenze asked.

"He-Haw!" Doose-Rosalie said. Hermione narrowed her eyes as she notice Doose-Rosalie was being tied to a rock.

"I used to be a teacher too! So, you say your mom was a duck?" Firenze asked, inching toward her.

"Is he trying to flirt with Rosalie?" Esme asked, she looked as if she was about to laugh.

"This is sick." Malfoy gagged.

"It's kinda kinky." Goyle said. Malfoy looked at him like, WTF?

Meanwhile...

"Oh please kind cookie making elves, I did not means to eat your unicorn!" Emmet said as they tied him down to a midget table, but it broke under his weight.

"Shut up! You will become a cookie!" An elf said.

"Holy Shit, your cannibal elves!" Emmet said. They moved him slowly to the oven, Emmet's shoulder's got stuck so they had to shove him in and the walls broke.

"Start the oven!" One said.

"This is very unpleasant." Emmet said, his head in the oven. The tiny door opened and Edward came crawling in.

"What the fu-"

"GET THE GIANT!" And elf said. They jumped on him and Edward started thrashing about.

"They're like freakin' ticks!" He said.

"Ah! MY head is not meant to be hit that way!" Emmet said in the oven.

"Don't worry Emmet pal, I'm coming!" Edward said. There was a ripping noise and the giant tree they were in suddenly was in two.

"Here's Hagrid!" Hagrid's insanely twisted face said. The elves all exchanged looks then attacked him. he shoved his cross-bow into the tree and fired.

"Ow! My ass!" Emmet said.

"Oops, sorry!" Hagrid said. He jumped back and lit the tree on fire.

"AHHH! ABANDON THE TREE!" The elves said and ran out. Edward grabbed Emmet and pulled him out of the oven.

"Whoa Emmet! It's looks like you have a bad sunburn!" Edward cackled.

"Get me out of here!" Emmet said. Edward nodded and dragged him out and to safety.

"Were is Hagrid?" Edward said and looked around. The tree behind them was lit like a candle. Hagrid stood in front of it and turned around slowly. He walked fore ward and pulled off magical sunglasses that appeared on him somehow slowly and the tree blew up. He stood over the two vampires, held up the cross bow and blew on the arrow part as if it was a smoking gun.

"Bam." He said. Edward and Emmet exchanged glasses.

"Hagrid? Are you OK?" Edward asked.

"I'm bitchin." He said. The embers from the tree died away and little lumps of elf bodies appeared in the ash.

"We are so screwed." Emmet said.

"Oh well, let's go get yer wife." Hagrid said. Out of no were, a Pegasus ran toward them and stopped in front of Emmet.

"Right!" Emmet and Edward and Hagrid jumped on and flew up.

Meanwhile back with the Perverted Centaur...

"I've never meet a cross bread Centaur so beautiful like you..." Firenze said, leaning toward her.

"Oh it's getting hot and heavy!" Crabble said.

"He-Haw!" Doose-Rosalie said.

"Do you mind if I...kiss you?" Firenze said.

"He-Haw!" Doose-Rosalie said, scooting away.

"He's making his move! Stop him!" Hermione said.

"Hell no!" Carlisle said, he had a video camera pointed toward them and was munching on popcorn, Bella leaned over and snagged some.

"What the?" Hermione said. Firenze kissed Doose-Rosalie.

"He-Haw! He-Haw! HE-HAW!" Doose-Rosalie said, thrashing about.

"Is that moose for rape?" Esme asked.

"Maybe it's duck for rape." Carlisle said, zooming in with his camera.

"What is it's both?" Bella asked.

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY WIFE!" A voice said. Emmet appeared out of the tree tops riding on the Pegasus. Firenze jumped up.

"He-Haw! Your married?" He asked. Emmet landed down and jumped off of the Pegasus and ran forward and punched Firenze in the face.

"Do something!" Hermione said to Carlisle.

"It's starting to get good!" Carlisle said. Edward fell off of the Pegasus, twitching. Hagrid jumped off after him.

"Eddie!" Bella jumped up out of the bush and ran forward.

"Eddie?" Emmet turned around. Firenze jumped up and kicked Emmet with his front legs.

"A duel then? To win the heart of He-Haw?" He said.

"Bring it Horsey, I eat things like you for break feast!" Emmet said. The class jumped out off the bushes to watch and Carlisle moved a bit closer to film, Esme was chomping on the popcorn. Emmet ran at Firenze, and Firenze in return kicked at Emmet. The fight escalated and the class stood in a circle around them, chanting: "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"Oh this is getting out of hand!" Hermione stormed over to Doose-Rosalie, whipping out her wand.

"He-Haw?" Doose-Rosalie looked at her. Hermione said some words and poof, Rosalie turned to normal.

"Oh my god! thank you, He-HAW!" Rosalie said.

"Sorry, I'm not that good at that spell." Hermione said (shocking). Emmet looked up from the fight, Firenze locked under his under arm from a noogie.

"Rosalie! Your normal!" He said and ran over to her.

"She's a human!" Firenze said.

"Duh." Malfoy rolled his eyes.

"Oh, well, I'm embarrassed. I'll be leaving now." He said and walked away.

"Let's get out of this dump, He-HAW!" Rosalie said and held her mouth.

"We'll have Madame Pomfery or Professor McGonagall look at that." Harry said. They walked back to Hagrid's hut.

"Is that tree burnt down?" Ron pointed.

"No, this way." Hagrid snapped. They made it back to Hagrid's hut. "And that concludes today lesson, and the moral of the story is, don't mess with elves, and Centaurs are weird." Hagrid said and the class was over.