Who you tryin' ta mess with ese?
Don't you know I'm loco?
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain!

Cypress Hill ~ Insane in the Brain

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Once upon a time, I had a teacher propose the following question for a class discussion:  

"Who was the most interesting person you ever met? And why were they so interesting?"

The teacher gave us about two minutes to think this through, before going around the class retrieving all the answers. Turned out that a lot of people in the class had some pretty interesting tales to tell. One girl had met the former Governator on a class trip to the California state capitol. A super stoner in the back of the class claimed to have partied with Sen Dog and several members of Cypress Hill. Just based on this dude's eternally hazey-blazey red eyes, I was pretty sure how that might have happened. So when the teacher finally arrived at me, I had my answer ready to rock and roll.

"Most definitely GOD." I replied truthfully. "Why? Cause he was the most insanely interesting dude I ever met."

The Teacher clarified the question with, "I meant an actual person smart ass."

"Yeah bro, I know," I replied with a sly smirk. "But when I say GOD and you say God? I'm pretty sure we're not talking about the same dude."

"Cause my GOD is not God GOD? As in the, "let there be light" invisible old guy in the sky, creator of everything big and small. But an actual homeless guy named GOD who hangs out at Venice Beach Boardwalk." I added with a sarcastic snort. "But then again, maybe so is yours? Cause God works in mysterious ways ...especially when he is high as a kite."

"Oh my God..." Teacher rolled his eyes up at the sky.

"Exactly." I nodded along. "And trust me when I tell you bro, you have no idea just how interestingly insane GOD really is."

"Well, then that's your writing assignment for this week. So, good luck with that." He smirked sarcastically.

Yeah fucker, better luck next time to you too! I thought to my self, suppressing the laugh that comes with that particular lucky koan.   

So what follows is the almost totally true account of the first time I met a guy named GOD.