Before Church, I realized I was down to my last pair of underpants. I dreaded using an old-fashioned laundry machine. I bet it was a washboard in a bucket of sudsy water. But I had no time to worry about laundry. I heard Mrs. McDonough's voice as she urged everyone to hurry up, the most often used words in the house. I wore a brown suit today, the only other suit in my suitcase.

Dressed in their best Sunday outfits, the McDonough family resembled a picture perfect family out of a Norman Rockwell painting. The ladies wore dresses with matching hats while the men wore suits.

And then there was Teddy. He stuck out like a sore thumb. Teddy's suit was slightly too big for him, like most of his clothes. I suspected his clothes, including his Sunday suit, were hand-me-downs from his brother, George. Teddy claimed his hair had a mind of its own, so there was nothing he could do about it, no matter how many times his mother told him to stop playing with it.

Whenever I stayed at my grandparents' house, my grandmother dragged me to this church, St. Margaret's. I'd only seen a crowded church on Christmas and Easter, so I was in for a surprise today. The McDonough family sat four rows from the front and in the center. Every pew was full.

"I hate church," Teddy whispered in my ear.

Mrs. McDonough frowned at us as I chuckled at Teddy's comment.

Teddy continued talking, despite his mother's eyes narrowing in disapproval. "We're going sledding later. Wanna come?"

"I'm too old for sledding." I'd only gone sledding once in my life. My dad took me and a friend tubing at a local ski resort when I was ten. Growing up, I never played a sport, only video games. My parents never forced me or Erin to play outside. It was safer to play inside.

"No, you're not. It'll be fun."

Jimmy elbowed Teddy to shut him up.

Teddy had difficulty standing still. During Mass, he often shifted from one foot to the next and almost always had his fingers in his hair. He was right, though; Church was boring. I didn't miss going.

When it was finally over, the priest stood at the double doors of the entrance, shaking people's hands and smiling. I saw him bless Mrs. McDonough. Teddy stood close to me, almost holding my hand. "He always blesses my mother, ever since Irene died," Teddy said to me. "Whatever makes her feel better. Aww, shit, I still gotta go to confession. Damn... I'll go next week."

Since there was nothing else to do but read or listen to the radio, I agreed to go sledding. I borrowed George's snow pants and boots. Teddy insisted I give 'it a try.' Margaret, Dorothy, Helen, and Mrs. McDonough stayed back to prepare Sunday dinner. I wasn't sure what Mr. McDonough was doing.

Dinner was at three on Sundays, which gave us two hours to play. I recognized the area, which was now a playground. I never realized there was a hill big enough for sledding. The place was crowded with kids and families.

I hesitated before getting on the wooden toboggan. Teddy bent over behind me, getting ready to push me. I zoomed faster than I expected and ended up flipping over, landing face first in the snow. Teddy showed up, laughing hysterically as I rolled onto my back. "I'm too old for this shit," I groaned.

As Teddy laughed, I held his legs and swept him to the ground. He continued to laugh, proceeding to make snow angels. I turned to him and shoved a snowball in his face. He retaliated with a snowball in my face. I ran off, sprinting up the hill to avoid more snowballs. Instead of my face, he got me in the back. To escape, I hopped in Millie's toboggan, riding along with her.

This time I didn't flip over, but Teddy's toboggan bumped into ours. More snowballs hit my back. Teddy ran off, expecting me to run after him. Teddy was fast, but I was faster and caught up to him. He thought he was being sneaky, hiding behind a tree. He hadn't realized I was there. I surprised him by stuffing snow in the back of his shirt, scaring the crap out of him. He both shrieked and laughed. He laughed so hard he cried, falling to the ground. I pushed him on his back and shoved snow down the front of his snow pants.

"Asshole!" Teddy laughed as I pounced on top of him. "I should kill you."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Hey, guys, what are you doing up there?" Billy asked as I sat on Teddy's lap. "We're over here."

I got up and helped Teddy to his feet. "Would you really kill me?" I asked.

"Are you kidding me? You'd kill me first."

Exhausted and frozen, we headed back to the McDonough house. Teddy and Billy both dragged their toboggans behind them. At the house, they dropped their sleds in the front yard and ran into the house, desperate for warmth and to change out of their wet clothes. I was the last one inside.

From the foyer, my stomach grumbled at the aroma of pot roast, a treat on a Sunday. Mrs. McDonough thanked me for the extra money, which allowed her to purchase a roast. "You can have two servings," she said as I nearly toppled over, attempting to remove my boots. Everyone else had abandoned me. "Now get washed up for dinner."

I found Teddy in the attic, rummaging through his dresser drawers again. "Searching for more chocolate?" I asked. "You'll ruin your appetite. Great. I sound like your mother."

"I'm looking for clean clothes."

In my underpants, I sat on the bed, watching Teddy empty his dresser drawers. "It looks like I need to do some washing. Damn... where are they? Ah-ha! I found them. I shoulda worn these earlier." He held a pair of old-fashioned long underwear. "I hope you don't mind, but I'm just gonna change here. Don't look."

With his back to me, he dropped his trousers. His baggy shirt hung down to his thighs. He pulled on his long underwear before I got a glimpse of his ass. As he removed his shirt, I noticed an unusually large birthmark on his shoulder blade, light brown and about the size of a fist with uneven edges. There was something about it. "Wait, Teddy, I think I've seen that birthmark before."

"I told you not to look," he said, sliding his arm through the sleeve of his shirt.

I went to him to get a closer look.

"Hey," he said as I lifted his undershirt to examine that familiar birthmark. "I know it's ugly. Jimmy has a smaller one on his thigh. It must be a McDonough thing. What are you doing?"

"I swear I've seen this before." I traced the mark with my finger, racking my brain, trying to remember which former lover had a birthmark like this one.

"I don't know from where. We just met last week."

"I know. Nothing in my world right now makes sense." I moved my hands to his shoulders. His body was tense, his breathing shallow. Holding his shoulders, I turned him around.

"You better change," Teddy said, his eyes fixed with mine. "Dinner'll be ready soon."

I brought my hand to the side of his head. He swallowed hard, flinching as I combed the knots out of his hair.

When I looked in Teddy's eyes, I saw a man who was as smitten with me as I was with him. If he was someone I'd just met on Grindr, I would have fucked him and thought nothing of it, but he wasn't someone I met online. He was different, far different from me. He was innocent and suggestible. Besides that, he was someone I could love, and that's something I couldn't let happen. The flirting had to stop. This friendship couldn't go any further or we'd both break. My asshole personality was about to emerge, a defense mechanism I used to avoid getting hurt.

"Put your trousers on," I said, backing away from him. He finished buttoning up his underwear before searching for a clean pair of trousers.

Teddy hesitated before leaving. "I had fun today. Did you have fun?"

I half-nodded, slipping my leg through a dry pair of trousers.

"I'll see you downstairs."

Before Erin got sick, I had a few steady boyfriends. My longest relationship lasted two years. Luke and I almost bought a house together. Right before closing on it, he told me he wanted to be polyamorous. However, I preferred monogamy. I didn't want to share my lover and partner with anyone else, so we broke up and I bought the house myself. Four years later, I still lived in that same house.

The taxi was supposed to take me to a place where I needed to be. Why did I need to be here? To fall in love and have my heart broken? To break another man's heart? Everywhere I looked, I saw Teddy unless I was in school. He was there in the morning and again in the afternoon. Teddy and Jimmy insisted one of them walk me to school and back, convinced I needed a chaperone. For self-preservation, I needed to limit my time with Teddy.

But Teddy had other ideas.

"I don't think we should go to Worthen's anymore," I said.

"Why not?"

I had to think of a good reason. "Because it's too expensive."

"No, it's not. I got money."

"I can't keep taking your money." I walked in the opposite direction, trying to get away. Teddy ran after me and grabbed my wrist.

"Come on. Let's go." He pleaded with me, tugging my arm.

"Let go of me or people will talk."

Reluctantly, he let go and walked beside me on the way back to the house. Right before we entered, he grabbed my wrist again. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked. "People usually tell me when I've done something wrong."

"No. You've done nothing wrong. I just think it's best that we keep our distance."

"Why?" He slipped his hand in mine as I reached for the door handle. I quickly jerked it away.

"I can't get involved with you, so leave me the hell alone."

Annoyed, Teddy pushed me out of the way and entered the house, letting the door slam in my face. At dinner, he insisted on sitting beside Billy and not me.

"But that's not my seat," Billy said.

"I don't care," Teddy said. "Eric smells."

Under different circumstances, I would have laughed at Teddy's comment.

"Stop being rude," Mrs. McDonough said. "Eric must have said something you didn't agree with. Billy, just sit in his spot tonight. It won't kill you."

This evening I excused myself first. I couldn't be in the same room as Teddy. I was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. My hands shook and my heart raced as if I was about to have a panic attack. I missed my friends desperately. If I was home, I'd call Megan and she'd talk me off the ledge. I was all alone here.

Teddy's middle name should have been tenacious because he never gave up. It would have been nice if the attic had a lock because Teddy entered whenever the hell he wanted.

"Go away, Teddy," I said, throwing the covers over my body.

"Tell me what I did," he said.

"Just get out of here."

"You said you didn't want to get involved with me. What did you mean by that?"

"Are you that dumb?" I snapped, bolting upright. "For fuck's sake, I know this is 1935, but I think you know what I meant when I told you I can't get involved with you. You think I don't know the truth about you? Do you think I'm stupid, too? I'm just like you, Teddy. I like guys, too, but I come from a world where I can be out and proud, not in this stifling hell."

Teddy sniffed, his lips pursed as he fought back his tears.

"Just go," I said. "Go before I throw you out on your ass."

I expected more from Teddy. Maybe I wanted a fight. Instead, Teddy left without another word.

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