By the time we're back at home, the sun is already painting everything in gold. The clouds outside lay mute and stony, for it was not they that mattered but the presence or absence of the sun. I hate this hour. Another day thrown to waste.

I leave my bag by the door and greet Jenny who has settled herself on the sofa, licking her fluffy leg with all the rigour she can master. I wouldn't dare interrupt her self-grooming session, so instead I approach the window behind and look down the empty road, wondering how it must have been fifty years ago.

I grew up in a world without traffic, without car fumes. It has been so many years since those times when the roads had been left for nature to reclaim—and she had started in earnest. In the weathered cracks was gathered new soil, enough to tempt seeds to grow. Their roots grew in, their leaves a bright green over the grey, and the land began to breathe once more, healing the scars of old.

I stay still as the sun slowly sets ahead, staring at the dying roads of the city. I don't turn around when I hear Kai close the door with an audible sigh, nor when I hear his footsteps echo in the corridor and a door slam shut. I stay still as I dig a grave for all that die inside me, along with the dying city.

I flash of pain suddenly bursts in my head, making me convulse against the wall. The pain splinters my body into a million pieces, and I can't do anything but tumble to the floor and bury my face in my hands, waiting for the pain to subside.

After days of constant twists and turns, this is the final blow that causes all my defenses to crumble. With wrecking silent sobs, I give away any pretence of self defence, because I can't suppress my cry anymore. I'm tired of hiding the fact that I am afraid—deeply afraid of tomorrow.

A warm hand on my shoulder makes me freeze and look up.

"You okay?" Kai asks softly.

I wipe my cheeks with my sleeve and nod. "Yeah. I just...sometimes I...I get tired of pretending I'm okay," my voice comes out hoarse.

He studies my face for a second and then slowly sits beside me on the floor, hugging his legs. The quiet of the room wraps around us like a thick veil. It covers my skin and fills my lungs until I'm suffocating.

"Breathe, Andrew. Stop worrying about every little thing," his deep voice pulls me back to the surface.

"It must be so easy for you, knowing that you'll get another life after that. I wonder if you ever fear finding out that this is your last one when it's too late and you have already wasted it."

"I don't pay attention to my life ending. It has ended for me many times and began again in the morning."

I scoff at his arrogance. "Well, not for me. I'd kill to have your curse," I say, dragging the last word. "I want my life back. I want myself back."

Kai snatches my wrist with force and looks at me with eyes that blaze with anger. "Don't ever say that again! Do you know how it feels to live in this shitty world, over and over again, each time being worse than the last one? It's like drowning but you just won't fucking die!" He glares at me for a few seconds before dropping my arm again, and then turns away from me, hiding his face in the shadows.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to him. My body itches from my desire to touch him, but I don't dare move. After all that happened last night, I'm too hurt to cross the rift opening up between us.

"No," he clears his throat and looks at me once more. "I am sorry," he apologises, and I knit my brows in confusion. "All these days, you've seen my bad side, but you've never seen my good side. I'd like to show you who I truly am. I know it's a bit too late now, I know, but can you give me another chance?"

Can I? I try to convince myself that I can't trust him again, that I want a humble, free love, that I don't want to anxiously embrace a star-crossed lover. But the truth is I'm being existential and cynical because I'm afraid of pain. And he is being so sweet, and brutally honest, and...beautiful. He is so beautiful.

And if I'm wrong, well, I've lost everything. What more can I lose?

With newfound hope, but also a tinge of fear, I reach over to him and link our hands together. "Show me, then. Prove me your worth," I say confidently, and he smiles.