today is everyone's day off, taking today's time to recollect ourselves and back to filming tomorrow afternoon. i was able to have some sleep and slept in a little. the last few days we're hectic, i wasn't able to get mush sleep. I got the idea to buy myself pastries at a nearby café I saw while filming. It looked cute from the outside, so it is probably as pretty in the inside as well my agent suggested that i should bring a friend with me the day before.

"bring one of your friends with you, (y/n)."

i did thought of that. bringing audrey, maybe even patrick. but i don't know.

"why?" there was a pause, i was on my phone searching for a near by café that i could get some food for tomorrow.

"because i like having some friends with me when i do stuff, having them around me helps with my anxiety. they always find ways to have fun and you won't be overthinking things thats bothering you." daniel says happily.
"so basically your saying that later on i should stress about it?" i frowned. i look up, daniel slumps his shoulders, staying quiet.

"wouldn't be alone and think things through be better than to have people distract you from reality and be later on stress?" i objected. yes i do very much love the cast, i consider them as friends, maybe even family. but i really think that i should think about my feelings and the situation in general. aidan is ignoring me after a week.  what ever happen to his statement that night about me being worth the wait?

was it all a lie?

was he just playing with me?

was he joking about it?

what was going on between me and aidan?

was it nothing more that two naive people talking sweet with each other for later to be nothing?

"i. i-" daniel stammers, "i just thought that maybe you need a friend to talk to.." he looked down and away.

i left to continue shooting. i still have a lot to film, with the show having a least 24 episodes in this season. later at night i ordered takeout and ate my food. i thought of what daniel said earlier. perhaps he's right. i've known him for so long. maybe i should ask someone to come along. tomorrow was going to be a new a day.

i woke up in my trailer, feeling cold. today's weather was probably going to be chilly. i did my skincare and decided on an outfit for today's free time. the whole day without having someone scream '3, 2, 1, action' is kinda motivating. it's a nice temporary change just for today. i asked someone to come with me to the café, thinking that maybe daniel is right. it would help with my stress and that later on i would be able to think properly.

"thanks for coming with me, ben." i turned to look at him.
"no problem." he smiles.

we walk silently, i don't want this to be an awkward silence.

"though i don't understand why you didn't ask audrey or patrick for example. you're more close to them then with me." he mentioned. he's right, i could've asked audrey or patrick to come with me. but i felt like having someone with a different perspective then my friends.

"sure i could have, but i didn't." i answered.

i saw ben starring, looking confuse, but he simply shrugged it off.

"do you know where you're going?" he asks.

"no. no i do not." my cheeks reddened from embarrassment. why did i think i know where to go? i saw the café once. once! while filming a while back. i don't remember where i saw it. and also, i am stupid enough to not take a mental note about the café's name. damn.

"it's ok." ben laughs. "we could always find a new café to go to." he continues.
"but the one i saw was cute." i pout.

he went on about saying that we should try and find another coffee shop. i end up agreeing, i'm too tired to even argue. ben then took the lead and google search a coffee shop near by, found one after 2 minutes of searching. irking me at how fast he even found it. he noticed my way of expressing and laughs, making me laugh at my stupidity. our laughs quickly died down, i don't know if i should be awkward about the silence or be calm. ben surely looks calm, not at all awkward. i realize that me and ben never even had a scene together on the show. he only does scenes with aidan and zack, sometimes even audrey.

i quickly shook my head. i shouldn't be thinking about work, not when this is the only time i could relax. i cleared my thoughts and catched up with ben, me being a little behind. walking beside ben makes feel like i'm a bug. ben is quite tall, guessing he's probably around 5,11, considering the fact that ben is 17 years old. we walk inside the coffee shop, i even thought it looked much cuter than the one i saw. there was a line with a couple of people, us lining up as well. it was quiet between me and ben. i guess i could look at the menu. now realizing i think this coffee shop is a french one, the menu is written mostly in french. thinking that ben realizes that too, he laughs.

"sorry i didn't think this was going to be a french coffee shop." there was a pause. "i don't really speak french. i only know the basic 'bonjour' and 'je m'appelle ben'" it's my turn to laugh. he said those words in such a funny accent. but i wasn't that bad of an accent, it was almost that he really did took his time to practice saying that.

"well lucky for you, i took some french classes when i was younger." i mentioned. it was almost our turn to order, the two girls in front taking their order. me and ben discretely laugh at those girls, their pronunciation is funny. it's almost like those mean girls with that bitchy way of talking accent, if it makes sense.

finally when the girls were done they moved to the side for us to pass. the cashier greets us with a smile, her glasses almost falling off of her face, before she places it correctly again.

"allô! qu'est ce que vous voulez commander?" she said. i smile back at her. i was going to speak when the cashier spoke again. "oh mais vous êtes (y/n), non? l'actrice?" she exclaims. it took me by surprise, i don't remember when was the last time someone has recognized me. but i smile at the cashier.

"oui, c'est moi." i mumbled, feeling a little shy all of a sudden. the cashier cheeks redden, apologizing and quickly taking our order. me and ben were arguing who was going to pay.

"i'm the one who should pay cause i invited you." i argue.
"fine, but next time it's on me."

our order was ready and we took a seat on the tables. ben was sipping his iced coffee while i took a bite of my chausson aux pommes. the sweet taste of my dessert fills my tastes buds. while i was enjoying my food, ben was looking everywhere but to me. i felt like he had something to say.

"something wrong?" i muttered, taking a sip of my coffee. ben glaces at me, setting his cup down.

"i just feel like a dick for daring you to make out with aidan. that was stupid of me, there is no excuse. i'm sorry."

oh. i wasn't expecting that. not sure of what to say, i just took another bite of my turnover. while chewing, i try to remember what even happen at the sleepover. we played truth or dare and someone dared me and aidan to make out.

"that's nice of you to think that is was stupid. i appreciate your apology." i smile at him. to be honest i completely forgot about it, and plus it never happen.

"yeah but i feel bad-"
"it's fine." i interrupt him, smiling at him to make him understand that it is really okay. he just looks at me, probably wanting to object.

"don't think about too much, it never happened anyway." i added, drinking my coffee. ben sighs, maybe from relief or from shame. but he shouldn't think too much. i try to find something else to talk about but there was nothing to say. ben did kinda made this situation awkward for me too. we ate our food silently, leaving the coffee shop after 15 minutes.

looking at the sky, realize that it got cloudy. it was probably going to rain later. i don't like this silence that was going on between me and ben. it was going great, but now it feels cold. thinking that i should think about to say, i blurted out the topic that i want to avoid.

"aidan stopped talking me 3 days ago. and i dont know why." great. just great. i just had to talk about my irrelevant problems.
"what do you mean?" after a moment to process what i said.

taking a deep breath, i should talk about this but at the same time it feels irrelevant and helpless. ben made me forget my problem with aidan but he also reminded me of him.

"he made these promises, promises that kinda made feel special and worried but then ignores me after."
"what makes you think he's ignoring you?" ben said.
"i don't know, he just randomly stopped."
"maybe he's busy with shooting. lately the episodes their shooting are mostly focused on aidan and zack." he explains, i feel kinda dumb now. that's a logical explanation. and now recalling that the director did say that the scenes are now focused on aidan and zack.

"do you like him?" he asks. it took me a moment to think. do i like aidan? i just met him about a week ago. when i was young, it was just another celebrity crush. wait. is it just a celebrity crush? i barely know the guy, i've only seen him on his shows. i don't know what he is like behind the scenes. he was super nice to me when we met, so was everyone.

"i think? i don't know." i mumble. a sigh left my lips. we were walking the whole time i didn't realize that were almost back to set and it's only 6:30 pm. i guess we left pretty late to go eat at the coffee shop.

"you know what i think?" i look up at him, waiting for him to continue. "i think you care a lot of aidan's friendship. dating him is something that probably scares you. i think you shouldn't think too much of dating right now. you're still young. you can like someone and not date them. you're over thinking about this, because the thought of having a boyfriend or girlfriend is probably scaring you." he calmly states.

my gaze was on him. is that what it is? is it simply because i'm not ready to date and the thought of dating is making overthink? maybe he's right, maybe it's because i don't feel ready.

"don't force yourself to do something that you're not sure of feeling uncomfortable." ben adds.

now that i think about it, feeling uncomfortable and not sure of feeling uncomfortable is completely different in meaning. maybe i just care so much of aidan and i friendship. maybe aidan feels exactly the same, maybe that's why he said that i was worth the wait.

maybe that's why.

"you know the day is still not over. we could go to my trailer and watch some movies i downloaded." ben broke my train of thoughts. he smiles down at me. i look back up at him, smiling just as much as he is. ben helped me sort out my feelings for aidan, helped me realize what was going on in my head.

"we could order pizza too, my treat." he adds.

"that's it? what a shitty ending!" i exclaim with ben laughing. "it is." he chuckles. we've been watching 2 movies with this one being the third one. i noted to myself that i will never watch this movie ever again. i laid down on the floor, feeling all my bones crack, kind of feels good. i was sitting down the whole time during the movie.

"it's getting late now, i should get going." i yawn.
"i had fun hanging out with you, (y/n)."

there was a moment of silence. it was not awkward. it was comfortable. i look at my phone,

12:01 am

"you know." i breath out, "it's my birthday." i mumble.
"how old are you now?"
"16"
"happy 16th birthday, (y/n)."

author me here, god this was long. i think i like chapters that are long. anyways wanted to say that if your willing, to leave me a motivation comment, that would be nice.

also a random question, i want to know how old are all of you? i'm 17 :)