A/N: When I originally published this on fanfiction.net, it was only after posting, that I discovered the title to be sexually suggestive. :P But that has nothing to with the story! The  title is ambigious in another way, wrapping up two different themes.

prompt: [Shimon] sucks at cooking xD

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She was coming home late again, huh?

A glance at the clock confirmed his assumption.

So it hadn't been so bad that he had extended his jogging route today and hadn't been home at dinner time. His stomach rumbled. After today's workout he felt hungry.

Shimon wondered how long, he would have to wait until her return. Lately, her meetings would make her come home rather late.

It hadn't been that much of a problem the last few days. He would leave their secured living space – a thing she had arranged, when they got married and he was at certain occasions very thankful for – and would join their clan members in the public rooms of the main house. But after he walked there today, it seemed rather deserted. For a moment he wondered where everybody went until his stomach churned with hunger.

Maybe they all had joined the meeting she currently held. That was odd though. Mayura would have told him beforehand, if there had been a important issue the clan needed to discuss.

Again his stomach rumbled.

He wondered, if he should cook up something himself. But she had once told him, he wasn't allowed to touch anything in their kitchen unit, or any other kitchen to begin with.

That one time she had watched him cooking with Chiiko after they had started dating was something she would remind him now and then. Even after years had gone by, she still used to do it.

But he knew by now, how to regulate the heat or how to place a pan on the stove. He was not 18 anymore and he was one of the strongest exorcist. He was even more than that, he was a born member of the Ikaruga clan and a recently added member of the Amawaka clan through wedlock. He could cook up a meal – or something.

Besides it hadn't been his fault the kitchen and a large part of the Ikaruga clan had been nearly burned down to ashes back then, anyway.

With fresh determination, he made his way to their own kitchen unit.

However, when he came face to face with it, Shimon felt lost.

What was he supposed to do now? Where to start?

Analyzing the situation, he began to formulate a strategy in his head. At first he would need ingredients to cook or fry.

He walked to the fridge. Opening it he found it mostly empty.

That's right. She hadn't had much time to buy food these last few days.

Alongside of the new found grudge at looking into this gaping void called fridge, guilt overcame him. Maybe he should spend less time training and shaping up his skills and start to help her more in the household. She had enough on her schedule as head of the Amawaka clan and as Heavenly Commander.

A low rumble pierced through the silence surrounding him.

If he didn't want her to find him starved to death clutching with one hand to the handle of the fridge, he better needed to start cooking now. Maybe he could he even cook up something that was tasty enough for both of them.

Focusing of the few contents in the fridge he made mental notes on the ingredients and what he could make out of them.

There were two pears. He could make fried pears out of them.

An apple. Perhaps fried apples?

There was a plastic wrapped package, too. Looking into it Shimon discovered it contained meat.

He could cook fried meat.

For a moment he thought about the delicious Yakitori (1) she loved to make. His mouth started to water up at the idea of tasting it's crispy and succulent consistency.

But maybe he wouldn't be able to make that out of this piece of meat.

He frowned. He wasn't even sure the thing he held in his hand was chicken.

Putting the package back to where he found it, he wondered, what he could do.

Nothing came to his mind.

Defeated he closed the fridge. He couldn't make a sufficient meal by frying peals, apples and some kind of meat.

Sighing, he leaned against the fridge. His strategy was failing at its first step.

What now?

Perhaps he could look for ingredients in the fridge of the main house. But it would be more than impolite to plunder it without asking for permission first. Being married to the head, didn't allow him to simply take food and thereby destroy the cooking plan of others.

Maybe he could roll up his strategy from its last point, which was of course cooking. The point coming before that was putting out pans and pots, before that came preparing the ingredients somehow and before was that devising a plan, what to cook at all.

This method to reconsider a strategy backwards had served him a few times in battle so far. However, it seemed to be useless now.

His stomach churned painfully in hunger. The hunger stirred temptation. The temptation to take the fruit out of the fridge and still at least a part of his hunger. But that would be very selfish considering, that it wouldn't help Mayura.

Reminding himself of his coat of composure, he straightened up and clenched his hands into fists. He wasn't letting himself be beaten by missing ingredients. There must be something he could do.

He teared on the handle of the fridge again and ripped the mischievous kind of an appliance open.

He saw:

Two pears.

One apple.

Some kind of meat.

...

Screw this!

A sigh left him.

The worst part at his helpless state was, that he brought it up to himself.

If he had thought about helping her more sooner, he wouldn't have to face this ironic commotion now. It was his own insufficiency he had to blame.

Glaring at the fruits and the meat, he began to scowl in dismay.

Out of the corner of his eyes he suddenly noticed something new.

In wonder he blinked at the freezer compartment.

Why hadn't he thought about it sooner? She always cooked large portions to freeze a second meal, sparing her the time to cook on some days.

Salvation was within reach!

With a smile he opened the freezer built-in the fridge.

And there they were: Containers filled with Mayura's mouth-watering food!

Bless his beautiful, amazing wife! He would pay her back for coming to his rescue, not even being here. Perhaps, he wouldn't cook a meal on his own for them but he would heat this up and pamper her as soon as she arrived home. Maybe he could heat the bath water for her or give her a message after she was sated. And there were also the fruits he could fry as some sort of a dessert.

Smiling he pulled out a container, filled with some sort of sauce. It looked like curry.

Perfect! He would heat this thing up, cook rice and if he had enough time, he would fry the fruits!

Walking to the stove, he began to skip to step four of his strategy.

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She couldn't wait to tell him the news.

Mayura smiled brightly, as she walked through the Amawaka estate. He was probably flapping around their living space, waiting for her in worry.

It wasn't exactly her fault, that she was so late today. The meeting she had held hours ago was suddenly interrupted as she was hit by a wave of nausea and lost her consciousness. When she had woken up, people surrounded her. The news about this sudden spectacle had traveled fast through the estate. Yuzuru-san had grinned her, telling her the reason for her sudden fainting.

Funny how she hadn't noticed her body changes sooner. But she'd blamed them on the stress that had kept her busy these last few days.

With tears in her eyes Mayura had searched the faces surrounding her, looking for his. Frowning when she hadn't detected him, she'd asked Yuzuru about his whereabouts. In the end it had turned out no one had updated him about her condition because he had been out of the house the moment it happened.

Now she was happy having the chance to tell him about it herself when they were alone.

Humming she walked towards their private living space. It was an arrangement she had been very obstinate about when they got married. She wanted to have a place to themselves, where they could live like a normal married couple on the mainlands with nobody interrupting all the time. Now that she thought about it, it was probably the reason, this new event had happened so fast and so early in their two months old marriage. They would take advantage and enjoy their privacy very often. Or rather almost every chance they got.

She giggled in happiness. She couldn't wait to see his shocked stare and to watch his composure crumbling down in front of her, when she told him. It was a sight she wasn't gifted with very often. She needed to make the most of it.

When she was getting closer to their place, a stinking smell hit her senses. It etched her nostrils. Coming closer she was enveloped in the biting smell of something burning.

It made her stomach churn in sickness. This was no good right now. This was no good considering her condition. No good at all.

Covering up her mouth and nose, she took a deep breath of some slightly filtered air. Fighting down the sickness, she made her way further to their private space. Now she knew how he felt riding a bus and not being able to get off when he sickness overcame him like a car crash.

After she opened the shoji, she was welcomed by dark screen of smoke that made her eyes water. She stopped breathing and turned away until the largest cloud had past her.

What had happened here?

Worried she scanned the place, searching for the sight of her husband.

She spotted him soon, covered in soot, looking guilty and towering above a pot, from which a small cloud of smoke rose, at their kitchen unit.

Her worry was replaced by shock at seeing him like this. "Shimon! What happened?"

If possible, he was looking even guiltier as he shifted his gaze towards her. "I don't know. I just turned away for a second and suddenly the pot was on fire."

Getting an idea of what had happened, didn't help her from getting agitated. Looking around she took notice of the scene of his crime.

Luckily, the pot was the only thing severely burned. The rest of the room was only covered with a light screen of soot. Nevertheless, she felt a headache starting to rise behind her temples at the thought of clearing up this mess. This was the exact reason, why she had told him, he shouldn't enter the kitchen – ever. Once, when they were younger, she had seen him cook and it was a wonder the Ikaruga estate was still standing after that .

With her mouth agape, she stared at him. He had ignored her warning. And this was the result. "You weren't supposed to touch anything!"

Remorse was painting his face. His eyebrows were bowed in shame. "I wanted to heat your curry."

"Ehhh! The curry from the freezer?" Flabbergasted, she frowned at him. How had he managed to burn that? "But it was frozen and you burned it. Hoooow~?"

"I don't know." With a slight shake of his shoulder, he turned his gaze away from her and looked in the direction of the stove.

He looked as if he was filled with regret as he frowned deeply at the pot in front of him. He reminded her of a small boy receiving his first major telling-off.

Her eyes watered again at the sight of him. She didn't want him to sulk about this. She didn't want anything destroy her mood. Nothing could tarnish this great day. Not even this.

With a huff of breath and a smile she walked towards him. She put a hand on his blackened one and pressed a small peck on his cheek. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry." He turned his head towards her and buried his nose in her hair. She guessed the burned smell must have already soaked into her thick hair but he didn't seem to care as he wrapped his arms around her.

She leaned a little bit back and smiled at him. With a thumb she tried to wipe away a stain of soot, smearing it instead over his cheek in the process. "Come on. Let's clean up this mess."

To gain an overview of the disaster, she took a step back and looked at the bigger picture, devising a plan of action. They would need to let in fresh air first. Then they would clean up the place and themselves afterwards.

And then she would tell him the great news, sharing an hot and soothing bath.

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(1) Yakitori - Grilled chicken pieces.

A/N: Married shimayu action!!! I hope, it was fun to read.^^

This will maybe get a second part one day, because people asked for it. *scratches head* I am not sure when, because I have so many plans for long-fictions and don't know, what to write first.