"The handicap of deafness is not the ear; it is the mind." Marlee Matlin

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IX.              

Perrie screamed, tossing the breeches in the air as she turned around, barely registering what she saw as she was so surprised. Seconds later, the breeches landed on top of Perrie's head, and that was probably fortuitous, as they acted as a blindfold.

"What is the matter with you?" she shouted accusingly, her body facing the door while her eyes were clamped shut. "You cannot just walk about unclothed! You have a privacy screen for changing!"

Behind her, Perrie could hear the sounds of Joe scrambling for what was inevitably clothing. She could hear the draping of fabric, as though he had pulled the linens from his bed to make himself decent.

"You wretched little imp!" Joe seethed. "I have a whole bedroom for privacy! I am not walking about unclothed. I am not the one in the wrong here. What sort of urchin does not knock on a door before entering?"

Perrie could feel that her cheeks were scarlet with embarrassment, and she knew entirely that Joe was right. She ought to have knocked. She also knew that Joe would be feeling ten times as badly as she was, as she had now embarrassed him twice in one day.

Was now the right time to apologise?

"Get out!" Joe ordered forcefully. "Or are you determined to gawk at me like a lunatic with ... what are those? Are those my breeches on your head?" He scoffed angrily. "Is your father aware that his eldest princess is certifiably insane?"

"I am not gawking!" Perrie shouted, keeping her head firmly facing forward, her eyes still shut.

"Yet you are still standing there!" retorted Joe exasperatedly. "Move! Get out! Go away! Are you misunderstanding me? Or was English not one of the languages you learned in your fancy school?"

Perrie hissed with frustration, not at Joe, but with herself. She had already felt dreadful for her behaviour that morning, and now she had just made things infinitely worse. "I mended your breeches!" she cried out, lifting the breeches up off of her head, all the while keeping her eyes closed. "I ... I am terribly sorry for hurting you this morning, Mr Parish. Mrs Hayes is also trying to clean your boots, but if I have ruined them, they will be replaced. I hope you can forgive me." Perrie threw the breeches behind her and heard them land on the floor a short distance away. "It was never my intention to ..." What was she trying to say? "I do have a heart, you know. I don't like to see anyone upset, even you. I am sorry to have been the cause." Perrie dared to open her eyes, but only to look forward so that she could hurry towards the door. "And I am sorry for barging in on you like this. But I would encourage you to use your privacy screen just in case I ever need to return anything else that I have spoiled."

With that, Perrie opened the door and slipped out into the hallway, closing the door securely behind her. She then hurried away, moving faster than she ever had done before, to put as much distance between herself and Joe Parish as she could.

Perrie worried that she had made things permanently worse, and it was terribly frustrating at how much she cared. Mrs Hayes seemed to think that Perrie didn't hate Joe at all, which simply wasn't true. She did hate him.

Perhaps she just did not want him to hate her.

Wretched little imp. That was certainly a new adjective before his favourite pet name. Taking a breath as she hurriedly walked down the family's hallway, Perrie then safely shut herself inside her own bedroom, and leaned backwards against her own door. She would certainly find out at dinner that evening whether or not he had forgiven her.

***

After Perrie had been helped to change for dinner, her mother entered her bedroom after knocking quietly at the door. Perrie felt a considerable pang of guilt, and she hoped that the flush in her cheeks seemed more like a healthy radiance then abject embarrassment. 

"Did you return Mr Parish's breeches?" Grace asked softly.

"Yes," Perrie confirmed quickly.

"Did you manage to speak to Mr Parish, or did you miss him?"

"Oh ... er ... briefly," she mumbled. "But I am certain we will speak more at dinner this evening."

Grace nodded, though her brows were furrowed in a concerned fashion. "Perrie," she said in a knowing tone. "I won't have you punishing yourself over this."

Perrie appreciated her mother's efforts in nurturing her. She truly did, especially as Perrie did feel at times that she did not live up to her mother's example. "Thank you, Mama," she said gratefully, even if Perrie did not feel like she was absolved.

"Come along then," urged Grace, waving Perrie towards her. "I'm famished."

Grace collected Perrie's three siblings from their bedrooms, and they walked together downstairs to the dining room for dinner. Perrie was thankful that Lily took hold of her hand as they entered, where they saw that Adam, Cecily, and Joe had already taken their places at the table.

Joe had changed for the evening meal, as they all had, and the breeches he wore were the same colour as the ones Perrie had mended. Was he wearing them already? She supposed it would be too inappropriate to ask for him to turn around so that she might see the seams that she had stitched.

Alice darted around their mother and placed herself down to Joe's right, so Perrie, as gracefully and as nonchalantly as she could manage, took the chair to Joe's left.

"Perrie ..." Grace whispered in a concerned tone, but Perrie shook her head dismissively. She knew that her mother was still worried about the guilt that she bore.

Perrie subtly shook her head as she sat down, the footman behind her helping to push her chair in.

Joe turned towards her slightly, and Perrie caught sight of his wary brown eyes. What was he thinking? Was he imagining a grisly death for her? He had his choice of the knives before him.

His brow and jaw were as tense as the other. Perrie could not fathom what was going through his mind at that moment. But when he spoke, he uttered, "Thank you for mending my breeches."

He turned his head back away from her and Perrie felt a little relief wash over her. He'd thanked her. That was a positive sign. He hadn't cursed her. He hadn't blamed her for causing him irreparable damage. Of course, he had not told her that he had forgiven her, but there were still several courses to eat and plenty of time to get there.

And once Joe had forgiven Perrie, she would happily go back to hating him with every fibre of her being.

"I honestly thought you might never talk to me again," she whispered to him.

But Joe didn't respond. He did not turn back to even acknowledge that she had spoken. Perrie pursed her lips and leaned in a little closer, but not so much that it would be terribly noticeable.

"I honestly thought you might never talk to me again," Perrie whispered again, her tone a little firmer just in case he had not heard her previously. But once again, Joe made no indication that he had any desire to converse with her. Only a moment later, he actively engaged in conversation with her grandmother, and it seemed entirely deliberate.

Perrie righted her posture and attempted to conceal her expression of disappointment. He was clearly still very upset with her. So much so that he was happy to ignore her. Even if he had turned around to tell her to say something like, "Hush, Little Imp," she would have found that more promising than nothing.

Oh, why hadn't she knocked? Why did she have such a talent for trouble? She took a breath and decided to try one last time. She turned her head subtly, and murmured, "I am very sorry again for everything. I hope you can forgive me."

Joe merely chuckled at something that Cecily had said, and he completely ignored Perrie once again. It was clear then that she was not forgiven. She was to be punished with silence.

Perrie hated every second of it. It was such unfamiliar territory. Though she had not seen Joe Parish for a while, the two years that he had been away, there never once had been silence between them when they had known each other. There had never been a grudge. There had only been revenge plots, and who could get the other back best.

Despite the attempted murder, most of their tricks were quite harmless. More annoying really, than hurtful.

Perrie realised that Joe would force her to sit with this rotten feeling, and perhaps that was his revenge plot.

"Mr Parish," Grace said, taking control of the conversation in between courses.

Joe immediately gave Grace, who was sitting across from him, his full attention. Perrie felt as though he had kicked her in the shin. "Yes, Your Grace?"

"Since our children have returned to Ashwood, I have been thinking that you must miss your family terribly," she said sympathetically. "I have not discussed this with Adam. However, I am certain he would approve of relieving you if you would like to return home to visit. Or, alternatively, we would be happy to host your family here."

"Absolutely," Adam enthused immediately. "The children are all enjoying their school holidays. You ought to take some time during the season for recreation. You have been working hard. You deserve it."

Joe appeared quite flustered and shocked at the suggestion. Before he could answer, the footmen arrived with their next course, and Joe fumbled with the serving spoons as he attempted to serve himself some asparagus. The sound of the silver spoons clattering against the china of the dish was quite loud in the dining room.

"That is a very kind and generous suggestion," Joe said in a nervous sort of stammer. "My father would not want to interrupt me, though, I am quite certain."

"I hardly think he would be opposed to a little time spent in the countryside. Some shooting, cards, a little brandy," Adam encouraged. "Gentlemen are an easily entertained group."

"Do you know what would be lovely?" Cecily announced to the table. "If we are to have guests, we should host a ball. A summer soirée. I know that everyone is in London for the Season, but everyone loves a little diversion in the country during the festivities of the summer." 

"You have been deprived of society for too long, have you, Mother?" Adam surmised with an amused expression.

"I have but one summer to go before I may make the journey with Perrie, but until then, does that not sound like a grand plan?" Perrie could see by her grandmother's determination that she was not asking for permission, not that she ever would. She would quite comfortably wager that Cecily already had the guest list, the dances, the menu, and the date in mind. She would absolutely be down in the kitchen discussing the food with Mrs Reynolds before the evening was concluded.

"Are Perrie and I allowed to attend, Mama?" Lily asked curiously.

"Absolutely not," Adam said flatly. "You are only fifteen years old. If your grandmother is to host a ballroom full of gentlemen, then you shall be safely in bed asleep."

Lily pouted, and she slumped in her chair dejectedly.

"What about Perrie?"

It took everyone, Perrie included, a moment to realise that the question had been asked by Joe. Their eyes all found him, and Joe appeared as though he was close to swallowing his tongue.

"Forgive me! Lady Perrie," he stammered. His eyes briefly flicked down to hers, before he returned his attention to Adam.

"Perrie will be in bed as well," Adam said firmly.

Perrie did not know how to feel about that. At the present point in time, she did not feel much like dancing. She would not have minded being excluded from the party.

"Adam," Cecily scoffed. "Perrie is nearly eighteen –"

"Which means she is seventeen," Adam retorted. "She is also not out yet."

"This can be a gentle launch for her," Cecily encouraged. "Better to be in the comfort of her own home amongst friends and family. She is not a little girl anymore. She is a young lady."

Adam reached for his wine glass and drank the remainder of its contents. A footman promptly produced a decanter and refilled the glass. "I have ten months before she goes to London, and I am enjoying every single one of those days. She will not attend your ball, Mother."

"I have a few catalogues that Belle brought me the last time she was here, Perrie. You and I will have a look through them tomorrow and find something lovely for you to wear, and I will place an order with Belle to have it made before the ball." Cecily completely disregarded Adam's refusal.

Perrie said nothing. She didn't feel excited. The idea of ordering a new gown did not bring her any joy. In fact, it felt rather silly. She worried that Joe would think it was silly for this to be Perrie's concern when he was so unhappy with her.

"Mother, she's not going," Adam said firmly.

"Pish posh," dismissed Cecily.

"Will you invite your family to the ball?" Perrie decided to try again, despite her declaring the previous time would be her last.

But it was fruitless. Joe ignored her. And to make matters worse, her mother asked the same question ten seconds later, and Joe responded.

"I will write and ask, Your Grace," he said, nodding. "Though I imagine my father will be very busy with his estate and my brother will have many responsibilities to attend to."

The rest of the meal continued harmoniously as Cecily and Grace discussed plans for the ball (Cecily planned and Grace humbled), Alice and Lily complained that they both would not be permitted to attend the ball. while Adam and Charlie planned to go shooting together on the coming Saturday.

"You did a good job with my breeches."

Perrie jumped when she realised that Joe had directed a comment at her. She had otherwise been distracted, all the while pushing her food around on her plate absently. She turned her head to see that Joe was now facing her, his torso twisted towards her.

"What?" she asked in a dumbfounded tone.

"They're as good as new," Joe continued quietly.

Perrie could not help but stare at him, searching every inch of his face for any idea as to what was happening. His brows and jaw were just as tense as they had been, but his eyes were uncertain, and this was reflected in his tone.

"M ... Mama helped me," Perrie managed to stammer in reply, before she asked, "Why are you talking to me?"

Joe recoiled slightly. "Am I not allowed to?" he queried.

Was he being coy on purpose? Was this part of his revenge plot? Was he determined to confuse her into madness? "I did not think I was allowed to," Perrie muttered. "You have been ignoring me all evening."

"When did I ignore you?" Joe asked.

"I'm sorry," Perrie said again. "I'm sorry and I don't know what else to do or say." She stopped herself. "You have ignored everything that I have said to tonight." Her voice sounded almost like a hiss.

Joe sighed, shaking his head. "I don't blame you ... I ... it's not you ..." His words seemed to get stuck on the edge of his tongue as he struggled to articulate his point. Joe took a deep breath, before he spoke quite carefully and quietly. "I didn't hear you. I can't hear you."

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I couldn't leave you hanging with our poor boy Joe starkers. But there's still sooooo much to come. Y'all know me by now hehehehe

So he's confessed he's got hearing loss. WHYYYY??? WHAT HAPPENED??? OH I KNOW!!!!

I'm going to take tomorrow night off. Uploading this often means a lot of lost sleep. These late nights are really killing me and I need to rest. I'll see how I feel on Wednesday night if I can get another chapter up then xx

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