somewhere deep down

is a long forgotten pearl

one that I kept close to my heart

one that made my very essence

layers upon layers 

overwhelming the little pearl

crushing it with such animosity 

causing it to crack under the pressure

under wants and desires

under pain that causes too much distress

too much helplessness 

too much dependency 

too much fear

causing me to lose my way

it resides deep down

somewhere long forgotten 

crumbling away

threatening to be nothing more than dust

calling out desperately

screaming for me to remember 

and sometimes it's efforts aren't entirely futile

sometimes it finds it's way into my throat

clawing away

begging me to see reason

pleading to be looked after

and sometimes it's needs overwhelm me so much

that I allow myself to be pulled into it's comforting hold

but my utter ignorance allows me to forget the pleas of my pearl

drowns out it's begging

washes away the sorrow it feels

despite me pleading with the world the same way my pearl pleads with me

in an almost childlike fear

with a heavy, heavy, heart, but most often not, I turn my face away

away from the pearl that begs for me to allow it once again

to take it's rightful place in my soul

a little pearl called faith