And it's moments like these,
when I want to erase myself from the Earth.
Not because I am a coward,
but simply because I don't want to do it.
No longer, not anymore.
How much, just how much longer..?
I remember my love once again,
the pain and despair he brought upon me.
I know why you left this world,
and I can not help the anger and sadness.
Once again, I was left alone.

There are plenty colours in the world, but I only see yours, the colour of the moon. Shall we dance to our song once again, before I take my leave?
May we always be together, throught sorrow and sadness.
May we meet again, under the moonlight.

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For a while I had wondered about his heart. How had he came to feel that way, his words that mesmerized me, his voice, that soothed me for so long. I wished to know why he thought the way he did.

Parhaps I have the answer, as we are similar. Parhaps I don't want to let go of his hand, so I use that as an excuse. But what do I do. I keep holding onto something that is not even there anymore.

I don't remember when it had all began. When my heart started beating partly for his, and when my breath got heavy for him. At times I think how sad it is, that something is so important to us, but we don't even remember its begining.
Is it so wrong thought? To love someone I can never have, to care for someone whose hand can not be held. I may not remember our begining, but my feelings were always here, right in my heart, and in my memory. I had never lied about my love, and my feelings are the proof that our begining existed.

What can I say to you, what can I think of you? I am afraid that my thoughts are not as secure as people think they are. The moment I thought of how unfair it is that I have not seen you, you appeared in my dream. That soothed me and calmed me down. I was truly happy to see you smile.

If it is like that, then how much of my thoughts can you hear? How much do you know, my love? Some things I have been afraid to express, reveal, show.. say..
Not that it matters either way, does it? At the end of the day, I only have my memory of you, and your songs that spoke as if you read my heart. Can I say that I miss you?

I question myself over and over again. Are you really gone? Parhaps I am just not seeing you for a while. How can you be gone, I mean.. it's you. For me, it has always been you, I just realized it before the tragedy.

Can I call it tragedy? I do not want to.. I have to keep reminding myself that your body does not exist anymore, and nor do your eyes, voice and touch. Why am I being tested for how much pain I can bear? Why were you given the test?

I wish that we could turn back the time, so that I can take your pain. It was already hard as it was for me back then, so parhaps your pain I would not be able to handle, and so I would be gone instead of you.

Then again, you are my angel, so maybe I would be able to survive, but I am not yours. If anything, that was proven. Can I still say that I love you?

After all, we don't love someone under the condition that our love is to be returned.

I love you, I have always loved you, and it has always been you. It will always be you. That love is yours, but it is for me only, and my heart can keep the pain and love I bear.

I will keep praying for you,
and I will keep on missing you.
I am sorry I have not done better,
I am sorry for failing, for not saving you.
I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry.
Like a fool I will keep repeating,
I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry.

I am sorry.