After a wonderful sushi dinner and seeing the amazing show, Wicked, Lydia and I are both in high spirits when we reach The Broadway Tower. This grand old place looks even more stunning under a night sky. The delicate lighting, subtly highlight its amazing architecture to those who pass by.
As we walk up to the reception, Lydia is looking at her watch. "It's nearly eleven, I know, but do you fancy a quick drink in the bar before we head up to our room, Jess? . . . My head is still at the musical, darling."
"I don't think I could sleep even if I tried, Lydia, so yes, I'd love a nightcap . . . that's if the bar is still open of course?"
"Let's find out." Lydia smiles before turning on her heels towards the reception desk. We both wait for the impeccably dressed curvaceous brunette who is dealing with a guy on the far side of the reception desk. She greets us with an incredibly infectious smile as she walks towards us; with the whitest teeth I have ever seen. I think to myself, if I had teeth that bloody white, I'd be smiling like that, too.
"Evening, ladies, how can I help?" the receptionist asks.
"Could you tell us whether the bar is still open please?" Lydia asks politely.
"It is . . . are you staying here at The Broadway, madam?"
"Indeed we are . . . my name is Lydia Mason and this is Jessica Neel." Lydia's hand gestures to her right, to where I am standing.
After a few taps on the computer, the smiley brunette and her ice white teeth, gets up, and disappears into a side room. Confused, both Lydia and I shrug; silently questioning what the hell is going on. When the smiley brunette comes back out, the top view of her has almost completely disappeared; replaced by the biggest bouquet of flowers I have ever seen. She looks funnily like a life-size vase with legs. The bouquet is full of the deepest red roses, shiny green foliage with delicate buds of pretty gypsophila, all wrapped in ruby red organza with gold thread. Jake Carter sure has it bad for you, Lydia, I think to my rather envious self.
"Mrs. Neel, these are for you." The curvy brunette enthusiastically smiles, even though she is obviously struggling to carry the beautifully large bouquet.
"Me?" I ask in complete surprise.
"Jessica darling, you need to go away more often if that is how much Shawn misses you,"Lydia chuckles.
I'm busily searching for a card on the bouquet; I find it pinned to the top of the organza. I quickly open the envelope. In handwritten black pen the words read:

From the man who has everything but wants the one thing he can't have.
JR xxx

Fuck! JR . . . could that mean, Jonny Riley? I feel giddy, my heart is pounding and I feel sick with sweaty palms. I must look shocked as Lydia puts a comforting arm around me.
"Jess, darling, what is it? What does it say?" Lydia has a tinge of panic in her voice; she pulls me to her, gently rubbing my arm.
"These aren't from Shawn, Lydia." I look down at my feet.
"Who are they from then?" she questions.
"You will think I am mad and delusional if I tell you," I whisper.
"Tell me," Lydia presses for an answer.
"I think they're from Jonny Riley," I confess, showing her the card.
Lydia quickly reads the words then gasps really loudly. "Shit, Jess, really?" Her eyes are darting from one side of the room to the other. She gulps hard and that brow of hers is arched to the max. "I think we need to sit down and get that bloody drink. I want to hear everything." Lydia takes my hand.
"Wait, these flowers need to be put up into our room, Lydia." Worried, I look across at the brunette behind the desk.
"No problem, Mrs. Neel. I'll ensure they are taken to your room." She broadly smiles.
"Thank you so much." In embarrassed haste, I join Lydia.

I am seated in the hotel bar, thinking about the flowers. As beautiful as they are, what does it all mean? The words he has written, "from the man who has everything but wants the one thing he can't have," run through my mind on a continuous loop. Am I the one thing he can't have? That's right. Damn right I am, Mr. Big Shot Riley. I am married for Christ's sake; no gorgeous bunch of flowers is ever going to change that! Shawn is my husband whom I love very, very much!
So, WHY WHY WHY can't I get Jonny BLOODY Riley out of my head?
Lydia returns with two large white wines. She still looks slightly shocked about the flowers. "So Jessica, what the hell is this all about?"
"I really don't know Lydia . . . I honestly don't. This can't be happening, can it?" I ask in a cracking voice.
"But it is, darling; it bloody well is," Lydia shakily replies.
"I saw him when I was waiting for you earlier today, you know? He asked me whether I would have a drink with him. Of course, I turned him down, telling him I was married. He told me how lucky my husband was and that was it." I am stroking the cold glass, making patterns with the condensation, which has formed all over it.
"Now he has sent you the biggest bouquet ever! Shit, Jess, this is crazy."
"I know, Lydia. The thing is . . . I feel so guilty," I admit.
"Why?"
"Because part of me is flattered, elated, excited . . . tempted, even. I have never even looked at another man or wanted another man, but with him. I feel different and that makes me feel shit, Lydia."
"So, you do find yourself attracted to him, then?" Lydia lowers her chin, her expression deadly serious. I'm unable to answer her. Instead, I continue to stroke the curve of my glass. "You are feeling guilty, Jessica . . . because you are feeling something to feel guilty about," she adds without emotion.
"Am I attracted to him, Lydia, or the persona whom I and thousands of other women fantasise about on the screen?"
"Who gives a flying fuck, darling? I fantasise about a lot of celebs, but none of them are sending me bloody flowers." Lydia tries to lighten the mood with her honest wit. She always manages to make me feel better somehow.
I sigh loudly, "The sooner I get home, the better. Then I can forget all about Jonny Riley."
"So, you're not going to do anything, then?" asks Lydia.
"Like what?" I wonder.
"At least thank him for the flowers, maybe?" Lydia says with an inquisitive lilt in her voice.
"I will leave a note for him at reception before we leave, but that is all."
Lydia leans back in her chair, slowly crossing her legs. "Well. You are a stronger woman than I, Jessica Neel. If I had the gorgeous Jonny Riley after me, married or not, I don't think I could ever resist; hence, why I'll never marry. You never know when opportunity knocks." Lydia proudly takes a sip of her drink by way of a small treat to herself for standing by her misguided morals.
"So, what about you and the handsome Jake Carter?" I steer the conversation in another direction.
"He's adorable, isn't he? But I'll never marry. Jess, you and I both know that," responds Lydia.
"You two have a real connection though?"
She nods with an amorous smile. "Yes, we do. In fact, we are meeting up tomorrow to spend the whole day together. Although, he makes my stomach go funny every time I see him, it's early days. We will just have to see where it goes, but whatever happens, I plan to enjoy it, darling." Lydia's eyes light up when she talks about Jake Carter. Maybe not even Lydia herself knows, yet, just how deep her feelings truly run for him, but I can tell she cares a lot. Never have I seen her turn to jelly with a man. The problem Lydia has is her real fear of commitment; she loves the idea of being in love, but is too scared to take that final step towards it.
"Well, I for one shall definitely be watching this space." I show a playful pout at Lydia to which she throws her head back and laughs. She brings her head down still laughing, but as she picks up her glass of wine her face suddenly drops. She grabs my hand and starts to whisper across the table.
"Don't look behind you, but he is here." Her eyes are fixed forward as she continues to take a tiny sip from her glass.
"Oh, my God, Lydia, what do I do?" I beg.
"Just relax, darling. He's with a huge guy, I mean a really huge guy."
"That's his bodyguard, Beef," I tell her.
"He appears to be chatting to the receptionist we spoke to." Lydia's eyes are focused on what Jonny Riley is doing in reception. Panic stricken, I sit there, just wanting to run and hide. I'm too scared to face him. I want to get to the safety of my room, as I fear my feelings for Jonny Riley leave me unsafe in his company.
"Uh . . . oh . . . oh . . . ohhhh, my God, he's looking over here, Jess. He has definitely clocked you and he's coming over . . . just stay calm." The raised pitch in Lydia's voice means she is actually more panicked than me. Shit!
"Talk Lydia, about anything," I plead with a whisper.
"So Jess, if you were to be in Wicked, do you think you would like to be Glinda or Phenaba?" Lydia asks.
"I think I am definitely more like Glinda," I shakily reply. Before he even speaks, I see his masculine shadow form across our table.
"I'm sorry to interrupt, ladies, but I wondered whether you would like a drink? Maybe join me in my suite where we can have a little more privacy? There are journalists everywhere, I'm afraid. I am staying on the third floor in the Grand Suite. I would love for you to join me, Jessica and . . . ?" Jonny looks at me with a questioning look and then at Lydia.
"Oh, sorry . . . this is Lydia." Embarrassed, I touch Lydia's hand by way of an apology for not introducing her.
"Pleased to meet you, Lydia. So Jessica, would you and your friend care to join me?" He seems anxious, looking at me with pleading eyes.
"It has been a really long day. I think we are going to head off to bed soon, but thanks for the offer anyway," I coolly answer. Lydia looks at me and then at him. When she looks back at me she's giving me a wide-eyed look, her brows stupidly twitching as her eyes try to do the talking for her.
"Just one drink before bed won't kill us, Jess?" Lydia suggests. I glare at her but cannot say a single fucking word.
"I know you are leaving tomorrow, and I have a script reading in the morning, too. But I would love to have a quick drink with you, Jessica." Jonny Riley's eyes once again plead to me. Between him and Lydia, I feel trapped.
My shoulders slump in reluctant defeat. "Just one drink then," I quietly mumble.
"Great, me and Beef will go on up and I'll see you in five minutes or so?" He smiles that same delicious smile at me. I feel nauseous with excitement when I know I shouldn't.
"See you in five minutes," I pretend to sound pleased. I look up at him and quickly have to look away. Shit! What is this man doing to me? When I know he is safely out of earshot, I grab Lydia's hand. "Why did you say that? I can't go to his room, Lydia . . . it would be wrong," I angrily say.
"It's just a drink, darling, and besides . . . I am with you. We shall go, be polite and then leave," she assures me.
"I cannot go to Jonny Riley's room. This is utter madness, Lydia." In frustration I pick up my wine glass and gulp it all back.
"That's my girl. Now come on Jessica, you have Mr. Gorgeous waiting for you." Don't get me wrong, I have always loved the naughty side of Lydia, but even I am completely taken aback by how terribly corrupt she actually is. She knows Shawn, and yet, she is encouraging me to go up to Jonny Riley's room.
It's just a drink Jessica. You'll be fine. I try to calm myself. Only deep down I know I won't be fine. The truth is, I don't think I can trust myself alone with him, he's just so bloody desirable. I feel drawn to him and we've only just met. The whole situation is utterly ridiculous. It's the stuff of dreams for a woman who is not married. The words he wrote, the flowers, and now an invite to his room; it is all just so intoxicatingly tempting, yet, incredibly wrong.
"Jessica, let's go." Lydia starts to walk and I reluctantly follow.
As we get to the lift, my heart is pounding. Thoughts are invading my head. I can barely put one foot in front of the other. What are you doing, Jessica? This is wrong, wrong, wrong. You can't possibly go to another man's room and definitely not Jonny Riley's room. What about Shawn? What about your girls? What about your own pathetic conscience? My thoughts are screaming at me! It's because of these thoughts that I know I just can't do it.
"Lydia, listen to me, I am not going to his room. You will have to go up, tell him, and explain why. I am married, and this is wrong. I mean, this is Jonny Riley, who we always joked about, saying he was one of the celebs we'd most like to shag. I can't and won't do it. He probably does this sort of shit all the time, in order to woo some wannabe or someone who wants to say they have fucked Jonny Riley. Well, I'm not that girl. I am going to bed and that is final." My voice is shaky but with an undertone of stubborn intent. I look firmly at Lydia. She needs to understand that I am not changing my mind. Ever!
"Darling, a simple no would have been fine, you know? I understand . . . I really do. I will go up and tell him, don't worry." Her genuine concern relaxes me just a little. I wasn't ready to argue about it right now. I am exhausted, emotional, and tense. I need to be alone.
The lift stops on floor two and its doors open. I step out quickly, looking at Lydia with relief as the door closes. I know Lydia thinks I am insane; Lydia lives for moments such as this. She lives for that buzz of all things new and exciting, particularly the feelings with someone new. Her lack of commitment in relationships means she has no true loyalty to a man. The thought of being with one man for the rest of her life, scares the hell out of her. So she has convinced herself that she just won't ever do it.
I'm not like that, though. I married Shawn because I love him. I can't throw that all away because a celeb, that I happen to fancy the shit out of, has sent me a bunch of flowers. Which is why I am going to get back to the safety of my room, then tomorrow, I will return to my wonderful husband.
I fumble around in my bag, getting the key out. Our hotel room is my neutral ground, I feel safe now. I grab my phone, feeling the need to send a message to Shawn. I know it's late but I feel I need to text him anyway.

Hey Handsome, just got back in from sushi and show. I know you are probably asleep but I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
Night night. Love yoooooooou
Jessica xxxx

I place the phone on the little table by the side of my bed. That's when the sweet scent of the beautiful flowers Jonny Riley sent, floats from across the room. A growing feeling of unease invades my perplexed mind. I walk towards the window, looking down at the lit up street below. The sound of the city at night takes my mind off things. I can see the pedestrians, still busily going about their nightly business. I have never understood the fascination with city life. I prefer a slower pace where people see you on the street and actually notice if you are smiling, sad, or deep in thought.
Here, everyone just seems to be in such a hurry. They ignore many of the people they encounter every single day. It's the little moments that count to me. Like seeing a child's face light up when they see a bird in the sky. Or, how a simple, kind gesture can mean so much to someone. Paths have crossed for only a split second, yet that fleeting moment, can make or break someone's day.
My thoughts are interrupted by a quiet knock to the door. I notice Lydia's room key has been left on the table which means she can't let herself in. I quickly rush to open it.
Fuck! Fuckety Fuck!
Jonny Riley is sheepishly looking at me, unsure of himself. I notice him awkwardly grasping his hands in front of him. "Jessica, will you let me at least talk to you and preferably not in the hotel lobby?" he asks, swallowing hard.
"I really don't think that's a good idea," I answer. I can see how he is nervously looking left and right. When he speaks, it's soft and quiet.
"Just five minutes, please? I don't want someone seeing me hanging outside a hotel room." His eyes are dull; his smile is slight as he speaks.
I tut. "Five minutes." I open the door wider and he quickly steps in. Now I am the one who is fumbling with her hands. I stand near the door, suddenly too scared to freely walk around my own hotel room. Johnny Riley stands by the foot of one of the beds, looking around the room.
"This is a nice room," he says. What the hell? That's what you've come to tell me . . . I have a nice bloody room?
"Can I ask why you are here?" I coolly respond.
He stands looking at me. "I wanted to talk to you, Jessica."
"About what exactly?"
He laughs to himself, bowing his head: then looks back at me. God, he is so sexy. His smouldering hazel eyes make me melt. His hair, slightly ruffled up, complements the neat shirt and jeans he is wearing tonight. My heart is pounding, but I can't allow my cool façade to thaw in front of him.
"Well, that's a very good question, Jessica. I really don't know what to talk about with you. I suppose I just want to get to know you a little. What I can tell you though, is since you literally bumped into me earlier today, I can't get you out of my fucking head. It sounds cheesy as hell, but it's the truth." He looks boyishly embarrassed, rubbing the back of his neck.
"But, I'm married. I don't understand, why me? You could probably have any model, singer, actress, . . . any woman, in fact. Why the interest in me? I just don't get it." I'm nervously rubbing my fingers on my red dress.
"Jessica, just because someone is famous doesn't mean they don't have feelings anymore. They don't stop being human, you know. Who knows why anyone wants to get to know someone? They just do," Jonny tells me with a small smile.
"So, what do you want from me? I keep telling you, I am married. I'm a mother to two daughters. I don't understand any of this." I turn my back on him, but he's soon standing right in front of me.
"Do you think I do this sort of thing all the time, Jessica? I'm not the man you see in the films or on the telly. I am here, right here and now. When I met you, I felt something. I know you are married, but I knew I had to talk to you before you left tomorrow. I certainly don't make a habit of buying married women flowers and trying to get them to have a drink with me . . . although having said that, my mum is quite partial to a bunch." Again he laughs. I feel my coolness towards him leaving me at rapid speed.
"I imagine that you, Jonny Riley, shouldn't have to try too hard at all." I return his warm smile. He holds my gaze; I quickly distract myself by walking over to the small coffee table, which holds the bouquet he sent me. "The flowers, by the way, are beautiful, thank you."
He strolls across the floor, smirking as he does. "Now, we are finally getting somewhere; the ice is melting."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"You . . . you are trying so hard not to like me, but I know that you do, Jessica."
"How can I like you? I don't even know you. I only know the Jonny Riley we all see in films and on the telly," I tell him with a dismissive shrug to my shoulders.
"That's true, but I know you are feeling something, Jessica." His words and eyes penetrate me from where he stands.
"Yes, I am feeling incredibly annoyed with an actor's ego the size of a double-decker bus." I roll my eyes.
His deeply delicious laugh fills the room. "That is exactly what I like about you, Jessica. You treat me as a person, not a celebrity. When you went at Beef earlier, I loved that feistiness. It's not often a woman does that around me. I find it refreshing," he says with an erotic edge to his words.
"So, basically people kiss your ass all the time?"
He nods his head. "Pretty much. Women want to be on your arm if you are the next big thing, and will drop you when the next one comes along. It can be a fickle business, Jessica."
I sigh, pausing before I speak, for I'm unsure what to say next. I understand he likes me because I am 'normal' but I still don't know what, exactly, Jonny Riley wants from me. As if he knows what I am thinking. He walks towards me, looking at me intently. Shit!
"I know you are married, I get that. But I can't deny how I feel. It has been a long time since someone's captured my interest, Jessica," Jonny says, his eyes searching my face.
"So, what do you do when you lose interest?" The worry shows on my face, I don't even know why I am asking that question. Or, why I am so fearful of the answer.
"You never know how things are going to pan out; there are never guarantees in life. I never like a relationship to end, but if it does; it's usually for a good reason." He moves closer to me; I smell him, a masculine freshness, so comforting, so fucking arousing.
His eyes look at me with a subtle hunger. My eyes are focused only on his lips. They look so perfectly soft and kissable; they absolutely scream 'KISS ME'! I want to move but I'm rooted to the spot, paralysed by desire. I am taking in every sweet moment, Jonny Riley so very close, gorgeous, in my hotel room, and wanting me.
He's mesmerising because he is utterly charming and warm. Part of me wishes he were an arrogant bastard, it would be so much easier to resist him . . . but he's not. He has a softness to him; for someone so famous he is very grounded, too.
I find him incredibly sexy. . . . incredibly sinful.
"Jessica, I want to kiss you right now," he whispers, edging closer.
"Even if I wanted to, you know I can't." My eyes look over his shoulder. I don't want to look at him. I daren't. I'm trying so hard to sound convincing but I'm a mass of contradictions. My body wants to merge with his but my mind is telling it otherwise. Don't give in! Don't give in!
Jonny's hands reach for mine. "Look at me, Jessica."
"I can't,"
"Why?" he asks.
"Because you'll know that I am lying." I guiltily look to the ground.
"You want me too, don't you?" he asks, gently pulling up my chin so our eyes are fixed upon one another.
"Yes, I do, but I'm married to someone I love. I have two daughters. This is wrong." I pull my face from his fingertips, trying to turn away. He grabs my hand, clasping both his hands around mine, pulling me into him. His face is seriously sincere, yet veiled with desire.
"I know you're scared, Jessica. This is madness. If someone had told me I would be here in this room with you now when I woke up this morning, I wouldn't have believed them. Yet, here we are. I don't know what it all means, but I want you, Jessica." Jonny's words grab at my emotions.
He nervously kisses my lips; soft and deliberately slow. My lips ache for more. Our kiss is sensual yet gentle. My body begins to relax into him, as his arms cradle me into his chest. He holds me firmly against his body, intoxicatingly close.
My need for him quickly becomes more desperate. Our lips press harder together as the kiss becomes deeper, more passionate . . . more heavenly.
One of his hands snakes up my back; his other is lacing its fingers through my hair, doing teasing little pushes which bring our lips harder together in aroused eagerness. My hands pull on his ass to bring his pelvis into my craving groin. The contracting ache between my legs is fiercely strong. The longing I now have for him is taking me over . . . completely and utterly taking me over.
Our tongues circle around each other, wanting to savour the taste of one another, my fingers run through his hair, playfully pulling on it as I thrust my brazen pelvis into his. My other hand feels its way over his exquisite, yet new and foreign anatomy. Even through his clothes I can feel his toned, muscular body. I begin to kiss his neck, my lips lightly brushing across his intoxicating skin. God, he smells so good!
Kissing his earlobe, I teasingly bite it gently. He groans as I continue to kiss his neck harder until our lips are locked once again. He lifts me up, carrying me over to the bed. He lays me down, lying on top of me, and kissing my neck as he cups my ample breast. Even though I am still fully clothed, I feel deliriously sensitive to his touch. His hand traces over my body. When he reaches the bottom of my dress, he hitches it up so he can relish in what he sees underneath. He kisses my belly. Moans of pleasure fill the darkened room as his lips graze across my exposed stomach.
My hands are momentarily at a loss until I reach down and feel his soft hair. His feather like kisses almost tickle so I writhe under him, grabbing the bed sheets with my fists, as waves of hungry lust wash over me. He starts to kiss my groin. I arch my back and daringly push it into his face, He grabs my hips to hold me still, inhaling deeply on my womanly scent; teasingly nipping at my damp thong. My legs open wide, in submissive delight, When he starts to nuzzle hard into my mound, I whimper in sweet euphoria. I'm so aroused and we haven't even removed a stitch of clothing yet.
He kisses my inner thighs, moving slowly to the outside. I feel his tiny little bites and his hands caressing my legs. I lie there, feeling like I am floating upon a cloud of passion. The dull ache is replaced by a succession of vibrating throbs. I search for him with my hands. He kisses my palm whilst his other hand gently clasps around mine, allowing him to pull himself up to face me.
"You okay?" Jonny asks me. I breathlessly nod. "You are so fucking beautiful, Jessica. There is something very special about you." I place my finger on his lips to stop his words.
"Ssshhhh . . . kiss me . . . now!" I demand.
He bends down, giving me a delicate, cherishing kiss, which lingers. I cup his face with my hands, pushing my wanting body up into him. I long to kiss him hard, once again. That's when I hear my mobile vibrating on the bedside table. We stop kissing for a moment, looking at one another. Then we hear a knock on the door. "It's only me, Jessica." Fuck! It's Lydia.
"Shit, I forgot about Lydia." I quickly stand up, guiltily pulling the bed sheets smooth.
"Now will you come to my suite with me?" Jonny asks, giving me a cuddle from behind. I continue to brush the bed sheets down, smoothing my dress with my shaky hands.
"Right now, I need to let Lydia in." I playfully pull him off my back, smiling at him before heading for the door. He stands there, brushing his fingers through his hair, trying to look presentable before Lydia comes in.
I quickly open the door. "Lydia, I'm so sorry. I forgot you didn't have the key." She slowly walks in with a wry smile plastered all over her face.
"That's okay, darling. I've been in Jake's room for a while anyway," she says.
"Oh . . . that's great, Lydia." I feel awkward and incredibly guilty.
"Well, Lydia, I don't mean to be rude but it would seem I have squatted in your room long enough, I shall leave you to relax. It has been a pleasure meeting you." Jonny walks towards the door, but not before flashing that fuckaliscious smile of his at her.
"Oh, the pleasure is all mine, darling," Lydia purrs back, giving me a cheeky grin.
I walk with him as he takes my hand. "Will you come?" That worried Jonny Riley look greets me once again, but this time there's no need.
"Yes . . . yes, I will." He squeezes my hand before letting go.
"Lydia, I'm just popping up to the third floor, okay?" I say in a raised voice.
"Carry on, darling, I won't wait up. This girly needs some beauty sleep. I expect I'll see you in the morning," she says, as I quietly pull the door shut.

***

We walk to the lift like excited teenagers. As we stand in the lift I touch his hand. He touches me only slightly with his fingertips. As electric as our touch is, he seems nervous. . . . aloof.
I try to pull him towards me but Jonny is reluctant. "Jessica, as much as I am dying to have you right now . . . we can't in here, okay?" He says, looking at me seriously.
"Why not in here?" I ask in a sulky tone. I want him so bad!
"There are cameras everywhere, even in here!"
Although I know he's right, I can't help but feel rejected. I stand here feeling like I have done wrong by touching him. The doors open to the third floor and we step out. He taps on the door and it opens. Beef is there, watching a film of some kind as the telly is on loudly with the sound of screeching cars and gunfire.
The room is certainly grand. Everything is big: the sofas, the bed, the television. There are huge patio windows, which open out onto an outside decking area with contemporary outdoor furniture and exotic looking plants. The main room has warm cream walls and the furnishings are modern by design using the vibrant colours of jade and chocolate brown.
"Beef . . . you've met Jessica before," Jonny says.
Beef nods, smiling faintly then returns to watching his testosterone-fuelled film. I start to feel uncomfortable, and unwelcome. Jonny takes my hand, leading me to a door on the right side of the room.
I quizzically look at him. "This is my room." I almost sigh out loud with relief at his words.
His room is dimly lit and quiet. It's the same sumptuous design in this room but somehow it seems much more comfortable and relaxing in here. Maybe that's because Beef is the one who makes me feel so uncomfortable. He just looked at me, like I was a nobody to him. That really makes me wonder whether he sees women being brought back by Jonny, all the time. He's just become so immune to the amount of women that briefly cross his path; he simply can't be bothered to be polite to them anymore.
"Come here, Jessica." Jonny holds his hand out. I reluctantly walk towards him. "Now where were we?" He tries to kiss me but I turn my head. "What's wrong?" he quietly asks.
"Do you do this sort of thing all the time?" I sullenly ask.
His brows pull together. "What sort of thing?"
"Bringing women back to your hotel room?" He laughs. I am trying to gauge whether that's because I am bang on or he's just shocked by my question. "I only ask because Beef just looked at me like I was nothing . . . like this shit happens all the time. He was barely able to speak to me," I say, trying to explain my reasons for thinking the way that I do.
Jonny crosses his arms. "Beef is a man of few words, Jessica. And no, I don't do this sort of shit all the time." I detect a cross tone in his voice.
Annoyed by his response, I defensively cross my arms, too. "Well, I am sorry if I'm just a little edgy. One minute we are close to fucking, the next you don't want me to touch you," I remind him.
"Are you talking about in the lift? It's just the way it is, Jessica. My private life is just that . . . private. Believe me, it is as much for your sake, as it is mine. You are married, remember?" His words are like an awakening slap around my face. I look at him, fighting back my tears, which dare to fill my eyes.
"How fucking dare you? I can't believe you've just said that to me. I am fully aware of the fact that I am married; thank you very much. Do you know what? This is a mistake, I am leaving right now," I spit my words out at him but as I turn, he grabs my wrist.
"I'm sorry, it wasn't meant to come out that way. What I'm trying to say is, I have always liked my life to be private. There are people who will do just about anything to get the next big story. I am just trying to protect you, and me." He has hold of both my shoulders now, his face etched with growing concern.
"That's the thing, though. I am already feeling like a dirty little secret, sneaking around, telling lies. I just can't do it. I know there are many women out there who would love that famous dick of yours, but I can't do it. Like you so kindly pointed out to me, I am married," I throw his own words right back at him.
With his head low, his voice even lower, he turns to me. "Not long ago I had my mouth and hands all over you, what's changed?" Jonny questions.
"I've realised that this is madness. It's a mistake," I say flatly.
"That's what you honestly think?" he asks.
"Yes, it is." I see the hurt in his eyes, following my reply. It makes my heart heavy with remorse, but I know I am doing the right thing. Do I really want a one-night stand with Jonny Riley? It's not like I could ever brag about it to anyone. I am a mother and I have a husband. What the hell was I about to do? The shame suddenly descends upon me and I hate myself for what I have done and was about to do. Not once did I think of Shawn or the girls. It was selfish magnetism between Jonny Riley and myself, that was the driving force behind my not giving anyone else a second thought. I need to get away from this room, and more importantly, away from him.
I quickly head for the door. This time Jonny Riley lets me leave; no words are exchanged, no lingering looks . . . nothing. I don't even spare a glance at Beef as I hurriedly leave the room. I just want to get home.