Pulling up outside of The Broadway Tower, it still has the same effect on me. Its breath-taking architecture leaves me in silent, brooding awe. Although the place is the same, I am not. It now feels like a lifetime ago when I was last here. So much has happened in my life since then. I fondly remember the first time I ever set foot into the beautiful yet daunting reception. I felt small, apprehensive and uptight. With Jonny now beside me, I feel sexy, confident and assured.

I glance around the extravagant interior. It still has the same crisp white walls with white marble floors and the same impressive marble reception desk.

"Afternoon, Mr. Riley. Your table is waiting." An immaculately dressed brunette, enthusiastically welcomes Jonny from behind the impressive marbled reception.

Taking my hand, Jonny walks with me a little way in the direction of the bar but then abruptly stops. "Okay, that's as far as I am taking you, Jessica."

I frown. "What . . . what are you talking about?" I stammer, now thrown into complete confusion.

Jonny smiles, stroking my jawline. "Do you remember where you were sat with Lydia when I asked you back to my room for a drink?" he asks.

"Of course I do . . . why?"

"That is where your Christmas present is. I know it's a bit early, but I think you are going to love it nevertheless." He flashes me one of those irresistible smiles of his, which he seems to have a never ending supply of.

I lean against him with my hand on his chest. "I don't understand. Why aren't you coming?"

Jonny lovingly kisses my palm. "I will, but in a bit. Now go!" He pushes my confused body away from his.

I turn to walk towards the bar, wondering why the hell he isn't joining me. Any confused thoughts of Jonny are quickly dispersed though because straight away, I notice the backs of two girls sitting at the table which Lydia and I sat at all those months before. A feeling of familiarity hits me, then a feeling of utter disbelief. Can it be true? Can I even dare to let myself think this? The golden colour of the two girls' silky long hair and their slender frames now have my high hopes bursting through the ceiling. Can it really be true? My heart begins to pound inside of my chest, while my legs shake as I walk closer towards them. Could my beautiful babies really be here in The Broadway? I walk with nervy determination, unable to get to the table quickly enough.

Lissy is the first to see me; her beautiful face brightens the instant she spots me. Then Lottie turns around. She literally jumps out of her chair, hurtling herself towards me. My precious girls! My heart actually hurts with the unimaginable happiness of seeing my wonderful daughters so pleased to see me. I hold out my aching arms. The very same arms that have felt so completely deprived for so long.

"Mum . . . Mum!" Lottie cries out. Lissy is right behind her. They both hug me so tight, I am literally left breathless.

"Oh, my beautiful girls . . . I have missed you so, so much." I rain kisses all over their precious heads.

"We have too, Mum," Lottie sweetly sobs against my chest.

The three of us stand, entwined in an emotional embrace. My beautiful girls! I hold them contentedly, squeezing them so tight that I fear if I don't, I may just wake up from a beautiful dream. Holding them close, the fragrance of their hair smells homely and soothing; the missing part of me is now in my arms and I couldn't be happier. All the times that I have longed for this, prayed for this. Never did I dare to dream that it would one day happen, but here they are . . . my babies really are here!

"Let's sit down, girls." I look towards the reception desk, hoping to see Jonny still standing there. He's nowhere to be seen. To think that I ever doubted him, when all along he had this planned. I always thought he was perfect but to bring Lissy and Lottie to me, makes him the most unbelievably perfect man to have ever walked this Earth.

"Are you okay now, Mum?" Lissy asks, her teenage face so full of concern.

I reach for hers and Lottie's hand, holding it against my chest as we sit huddled together. "I am never better, my darlings. So how have you been? How is school? Look at you both, you look so grown up!" I ramble. Desperate to catch up on all their news.

Lottie's eyes meet mine. "It has been hard not having you around, but my friends have been great." She has indeed grown up a lot since I last saw her, carrying the weight of her troubles has matured her beautiful, young soul.

"I know things have been difficult, girls. I'm so sorry for hurting you and your dad. I love you both so much and it kills me to think I have embarrassed you." I apologise, stroking their cheeks.

Lissy looks at me, her eyes are happy but teary. "At first, we were angry and ashamed about you and Jonny Riley. Then Dad found out about Nan telling the papers all about the baby. That's when things got really bad, it made Dad even angrier. We had journalists ringing up and just showing up on the door all of the time. Dad was furious but Nan just kept on blaming you, but it wasn't you who told them, was it?" Lissy blurts it all out so fast, she's left breathless. She has been through so much. Holding in everything within her sensitive head, she obviously now needs to offload it all onto me. I lovingly stroke her face, still in shock that I'm able to do so.

"Your Nan was very upset at the time, Lissy. I know she should have never spoken to the press like that but she did because she was angry. I never wanted you to find out about the baby in that way and I am sure, neither did your Dad. Which is probably why he was so angry. I can't change what has happened girls, but I'm hoping that you will allow me to try to put things right. I want you to be a part of my life. I know it will be different, but it's important that we start afresh. My not being with your Dad, doesn't change how I feel about you. I love you both so much and I need you in my life, that's if you still want me in yours?" I look from one innocent face to the other, wishing I could read their thoughts.

Lottie is the first to speak; her ice blue eyes are wide and bright. "I have missed you so much, Mum. All I wanted was for things to be just like they were before, but after speaking to Dad . . . I know they can't be. I also know that you're still my Mum and I still love you, no matter what." She collapses into my ready arms. I hold her tightly, trying to console her. I glance at Lissy, whose tear filled eyes rest on her weeping sister.

"It's going to be okay, Lottie. Shhhh," I soothe.

I reach for Lissy's hand. Her face is etched with emotion as she speaks. "I feel the same, Mum. I have tried hating you for what you have done, but I can't. I couldn't bear listening to Nan speak about you so horribly all the time. The day that you came to the house, both me and Lottie got so upset. Dad and Nan were arguing so loudly, I couldn't bear it any longer. I screamed at them both to stop. That's when Dad asked Nan to leave so he could talk to us." I kiss her pale hand. Once again, it's my way of trying to apologise.

"I am so sorry, Lissy. You shouldn't be going through all this because of me. I want to try to make it up to the both of you." I hug them both so tight, afraid to let them go. "Do you want to tell me what you and your Dad talked about after your Nan left?" I nervously ask. Not because I want to know. I just want Lissy to feel like she can talk to me about anything. After everything that has happened, both of them need the channel of communication kept wide open. If we are to ever get back on track, we all need to be open and honest with one another.

"I think Dad realised for the first time, how much we both missed you. He asked me if I wanted to see you, I told him I did. He asked Lottie and she said the same thing," Lissy says.

"Then what?" I ask my sweet girl.

"He said nothing for a couple of days. Eventually Dad told us that if we truly wanted to see you, then we must . . . regardless of his or Nan's feelings. So I called Lydia, who then called Jonny and that's how we ended up here."

I smile, trying to process everything my darling daughter has just told me. I feel the need to keep touching both of them, just to ensure that this is really happening. I kiss both their knuckles. "I'm so glad you're here. I was worried I wouldn't see you again. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I have missed you both. Is your Dad happy for you both to spend the night here?" I nervously ask.

"Could we, Mum?" Lottie interrupts with a burst of excitement.

I stroke her face, my emotions are building up in the pit of my stomach as I touch her porcelain skin. "I would love for you to stay over, Lottie. Simon can drive you back tomorrow, but you best check with your Dad first."

"Is Simon your driver, Mum?"

I nod, grinning from ear to ear. "Yes, Lottie, he is. Beef is Jonny's, but he's also his friend and bodyguard . . . you will meet Beef soon enough." I tell her, squeezing her hand with happiness.

I look across at Lissy, who is looking down at the table. I knew that out of the two of them, my being with Jonny was going to hit her the hardest. She is incredibly sensitive and very close with Shawn. I watch her, chewing the inside of her lip. Something she always does when anxious or upset.

Lissy quietly speaks up, "I'm not sure about staying, Mum."

I lean towards her, caressing her hair. "Darling, if you're not sure, don't worry. Why don't you think about it first?"

"Is Jonny Riley here?" Lissy quietly asks.

"I think so. He left me in reception because he wanted to give us all some time alone. Are you happy to meet him?" I ask, feeling terribly nervous about the three people who are my entire world, meeting for the very first time.

"I suppose." Lissy says, fiddling with the edge of her seat.

I wasn't expecting cartwheels and whoops of joy over the prospect of meeting Jonny but I sense Lissy's apprehension. I take her anxious hand into mine. "Lissy, Jonny will never ever replace your father. He will simply settle for being your friend. I know that is going to be tough, but always remember that I love you and so does your father. I don't expect you and your sister to suddenly like Jonny. It's going to take time and patience for all of us, but I think together we can do it." I try to reassure them both.

"So, you and Dad will never get back together then?" Lissy asks, her sad eyes search mine.

I wish I could tell her what she wants to hear . . . but I can't. There will always be a part of me that will love Shawn, but I am hopelessly in love with Jonny. I can't deny it. I certainly can't change it. I hold her delicate chin in my hand. "I will always care about your Dad, but we won't ever get back together, my darling." I look deeply into her eyes in the hope that she understands. She blinks back a tear.

"Dad still loves you," Lissy confides.

I suck in a painful deep breath, thinking carefully before I speak. "There will always be a part of me which loves your Dad, Lissy. We were together many years. We shared a wonderful life together and we had the two of you, but I fell in love with Jonny. I can't explain why it happened and I know it's hard for you to accept, right now. Just because I am here with Jonny, doesn't mean that I don't want you both to be a part of my life . . . I do. I will do whatever it takes to make that happen." I look at each one of their attentive faces.

"I don't want to live in London, I want to live with Dad," Lissy whispers, unable to look at me.

I lift her chin again, forcing her to look at my smiling face. "Then you shall, my darling. We have lots to talk about and lots to catch up on; we can discuss this another time. Just remember that whatever happens, I will never force you to do anything you don't want to do. In time, who knows? You may even want to come and stay." I shrug my shoulders, hoping my carefree manner will alleviate some of the pressure that Lissy is obviously under. I'm relieved to see that she now has a little smile on her rosy lips.

"Well, my friends think it's cool that you're with Jonny Riley," Lottie blurts out, so casually and without restraint. Lissy throws a none-too-pleased look in Lottie's direction. My sweet effervescent Lottie! So very untamable!

I tuck her long hair behind one of her ears. "What I did wasn't cool, Lottie. I have hurt a lot of people, I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I never thought I would be happy again but now you are both here, I finally think I can be."

Lottie looks across at Lissy, who still has her angry glare upon her carefree sister. "Don't look at me like that, Liss. I'm just saying what my friends think, that's all."

"Well, they are stupid then," Lissy sulks.

"Maybe they are. Though you have to admit . . . it is quite exciting to be here, isn't it?" Lottie's enthusiasm still fails to impress Lissy, who rolls her disapproving eyes, looking out across the bar.

I think it's time for me to step in and change the conversation. "So, what would you girls like to do then? Are you hungry?" Together they do a synchronised nod. "I'll just go and see where Jonny is, then we can order some food. Then if you fancy it, maybe we can do a little bit of shopping?" I ask, smiling broadly.

"Okay, Mum," Lissy quietly responds, not looking overly enthused about any of my suggestions.

I know she's holding back. She smiles sweetly in all of the right places whereas Lottie is genuinely excited and grinning from ear to ear. As awkward as things may be with Lissy, I am simply delighted to have them both here. The fact that Lissy is sitting with me now, is a step in the right direction.

I stand up, kissing the top of their heads. "I won't be long." I walk away from the girls, breathing in deeply. I am content with the knowledge that they are both behind me. Nothing beats the way that I am feeling right now. I am finally able to see, touch and smell them, for real. All those times that I have wished for this day to come and it finally has, because of the man that I love.

I walk to the reception; there's still no sign of Jonny. Disappointed, I look around. My stomach somersaults when I think that I have spotted him. With determined strides, I walk to the far end of the marbled lobby. Jonny is sat in one of the big leather chairs, reading a newspaper. I smile to myself, eager to see him. When I reach the back of the chair, I place my hands upon his relaxed shoulders, sliding them down his strong chest; kissing his neck. "Thank you, Jonny," I lovingly purr in his ear.

"So you like your Christmas present then, Dimples?" He throws the paper down onto the table in front of him, pulling me around the chair so I fall onto his lap in one swift and sexy manoeuvre. This is exactly why I love this man so damn much. He's Jonny Riley. The golden balled A-lister which every hot bloodied female lusts after, yet he only wants to be with me. He treats me no different in public, than he does when we are alone. It doesn't matter where we are because when we are together, he's just my Jonny. The Jonny who loves me with everything he has inside of him and my God, do I love him for it!

My smile is as wide as my face. "I cannot believe you have arranged all of this for me, Jonny. Thank you, thank you." I zealously kiss him all over his face.

His eyes look so cute, all scrunched up with my over-the-top kisses. "How are they?" he tries to ask me with a hint of seriousness to his voice.

"Emotional, excited, confused. But happy I think."

Jonny smiles. "We will just have to be patient with them. Your being with me is going to be a bitter pill for them to swallow, Jessica." He holds my chin, kissing my lips. "I'm just really pleased that I was able to reunite you all." he adds, rubbing my lips with his.

"How did you manage it?" I ask with a curious smile.

"I had a lot of help from Lydia. The girls contacted her and Lydia rang to talk to you about it, but you were in the shower. When she told me, I thought it would be a lovely surprise to get them here without you knowing. Lydia rang yesterday to say the girls were still okay about coming down, so Simon picked them up from Lydia's this morning."

"Is that the call you took when we were looking at Christmas decorations?"

Jonny grins, holding his head high. "It was."

"Now I feel even more terrible about how I acted with you earlier, Jonny. I truly am sorry for how I was with you. I will never doubt you again. I can't thank you enough for bringing my daughters to me." I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing his waiting mouth.

"Seeing you so happy, Jessica, is thanks enough for me. You need to remember that my fame, is just one part of me. I know it's a big part of me, but it isn't who I truly am inside. You make me a better man, Dimples. You must know that. There will be times that my lifestyle will make you feel insecure, jealous even. I need you to promise me, that should you ever feel that way . . . you will tell me. Can you do that?" Jonny looks deep into my eyes, needing to be assured that I will never doubt him again.

I nod gently. "I promise." I whisper back my reply.

Holding my hand, he brushes my fingers across his sexy as hell lips; not knowing how much it makes me want him. I will forever etch in my mind the way that he is looking at me now; should my insecurities ever rear their ugly fucking heads again. I will always remember the adoration that his cherishing eyes carry for me.

"Come on, the girls will be wondering where you have got to." Jonny says, easing me off his lap. I stand, smoothing down my sentimental dress. Jonny looks me up and down, slow and desirously. Standing beside me, he places his hand on the small of my back to whisper in my ear. "Did you think I had forgotten about that dress?"

I smirk. "So you do remember?"

Stroking my thigh, he answers in a low voice. "I remember everything, Jessica."

I quickly push aside any dirty thoughts I have of Jonny. My precious girls are here, about to meet the man that I left their beloved father for. This is a big deal. A fucker of a big fucking deal! This is serious shit. I need to be at the top of my game, in order to not momentously fuck this up. The enormity of the situation stops me in my tracks. I look to Jonny for reassurance.

"What's wrong?" he calmly asks.

"What if this goes all horribly wrong, Jonny?" I ask, pale with fear.

Jonny squeezes my hand, stroking it with his thumb. "Then we will just try it again on another day. Remember what I said about having patience?"

I nod, obediently. "Yes . . . just little steps at a time, huh?" I try to bravely smile.

"Precisely! Are you ready?"

With a shot of positivity and a spring in my step, I clasp my hands together. "Yes I am, let's do this! The girls are hungry and I want you to meet them before I bottle out."

Jonny smiles. "You've got me feeling all nervous now." He glides his hands through his hair, blowing away an apprehensive breath.

"Come on, handsome. It's show time!" I laugh, trying to hide my nerves behind my confident smile.

Jonny quickly brushes down his black fitted shirt and indigo jeans. Seeing him obviously so nervous is all too much. I stand in front of him, placing a reassuring kiss on his taut lips. "Just be yourself, Jonny."

"That's exactly what I'm afraid of," he says.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Bottom line is, Jessica. I am the reason you're not with their father. I don't think they'll ever get over that."

I pull Jonny closer. "I know, but we have to start somewhere don't we? You were the one just telling me to have patience and we both have a shitload of that. Besides, I honestly think it's because of you that the girls are here at all."

Jonny looks at me, quizzically. "Why do you say that?"

"It's something Lissy told me. Apparently, after my visit, Shawn and Catherine had a huge argument. Shawn asked the girls whether they wanted to see me and they both said yes. He said nothing more about it, until two days later. I believe your little visit to Shawn, got him thinking. Which is why the girls are here now." I explain.

Jonny looks at me with a raised brow and his boyish wicked grin. "So I do have my uses then?"

"Definitely." I murmur against his mouth.

Kissing the back of my hand, Jonny pulls me. "Okay, let's do this." We both smile at one another. Walking in unison while inwardly feeling full of fear, anticipation and hope.

***

The girls are leaning into one another and as we get closer, I can hear their conversation about the shops they would like to visit here in London.

"Lissy and Lottie, I'd like you to meet Jonny." They both swivel around in their seats to look at an apprehensive and tense Jonny Riley.

Jonny steps forward. "I'm so pleased to meet you both," He says, stretching out his hand and leaning over to warmly make their acquaintance. Lottie stands up and smiles to greet him, whereas Lissy remains seated and limply shakes his hand. "So have you been to London before?" Jonny asks, eager to initiate a conversation.

"No we haven't, but I love it. There's so much to do and see," Lottie excitedly chats. Lissy sits there, looking awkward and remaining painfully quiet. Jonny glances helplessly in my direction. I walk around the table, sitting down beside her; taking hold of her hand.

"What do you girls fancy to eat then?" I hand them both a menu, the girls look at it with hungry interest. Jonny looks relieved to now have the menu to look at. He is completely out of his depth. I long to throw him a lifeline, but I have to let this thing pan out all by itself. He's so used to having the spotlight on him all of the time. Yet here he is, squirming in the company of two young girls. I find his behaviour really quite sweet.

Jonny browses the menu, thinking out loud. "I think I'm going to have the club sandwich. How about you, Jessica?" His unease seems to have faintly dissolved.

I return his question with a smile. "I'm going to have the chicken Caesar salad . . . have you decided yet, Lissy?" I glance over the top of my menu.

"Can I have the same as you please, Mum?" Lissy answers.

"Of course, my darling . . . Lottie?" I look up, wondering if Lottie has decided on what she would like to eat.

"I will have the same as Jonny, please?" Jonny's eyes dart to me at Lottie's answer. He seems surprised that Lottie would even entertain the very idea of having the same food as him. After all, he is the devil himself. Or at least, that is what he thinks the girls' perception of him is.

Now looking very pleased with himself, he responds. "Good choice, Lottie." She shyly smiles at Jonny's jovial response. He then gestures for the waitress to come over. The pretty twenty-something reacts much the same as most females do around him. She takes our order with the subtle flutter of her lashes and an all too obvious blush to her cheeks. It never fails to bring a smug smile to my face, for Jonny either chooses to ignore it or he has simply become immune to the endless flirtations of the women that he encounters. "Lottie, your mum tells me that you are quite a little artist. My mother is an artist, too. I'm sure you will have lots to talk about when you finally do meet her." Jonny says, seemingly more relaxed.

"Is she famous too?" Lottie's innocent reply makes Jonny chuckle.

"I suppose she is in her own way. She has exhibited a lot of her work and she's very well known in Devon."

"Do you like being famous?" Lottie asks with wide eyes and a suck of her coke through a straw.

"It's a privileged life, Lottie. I get to do a job I love. I meet lots of interesting people and travel to lots of great places, but fame does have its drawbacks."

"Like what?" Lottie asks with an open mouth.

"Well, you can't always do what you want to do without having security with you. The press tends to follow you, and there are some people who don't like you because you are famous. Or, from personal experience, there are some people who only like you because you are famous. You have to be careful about who you choose to have around, that's for sure. For the most part though, being famous is a good thing."

Lottie's eyes are fixed on Jonny. "Do you know lots of famous people?" she asks.

He smiles at another one of my darling daughter's fame obsessed questions. "A few, but at the end of the day, Lottie. We are just ordinary people who make our living from doing films and TV." Jonny picks up his glass of water, looking at me over the rim of his glass.

"All my friends think you are dead lush," Lottie states. Jonny nearly chokes on his drink. He sputters, leaning quickly forward, holding the glass to his pursed lips. I'm laughing loudly, patting his back while a red-faced Jonny wipes his chin with a napkin.

I try to speak through my laughter. "For one so young, my Lottie has never been backwards in coming forward." I am still giggling while rubbing his back.

Jonny sits up straight in his chair, dabbing his mouth. He looks across at a still and very quiet Lissy. "What interests do you have, Lissy?" Jonny is desperate to quickly move on from Lottie's embarrassing comment, trying to draw my solemn daughter into his conversation.

"I like history and books." Lissy's response is quiet and restrained yet still polite.

"What books do you like to read?"

"All kinds, really."

Jonny smiles with bright eyes. "Me too, but I don't get enough time to read much these days. Your mum's office is my old library and is full of all kinds of books. I'm sure you will find lots in there to read and enjoy."

I join their brief and strained conversation. "It's a beautiful little library, Lissy. I think you will love it." She nods to me without emotion.

"Are you still going to work with Lydia?" she sullenly asks.

"Yes I am, Lissy, but most of my work will be done from here in London. Though, I will be returning to Cheltenham once a week so I can work with Lydia at the main office and see you girls after work. Maybe you can both stay with me on that evening?"

Lissy's eyes begin to fill with tears. "To see you once a week is nothing, though."

I shuffle closer to her. "Well . . . I was hoping you both would like to come and stay with us either every weekend or every other one? Of course I need to talk to your Dad about it first and you are right Lissy, once a week is not enough." I brush her cheek gently with my finger, leaning in close and holding her hand in both of mine. I look at Jonny. His smile hides his remorse but I know it's there. I can almost taste his guilt and shame. I have been there many times before, I know the expression he is wearing very well indeed. Jonny tilts forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees in preparation for what he has to say. "I was thinking that maybe we should rent a little place in Cheltenham, Jessica? That way, you would have somewhere you and the girls can all stay once you have finished work." My mouth drops open, surprised by what he has just said. This is all complete news to me. Jonny continues, "You don't want to have the girls with you in a hotel room do you?" Jonny's inquiring and penetrative eyes look questioningly into mine.

I am almost too dumbfounded to speak. "You would do that for us, Jonny?" I ask quietly.

"Of course I would. You and the girls need somewhere for just the three of you, where you can spend some quality time together. I'm sure there will be many other occasions that you will need to stay in Cheltenham for more than one night. If you have your own place up there, you never need worry about where you are going to stay."

Is this wonderful man for real? "I can't believe that you would do that for us," I say in awe. I look at him, wanting to throw myself into his arms and kiss him all over with loving gratitude. I find it painful having to show so much restraint in front of my girls. I know for them to see me being so affectionate with another man would just be too much to bear at this present time. It doesn't however, make the urge to do so any less stronger.

Jonny smiles. "I just want you all to be happy, Jessica."

"Thank you." I blink beneath my loving lashes. My beautiful man, never ceases to amaze me.

"Does that mean you are moving up to Cheltenham, Mum?" Lottie asks excitedly.

"Not moving up properly, darling. Just that we will have a place for us all to stay in when I am in Cheltenham." I tell her, stroking her arm.

"How often?" Lissy is insistent when she joins the conversation again.

Jonny looks at her with genuine concern then looks back at me. As soon as he catches Lissy's eye, he speaks low and soft. "I'm going to New York in a couple of weeks' time and won't be back for a few months. If we get a place sorted straight away, there is nothing stopping your mum from seeing you every weekend. Once I am back, I would love for you both to come and stay in Chelsea with me and your mum on the weekends," he nervously pauses. "That's only if you want to of course?" I stare at him, wanting to hold him so badly. This is Jonny trying to make things right, and for me . . . he does!

"Really?" For the first time, Lissy's face is illuminated with happiness. Her stiff body begins to relax and her eyes are less hollow. Jonny clasps both his hands together, resting them on the table in front of him. He has the girls' full attention again and continues in his crusade to make things right. "I can only imagine how hard it has been for you girls since I have been with your mum, but I love her very much and I am not ever going to try and replace your Dad. You will only ever have one Dad, but I certainly hope we can at least be friends one day?"

All our eyes now rest on him, my selfless and thoughtful Jonny. If I could have loved him anymore, it was at this precise moment, putting aside his own feelings and thoughts. He has clearly put the needs of the girls first, knowing how much it would mean to them.

Without thinking, I reach for his hand. "I'm speechless, Jonny. All I can say is thank you." I tell him, trying to convey my love and gratitude.

He simply smiles as the waitress arrives with our food. As the girls happily tuck into their lunch, we look deeply at one another from across the table. A silent, all-consuming and powerful feeling of love invisibly passes between us. I mouth "I love you" to him, his eyes slowly close like he is tasting those three little words, savouring each consonant and vowel I sweetly give to him.

***

After a relaxed lunch, Jonny leaves the girls and I to do some shopping together. The first meeting between them has definitely broken the ice. I can tell Lottie actually likes him. Lissy, on the other hand, is wary and cautious to show any emotion. Her thawed demeanour towards him, after being told about the flat in Cheltenham, is a definite improvement and is at least something to build upon now.

The girls enjoy the hustle bustle of shopping in central London. I am loving being able to spend time with them and treat them both to a new outfit and shoes. We almost skip along together, laughing and joking like all that has happened has been thankfully put on pause. The joy that I feel to finally have Lissy and Lottie beside me, allowing me to be their mother again, is something I simply cannot put into words. The afternoon passes by all too quickly and soon Simon is collecting us.

"Afternoon ladies, I can see you have all been shopping. Is there anything actually left in any of the stores?" He laughs; his young, handsome face is cheery and friendly.

I stand beside the open car door, watching the girls bounce into the back of it. "Just spoiling my girls, Simon. It has been a while," I reply.

As I am settling into the back, Simon leans down slightly from outside the passenger door so he's able to see the girls. "Well, it certainly looks like you have both enjoyed your shopping experience in London then?" He grins.

"I've loved it! Mum, come and sit in the middle of us?" Lottie enthusiastically answers Simon, patting the seat beside her.

I am blissfully sandwiched between Lissy and Lottie. Now comfortably seated, I wonder whether the girls may have changed their minds about staying. "So are you girls both sure you want to go home tonight, instead of staying over?"

Lissy looks at Lottie. "Mum, I think Dad may get a little upset if we did."

"I don't mind calling him." I say, putting my arm around her.

"It has been a great day, but I think it's best if we go home and . . ." Her painful pause makes me realise I am pushing her too hard.

I pull her to me. "You're not ready yet, are you?" I ask. Lissy shakes her head in reply.

I kiss her cheek, rubbing her shoulder. "That's okay, my darling. Besides, as soon as I get back I am going to have a look at some places to rent and we will soon be seeing a lot more of each other, won't we?" She gently nods.

"I cannot wait, Mum." Lottie loops her arm through mine, resting her head on me.

"Neither can I darling." Putting my free arm around her, I pull her into me. It feels so wonderful to do this again . . . to be a mother again.

"Thanks for today, Mum," Lissy's soft voice is music to my ears.

"Thank you for coming to see me and for meeting Jonny. It means a lot . . . to the both of us."

Lissy casually shrugs. "He's not too bad, actually." My heart nearly bursts out of my chest at Lissy's four simple but significant words, knowing we have indeed turned a huge corner. I hold her so tight, feeling complete love and pride for my beautiful fourteen-year-old baby.

"I really like him, Mum. Do you think he knows The Wanted?" I laugh with an overwhelming feeling of contentment at Lottie's completely random question.

Tilting my head, I answer her. "Maybe he does, Lottie."

"Oh, my God! Can you ask him?" she begs, clapping excitedly.

"I will, darling, but I have something to ask the two of you. On the 22nd of December, which is the Saturday before Christmas, Jonny and I are having a party. I really would love for you both to be there so you can meet everyone?"

"Like who, Mum?" Lottie asks with a big carefree smile on her face.

My smile widens. "Well, Jonny's mum Helena will be there. As will Beef and Mary, our lovely housekeeper. Oh, and Harry and Stephanie will be too, they are Jonny's oldest friends. You will also meet Jonny's agent, Jay Scott and of course Lydia will be staying with Jake, too." I eagerly tell them.

"Would we have to stay the night?" Lissy asks with a serious look on her face once again.

Two steps forward . . . one step back. Remember to have patience, Jessica! "It probably would be best, darling. It's in the evening, so it would be very late for you to travel back to Cheltenham if you didn't stay. I know it's a lot to ask but it really would mean a lot to me if you would at least think about coming. I don't mind ringing your Dad if you'd rather not ask him?" I gently question.

Lissy shakes her head. "I think it would be best if we ask, Mum. It's just I don't want to leave Dad all alone over Christmas."

I shift in my seat, so I can look at her. "You won't, Lissy. Simon can pick you both up mid-morning on Saturday and take you back on the Sunday, so you will be home for all of Christmas with your Dad. Just have a think about it, that's all I am asking. If you really don't want to come, then I will hopefully have somewhere to stay by then. I will pop up on Christmas Eve instead, to see you both."

"It's not that I don't want to see you." Lissy holds me tightly by way of an apology.

I affectionately stroke her cheek, reassuring her with a smile. "I know, darling. I honestly do understand why you don't want to leave your Dad."

Lissy frowns. "He's just so unhappy at the moment. I kind of feel guilty for feeling happy now that I've seen you, Mum." I hold her sweetly innocent yet guilt-ridden head against me. Guilt is just like a virulent disease . . . a contagious shitty disease!

"Believe me, Lissy, I understand." More than you'll ever know, my beautiful girl! I silently say to myself.

"I would love to come Mum, but only if Lissy comes too," Lottie speaks up, wearing a faint smile. I love how she is sticking by her sister on this. They have grown so much closer since I last saw them. They have had to mature quickly and have obviously been leaning on one another for everything. I am just so incredibly proud.

I pull on them both. "So, I will leave it up to you, then? Maybe speak to your Dad and see what he says, then we can go from there. Okay?" Lissy's precious blue eyes look up at mine, gently nodding in agreement. I start writing down all of my telephone numbers that the girls will need to have.

"Here's my mobile number and my home number, too. Will you both text me later so I can have your numbers?" I hand the card to Lissy.

"Okay, Mum," They jointly reply.

For the rest of the journey, we chat about everything and anything. Cramming in as much conversation as possible until we reach Chelsea. When Simon pulls up outside the grand home I share with Jonny, I can't help but smile at each of the girls faces; their eyes are wide in amazement.

"Wow," is all which comes out of Lottie's usually forthcoming mouth.

"It's beautiful, Mum," Lissy whispers, her mouth slightly agape as she tries to take in the impressive building before her.

"Just you wait until you see inside. I looked just like you both do now the first time I saw this place." I giggle.

A look of disappointment crosses Lottie's face as she glances at Lissy who is smiling apologetically at her sister. "I wish I could come in, Mum." Lottie says, with slumped shoulders.

I take hold of her lowered chin. "Listen my darling, hopefully you will be able to come really soon. We don't want your Dad getting upset if we don't ask him properly, do we? Ask about the 22nd and if your Dad agrees that you can come, I will be able to give you the grand tour then, okay?"

Lottie pouts, "Okay." Part of me is elated by her obvious disappointment. I honestly never thought I would see the day when either of my girls would actually want to set foot inside Jonny's home. However, my maternal instincts prevent my inner happiness from staying with me for too long when I look at Lottie's downhearted little face. I kiss both their precious heads, embracing them so very tight and not ever wanting to let either one of them go.

Preparing to say good-bye is giving me palpitations. This is going to be too painful for words. I hold a hand to both of their cheeks. "Thank you both for a wonderful day. Remember I love you very, very much." I tell them, with tears precariously teetering on my lower lashes.

"We love you too, Mum." Lissy throws her arms around me, her body is jerking with each of her choking sobs.

"Please don't cry baby, it's going to be okay." While I am comforting Lissy, Lottie then breaks down and wraps herself around my back. I am sandwiched between my two distraught daughters. I know I need to stay strong for them but it feels impossible to do so. I end up fighting back my tears with a heart that hurts to even beat. "Listen to me; you have my numbers now, so you can call me anytime." Lottie pulls back; I lift Lissy's head from my chest. "Everything will work itself out, I promise. But right now I have to get you back to your Dad . . . we will speak later . . . yes?" They both nod. I quickly step out of the car fighting back my tears.

Simon knows I am needing to hear words of comfort right now. "I will ensure they get home safely, Jessica."

I gratefully touch his arm. "Thank you, Simon." I turn around, blowing a kiss to my beautiful girls. They wave, finding comfort in each other's arms. I smile with sadness veiling my face. I welcome my sadness because it's a different kind of sadness, a bittersweet sadness. I now know my girls care about me and still need me to be their mother. For all of my failings as a wife, they still want me in their lives. The way they have handled everything, makes my heart swell with enormous pride. I have never felt more proud to be their mother.