Chapter 4: Oh, Cotton-Headed Niggy Muggins

"Santa, tell me if you're really there. Don't make me fall in love with him if he won't be here next year. Santa, tell me if he really cares. 'Cuz I can't give it all away if he won't be here next year."

It ended up being a sister's-slash-boyfriend-slash-husband movie day. Ryan joined in halfway through the movie and instantly bonded with Sammy, telling him all about how he and Kiley met. He told him how happy he was for me that I finally found a man like him.

Heat flooded to my cheeks when Ryan said that. Not to mention, a tad bit of guilt flaring in my chest knowing it was fake. I shoved that thought aside. I just wanted to enjoy my favorite holiday with my family and worry about that when we get to it.

After Love Hard was over, we turned on a Christmas playlist on YouTube and started singing along to our favorite songs. We were singing at the top of our lungs, using our fists as fake microphones and jumping up and down.

"I've been down this road before, Fell in love on Christmas night. But on New Year's Day, I woke up and he wasn't by my side."

We were interrupted when mom swung the door open. Panic swarmed her eyes as she bounced Jasmine in her arms in an attempt to cease the ear-ringing crying. Without her having to say anything, I immediately lowered the volume of the music which seemed to ease the crying and the red in the baby's face.

"Sorry, mama." Kiley took Jasmine from her grandma's arms. We followed her downstairs and the first thing I noticed was the snow through the window on the front door.

We don't get that much snow in Albany, but a little bit was sprinkling across our front yard.

I grabbed my winter coat from the coat hanger and my snow boots, yelling over my shoulder that I'll be outside. I opened the door, being slapped by the freezing winds before closing it behind me.

I sat down on the porch steps and listened to the sound of the snow dancing to the ground. That was another thing mom and I had in common.

Before I moved away, she and I would sit out here every Winter with a mug of hot chocolate and watch the snow fall.

There was something peaceful about the sound of snow and since I'm going through a tough breakup, I figured now was a good time to step outside and let the stress melt away.

The front door opened and, in my peripheral vision, I noticed Sammy claiming the seat next to me. He handed me a mug of hot chocolate topped with a nearly-overflowing mountain of marshmallows.

I knew mom was the one who did that. She knew how much I loved a ton of marshmallows in my hot chocolate. The second the mug was wrapped by my cold hands, warmth permeated through every inch of my body. I didn't take a sip yet as it was far too hot, but I watched the steam twirl into mid-air.

"How are you feeling?"

I inhaled and looked at my best friend. The look of pity was nowhere near his face, thank God. Just genuine worry. "Better. My sister and I talked about it earlier and she made me feel a lot better about the situation."

Dead silent.

We only heard the snow for the next few moments. The sun was descending, making room for the moon to rise. In the meantime, there was an orange glow behind the trees that lit up the front yard and I could feel it on my face.

I felt eyes on me and noticed that Sammy was staring at me. When he was caught, the corners of his lips tilted upward.

"What?"

A slight blush colored his cheeks, but he never looked away. "Nothing."

I was about to ask for more assurance that he was okay when the door opened and mom stepped out in only her sweater with her hands rubbing together.

"We're getting ready for dinner and the movie. Come inside, loves." She quickly went back inside before she turned into ice. Once again, Sammy and I sat in silence. I wanted to soak up every last second of being out here. As soon as I went back inside, I'd be surrounded by chaos. However, we both knew we had to before mom came back out and shoved us inside with all her might.

"I should probably warn you that. They were most likely waiting for dinner time to start interrogating you. Get ready for an overwhelming amount of questions about your future."

His eyes widened a fraction and his bottom lip fell slightly ajar. "My future? I still don't have a fucking clue of what to do with my life."

A smile formed on my face, but I pressed my lips together. He was clearly nervous and I'd hate to be in his shoes. This was going to be good. "I'd lead with that." I patted his shoulder and stood up to go back inside.

A video of snow falling in an open forest was playing on the TV and All I Want For Christmas was softly playing through mom's mini speaker. It was mom's favorite Christmas song. They played it at Kiley's wedding that was in December and dancing with dad to that song went down as one of her most favorite memories.

Everyone was already sat around the table with candles in the middle. Bowls of the family favorite, rigatoni pasta sprinkled with chicken and veggies, placed in front of us.

Everyone but Oliver who was sitting back against his seat with a pout and his arms crossed favored the meal.

"Okay, everyone. Let's say grace." Mom started, holding dad's and Ryan's hands with her head bowed down. She thanked God for the food and the family that surrounded this table.

For Kiley's newest born that came into our lives just in time to celebrate this holiday with us. Lastly, for my relationship with a man that she always dreamed for me. My eyes briefly opened and landed on Sammy who was already glancing at me. We both had the same thought.

Guilt.

It wasn't real. This relationship, the kiss, holding hands. This was all for show. My heart sunk watching mom end the prayer with an amen.

"Amen," we all repeated in unison.

Once the prayer was said, I dug into the pasta. It wasn't the veggies that I cared for so much, or even the chicken. I shoved them away with my fork and focused on the taste of pasta blending with the green pesto sauce.

"So, James. What are you majoring in?" Mom started.

Here we go.

"Ummm..." Sammy awkwardly shuffled in his seat. He proceeded to readjust the neckline of his sweater and sandwiched his hands between his legs.

"I'm majoring in English lit, but...I'm not sure what to do with that after I graduate. I never figured out what to do with my future after I got accepted into Harvard."

I slumped further into my seat. Every time Kiley brought a boy home, mom did the same thing. She interrogated him about their future and what their five-year plan was.

Their answers would always earn a judgemental look in her eyes. It was as if their future was her business.

We were all drowning in silence and the only noise our ears could detect were the silverware scraping against the plates. Kiley's voice was the one who broke the silence.

"So I guess you can say you don't even have a pla—"

The tension switched to laughter around the table. Mom was laughing so hard, she was pounding the table and her eyes were tearing up.

Dad held a napkin to his pursed lips to prevent from choking on his food and Ryan rolled his head back while he howled with laughter.

The only person who wasn't laughing was Sammy who was looking around the room with a confused look. Even Oliver was laughing, but that was only because he saw us and wanted to laugh along.

"I-I-I don't get it," Sammy stuttered.

The laughing abruptly stopped. He peeked at everyone's stunned faces that managed to make him more confused than he already was.

"You've never seen Friends?"

"Of course I see friends. I see my friends all the time."

"No, baby. We're talking about a show named Friends. It's like, the best sitcom in all of TV history. You've seriously never seen it before?"

"... no?"

"Bruh, you can't be a member of this family until you've seen all ten seasons. Kiley broke up with me for a week until I finished watching it."

The rest of the dinner went by smoothly. I managed to switch the topic from Sammy's future to his hobbies. Once he started talking about how he used to play basketball in high school, he and dad were talking nonstop about sports.

My dad was a huge sports nut. As a matter of fact, mom had to ban football on Thanksgiving and Christmas because he wouldn't help cook or spend time with his family.

After we finished with dinner, we migrated into the living room for the movie.

Dad was sitting on one end of the couch with mom's head on his lap, Kiley was lying her head on Ryan's shoulder with the kids cuddling into them and Sammy and I sat on the other end holding hands.

I heated up my hot chocolate in the microwave so it was fresh and warm to keep my hands from getting cold.

***

Half hour into the movie, I started to feel sleepy. The weight on my eyes was starting to feel heavier and harder to fight back. I wanted to stay awake to watch, but my body wasn't allowing me to.

I laid my head on Sammy's shoulder and just as I was about to fall asleep, his body tensed up. Just like it did when I called him my boyfriend to mom. I leaned away from him and scrunched my face up with furrowed brows. "Are you okay?"

He looked taken aback by the question. "Yeah, of course. Why?"

"You tensed up when I laid my head on your shoulder. Do you not like that?"

"What? No. I mean, it's fine." Thanks to the light of the TV, I caught blood rushing to his cheeks. He tried to cover it up with an embarrassed smile tugging at the corner of his lips. I inwardly interrogated him. Why did his body tense up again after having tensed up already when meeting mom? Did he not like it when I laid my head there? He gestured for me to lay my head back which I hesitantly obliged, but his body was more relaxed at the touch.

When the movie was over, we were discussing what to do next since Oliver was still wide awake. Oliver wanted to play Monopoly, but Kiley refused to tear this family apart this close to Christmas. Mom suggested Uno, but everyone voted against it. Dad suggested we, at least, started another movie.

We didn't have to finish it, but everyone else couldn't agree on another one. In the process of looking around the room for something to keep Oliver occupied, my eyes landed on the black grand piano. Mom started playing when she was little and grew to fall in love with it.

Grandma took her to lessons and showed up to every one of her recitals. After she had us, she slowly stopped playing until she didn't play at all anymore. When Kiley and I moved out, dad bought her that piano and she started playing it again.

I learned how to play in middle school tomorrow, one day, surprise her. Perhaps this could be that day. My feet carried me to the bench in front and my fingers danced across the keys.

The memory of how to play slowly came back to me and I started to play Silent Night on the keys. Immediately, I heard footsteps stepping into the room.

Kiley leaned over the piano with her arms crossed on top and swayed side to side to the music, mom's arm draped around her shoulder.

Riley, who'd been speaking gibberish throughout the movie was finally lulled to sleep and Oliver was starting to look sleepy.

Sammy was sitting next to me on the bench, tapping his knees to the soft melody. I never saw my dad as an emotional guy.

The last time I saw him cry was when he was walking Kylie down the aisle, but now, he was blubbering like a baby.

The song slowly came to an end. When the last note ended, it was dead silent. Mom was tearing up, her fingers swiping away her tears. Oliver fell asleep in Ryan's arms and Kiley's mouth twitched slightly upward.

They all stared at me with a glint of amazement touching their eyes. Mom was the first to clap and everyone else followed. Soon, they all erupted into applause.

"I didn't know you could play like that, love. When did you start?"

"Before Vanessa turned into a..." Cheating whore who slept with my boyfriend I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth sewed shut. What I really wanted to say was a word that I wasn't allowed to say. "Uhhh..."

"A bitch?"

"Kiley Rose!" Mom reprimanded.

"What? She is. What do you want me to call her? Poopyhead? Jerkface? Butthole? We graduated from that fifteen years ago, mom."

"When we were still friends in middle school, her mom taught me."

"I wonder what happened that made her turn out the way she is. Why don't you try mending your friendship with her?"

After she hooked up with my boyfriend, fuck no.

If only you knew, mama. If only...

The tension increased between Sammy, Kiley and I. Kiley was fiddling with her fingers on top of the piano, Sammy was pressing random keys and I was starting to admire the details of the hardwood.

Do I see a smiley face in one of the panels of wood?

***

It was time to figure out sleeping arrangements. Kiley and Ryan in her old room and Sammy and I in mine. I was expecting them to ask Sammy to sleep in the guest room, but they seemed to be perfectly okay with us sleeping in the same bed. I felt weird sleeping in the same bed as my best friend. My guy best friend. It scared me whenever I felt a zing through my body at his touch. How was I supposed to sleep next to him?

"Are you sure, mama?"

"I'm sure, love. As long as you don't conceive my next grandchild on there-"

"Oh my God. Mom!" My hands flew to my ears to avoid hearing the end of that sentence.

"Goodnight, Mr. and Mrs. Underwood."

Mom waved Sammy off. "Please. Call us Candace and John." She started folding up the blankets and stacking them on one end of the couch. I heard her mumble to herself, "and feel free to call us mom and dad."

"Mom. I can hear you."

She threw her hands up and whispered that she was 'just saying'.

I dragged Sammy upstairs to my room which still looked the same as it did in high school. It had a black and white theme with black walls and white carpet. There was a black duvet with white throw pillows decorating the queen-sized bed, my marble desk was sitting against the wall by the door and there was a black rug lying down in front of the bed.

"I can sleep on the couch if us sleeping together is gonna be weird for you."

"No, the couch would feel too uncomfortable for your back. It'll be fine." I grabbed my pajamas from my suitcase and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped into my green Santa sweatshirt and red and green plaid pants with mini faces of Rudolph printed all over, making me feel very festive.

Once we were settled and ready for bed, I peeled back the duvet and slipped into the white flannel sheets. Being in a freezing state like New York, these cozy sheets are necessary during winter.

It didn't take long for me to fall asleep. It was a long day and the exhaustion was getting to me. The light of Sammy's phone didn't stop me from falling into a peaceful sleep.

I was in a dead sleep when my eyes fluttered open to darkness. There were no sources of light unless you counted the little red light at the bottom of my TV.

I looked around for what would've woken me up from my beauty sleep, but didn't find anything. Baby Jasmine was sleeping soundly and I heard no snores coming from either side of the house. I felt pressure on my waist and in my sleepy state, I realized that Sammy was spooning me in his sleep.

Wait...

Sammy was spooning me?