Chapter 16 | Heartache
Hey Guys, here is the next Chapter! Enjoy <3 xx
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CIRCE
Obsidian hadn't said a word since we had touched down just outside Port Savannah. Ever since we had determined that Savannah was where Anthemin was heading he had withdrawn, becoming a swirling turmoil of suppressed emotion. I could see it in the way he walked now as we headed along the coast, his stride full of angst, the muscles in his exposed back tense, his hands clenched into fists by his sides. I remembered the first time I had been with him in Savannah, the image came to me easily, all he was missing was his swirling black cloak.
I hurried up behind him and caught his hand, pulling him to a halt as the harbor came into view. It was early morning, but the port was still active and with how we were now, we would stand out like sore thumbs.
"What is it?" His gaze was distracted, his golden eyes flickering over to where the ships sat anchored. I knew what he was looking for.
"We can't just go in like this," I began.
"Why not?" He interrupted his voice dismissive. "I have nothing to fear from this town."
I tugged at his hand, forcing him to look at me. "I'm only wearing a shirt," I ground out through gritted teeth. "I know that you don't mind walking around in nothing, but it's not really something I'm comfortable with. And-" I hesitated, looking down at my scarred hand that was enveloped by his.
Suddenly he was touching my face, lifting my chin until I was staring into his eyes, his gaze was sincere and a muscle jumped in his jaw as we held each other's gaze. Carefully he lifted my hands and kissed them both.
"I'm sorry Love, forgive me. Being back here ... it is distracting." He looked back to the harbor. "I know my brother is here. It's hard."
"I know," I said softly. "But I am still unsure about going into town, Anthemin seems to still be in the same place that he was earlier and that is not far from here, out to sea. It would suggest that he is on a ship. He said that he was going to be with Cobalt."
"You should stay here."
My gaze was startled. "What?"
"I do not wish to be apart from you, but you should remain here. Together we will draw too much attention. I will see what I can find out from the town and I will bring you back clothes." He looked down for a moment. "And if my Brother is there ... I need to see him first by myself. I don't want you to be there, it's going to be ... hard."
My eyes softened at the torn expression on his face.
"Very well, but if you are to go into the town alone, then I am going to investigate Anthemin's whereabouts. I know that he isn't far from here."
He caught my arm, his eyes burning. "I don't want you to go alone. You should wait here for me."
My hand covered his. "No. I can't just sit around and wait for you, it would drive me crazy." I looked out towards the horizon. "Obsidian, he is in that direction, I can feel it. I am sure that they are sitting just beyond the horizon. You will be able to find me if you go to the port and continue straight out to sea. I'll meet you at sundown."
I looked up into his face, into his golden eyes and I stretched up onto my toes so that I could press my lips to his. I made to pull away but his arms wound around me, holding me in place.
"If anything happens-"
"It won't."
He kissed me lingeringly, his nose nuzzling tenderly against my own. His hands clasped my face as though it was a precious object and he kissed me once, twice, three times more. His fingers ran lightly through my hair and he whispered in my ear, his lips tickling against my skin.
"Don't you think it's time to do something about those scars my love?"
My eyes widened as he pulled away, meeting my gaze. I knew he saw me then, those golden orbs looking directly at my bare, exposed soul. My lips parted as he turned from me but the last words were his.
"I will find you by sun down. Be waiting for me."
*
I watched him until he was all but gone from sight, a small figure, swallowed up in the jumble of shapes that made up the distant port. Sometime after, I found myself on my knees at the shoreline, the water washing up to swirl around my legs, damping the edges of Obsidian's shirt. My hands dug into the sand in front of me and I stared at the red, angry scars that swirled across my skin. Just looking at them brought back the heat of the flames and the agony of that moment. If I was going to go back to everyone, how would seeing me like this make them feel? Nathaniel, Cobalt, Lacy ...
I ran my fingers through my hair, suddenly missing the feel of its weight on my shoulders. I stared at my hands again, lost in thought.
If I had been human, this would not have been a decision that I would have had to make. The scars would remain with me for a lifetime, reminding me and everyone around me of what had happened. Slowly they would fade with time from this angry red to a softer shade, but the tightened skin would never relax, never become as smooth as it once was. Was it right to get rid of something like that so carelessly? Did I not still live in a human world, although the title of 'human' no longer applied to me?
Slowly I stretched my hands into the water and breathed in deeply. The ocean around me began to glow with familiar light and I felt the trickled of energy leaving my body as the scars began to fade until the red was gone but the raised lines remained. My scalp prickled as the scars there faded too, and gradually the hair in my vision grew longer and longer until the ends dipped into the water.
I sighed and raised my hands. In the bright light of the day the burns were noticeable, but nowhere near as much as before. Gently I rubbed my fingertips across the ridges, tracing that which had become familiar to me. They were a part of who I was now and that would never truly leave me. But I would not cause unnecessary pain to those who I loved, especially when I was fortunate enough to have enough power to do something to change it.
I brought up my hands to my hair and ran my fingers through it, pulling it out in front of me. This though, this was for purely selfish reasons. Before I had found him it hadn't mattered but now I longed for the pleasure that I felt when he ran his hands through my hair. My eyes closed as I remembered how he used to lift the golden locks tenderly to the side so that he might lay a kiss upon the nape of my neck.
A shiver ran up my spine as my fingers found the spot on my neck where his lips had brushed so many times before and I let out a laugh. Such a ridiculous use of power for what some might disregard as a trivial action! I couldn't help but laugh again at my own self-centeredness.
But enough of that now, I chided myself. I had until sundown and if I was not where he expected me to be I had no doubt that it would mean trouble for the Port of Savannah. The ocean welcomed me like an old friend as I slid into its depths and into my other body, eagerly setting out for where I felt Anthemin to be. It had taken time, but I was finally beginning to feel like myself again.
Obsidian's words floated through my mind and I smiled. He was right; it had been time to do something.
*
Below the surface of the sea, there is no sound. In such a vast space such a feat would normally never be deemed possible, yet it was. Every-time that I entered the ocean the silence hit me, the vast tranquility of it, such a contrast to the world above.
The seas around the port of Savannah were bare of most underwater life, further out to each side there were corals that prevented ships from seeking safety away from the busy town and it was there that the ocean came to life.
I was swimming through one such spot now, here the kelp forests flourished, the long slippery strands gliding back and forth through the water, at the mercy of the movement of the tides. Brightly colored fish flitted between them, the smaller ones in fast moving schools, the larger predators lazily patrolling their territories.
A dark shadow lingered above me for a moment and I looked up to see the belly of a shark as it cruised on past. I hung, suspended in the water for a moment as I watched it's graceful movements, noting the thick tail and strong fins that powered the stout body forward.
The sun had broken over top of the cliffs now, I could see the weak morning light piercing the surface of the ocean and I swam towards it, bursting out into the air to check my location.
Just as I had thought, I could see a ship in the distance and Anthemin's presence was growing stronger.
Anthemin, can you hear me?
Vanima? Is that you?
Yes, I have come for you. I am not too far away now.
I will come to meet you.
Very well.
I strained my eyes, trying to see if I could see him aboard the ship. I was too far away to see anything clearly, but for a moment I thought I saw the ship tilt to the side, allowing a lithe white shape to slip into the water.
I ducked back below the surface, my anticipation rising. I hadn't felt nervous before but suddenly it hit me that the ship in front of me was full of allies, of people that I loved and had hurt with my absence. I felt sick. What would I say? I didn't know what to say.
Up ahead I could see a shape moving with speed towards me. Almost instantly, all of the sea-life around me vanished. Even the shark who had been investigating the corals behind me disappeared with a hasty flick of his tail. Even he could tell that he was no match for the predator that was approaching.
Anthemin all but collided with me in a flurry of bubbles and swirling water. I flung my arms around his neck and let him drag me along laughing freely, all of my nerves suddenly forgotten. This was the reunion that I had been waiting for. Last time I had seen him I was still so full of anger and sadness, but holding him now, I felt as though I could really be happy.
You've grown again, I thought to him tenderly. You are getting so big and I haven't been with you. I'm sorry.
The love in his thoughts radiated outwards, striking me in the heart like a strong beam of light. I've missed you Vanima. I am happy we are together.
I'm happy too, I squeezed him tightly.
I have sensed the presence of the Prince more often than usual, he thought suddenly. I think that he has followed me here.
I smiled and stroked the bridge of his nose. Let us not worry about that right now. Who have you been with while I was away?
The twin, your brother and the others with them, one ship is the one you see ahead of you. The other has gone into port.
My eyebrows rose upwards. There are two?
Your brother commands his own crew now.
Well that was surprising indeed. Who out of the two has gone to port?
The twin, your brother waits up ahead.
So both of us had been correct, Obsidian in sensing his brother's presence in town and mine in sensing Anthemin's out at sea. Cobalt ... your brother is coming for you, I thought fiercely. He wasn't taken from us like we had thought and now he has come back for you, he hasn't forgotten. I could only imagine how painful their reunion would be and suddenly I was glad that I wasn't going to bear witness.
Anthemin's large white eyes were staring at me serenely. He's alive isn't he?
I started in surprise and then smiled sheepishly. No point in hiding anything now. Anthemin, I haven't been totally honest. When we parted ways, I had no idea ... but soon after that I-
He nudged me with his nose, pushing me back in the water. You don't need to explain Vanima. I too haven't told the whole truth. He let out a rumbling sigh. Zarska told me a little about what she planned to do. But she commanded that I not tell you for fear that the Prince's find out before she was able to carry it out. When I saw that black dragon that night, I half guessed what had happened. Your words only confirmed my suspicion. I am not surprised. However I fear Prince Zalas's reaction when he discovers the honor that has been bestowed upon one who is not of the Air Kingdom. I should imagine he will be very angry.
I closed my eyes for a moment and Zalas's face flashed into my mind. His straight, pointed features, those white eyes, deadly sharp and capable of seeing through anything. In my mind he was poised to attack, balanced in the middle of his dragon brothers head, regal and graceful, his hair suspended around him, as though held there by an invisible wind.
And then the last time I had seen him, the anger that I had directed towards him, the satisfaction that I had felt to watch him be punched straight out of the sky by the impact from the black dragons attack, Obsidian's attack. I could see it happening in slow motion, the force with which they had collided, the look of shock that had broken across his perfectly composed facade. I cringed internally. He wasn't just going to be angry; he was going to be livid.
My eyes snapped open and I stared at Anthemin steadily, knowing that he could see everything in my mind at that moment.
But we're angry too.
*
The closer we got to the ship, the more nervous I was becoming.
"Did they notice you leaving?" I fretted. "Did they ask why? Did you tell them you were coming to meet me?"
They noticed me leave, but I did not tell them the reason for my departure. If you do not wish to do this-
"No, no I want to," I interrupted. "It's just-"
Just what Princess?
"I'm scared," I whispered. "I left them so worried, I didn't contact them. I just wanted to disappear. I knew that I was hurting other people, but at the time I didn't care. And now ..."
Now?
I don't want them to hate me, I thought, too afraid to say the words aloud, even though they would have every right to.
They don't hate you. His internal voice was sure. These are your friends and they love you. Isn't being with the ones you love supposed to give you courage?
I patted his head fondly. "Aren't you a wise little Dragon," I laughed softly. "Yes, I suppose it is. But if there is anything that I have learnt over the last few years, it is that the ones you love are also the ones capable of hurting you the most. "
Anthemin didn't reply.
We're here.
We had been travelling low in the water, only Anthemin's head broke the surface of the water and I lay in between his horns holding onto the curling ivory as he swam, and it appeared that we had not been spotted yet which was a little unusual. However as we drew in the shadow of the ship there came a shout from on deck and I realized that we had been swimming in the light of the early morning sun. Spotting a white dragon in the glare off the water would have been difficult.
I took in a deep breath, hearing more shouts echo out over the water and the thumping of feet across wood. "Okay. I'm ready."
Anthemin rose out of the water, stretching his head up and me with it, until we were level with the deck. I
The first thing that I saw was Jacob and Samson, sitting near the main mast around a little table, each with a hand of cards clutched in their fists. There was a bottle of rum in the middle of the table and Samson was half standing with his hand clutching the front of his brothers shirt. They appeared to be playing poker and it seemed that Samson still hadn't mastered the art of a good bluff.
Hobbson was at the wheel as he normally was, but he appeared to be in conversation with man I didn't know. The old man's arm was slung carelessly across the wheel, his cheeks flushed red with good humor - just how I remembered him.
Nathaniel was almost directly in front of me and appeared to be yelling something over his shoulder at Hobbson who was busy waving him off as he continued his conversation.
"I'm the Captain of this ship now," He was saying, "And I say that we need to go after that Dragon! Now Hobbson! If we lose him, what do you think Circe would-"
"Thank-you for looking after Anthemin!" I blurted out, before slapping my hands over my mouth.
I supposed that the scene that followed could almost be described as comical.
Everyone seemed to realize my appearance at the same time. Both of Samson and Jacobs heads turned but not before Jacob had spat out the mouthful of whiskey that was in his mouth straight into Samson's face. Samson had dropped his brother's shirt and his hand of cards, exposing a hand so terrible that there was no way he would have won anyway.
Hobbson's arm slid off the wheel and he fell into it as it spun from the movement, the handles hitting him over the head. The man that he had been talking to reached to catch him, managing to secure him under one arm, enough to steady him back on his feet.
And my brother, my darling brother turned right around and said, "Oh you're welcome, it was no trouble really!"
And then our eyes met properly and the emotion hit me. I felt myself move before I had even realized, pushing off Anthemin to soar through the air, my arms stretching out for him. He had already begun to move forward to meet me, his hands reaching for where he knew I would be.
I took in his face in that brief moment as I sailed towards him. His mouth was open in a cry of surprise, his cheeks flushed red, tears already pooling in the corners of his eyes. Oh his eyes. Full of so many emotions, emotions that I had put there and I could read them all, see them flickering through one after the other. Anguish, pain, desperation ... hope, love and more pain, love mixed with pain, wasn't that all I had been feeling lately?
He stepped back to steady himself as we collided, swinging me around in a circle to slow down the momentum of my impulsiveness. My arms had wrapped firmly around his neck and now that I was here I couldn't seem to let go. I breathed in his familiar smell, his golden locks, so similar to mine tickling my nose. His hands rubbed the skin of my back through Obsidian's wet shirt and I struggled for a moment to find my footing before realizing that I still had my tail. A strange choking noise found its way out of my throat and it was then that he sank to the floor, taking me with him.
His shoulders were shaking under my hands and he clutched me so tightly that it hurt but I didn't care. I didn't care at all. His face was pressed into my hair and I felt his tears touch my skin.
"Naddy ... I'm so sorry."
*
COBALT
"You found me,"
I stared at my Brother from the other end of the alley, my mouth twisted in pain. Seeing him alive was like being able to breathe with two lungs again. Hearing him acknowledge us, to know that he knew me – after he had seemed to have forgotten everything about himself, it was as though my heart had only been half beating up until this moment. I wanted to run at him, to touch him and make sure he was real. But I was hurting, so badly, and slowly the hurt was turning to anger.
Why hadn't he found me before then? What had he been doing? Did I even want to know, or maybe even, did I already know? And if I was right, what had he become? How was he even alive?
"Is that all you have to say to me?"
His face was smooth, impassive. I knew he was there though, lingering beneath the surface. I could see it on the face that I knew as well as, no, the face that I knew better than my own. I might have been better at controlling my emotions, but he was better at hiding them. Hiding and bottling them up until someone shook him too hard and for too long and he exploded, demolishing everything that happened to be in his way at that time.
Except for me.
Every-time, we had come out together. Except for this time. This time he had left me alone.
He turned to fully face me, just two small steps, his bare feet kicking up the dust on the ground. His expression didn't change. "I don't know what else to say."
So that was how he was going to play it. "I'm your brother."
There it was. A flicker in his eye, so subtle anyone else would have missed it.
"I thought you were dead."
"Well I'm not."
We stood staring at each other for a long moment. There was something off about him. I had sensed it right away but it was more obvious now.
We aren't identical anymore.
The thought struck me like lightening and I had no idea where it had come from. But it was undeniable. I looked at his features and suddenly it was harder to find myself in there than it had even been before. And it stung.
I opened my mouth again without even knowing what was going to come out, but before I could find the words he turned his face to the side, his eyes never leaving mine. An invitation.
I took it.
My fist connected with his jaw so hard that the sound reverberated off the walls around us. His head snapped to the side, his eyes sliding shut, although I could see that I hadn't really hurt him.
Is that how far you've risen now brother? I thought painfully. Will I ever reach you again?
My next punch cracked his nose and threw us to the ground. We scuffled for a moment and then his hands grasped mine and he rolled on-top of me, sitting on my chest as his fist smashed into my nose. It hurt more than it had ever hurt before, physically because he was clearly much stronger than he had been, mentally because I knew that he was still holding back.
I spat out a load of blood into his face, my eyes full of anger.
"Why are you holding back now?!" I yelled at him. "You've never held back before!"
His golden eyes were cool as he stared back into my defiant ones but I could see the darkness simmering there.
"Hit me," I snarled. "Just fucking hit me already."
I saw the flicker in his eyes again then and suddenly he wasn't hiding behind a barrier anymore. His lips twisted into a snarl of rage and he drew back his fist, driving it into my face.
The last thing that I noticed before I blacked out was that his pupils had thinned into slits. Like a Dragons.
*
When I woke I was propped up against the alley wall, my head lolling to the side. I shifted and straightened up, my face twitching as I felt the uncomfortable sensation of dried blood. I lifted a hand to wipe it, groaning as I felt the tenderness of my nose.
"I reset it." He said. "After I broke it. It's pretty straight." He was crouching opposite me, his knees tucked up to his chest with his hands curled around them, the way we had sat when we were kids. He was looking down, his hair covering most of his face. It had gotten a lot longer since I had last seen him and it only served to make him look all the more wild.
He raised his head, the golden eyes flicking away from me towards the street. He was uncomfortable. Suddenly all I wanted was for the distance between us to be gone. I wanted it to go back to the way it had been when we were younger, when we carried each other's burdens shared between us, when there were no secrets, no lies, no impossibilities. I had wanted my brother back before he had died. Now I wanted him back even more.
"You're crying."
He was looking at me, his hands still curled around his knees. It was such an out of character position for him, it made him look so harmless. Like a feral kitten that had strayed too far away from familiar territory.
"I'm not." I said stubbornly, even as I reached up to wipe the betraying wetness away from my eyes and smearing the blood on my face.
He was still staring. "Did it hurt that much?" He asked plainly.
"What to be punched by you?" I snorted. "Yeah, but not enough to make me cry."
"No. Did it hurt you that much when I died?"
I looked at him in shock. "Are you thick?"
He scowled. "I'm not thick."
I felt my anger bubble up again. "You're asking me if it hurt? You, who went into all of that trouble to make sure that I wasn't the one who died, and you're asking me if it hurt?"
"Yeah,"
"How would you feel if I died?" I asked, leaning forward until my eyes looked directly into his. We were mirror images of each other, but with contrasting emotions.
He didn't answer but I could see his eyes shining as my words sunk in. Something seemed to withdraw into his face as his expression grew darker.
"Yeah well it hurt about that much." I stated bitterly, leaning back against the alley wall, the annoying tears filled up the corners of my eyes again as I remembered that day. What I had seen. Circe's face, over and over again in my mind. "Don't tell me you thought that it wouldn't be the same if the roles were reversed. That you needed me more than you thought that I needed you."
I glanced at him but he hadn't moved, save for his hands which had curled into tight fists.
"I have nightmares every night you know? Of you, dying over and over again. Of Circe looking at me ... with this face. She had this face. I just can't seem to forget it. It was like she died too. But her body was still there." I felt the tears falling down my cheeks, cleaning lines through the blood there and I didn't bother to wipe them away. I continued to speak, feeling detached from the emotion my body was telling me I was feeling. I was still staring at his hands.
"We searched the ocean for her; we even went back to the Water Kingdom so that we could request a ship for Nathaniel from Circe's Mother. We thought maybe if we split up we could cover more ground ... or something."
I remembered what Samson had said to me. What do we have to offer her when we do find her?
"It seemed like it was a pointless effort though. There was nothing that I had that made me feel better about what had happened, so what on earth would be enough to persuade her? I envied her. I wanted to be the one hiding. You had died ... but you were more there than ever. Everyone who looked at me saw you. You don't know how hard that was. Even Circe ... the moment after you died, before she disappeared, she thought I was you."
I closed my eyes briefly. That memory was almost too painful to bear. The fleeting, desperate, possessive, hope that had danced in her eyes before dying away almost instantly as soon as I told her I wasn't the one she wanted.
I began talking again with my eyes still closed. My voice was monotonous as I recalled the past few months. "I honestly thought that you had gone. I couldn't decide if I was angry about it or not. You didn't tell me anything you know, not a word. That's not how we used to be, we used to be in everything together. If you had just told me-"
"I couldn't tell you," He interrupted, his voice rough. "If I had told you, you would have died right along side me. The difference being that you wouldn't have come back. There was a chance that I would be able to and so I took a gamble."
"Circe didn't know though did she?"
He shook his head. "No-one knew."
All of a sudden, my body seemed to catch up to my emotions and I felt my face scrunch up with pain, a sudden lump in my throat stopping me from speaking. I covered my face with a hand as my shoulders began to shake.
There was a moment of silence and then I heard him shift towards me. In one swift motion he pulled me forward onto his shoulder, his hand falling down onto my hair. His other arm came up to wrap loosely around me. For the first time in many years I cried like a child, my hands reaching around to grip the skin of his back. He was so warm. He was so alive.
His hand brushed through my hair and I felt him sigh. "Don't cry because of me." He whispered. "I always hated it when you cried."
Despite his words he made no attempt to move away and we stayed there for a long time.
*
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