For one of the few times in his life, Matt had put his needs first, and it was downright terrifying. It didn't help that Jake and Brinny both questioned his choice.

When he'd told Brinny, her jaw had dropped and blue eyes widened as they sat together on her parent's patio. "You broke up with her? With Naomi? Kieran, she genuinely loves you, and she's amazing. Why would you do that?"

"You know what it feels like to be judged and treated like crap. It takes a toll on you, in the worst ways."

Brinny crossed her arms over her flowy camisole. "Naomi hasn't done that at all. You're not making sense."

Matt sighed. It grew exhausting to continue to defend his choice. Brinny's parents were too kind for her to understand the shock and betrayal that lurked in his heart, although her past partners had thrown similar toxicity at her.

"She hasn't, but I found out my mom did, and I have so many memories of everyone else doing that, that it's hard when Naomi reacted like she did. It brought back all those old feelings, and it made me..."

His eyes filled with tears, and his mouth opened but let no words escape. Should he tell her? He didn't want to announce it to the world, but Brinny had been his closest and only friend over the past two years and she'd been sharing her progress about her eating disorder. If he talked about it, maybe it'd motivate him not to fall that far again.

A warm breeze rustled the leaves of the oak tree near the fence. "I couldn't see how my presence made anyone's life better. Sometimes that makes it hard to want to be here."

"Here?"

He had an out. He didn't have to say it, but her concerned gaze prompted him to keep going.

"Alive."

Brinny reached across the glass table to squeeze his hand, and hers shook. "Kier... why... we need you here."

He chuckled lightly. Not that it was funny, but it would keep him from crying. "I know. And, I scared Jake, and I just..." The words stuck to his teeth and cheeks, but Brinny waited for them to emerge. "It'd been a long time since my thoughts were that... terrifying. But I also haven't been okay after Katy passed. Part of me thought it was normal. Life wasn't meant to be great or happy without her."

It happened to widows often enough and given that he and Katy had never intended to get married; he considered her his life partner. Being happy without Katy seemed like he was betraying her and something he didn't deserve after he didn't wake up in time to help her. Some people moved on, but he hadn't seen the need to until he met Naomi.

Brinny bit her lip as her tears slipped over her pink cheeks.

"And being with Naomi brought me so much... it made me look forward to my future for the first time in a long time."

"Then why are you ending your relationship?"

"It's a break, not a full ending."

"But still?"

"If she's the only reason I'm okay, it's dangerous for me. It's too much pressure to put on a relationship and another person. It'd be like if you relied solely on Ian's opinion to decide whether you liked yourself."

Brinny twirled her blond hair around her finger. "I guess that makes sense. But what if she changes her mind while you're away?"

That was a genuine possibility, but he believed Naomi when she said that she was over her ex. She still loved Matt, and he sensed it. That may change depending on how much time he needed, but he'd seen what his mental health struggles did to Jake and he didn't want to rush and do that to Naomi either.

"Then it probably never would have worked out. Aren't you okay with taking a break with Ian so he can concentrate on his studies?"

"But we always knew that was coming."

"Life's not predictable. I need a break to focus on healing. Naomi's upset because we care about each other and love being together, but she gets it."

"And how long are you leaving Winnipeg?"

"For a month."

His dad had offered to pay for therapy and found someone available for appointments in two weeks, which surpassed the six-month wait list he was on in this province. The Manitoba office he'd picked had sent him a bunch of links to hotlines and resources to tide him over until then, but he wanted help now.

It was anticlimactic that when he finally accepted he needed help and figured out which of the many options of social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, and counsellors he needed, and which type of therapy he required, his option was to hang tight for half a year. He did not know how people who were in a crisis or didn't have support like Jake to do the research would reach out. There were emergency hotlines and services, but to he wanted something more long-term.

"Will you keep in touch..."

"Call me whenever you need me. I imagine this break with Ian is going to hit you pretty hard."

Brinny sighed. "You told me it was a bad idea but..."

"I don't think being with someone who likes you and treats you well was a mistake. It'll be tough to adjust to it ending. But now you have a bar of how people need to treat you to be a part of your life."

"Thanks, Kier."

"You can call me, Matt. I'm going to change my first name back to what it should be." His first name, anyway. He still needed some separation from his past and didn't want that to be the first thing people assumed about him, nor did he want his mother to find him.

"I can't promise I'll always get that right, but I'll try, Matt."

"It's okay."

Matt took a sliced carrot off the plate Brinny had prepared. Not because he wanted one, but she hadn't touched them and maybe it would remind her. It was more tolerable with the ranch dip and got Brinny to eat one slowly too.

"I'll miss you. When are you leaving?" she asked.

"In a couple of weeks. I had a few projects to wrap up at work. So you can still drop by when Ian goes back to university."

She ran her hands over her bare thighs. "I want to say I'll be able to handle it, but..."

"It's fine, Brin. I got you."

"And I got you. I'll remind Naomi how awesome you are while you're gone."

That made him smile. Months ago, he wouldn't have imagined Brinny would be so supportive, but it meant a lot that she stuck by his side. He grabbed another carrot while Brinny worked on her first.

"I'm going to keep in touch with her too. And we love each other, so we'll be okay."

Brinny nodded. Once they'd both finished eating, she stood to embrace him. Her hug helped seal those words in his heart and from floating out of his grasp. One month wasn't a lifetime. He'd go to therapy twice a week and hopefully get better in no time. They wouldn't charge so much if it didn't work, right?

Then he and Naomi would be happy together here. He'd still keep up with his therapy once he got accepted into a place covered by his insurance plan, but he wouldn't go as often, because he couldn't afford to after his four insurance-covered sessions a year were up. A few other lifestyle changes like a healthier diet, which Jake had put himself in charge of as soon as Matt agreed, and exercise would help.

The idea of going to the gym gave him anxiety, and the pool that Naomi suggested had done the same, especially since she wanted to go together. But he had gone twice with her, and it wasn't as bad as he thought. Most patrons were families or lap swimmers, content to do their own thing. The swimmers came in all shapes and sizes too, making it far less intimidating than a judgemental gym.

***

Despite being on a break, Matt had still hung out with Naomi a few times before he left. They'd set out some rules on what their platonic interactions could include. Naomi had advocated for snuggling, but Kieran couldn't do that without longing to kiss her, so they settled on hugs. The ones they'd shared were too long and intimate to pass as platonic, but they both needed the closeness.

He'd told her he'd video call her twice a week when he was away, and he'd asked her to check on Jake when possible even if was by text. Jake would be there to support her too, but Matt suspected this separation would be hard on his brother too, more because of the change of routine than anything, but he and Naomi would help each other through it. Matt would have his dad, who'd been supportive and loving in every conversation they'd had so far.

The day of his departure crept up quicker than he expected. It almost didn't seem real. Naomi, Jake, Brinny, and Austin were at the airport to send him off. Matt had invited Austin more as a support for Jake than anything else. Just because Matt was leaving didn't mean he couldn't still look out for his brother.

Brinny gave him a quick tearful hug and told him to enjoy all the maple syrup and poutine he could find. Maple tapping season wasn't until the spring, but he was sure he'd locate some regardless. She hadn't been as down about Ian as he'd thought she'd be this week, but she and Naomi also had plenty of doggy playdates that he suspected helped.

Jake and Austin both gave him brief hugs, Jake's lingering more than Kieran expected.

"I'll miss you, Jake. There's always room at Dad's place if you want to visit. He's been adamant about it, and he misses you too."

Jake tucked his hands in his pockets as an Indian family joined the check-in cue behind them. "That's what you need, not me."

"And Naomi's only a phone call away."

"I will be okay. I have been taking care of you for the past three years, and I can handle myself given how much easier I understand my needs. You're the one I'm worried about." Jake's gaze lingered on Matt's face.

Matt rang his hands together. "Sorry, change is hard for you and I want to ensure..."

"I've got coping strategies. Focus on yourself. If being out there is too tough, you can come back. If you need anything, just ask."

They regarded each other with a nod.

Needing a second to build up the courage for what came next, Matt glanced around the busy departures hall. He hadn't been at this airport since his arrival. Back then, everything was numb, cold, and unwanted, but today he took in the place in a city that had finally felt more like home.

The three window-covered walls let in plenty of sunlight, which illuminated the arched wooden planks on the ceiling and columns. The hall was pretty small compared to Pearson Airport in Toronto, where he would connect to his flight to Quebec City. A city almost 2000 km away from the woman he loved.

He couldn't help but glance at her. She fidgeted with the pockets on her little jean shorts and chewed on her bottom lip. Her chestnut hair flowed over her shoulders, and her sad eyes already had filled with tears.

The second he said her name, she pounced on him, melting into his embrace. He wasn't worried about her feelings for him fading, not with how she'd stuck by him over the past two weeks. They'd talked more about both of their pasts, and she opened his eyes to several things she did or avoided out of concern for her safety that he often took for granted. Sharing more about his past in Kingston made him feel closer to her than he ever had.

"I'm really going to miss you," he whispered in her ear, breaking the platonic line since he knew that gave her pleasant chills, but he craved that closeness. Nothing else would happen in the middle of the airport.

She smiled up at him with a sad look in her eyes. "I'll miss you more."

"I think it'll be equally painful."

She nodded, her bare lashes coming together as she blinked. "I hope this trip is everything you want it to be."

Matt bit his lip. "I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I want to get better."

Having everyone's support the past few weeks had boosted him out of the funk he'd suffered after Naomi's reaction, but he still woke up at five a.m. unable to fall back asleep and reliving the pain and devastation of losing Katy. It left him wondering if he was the best person for Naomi since he'd failed to protect Katy, or if therapy would ever fix this emptiness of her loss.

Now tears prickled his eyes, not because of his departure from the people he loved, but because of the past he should have long ago dealt with. He had mourned Katy for an entire year before moving here, but...

Did it ever stop hurting after you lost someone?

Naomi brushed off his tears with her soft fingers. "We're all just a call away."

Her touch brought back so many pleasant memories, lying together at the cabin, on the dock, in his bedroom after he made her breakfast. His heart was so overwhelmed, he whispered, "I love you."

Her lips curled into a smile. "You're not very good at this break thing."

He chuckled, dispelling some of the tension in his chest. "It's hard."

"You can call this whatever you want, but I'm still going to care about you, and worry, and love you the same."

It would be easy to give in and kiss her. To justify that it wasn't a break because they loved each other and wanted to be together in the end. But diving in would shift his focus from healing to making sure he took care of her, and as those in-flight announcements would soon remind him, he needed to put his oxygen mask on before helping others.

"I wish I were well enough to say fuck-it, but..."

Naomi nodded and looked into his eyes in understanding. "I'll be here, no matter how long it takes."

He poured every emotion flowing through him into the warmest, coziest hug for her, and those emotions all echoed back with her touch. They both sniffled as she leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed.

This wasn't goodbye, it was just the next chapter in their story.

We've made it to the end of part 2! Thank you so much for reading this far into the series. Your votes, comments, and reads are always appreciated.  

I will let you into my thought process for this story a bit and you can let me know what you think.

I had always had this in mind as a plot point where Kieran needs to reconnect with his family to heal. It hadn't always involved Kieran falling into suicidal ideation, but the more I wrote the contrast between that fog lifting when he was with Naomi and how numb things were before, the more it seemed like the story was heading in that direction. In my first draft, this would be the penultimate chapter with possibly one or two reunion epilogue chapters for Naomi and Kieran/Matt. 

Partway through the story, I got the idea that I could work this series into a three-act/three-mini book (with this being the end of 2) where I explore Matt/Kieran and Naomi's lives during their time apart. My ideas were that Naomi and Jake team up to develop a new app and Kieran goes through therapy, reconnects with his family in Quebec, and confronts some of the ugly feelings that come with comparing his childhood to his step-sibling's. I've used up all my big secrets about their past so there wouldn't be as big a reveal or finale arc as I have here. 

I'm on the fence about whether the story needs a whole other act that may feel a bit flat unless I introduce new characters that challenge Naomi and Matt/Kieran's feelings for each other. But I was quite excited to have Quebec City as a backdrop for his story and to develop Jake's character more through Naomi's perspective. 

Do you feel this is a good place to stop the story (with a potential epilogue to add that cozy-happy resolution) or would you enjoy reading another act (roughly 20-25 chapters) of their story? 

If you have any other thoughts, feel free to let me know. 

Thanks again. Your support has been so encouraging and wonderful!