Naomi was shaking the entire drive to her house. Whatever Greg said was lost in her whirlwind of thoughts. Kieran's panic when he first ran up to her left an imprint in her brain. Those wide eyes, his square jaw slightly dropped in that panic-stricken way. She'd always known he'd been holding back his past, and he had revealed that his ex died. But a murder trial?

How could you claim to love someone yet not mention that crucial detail?

Why hide it if you were innocent?

Unless he wasn't.

Naomi's stomach plummeted like a malfunctioning elevator from forty stories in the air. Each time Greg hit her over-sensitive gas pedal, that sensation intensified. Had she been dating a murderer?

She shoved away the thought, but it kept gnawing at her conscience. They'd been alone together countless times. He took her to a remote area to canoe, where she could have 'disappeared' into the lake or the forest. Had her break-up pain blinded her to his true nature? Chills covered her body.

Kieran wouldn't do that. He loved her.

Didn't he?

But sometimes love was enough to make people snap, especially if they'd been hurt.

Yet, she returned from all those experiences unharmed and without fear for her safety. Plus wouldn't her friends or even Brinny have picked up on dangerous vibes? They weren't blinded by pain like Naomi, and they'd all approved of him, even finding him a better partner for her than Greg. If no one got worried--except Greg who clearly couldn't move on---then the verdict had to be true.

Greg glanced at her as they sat at a red light. "You're safe now." He reached toward her, but she flinched away. "Are you sure you want to go home? You can stay with Marc and me. I'll sleep on the couch. Shivanna can come too if you're worried about her."

She wanted to huck his concern out the window. Why couldn't he have minded his own damned business like he said he would. Had she felt well enough to drive, she would have left alone. "Please, just take me home."

Kieran or Matt hadn't bolted after them when the news came out. He'd broken down, muttering Katy's name repeatedly and not responding to either of his names when Naomi called them. As the muttering turned to yelling, Greg put his arms around her and said it was time to go. What else could she do? Her coworker had just left, and if Kieran was indeed dangerous, being there alone was risky. He had met her gaze as they pulled away. 

The memory of the look in his eyes made her nauseous. She focused on the strip mall's glowing signs, the colours blurring together.

Had his eyes conveyed pain or guilt? It had to be the former, right?

Greg rapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he sped up after the stoplight. The residual post-sunset evening light was fading as the businesses morphed into a more residential area.

"Do you want me or Marc to stay at your place tonight?" Greg asked tentatively.

"No, Shivanna's there."

"Are you sure? I don't mind if it keeps you safe." Despite his softened tone, Naomi didn't want to spend any more time with him. He had no respect for her boundaries and clearly couldn't be a part of her life without trying to ruin her relationship.

"I'll be fine."

He sighed. "You said that the night that asshole drugged you and dragged you into that alley too. I didn't trust my gut then, and I hate myself for it, but I am now."

Her memory of that night was hazy, the snippets she recalled likely fuelled by what Shivanna and Greg had said about it more than her experience. They'd been out together as a group, and she'd been chatting with a guy at the bar. No one knew when it happened, but her tolerance was a lot higher than three drinks, and she couldn't remember anything beyond that and being wedged between Shivanna and Greg in a cab home. Her body told that her friends had caught him in time, minus a few bruises.

"Kieran's not a predator at a club." However, they had met at one.

The streetlight illuminated Greg's frowning face. "Kieran's not even his real name!"

She struggled to trust how much of what he'd said was real. He'd always been clear that he loved Katy but that their relationship was over, and it had caused him significant pain. He'd even gotten a tattoo with the first letter of her name. Guilty people didn't do that, did they?

Was he going to tell her the truth like he claimed, or was that just another lie?

"I need time to process this. Alone. You can pull over at whatever bus stop you need, and I'll drive the rest of the way."

"Can I make sure you get home safe? Then I'll leave. Please, Nomi. I'm scared you'll get hurt." That concerned look in his gray-green eyes hadn't changed in over ten years.

She sighed. "Fine. But you're not coming in."

"As long as Shivanna is there."

Naomi texted her to ensure she was and relayed that to Greg, who seemed satisfied.

Once Naomi was home, he left to catch his bus, not without glancing back at her a few times. While she used to love that concern, now she worried it had grown into an obsession. Her heart had moved on, but she feared that his might not. Being friends may no longer be an option for them. Their lives would have to drift apart.

As she cracked open the door, the inside temperature matched the cooler evening one. Shivanna raised an eyebrow at Naomi from her easel. "Is everything okay? I thought you wanted to stay at Kieran's tonight."

"Kieran's..." Naomi sighed, and Cleo rushed to her side. Even his loving nature toward her dog came to mind. Wouldn't Cleo sense if he had ill intentions toward Naomi? Or had her dog been fooled too?

Naomi slipped off her runners. "He's been lying to me."

"About what?"

She tucked her shoes away before collapsing on the couch and pulling Cleo into her lap. "His past, his name, his last girlfriend."

Shivanna set her paint palette on the tray table beside her. Then she sat on the other side of the couch. "He's seeing someone else?"

"No, it's... he's..." 

Unable to find the right words, Naomi pulled out her phone and shared a link to an article about Mathieu Tremblay with Shivanna. In the car, she had found more recent ones that confirmed what Kieran had said about being proven innocent, but she'd also found others where Katy's family was unconvinced by the verdict. That only made Naomi's mind jump to the uncountable number of predators whose privilege absolved them of crimes or severely reduced their sentence. But those people were assholes and Kieran was... well, he was Mathieu Trembley, so Naomi was lost as to what to think. Everything she'd thought about her relationship was a lie.

"Holy shit," Shivanna muttered. "Did he ever talk about an ex?"

Naomi nodded. "He said he really loved her, but that it was in the past and wouldn't affect us, and that she passed away."

Shivanna ran a hand through her short dark hair. "How did he seem when he talked about her?"

"Sad. I never suspected she had died under these circumstances. What if he was acting the entire time?"

Cleo groaned as Naomi scratched behind her ear.

Shivanna pressed her fingers to her phone screen. "They're saying it was ruled a tragic accident. Did you talk to him about it?"

Naomi shook her head but stopped as she recalled Kieran and Greg fighting. "He tried, but I was too shocked to process it."

"What did he say?"

"That he never hurt her, and he'd never hurt me. He admitted to some of the stuff, like arguing with her, and never denied he was Mathieu."

Lines formed on Shivanna's forehead beneath the curls that had escaped her polka dot headband. "It's hard to refute, especially with the pictures of him and Jake in the articles."

"He got a tattoo for her too, with a K."

Shivanna set her phone on the coffee table and tucked her feet at her side on the couch. "I'll go out on a limb and say he was probably afraid to tell you. Afraid of this happening. If he flat-out denied it all and gaslighted you, it might be different, but... was he mad?"

"No, he umm..." Now that she had to say it aloud, her actions seemed cold, but she was still wary of trusting him. "He broke down when Greg was yelling at him. Kieran entered this scary trance and just kept saying her name."

"Greg was there?"

Naomi scratched the top of Cleo's head, enjoying the way the dog would relax under her touch. "He's the one who told me. Then Kieran showed up when Greg and I were arguing, and it all got out of control."

"Did anyone get hurt?"

"Not physically, but..." That look in Kieran's eyes had haunted her. Like she'd stabbed him in the heart. Yet she hadn't retracted her action. "Greg and I left him when he wouldn't respond to us, except as the car pulled away. I feel like shit about it, but I also don't know what to do."

Shivanna bit her bottom lip. "That's a lot to process in one night. See how you feel in the morning. I can do more digging while you rest."

Naomi looked at her phone, whose lock screen featured a picture of her and Kieran from the lake. Of all the things she thought would go wrong in their relationship, this wasn't even on the list. Nor did she have a clue how to handle it.

When morning arrived, Naomi remained as indecisive about the situation as last night. Kieran had texted her, using both of his names and wanted to explain what happened. He had months to tell her, yet he'd hidden it from her and focused on getting her to fall for him instead. She took Cleo out for a run, blasting her favourite high-energy songs and enjoying the cool, almost autumn-like temperatures despite the full, bright green foliage, but neither impacted in the way they usually did.

Most of the day went by with Naomi on edge, watching her phone but not answering Kieran's sole text. He didn't call or say anything else, which was both a relief and a curse. She didn't want to be the one who called, but she also wasn't sure she'd answer if he contacted her. Greg texted her, but she told him she was fine and not in the mood to talk to him. He'd created a royal mess. She'd never learn if Kieran intended to tell her or not as there was no way of confirming or denying his words. While Jake had always been honest with her, his loyalties lay with his brother.

Unless... Would Brinny know about this? Perhaps he'd shared more with her recently or in the past. It may be why they'd never gotten together.

There was only one way to find out. Naomi exhaled as she sat on a backyard patio chair and called Brinny. There was a possibility she wouldn't be honest, but Naomi hoped that after growing closer with her dating Ian and inviting Naomi to the cabin, perhaps she would.

Brinny greeted her pleasantly, and they chatted about Rusty as Naomi built up the courage to ask about Kieran.

But Brinny beat her to it. "Are you with Kieran right now?" Brinny

"No, why?"

"Weren't you two supposed to hang out? He was all nervous and excited about it. It was kind of adorable."

Normally, Naomi would agree that she found him endearing, but today nothing felt the way it should. Although if he was nervous, perhaps he had planned to tell her. Grey clouds sat in the sky, heavy with the promise of rain.

"Our plans changed. Has he told you much about his life in Kingston?"

"Not a lot. He worked as an electrician out there too, and it doesn't sound like he keeps in touch with anyone, which always struck me as sad."

Naomi stood from her chair and wandered to the grass where the blades squashed beneath her bare feet. "Did he ever mention Katy? Kieran mentioned before that they dated and they were very close."

The silence on the other end told Naomi that he had. "A bit. He showed me a picture of them, and he broke down talking about her. It's the most emotional I've ever seen him."

He'd been devastated yesterday and down in Gimli when he mentioned her death too. It didn't scream guilty. But it also didn't absolve the fact that he hid it after how honest she had been with him and how he was upset about her concealing how she met up with Greg in Gimli, although that seemed minute now.

"Did he say what happened to her?" Naomi asked.

"That she died in an accident."

"Did he mention anything else?"

"After he showed me that picture, he couldn't talk. He'd been trying to reassure me about something, but he was the one who needed it more. He never brought it up again." 

The sympathy in Brinny's voice mirrored how Naomi used to feel when Katy came up in conversation, but that was before she found out he'd been lying. But had he lied to Brinny too?

Naomi stopped, and Cleo lay at her feet. "Does the name Mathieu mean nothing to you?"

"No, should it?" Her voice was relaxed and mildly confused.

Naomi didn't know whether to be relieved or worried that he kept that so tightly under wraps. "No."

"Is everything alright?"

Was it Naomi's place to tell Brinny about Kieran? Normally, she'd say no, but if he was dangerous, Brinny had the right to know. They spent time alone together.

"He had another identity before he moved here. He got accused of murdering his girlfriend."

"Oh my god!" Brinny gasped, and her breathing quickened. "But he was proven innocent, right?"

"Yes, that's what the jury determined. You had no idea?"

"No. I suspected things were bad in Kingston since he was ambivalent about everything and changed the subject when I asked about his past, but never this. Poor guy."

Was Naomi a bad person for not immediately having that reaction? Why couldn't she reach Brinny's level of acceptance?

Brinny's known him longer, but Naomi and Kieran were supposedly in love. Her feelings didn't feel as strong as they had before. That brought a tear to her eye, then another. She lay down on the ground and looked at the cloud-covered sky. The sun had tucked itself away from the tiny patch of blue around during her run this morning.

"When did he tell you?" Brinny asked.

Naomi chewed on her lip. "I found out through someone else yesterday."

"Who?"

"My ex."

"Do you trust what he says?"

"Kieran confirmed it, and it's all online."

"Are you two still okay?"

Naomi became more aware of everything around her. The leaves in the mountain ash swaying in the breeze, her neighbour starting his lawn mower, the kids in the yard behind hers playing on the trampoline.

"Naomi?" Brinny sounded worried.

"I don't know, Brinny. This is a pretty huge thing to lie about."

"It doesn't mean he loves you any less. I don't think this is easy for him to talk about."

"I've told him plenty of things that are hard to dredge up, but he never even..."

He only told her partial truths, leaving out the most crucial part. Was it possible to love someone while hiding a secret like this? She'd told him nearly everything about the parts of her past that haunted her.

"Naomi, I've dated a lot of shitty people, and Kieran's not like them, not with you. Don't let this ruin what you two have. I've never seen him so happy, and Ian says this is the happiest he's seen you too."

Two days ago, she would have been in absolute agreement. Being with Kieran left her with an incomparable high. But now?

Naomi's skin was both too hot and too cold, uncomfortable to the point she wanted to jump out of it. Deciding her future with Kieran intensified her nausea and covered her skin with cold sweat.

Was there a path forward from this and if so, how the hell did she get to it?

Thanks so much for your patience with my delayed updates and to those of you who wished me well. It means a lot to have people out there who care and understand. 

Just like I write asexual characters based on my experience, my characters with depression also draw from my experience. I was struggling at the end of last month and the beginning of this one to manage some of its effects. Nothing extreme, but the thought patterns can get scary and it messes with your ability to focus, sleep, sense of self-worth, and motivation to do just about anything. It has been getting better now that I'm focusing more on my self-care and mental health. 

I don't have as much of a reserve of chapters as I usually do since I've been reworking this section of the story, but I should be able to update again next Wednesday with how Kieran and Jake are doing. Still a few more reveals about Kieran's past to come.

Thanks again for your support! I hope that you're all doing well.