When Kieran arrived home, Jake and Austin were watching a medieval fantasy show together on the couch. Austin relaxed against the cushions while Jake leaned toward the TV and focused as the music's tempo quickened. Kieran greeted them with lukewarm enthusiasm before tumbling into the recliner.

On the screen, the pale guy with bright white hair was having a sword fight in the village with the Hollywood rule of one man beats all others. Jake followed the show while Austin's gaze drifted to Kieran, and he mouthed, "Everything okay?"

When Kieran shrugged, Austin stood.

Jake's attention left the show. "Where are you going?"

Austin tucked his hands in his jeans pockets. "I'm grabbing some air on the balcony. Want to come, Kieran?"

"Sure."

Jake glanced between them. "Should I pause the show?"

"I'll rewatch what I miss later. Felicity's getting into it too."

Jake's eyebrows hadn't returned to their regular position, but he returned to the show. "Okay."

Austin and Kieran headed to the balcony, resting their arms on the cool metal railing. Austin stayed quiet as Kieran studied the stars twinkling despite the light pollution. The same stars he'd stared at with Naomi when she'd decided not to tell him about Greg. He sighed as his chest weighed heavy.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

Austin raised an eyebrow. "Aren't they usually all of that nature?"

"I meant about you, Felicity, and my brother, or who I think might have been my brother."

Austin studied Kieran before saying, "Okay."

"The person you fell for before Felicity was Jake, wasn't it?"

Austin glanced back toward the living room and nodded.

"Once you started liking Felicity, did your feelings for Jake vanish?"

"I'm assuming there's a Naomi and you parallel here."

Was it concerning that Austin was delaying his answer? 

"Yeah, her ex told her he still had feelings for her. She hid it from me until tonight when I overheard them discussing meeting up in Gimli during our trip. She didn't plan to see him that night, but she hid that they'd seen each other. That has to mean something, right?" Naomi had tried to reassure him, but it had felt off.

"When your brother told me he was aromantic, I was pretty crushed, and it took time for that to fade. My feelings have never fully disappeared, but they've had to shift into something different because he'll never reciprocate them, and I care too much to walk away."

Cars drove by on the Provencher Bridge, and the adjacent spire of the esplanade pedestrian bridge shifted from purple to blue.

Kieran wished his exhalations would send his worries into space or at least the thermosphere where the heat could melt them away. If Austin had never even dated Jake and still had feelings for him, Naomi had to feel the same about Greg. 

"Does Felicity know?"

"She does. It's only fair to be honest with her. Jake and I still hang out often. She also understands that my feelings for him don't diminish my attraction to her. Jake will always be part of my life, but Felicity and I will build our life together. So answering your earlier question, it may mean that Naomi wants Greg around but is conflicted about how that works with your relationship."

"But conflicted in a romantic or platonic sense?"

"I can't speak for her, but in my case, one person is the right romantic partner, and the other is an irreplaceable friend. Naomi may have realized that too. That is assuming she reassured you after the conversation."

Kieran nodded.

"So you shouldn't need to worry."

Kieran laughed. If only that were true.

The patio door cracked open, and Jake stood there in a t-shirt. "I'm making smoothies. Are you interested?"

Austin's smile radiated warmth. "That'd be wonderful, thank you."

No one had the patience and enthusiasm for Jake's quirks like Austin. Kieran questioned whether Austin's feelings were entirely platonic, but if he never acted on them, perhaps it didn't matter. Like a part of Kieran would always love Katy despite the relationship ending. Maybe that was how Austin saw Jake: a lost love. It scared Kieran that if Naomi was in a similar limbo, a relationship with Greg was an option, even if he acted supportive of her and Kieran.

"Kieran?" Jake asked.

"Sure, but I'll help you make it. You didn't huck my ice cream, did you?"

Jake frowned. "That's a milkshake, not a smoothie. What are you two talking about?"

"Relationships," Austin answered.

Jake chuckled and stood beside Austin. "The time you dedicate to discussing those, even after you're in them, is staggering. The appeal is a complete mystery to me."

"Didn't you say friendship is a type of relationship?" Kieran teased.

"Yes, but friendship is much more straightforward. It's gaming, coding, and enjoying shows together. If Austin is worried about something, he tells me, and if I have a problem, we solve it."

Austin smiled gently at Jake. "It takes time to bring a friendship to that level. It wasn't without effort."

His words made Jake quiet, which Kieran assumed meant he'd conceded to Austin's point. Austin was also one of the rare people who had that effect on Jake.

***

Friday evening, Kieran lay in bed, staring at the beams of illumination on the ceiling from the blue light of his bedside clock. A siren echoed through the condo walls. His chest clenched as he acknowledged the sound could change someone's life forever.

He recalled the paramedics rushing to him as he frantically performed CPR, saying they'd take over. But after a quick assessment, they left Katy and focused on Kieran, giving him a blanket and failing to get him to leave her side.

All he could say after they arrived was, "Help her. She's not gone," over and over like the wail of that siren. As if it would end the nightmare. But it never ended. It only got worse than he ever imagined.

The burning hatred in people's eyes, most of all Katy's parents, still seared his skin.

No one believed his innocence after the accusation surfaced.

Except for his brother.

Kieran took a deep breath.

It's over.

No matter how often he repeated it, the pain only simmered down, never extinguishing.

A line of light shone under his door. Jake must have been gaming or working on his code. Although Kieran hadn't heard him complaining about issues with the app. Not wanting to be alone with his thoughts, Kieran threw on shorts, grabbed his phone, and headed into the office.

As Kieran's footsteps creaked on the floor, Jake turned. "I thought you went to bed an hour ago."

"Couldn't sleep."

"Too excited about your cabin trip?"

Kieran shook his head. "I was thinking about Katy."

Jake exhaled slowly. "In what way?"

"How, in an instant, everything changed. No more girlfriend, no more love, no more future."

"You have a future here with a new girlfriend you are quite fond of. Naomi's not a heavy drinker. She takes care of herself and encourages you to do the same. The odds of history repeating itself are slim, and you two won't be alone." Jake's mouth fought to stay in its halfway-to-reassuring smile.

"Katy wasn't a heavy drinker. You know that." Kieran hated that people even considered it a factor in her death as if she were responsible. Drinking too much to celebrate occasionally differed from being an alcoholic. Katy drank no more than the average person, less if anything as she was more of a foodie. "We were commemorating our move."

Jake rubbed his socked feet together. "Dwelling on the past won't change it."

No, it only made pain flow through his arteries, but it settled into them and hardened like steel. Was it possible to stop hurting after a loss, or did it only dull to tolerable? Or in Kieran's case lately, grown in intensity. 

"Ignoring it hasn't helped."

"Does that mean you'll tell Naomi this weekend?"

The sooner Kieran did it, the better. But would it be better to tell her he loved her first? If she said it back, that meant she trusted him a lot. He'd need that trust to keep the relationship together.

"No, I don't want her freaking out and feeling trapped if she takes it the wrong way. She might need space to process it. Plus, I don't think I can do it without you."

Jake stood and stepped closer to Kieran. "Telling her will take away the anxiety of anticipating her reaction. It should help with your sleep too."

"If she reacts well." If she didn't, Kieran was unsure what would happen. He dreaded returning to being single and numb. He was enjoying the excitement of feeling alive again.

"She is very fond of you and quite vocal about it." Jake smiled in reassurance. 

Kieran sighed, his shoulders dropping. "But I'm also keeping this from her, and I know the sting of being lied to."

Jake reflected with his fingers tapping on his leg. "Do you worry that your confession about everything related to Katy will end your relationship?"

It was a real possibility. The situation he'd gone through was one no one ever wanted to hear about their partner. But he'd never escape it, so he had to face it.

"She'll understand. We have to tell her." Jake reached out and patted Kieran's arm, which, from his brother, was as intimate as a three-minute-long bear hug.

"Thanks," Kieran muttered. He hoped Jake was right.

***

By mid-afternoon on Saturday, he and Naomi headed to Brinny's cabin. Kieran had let Naomi guide the conversation, and she'd kept it about work, the cabin, and her family. Greg's name didn't come up nor did Kieran ask about him even though he longed to. 

The flat two-lane highway through farmland turned to forest, and after an hour, the rocks of the Canadian Shield dotted the landscape while the terrain undulated. Small pot lakes and larger lakes appeared on either side of the road as they meandered through the rocky, tree-covered terrain. Soon they arrived at the cabin blocks around Caddy Lake and followed the directions that Brinny had texted.

When they pulled up to the cabin, its soft green siding almost blended with the tall pine trees growing between the rocks. Through the narrow path along the side of the house, a wide dock sat on the lake, bobbing up and down with waves from a passing boat. 

Despite being over 1,500 kilometres from Kingston, this region reminded him of home: rocky terrain and plenty of lakes to explore. It was odd to think he could move so far and surround himself with different people but still sense that pull of familiarity. He worked to shove away the painful memories as the cabin that changed his life forever was also in shield country.

He and Naomi knocked on the cabin door with their bags slung over their shoulders. It took a while, but Brinny answered and showed them around. Naomi ran her hand over the turquoise and white crocheted blanket hung over the couch as they headed into the dining area overlooking the deck, boathouse, and lake. Unlike Jodie's place, this was a lakefront cottage with neighbours on either side but separated by enough space and trees to offer substantial privacy. He and Naomi set their bags of food on the laminate counters, and Kieran couldn't help but wonder how Brinny would fare during mealtimes or if she'd started getting help.

Brinny had claimed the guest room with the queen bed for her and Ian while offering the one with a twin and a single bed to Kieran and Naomi. Kieran didn't mind, as it may put Naomi at ease to have an option to sleep alone. 

Once they'd put away their bags, Kieran and Naomi sat on the padded chairs on the deck overlooking the pine tree-filled yard. Its rocky terrain sloped toward the shore, where a dock bobbed in the lake after nearby boats soared by, pulling a tube of excited kids.

"This place is gorgeous." She sipped from her water bottle.

"Brinny and her parents are pretty lucky and well-off."

Naomi surveyed the deck from the shiny barbecue to the plush beige patio furniture. "Maybe Ian will reconsider cutting ties for the school year."

"Brinny keeps saying she's fine with it, but..."

Naomi drummed her fingers on the chair's armrest. "They're super into each other."

Kieran anticipated Brinny would need emotional support from him and Naomi once she and Ian split. The only upside was Ian wasn't a jerk, and given how flirty he and Brinny were at softball, Kieran understood how Ian would get distracted from school, so it was a legitimate reason. Kieran had no experience with university, but he imagined it was overwhelming.

"I'm glad we're not dealing with that," Naomi said.

No, they had her meddling ex and Kieran's shitty past. But he planned not to discuss either this weekend. He hoped her situation was like Austin's, where Naomi wanted to remain friends with Greg while building a life with Kieran. This was their second weekend trip together, and she only sent one text throughout the drive to ask Shivanna a question when he knew that his and Naomi's texts were frequent and numerous. Those were hardly the actions of someone in love with someone else.

Naomi's gaze rested on the red fibreglass canoe. "Are the tunnels far from here?"

"The first one is forty-five minutes away, but it takes two hours to reach the second. It's close to a five-hour round trip from the cabin."

"So, not an ideal evening excursion."

"Depends if you'd like to see one or both."

Naomi pressed her lips together. "Would Brinny mind if we borrowed the canoe for the morning to visit both?"

"I don't think so. I imagine she and Ian have other plans." He chuckled. Given that Ian was at the cabin but hadn't come out to say hi yet, Kieran could guess what or who was keeping him occupied.

"Is there anything you want to do while we're here?" She met his gaze.

He wasn't sure if that was an attempt to reopen their intimacy conversation or a question about activities at the lake, so he banked on the latter and would let her correct him if he'd assumed wrong.

"We can fish, or Brin could take us out on the boat if you're dying to water ski or go tubing."

Naomi's eyes brightened at the mention of water skiing.

"I've driven the motor boat before, but she has a boat license, and I wouldn't want to be responsible if anything happened to it. Until they're free, we can always sun tan. You sounded super fond of that in Gimli."

Naomi laughed. "Cuddling on the dock after a swim sounds fun."

"I love the way you think."

Her smile obliterated his earlier worries as someone who stared with that much affection had clearly picked their romantic partner, and it was Kieran. No sense stressing over nothing. They seemed to share a brainwave as they leaned in for a kiss. 

We're getting closer and closer to the reveal!